Michael A Chase wrote:
=
Suggested changes: {before : after}
--
snip
So now he was seeking his last lead, Makoto's address,
which at least existed. He pulled into the lot, driving up to the
squat old industrial building. Parking his car by the freshly painte=
d
door, he got out and surveyed the exterior dubiously. Another
fake? There was no sign of Makoto's motorcycle, and he sauntered
over to the door, trying it without much optimism. It was locked,
but the cylinder was shiny and new, in contrast to the battered {rust=
y :}
door. And there was a small intercom station on the wall beside it,
clearly a recent addition. He tried buzzing the two units that had
numbers assigned to them, but there was no response.
=
You just said the door was freshly painted. Perhaps the door frame is
rusty.
This is a weird screw-up on my part. The door is not freshly painted; a=
s
noted in chapter three, it is banged up and rusty. The man-door inside t=
he
roll-up doors where Makoto and Yoshi park IS freshly painted. I remember=
checking that detail when I wrote this scene just for this reason ... and=
yet
I still somehow managed to get it wrong. D'OH!
=
"They can control people," the {blonde : blond} man said evenly,=
his
stare matching Mamoru's. "Even cops, I figure. And I smell roses
on you, mister man."
And I spent an entire scene attributing feminine blond(e)ness to poor Yo=
shi. =
D'OH, again.
snip
Curious. The sensation was familiar, and the vampiress
believed she knew what was causing it. The question was, why?
Closing her eyes, Wynneth reached out to her wraiths, finding
disarray and anger.
=
I'd thought that Wynneth was behind much of what is going on since
Saekianna's Banri came from shadows, but she seems to be being caught b=
y
surprise to much to be the prime mover. There seems to be yet another =
force
involved that hasn't shown yet.
Perhaps. Or perhaps the master plan proceeds apace, yet the details con=
tinue
to elude. Who can say? Oh, yeah. Me. Guess I'd best get cracking on t=
he
next chapter, then. ^_^
"Not surprising, I suppose," Mars sighed. "This kerfuffle
must have drawn a lot of attention. Come on, ladies. Let's get out
while the getting is good."
=
That was a new one for me:
Huh. I never expected to confuse anyone with that one. On the other ha=
nd,
it's one of those words that I use all the time but that I'm somewhat
surprised to find is in the dictionary.
=
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary/?book=3DDictionary&va=3Dkerfuffle=
Main Entry: ker=B7fuf=B7fle
Pronunciation: k&r-'f&-f&l
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of carfuffle, from Scots car- (probably from Scot=
tish
Gaelic cearr wrong, awkward) + fuffle to become disheveled
Date: 1946
chiefly British : DISTURBANCE, FUSS
=
Learn something new every day.
=
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