Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai
Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all
original characters and plot copyright 2000 by
Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission
before reposting. 

SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING 
SAINAN NO KEKKA
ACT IX, PART I 
Yawarakana hizashi hoho ni uke 
Muchu de hashitta tooi hi yo 
Yureugoku toki no naka de ima 
Hontou no ai o motometeru  
Setsunasa ni mune o itamete 
Jibun sae miushinau koto mo atta
	
Feeling the soft sunlight on my cheeks 
Running madly on that faraway day 
Now inside this shaking moment 
I am looking for true love  
My heart filled with grief 
Sometimes I lost even myself	
--Gundam Wing, Brave Eyes
[Quatre Raberba Winner image song]


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene I: Ladies in Waiting
"So anytime somebody needs you,
Don't let them down,
Although it grieves you,
Some day you'll need someone like they do,
Looking for what you knew."
--Led Zeppelin, Friends
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

	She was relieved when her mother left for an
appointment.  In denying Emily once and for all,
Dorothy felt free� but that meant she was even more
uncomfortable in the Duchess's presence then she had
ever been before.

	Blood didn�t make a family- respect and love came
into it as well.  Duke Dermail had been her family;
Emily Khushrenada Noventa was not.  She'd never really
realized it before, but her mother had never displayed
a single ounce of concern for her, as a person.  
Dorothy had always been an item to her, something to
be used to its best advantage.   Dermail had been
similar in that respect, but at least he had taken
time to listen.  He wouldn't have tried to force her
into a political marriage against her will.  She was
positive of that..... wasn't she?  The thought gave
her a headache.  If her grandfather hadn't loved her,
that meant she'd been unloved her entire life.   She
refused to accept that.

	It was late in the day when she finally came
downstairs to break her fast.  The endless hours of
traveling had taken their toll on her, and she still
felt about six time zones out of sync.   She wanted to
be alert when she put her foot into the political
waters, and she knew she needed to catch up and be on
top of current events.   Quatre was going to be on
trial shortly, and that would be where the battle
would be.

	There was more then one kind of battlefield, after
all.  

	She had been taught to fight in all of them.  This
time, her weapons would be her wits, and her ability
to manipulate other people- and she had learned at the
foot of a master.  Duke Dermail had all but ruled the
world in everything but name before his death.

	Could his granddaughter do any less?

	She was a Catalonia.   It was time she started to act
like it.

	�My lady?�

	Dorothy turned to see her butler looking at her with
a slightly hassled expression on his long face.  �Yes,
Swenson?  Is something wrong?�

	�You might like to watch the news,� he suggested.

	�Hmmm?�  She yawned daintily, raising a hand to cover
her mouth politely.

	�My lady�� He seemed on edge.

	�Fine.�  Swenson was one of the best- if something
was upsetting him, then it would behoove her to listen
to his advice.  She walked to her sitting room and
arranged herself comfortably on a settee.  �Have the
maid get me a cup of coffee,� she ordered.   Decent
coffee had been one of the things she had missed most
while on A007.   The colony hadn�t had time to adapt
coffee beans to its poor soil, and the Preventers
hadn�t rated enough there to warrant the import of a
decent brand.   All they had was the standard military
issue, and she thought it taste like someone must have
soaked ancient socks in water to get that distinct
flavor.  She was a purist- she believed firmly that
all coffee should be freshly ground.  Needless to say,
she had been rather crabby about that.

	That and the lack of decent bathing facilities.

	She pulled her feet underneath her, taking a sip of
the bitter brew.   "Cue World News Network, normal
volume," she commanded.

	The screen flicked and sprang to life, and Dorothy
almost dropped her coffee.  Preventer's Head Quarters,
Geneva, was on fire.  It looked like the film crew was
shooting from the roof of a nearby-building.  The
gorgeous white and green base was showing small plumes
of smoke.  She felt like she was looking at a
miniature that some tri-d producer had blown up for a
film.   It honestly couldn't be the base- right?  

	"Fuck!" she swore.

	"-coming out of the base before a security seal was
placed.   There is at this time no indication who the
attackers are.   Casualties were reported before the
lock-down was complete, but we don't have confirmation
how many, or on which side."

	The anchorman's voice cut across the reporter's.  
"There are many important people there at this time,
correct?   Any word on them?"

	"None.   As we all know, with the Winner hearings
imminent, the Preventers have been playing host to
some of the key players.   Winner himself along with
about six of his sisters are on base, along with
Catherine Bloom, sister to Trowa Barton.   General Po
and General Une were also reported to be at
Headquaters preparing for the trial.   However, the
largest concern at this time is for Queen Relena
Darlian Peacecraft of Cinq.

	"A shuttle was seen leaving base approximately ten
minutes ago."  The footage slid to half-screen, one
side showing the live happenings, the others showing a
shuttle leaving.  "Preventers policy is to evacuate
the ranking officer on base, so we can speculate that
was General Une leaving."  The footage went back to
full screen.

	"Mute audio," Dorothy commanded, watching the
Preventers HQ burn.  She had no doubt that the
Preventers would force the attackers back, but the
damage was done.   They had been breached, and it was
doubtful they'd ever be trusted again.

	And Relena and Quatre were on base, possibly dead.

	She wasn't sure how she felt about that- Quatre had
once tried to see the best in her, and Relena had
tried to be her friend.   She had come to resolution
with neither of them.... they didn't have the right to
die until she was able to make up her mind.  Noin had
died before they had come to resolution; it wasn't
fair for two other key players in her past to do the
same!

	An ironic smirk traced her lips.  She sounded like a
little girl, complaining about what was fair and what
wasn't.  Life wasn't fair, and she knew it.   It was
time to even the odds up a little.  Stack the deck, so
to speak.

	"Rosalie?" she called.

	The older woman appeared as though by magic, one
second absent, the next present.   Dorothy knew this
was a quality of good servants- the ability to come
and go like they were no more substantial then a heavy
fog.  "Yes, milady?"

	"Can you get me a transport to Preventers?  Say for
half an hour?   I need to get dressed..."

	"Your unit was called in?"

	"Technically all field units were called in.... and
since my resignation hasn't officially been filed, I
should report."

	Useful, that.   I'll be able to see what the hell is
going on firsthand.

	It was actually closer to an hour before she was
ready to leave.  Rosalie had forced a light meal on
her, pointing out that she'd lost weight recently....
she hadn't been able to find the outfit she wanted to
wear, so had to settle for a sundress that was
entirely too casual for her tastes... and so forth. 
She hoped it wasn't an omen for how the rest of her
day was going to go.  Then her memory sparked, and she
recalled the images of the base burning.   Her
problems were minor.

	Driving to the compound was difficult- cars were
being redirected all over the city, and the area
around twenty blocks around the attack had been
sectioned off.  She'd finally been forced to send her
driver home, and walked in.   Her two-inch heels,
while fashionable, weren't particularly comfortable,
and she knew she'd wind up with the most uncomfortable
set of blisters for her effort.

	Within the two-block radius, she encountered
checkpoint after checkpoint, having to verify herself
by showing her ID and placing her palm on a scanpad.  
Luckily she was still listed as personnel... claiming
diplomatic immunity wouldn't have worked, she was
sure.   She'd bet her eyeteeth that the Preventers
were done playing with politicians.  They'd played by
the rules, and it had gotten them nowhere.   Down and
dirty was the new standard.

	The closer she got, the more she was able to smell
smoke, and the scent of battle.   It wasn't something
most people would recognize, but she was an
experienced soldier.  It was indescribable, really...
a unique fragrance... an odor of decay and fire, smoke
and spent ammunition, mixed with the loathsome aroma
that was the scent of death.

	She shivered as she reached the gatehouse.  The squad
looked at the lone woman who approached them, their
looks firm and suspicious.   "Dorothy Catalonia, vice
commander under Colonel Milliard Peacecraft.  Just
back from assignment in A007."

	"How the hell did you get back here so fast?"  the
one wearing the markings of a major demanded
tactlessly.

	"My shuttle arrived yesterday, before the attack.   I
hadn't yet arrived to give my report."  Stretching the
truth- she'd had no intention of ever giving one.  

	She was offered the scanpad, and her handprint
passed, confirming that she was who she claimed to be.
 "Is there any word on Relena?  Quatre?  Une and
Sally?  And where's General Brown?  The World News
didn't say anything about him."

	The major looked at her.  "Brown is in Milan... on
his way back.   He was dealing with the bombing there.
  General Une has been evacuated to Bern and is
setting up an interim HQ, and General Po is in command
here.   I don't know where Winner or Queen Relena are,
but they weren't on the casualty lists.  I'd guess
temporary shelter."

	She nodded her thanks and started onto the base.  
"Wait, Lady Dorothy.   I'm going to have to assign you
an escort."

	Dorothy barely kept from rolling her eyes with
frustration. 

	Another two hours passed before she was standing in
front of the small conference room that had been
claimed by Relena's security guards for her.  She
entered without knocking, wanting to get the drop on
her old friend... rival... acquaintance?  She wasn't
sure what they were, but she wanted the advantage.

	�Relena?�

	The Queen of Cinq looked like she had aged ten years.
  Soot was smeared almost artistically on her pale
skin, and her blue eyes seemed dark with concern and
secrets.   Her hair was falling out of her carefully
done braids, and there was a tear in her pale blue
skirt.  She should have looked rumpled, but she
didn�t.   Somehow her carriage still made her look
like the Queen she was.  �Dorothy?  What are you doing
here? And why did they let you on base?� she asked. 
Relena's eyes were exhausted, but the steel in them
gave Dorothy hope.

	�I�m still on the books as a Preventer operative, and
Milliard�s second in command.  It was easy enough to
flash those credentials� I�m here to offer you a place
at my townhouse.�  She tossed her hair, sending her it
flying like a banner in the breeze.

	Relena�s mouth formed a slight �o� of surprise. 
�Dorothy?�

	Dorothy felt herself soften.  �I know we haven�t
always agreed, but we have been friends, no matter
what.  I respect you, and I hope you hold me in some
regard.   The Preventers have proven they can�t
protect themselves, much less one of the foremost
politicians of the time.   My house is quite secure,
and I doubt anyone would look there for you,
especially considering your political differences with
my mother.�

	The pretty Queen looked as though Dorothy had taken a
two-by-four to her head.  �You want me to come stay
with you?�

	Dorothy gave her a smile that seemed to be almost
shy.  �I care for you, Relena.  I want you to be safe.
  Heero Yuy isn�t the only one who recognizes what a
precious gift you are to the world.

	�I took a look in the mirror recently, and I decided
I didn�t like the woman I was becoming,� Dorothy said,
staring out the window at the gathering darkness. 
�She was weak, willing to be controlled by a man- but
I didn�t like the woman I had been, either.   She had
no friends, and was obsessed with the past.  She was�
frightening.  So I decided it was time to turn over a
new leaf, as they say.   

	�Don�t expect me to change too much- I still think
that war is necessary.   It�s a part of our natures,
and suppressing that drive is unnatural.  Still, it
doesn�t mean that I don�t like the idea of peace- it�s
something we all should work towards.  Peace can be
achieved, however temporary it may be, and each time
we reach that balance, we have bettered ourselves. 
Without darkness, there can be no light.  Without war,
there can be no peace.  There is equilibrium, and it
is up to us to achieve it.�

	Relena blinked.   �I believed in absolute pacifism�
the idea that war is unnecessary.  Lately, though...
I've started to wonder.  The world isn't black and
white.  It's all shades of gray, and there are no
absolutes... so that means the philosophy of Absolute
Pacifism is flawed even in its name. I am a
pacifist... I will work to ensure that war isn't
necessary... but I won't condemn those who fight when
they believe every other option is exhausted."

	"So come with me," Dorothy urged.   "We can work
together on figuring out how to get Quatre off these
ridiculous charges."

	�I-I� the Preventers have the place under lockdown.  
We can�t leave.�

	Dorothy snorted.   �Like they�ll actually have the
nerve to stop the Queen of Cinq from doing what she
wants to�. If it comes down to it, claim diplomatic
immunity.   You�re a Head of State- they have to give
you some leeway.�

	Relena shivered slightly to herself, and seemed to
make a decision.   �Would you have room for one more?�

	�Who?� Dorothy asked suspiciously.   She honestly
didn�t want to put up with Heero Yuy.  He could be
such a self-righteous prig, and arguing with him would
only irritate or possibly even alienate Relena.

	�Catherine Bloom.   I don�t want to abandon her
here.�

	Dorothy pursed her lips.  �That�s rather interesting
company you�re keeping.�  Of course, Relena always did
seem to make unusual friends.

	�You�ll like her.   She tells it like she sees it.�

	�But will we agree?� Dorothy asked curiously.   She
wondered what it would be like to be the older sister
of Trowa Barton- a sibling of a Gundam pilot,
particularly the one who accused her of being unable
to cry.   He had been wrong- the last weeks had proven
that.  

	Relena started to laugh, and her laughter was
genuine.   �I doubt it.  But I can practically
guarantee it�ll be interesting.�

	Dorothy giggled, sounding like the teenager her age
proclaimed her to be.  �And isn�t that what�s life all
about?�

	Relena gave a laugh, and then hooked her elbow
through Dorothy�s.  �It�s part of it, certainly!� she
said, not wanting this moment to end.   The world was
going to hell, people were dying all around them, but
Relena -not Queen Relena, just Relena- was connecting
on a personal basis with someone.   It was the second
time in a week, and she intended to seize it.

	A small squad of Preventers surrounded the two young
women as they moved to the temporary shelters.  The
wind picked up, carrying the scent of blood, smoke and
spent bullets.  

*

	In the chaos following the attack, Catherine was
amazed to find two Preventer security agents assigned
to her, of all people.  The Preventers were busy
trying to shift their center of Operations to Bern,
manage the cleanup of the Geneva facilities, and they
still had the resources to give her guards?  It was a
mystery- she didn�t think of herself as that
important.  Apparently someone high up did, though.

	She had been speaking with a young Preventer airman
about nothing consequential when the attack had
happened.  The flickering of the lights had worried
them both, but it wasn�t until Lady Une�s calm demand
for evacuation had come over the speakers did they
both know that something had gone seriously wrong.  To
the airman�s credit, he had immediately reacted to the
alarm, hustling her to the nearest shelter before
drawing his sidearm to report to his station.

	The two terrifying hours she had spent locked inside
the bomb shelter would go down as some of the worst in
her life.  The shelter, despite its fluorescent
lighting, had seemed appalling dim, and the other
civilians who had been unlucky enough to be caught on
base at the time were terrified.

	Who had dared attack the Preventers in their
stronghold?  And why?

	What did the distant explosions mean?

	Who would be the one to open the doors?  The
Preventers� or the terrorists?

	A few of the people in the shelter bore minor wounds,
as they hadn�t been able to get out of the line of
fire quickly enough.   These people told of heavy
gunfire, people strapped to the gills with explosives
and dead man�s switches, the Preventers pushing them
back, but vital areas still being breached.  They
huddled together, perfect strangers bonded by one of
the most primal of human emotions: fear.

	Catherine was concerned, but a part of her scorned
the way people seemed to act as though the world were
ending.   Yes, the situation was desperate, and yes,
they were in danger, but this was small time.  She has
lived through the Wars of AC195, and remembered what
it had been like to be dancing the dagger�s edge
between life and death.  These civilians on base
obviously were politicians and members of the upper
class, and had never faced personal danger.  Maybe it
would be good for them.

	It had taken close to three hours before the
Preventers once again pronounced their base secure.  
The bunker had become more and more cramped, and
Catherine had, at one point, only refrained from
yelling at people for being gibbering idiots by biting
down on her tongue.

	Stupid people sucked, in her opinion.  And there were
far too many of them in the world.  

	She still hadn't been able to shake her team, despite
her assurances that should would be quite fine, thank
you.   She'd at least convinced one of the men to give
her a couple of knives to protect herself.  The
balance on the blades was wrong for throwing, but she
felt more comfortable.  

	The base wasn't safe, and due to her relationship
with Trowa, many people wanted her dead.  Such a
comforting thought...  They'd moved her to the
temporary shelter and placed heavy guards on her, and
she was almost out of her mind with boredom.   The
small room had no vid screen, and all she had on her
person to amuse herself was the aforementioned knives.
  She was sure the Preventers weren't going to be
happy with the holes she was putting in the wall with
her ill-balanced blades (she only hit her target every
other time, something that didn't make her happy), but
she figured they had it coming.   It was their own
fault for locking her in a small closet with nothing
to do.

	Morons.

	She knew she should be more charitable, but at that
moment, she wanted nothing to do with politics or war
or Gundams.  She just wanted her brother back, dammit,
and to be doing their Dance of Daggers.

	The doorbell rang, and the door swung inwards almost
immediately after.   "Catherine?"

	The voice was familiar.   She spun around and gave
Relena a tight hug, ignoring the girl beside her.  
"I'm glad you're all right!   No one had any idea if
you were okay!"

	"I went to shelter three as soon as I could.  Do you
know Dorothy Catalonia?"  Relena gestured with a hand,
and the girl with white-blonde hair came forward. 

	"I've saw you on the news during the wars, milady,"
she said, dropping an awkward curtsey.  She had no
clue what Dorothy's proper rank or title was.

	Dorothy waved the formality away with a negligent
flick of her fingers.   "Just Dorothy, Catherine.   If
you can call Relena by her name, you can certainly do
the same for me."

	She nodded, relieved that their conversation was
going to be as equals.   "I didn't know you were on
base."

	"I just got back from a mission where I was given a
commission with the Preventers," Dorothy answered.  "I
used it to get on base so I could invite Relena to
stay with me until the base has been repaired, or she
decides to relocate elsewhere.   She suggested I
extend the invitation to you as well; my townhouse is
quite secure, and I doubt anyone would be expecting to
find you there."

	Whatever she had been expected, this wasn't it. 
"That- that's very kind of you.... I-"

	The doorchime sounded again, but this time the person
on the other end was apparently content to wait. 
"Come in!" Catherine called after a second.

	In stumbled a young man with a long braid, one that
was eerily familiar to all three of them.  His clothes
were dark-colored, and Catherine's sharp eyes caught
the hints of recently dried blood on the JRock shirt
he was wearing.  He looked bedraggled and sorrowful. 
"Cat?" he called, looking around as his eyes adjusted
to the dimmer lighting.

	"Duo?!" the three young woman exclaimed in unison.

	He blinked in confusion, but then seemed to focus. 
"Ojousan?  Dorothy?   What are you doing here?"

	"Talking," Dorothy said crisply.  "We can ask the
same of you."

	"I came to get Catherine... I didn't remember you
were on base until just now."

	"Get me?" she asked in confusion.

	"Trowa's in the hospital with a concussion.   I think
you should be there..."



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene II: The Sun Rises in the East
"Ima ni mo koborete shimaisou na kotoba 
Anata wa shiranai mama de ii."
[It's all right if you don't know the words that I
haven't said till now]
--Aikawa Nanase, China Rose
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was almost two 'o clock in the morning when Wufei
returned from the clean up effort at the base's north
gate to the temporary housing that had been set up for
base residents. He had ash and dust on his face and
his clothes, a small bloodstain where he had cut
himself trying to lift a particularly recalcitrant
piece of concrete, and bruises on his left side from
where a metal rod had accidentally fallen on him when
he had been trying to get out of the way of an
incoming truck. Machida Varis had driven him back to
the housing in his truck, bade him good night, then
sped away back to the south entrance, where the larger
clearing effort was taking place.

	He wanted to continue to help, but he knew his limits
and he wasn't about to risk getting sick again. The
shots that the medics had given him in the afternoon
would tide him over until tomorrow, but they'd
cautioned him against unnecessary physical activity.
And he was pretty sure that lifting heavy objects and
having metal poles fall on him would be considered
unnecessary physical activity.

	The foyer was still brightly lit and the roar of
conversation was pleasant to his ears. He'd never
thought he would find conversation pleasant, but it
was strangely comforting to hear voices raised in
debate, in laughter, in worry. Even the little girl
crying in the far corner of the room by the darkened
receptionist's desk was uplifting. It meant that they
were alive�that he was still alive.

	The office was a standard base office - probably for
personnel or services, judging from the pictures on
the walls and the neat paper-pusher atmosphere and
comfortable couches lining the lounge area. There were
two hallways leading back into the main building from
the foyer, one on each side of the receptionist's
booth, and both hallways were brightly lit. Most of
the doors were open and there were voices coming from
inside. A man appeared outside one of the doors,
dragging a mattress down the hall. A baby began to
cry.

	He recognized the atmosphere. In the aftermath of a
tragedy like this one, people would not be concerned
about their own welfare - it was help your neighbor or
feel utterly alone. Pitching in gave people a sense of
accomplishment, of companionship.

	It had been hard for him to accept at first that he
needed the other pilots�but he had come to realize
that he did. More than he had ever imagined.

	"You like it?"

	The voice behind him made him jump before he realized
that he was looking into the smiling face of Sally Po.
For a moment he blinked, taking her in. Even though
he'd been on base for two days, he hadn't seen her
until now, and she looked older, more worn. Her
honey-colored hair was done up in French braids,
pulled safely out of the way, and her uniform was
wrinkled. What startled him was that he was taller
than her now. She'd always been the taller one, the
older one, but now he was looking down on her. It was
rather unnerving.

	"Two years, and I don't get a hello?"

	He couldn't help but grin and bow slightly to her.
"It's nice to see you again, Sally."

	"You liar," she said, but there were tears in her
eyes and before he could react, she had drawn him
close in a tight, quick hug. "You've certainly grown,"
she said, releasing him and looking him up and down
the same way he had sized her up earlier. "I hardly
recognize you."

	"Liar," Wufei returned. "You recognized me from the
back."

	"Yes, well�those clothes aren't exactly nondescript."
She gestured to his blue tank top and flared white
pants, the same clothing style he had favored during
the war, and he shrugged.

	"They're the most comfortable thing I own. I was in
the hospital, you know."

	Her face was dark. "They told me. I was trying to
find all of you when the lights went out�if any of you
were hurt or killed, I'd never forgive myself."

	"All of us?" Her words took a moment to sink in, and
then he grabbed her. "You mean the rest of the pilots
are here?"

	She winced and he realized he was holding her arm in
a deathgrip, loosened his hold. "Yes," she said
softly, and for the first time he realized that many
of the people in the foyer were staring at them
strangely. He didn't blame them. It wasn't every day
that you got a Preventers general and a Gundam pilot
in the same room having a serious conversation.

	"Sorry," he said quickly, but she shook her head.

	"Actually, I'm glad I found you. I�need to talk to
you. Will you be around?"

	He shrugged. "I was planning on going to sleep, but I
don't know how these living arrangements work�?"

	"Come with me," she ordered, pushing past the people
crowding the room, nodding politely to those who
offered her a greeting. It was odd, he realized after
a moment of watching her, because he'd never seen
Sally as a figure of command. She'd always been just
Sally, a fellow soldier, in his mind, but apparently
she was now something more. She was a figure of hope,
and she knew it. Her movements were sure, her voice
crisp and clear. She had told him once that she didn't
want to be in charge, but now Wufei could see that she
was used to command. Used to it, and she liked it.

	He didn't know what to make of the new Sally.

	She took the right hallway and he followed her,
glancing curiously inside the open doors. "We've
converted these offices into a shelter of sorts,"
Sally said, seeing his gaze. "The enlisted dorms
weren't touched, but we don't dare move people back
into the officers' quarters or the VOQ without a
thorough investigation, so all of you are going to be
squished for a few days."

	"Is there a system of sorts?" he wondered, and she
nodded.

	"Alphabetical by family, basically. Most families
have their own rooms, though there are a few who have
had to share and some that we just had to stick in the
lobbies. We've set up a headquarters in the building
next door, since the main tower is most definitely off
limits to us right now." She laughed. "Funny, I feel
like a refugee on my own base."

	"What about the pilots? Where are they?"

	"We've moved Quatre and his family into the end
room�it's a conference room, so it's big. They'll need
all the privacy they can get. Duo's probably holed up
somewhere if he's not with his Gundam."

"Gundam?"

Sally looked tired. "He brought Wing Zero and
Deathscythe back with him. They're in one of the
hangars."

"I�see," he said, a little stunned. Why would Duo�?

"The other pilots are in the next building over, but
I'd suggest you don't try to talk to any of them right
now."

	He gave her a hard glance. "Why?"

	"Duo and Quatre�both lost someone in the attack. I'm
sure they're trying to deal with it alone right now.
I'd give them some privacy. As for Trowa�" she trailed
off. "Well, all I have to say that the hospital seems
like a popular place for all of you. He's in there
with a concussion. I believe his sister is sitting up
with him."

	"Catherine's here?" Wufei demanded. "When?"

	"She got here last week." Stopping in front of a
closed door. "This'll be your room�it's just down the
hall from Quatre's." She gestured to another closed
door at the end of the hallway before unlocking his.
The door swung open and he peered inside at a room
that seemed to be part office, part broom closet. "I
know it's not much, but there's a lock on the door and
it's as much as I can manage. We're a little cramped
right now."

	He smiled and she blinked at him, evidently taken
aback. "I'll be fine, Sally."

	She nodded once before stepping back. "I have to run
to the office�Une is supposed to call in about three
minutes. Can I�meet you later?" Again the hesitation.
Something was bothering her.


	"Of course. I'll�Actually, could you meet me in the
hangar?"

	He could tell Sally was surprised, but she simply
nodded. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

	He watched her go and then looked towards Quatre's
door, wondering exactly who had died in the attack.
One of his sisters? He winced, wondering who Duo had
lost. Wondered where Heero was for a moment before
deciding that he should let the Wing pilot spend some
time alone without Wufei breathing down his neck
trying to supervise him.

	Heero Yuy doesn't exist anymore. Even if you look, he
won't be there. I'm the only thing that's left.

	He would never give up on Heero�but at the same time
he wasn't sure if anything he did would ever be any
good. The Japanese boy was haunted by more demons than
Wufei could probably ever know, and he wasn't sure if
what he was doing was helping�or hurting. Maybe it was
both.

	Heero would talk to him when he was ready. Maybe that
would never happen, but Wufei had done what he could
do, and it wasn't his place to bring someone back from
the dead. There had been enough people dead because of
him.

	He retraced his steps through the hallway out to the
lobby and then left the building, hailing a passing
truck and climbing in. The soldiers didn't ask
questions, obviously recognizing him and glad to
oblige. There were certain instances when he didn't
mind being a hero. The guards at the barricade
checkpoint didn't ask questions either, simply waved
them on through towards the north entrance, which was
looking decidedly better than it had two hours ago.

	"Back again?" said the section chief as the truck
pulled up and Wufei jumped out. "Thought we sent you
off to take a break."

	Wufei bowed slightly. "I'm here to see the Gundams,"
he said. "Could you tell me which hangar they're in?"

	The chief nodded sagely, as if it were the most
natural thing in the world. "Of course. Last hangar on
the west side."

	"I can be back later to-" Wufei began, but the chief
laughed.

	"You've done enough, young man. Thanks anyway."

	Wufei bowed again and jogged towards the far hangar.
The flightline was eerily quiet, and the few craft
which were still left out in the open had been pulled
to the side and covered with camouflage netting. He
almost missed them the first time, almost bumped into
one of them before he saw the hulking shape underneath
the black concealing cover.

	The hangar was dark as well, with two mobile suits
and three guards standing in front of the door. He
suddenly had doubts as to whether they'd even let him
in - he was a Gundam pilot, but those weren't his
Gundams. He was still deliberating whether to go on
when one of the soldiers noticed him.

	"Hey! What're you doing?"

	Wufei approached cautiously, bowing. "I�m sorry, but
I heard that Duo Maxwell brought two of the Gundams
with him, and I was wondering�?" He trailed off,
noticing the looks of awe on the soldiers' faces.

	"That's him!" He heard one of them whisper. "The
Shenlong pilot!"

	"Ah�I-" He began, but the guard commander waved to
the mobile suits and they stepped aside, exposing the
entrance. The commander pressed a button and the door
cracked open slightly, just enough to allow a human to
pass under.

	"Mr. Chang?"

	He looked over at the leftmost guard, who held his
rifle with expert ease but whose young face marked him
about the same age as Wufei. "What is it?" he said,
keeping his voice level.

	"I was�I was a soldier, aboard the Libra." Gazing at
him with wide eyes. Wufei suddenly felt embarrassed.

	"I really wasn't-" he said, but the soldier shook his
head quickly.

	"I just wanted to say that I�that we really admired
you, sir. That we still do. For all that you did�I
guess you must feel really swamped on all sides right
now, with the World Nation on your back and all. But
I�I wanted to let you know�I'm on your side. We all
are, you know?"

	Wufei blinked for a moment, then murmured a quiet
acknowledgment, bowing to the guards before ducking
through the half-open hangar door. It made him
uncomfortable, those honest assurances of loyalty. It
wasn't that he didn't appreciate them, but it made him
feel ashamed to be involving these soldiers in
something beyond their control.

	After all, if he hadn't been here - if the Gundam
pilots had not been on base, if the Preventers had not
taken their side - the terrorists might have never
attacked. 

	The hangar was lit by two bleak spotlights in the far
corner and it was empty except for the two Gundams
standing like silent giants in the gloom. He felt his
breath hitch involuntarily, feeling a sense of d�j� vu
wash over him as he walked slowly towards the great
machines. Remembering the way it had been, the way it
no longer was.

	Is this how it will be from now on, Nataku? Will the
endless cycle of war and destruction continue over
again? Was his death not enough?

	Without knowing why he did so, he picked up his pace,
walking quickly towards Wing Zero, feeling something
about its intimidating bulk beckon to him in the
shadows. Two years ago he would have avoided this
Gundam like the plague, but now the Zero system seemed
distant, a child's ghost story that he had outgrown,
something that he had moved past and which could no
longer hurt him. He put his hands on the cold metal
and hoisted himself up the left leg, shimmying up the
crooked right arm and onto the Gundam's shoulder.

	He was sitting there, lost in thought, when Sally
found him.

	"Wufei?"

	Her gentle questioning voice brought him out of his
reverie and he jumped, then saw her standing there
gazing up at him, frowning a bit.

	"What are you doing?"

	He waved an absent hand. "Just�thinking. I didn't
hear you come in."

	"May I join you?"

	"Oh�oh, sure. Come on up."

	It wasn't till that she had seated herself
comfortably next to him with her legs swinging over
the side of the Gundam's shoulder that he looked over
at her again.

	"You know what I just realized?"

	"What?"

	He gave a self-deprecating laugh. "That I kind of
missed this. Sitting here in the hangar, just me and
the Gundams, just thinking. I guess there were good
times too, weren't there? That it�that it wasn't all
bad memories."

	She shook her head silently and he noticed a small
smile on her lips. "What's so funny?"

	"Nothing. Just that you've changed."

	He sighed. "You keep saying that. It's not like
you've remained static either. I'm taller than you
now. Did you notice?"

	"It's not only that, Wufei," she interrupted him
gently. "You seem�more confident. More sure of
yourself. It seems like you've grown up�I came to give
you a lesson, but now it seems like maybe you're the
one to give me that lesson."

	He looked sharply at her. "Lesson?"

	Sally cocked her head to the side. In the dim light,
her face was shadowed and he could see her Western
features clearly: the long nose, the delicate eyebrow
ridges that pureblooded Chinese lacked. Her hair shone
faintly in the spotlights. She looked very
comfortable, he realized. Comfortable and confident,
as if she'd found a cause worth following.

	"Well?" she said.

	"Well what?"

	"Aren't you going to lecture me? About how women
shouldn't be trying to tell men what to do? About how
you don't need anyone to tell you what to do anyway?"

	He winced. "You know, whenever I said that, I didn't
mean half of it. It was just-"

	"I know," Sally said. "I know. It never ceased to
amaze me, though, just how hardheaded you could be."

	"It's been two years," he responded softly. "People
change. I've changed."

	"I've noticed," she said dryly.

	"I thought that I didn't have what it took to
survive. To live a normal life�but finding Heero
changed that, somehow. I had a purpose again." He
shook his head. "As strange as it may sound coming
from me, Heero gave me hope."

	"Then will you listen to what I have to say?"

	"Say it."

	She was silent for a moment, then stretched, weaving
her fingers together above her head and looking over
at him. "We had one of these conversations before.
That night after the last battle, in the hangar on the
Libra. I asked you who Nataku was. Why you fought for
her. Do you remember that?"

	"I remember," he said shortly, sensing his
self-defense mechanisms kick in. "You asked me if I
was afraid of the truth. What about it?"

	"Well, are you?"

	He hadn't expected that question and he glanced at
her in surprise to find her looking at him with all
seriousness. "Am I?"

	"I�m asking you," she retorted. "I've been waiting
two years for an answer, Chang Wufei, and I thought
that since you'd grown up a bit, you'd be more
inclined to answer."

	The brash retort was on the tip of his tongue that
no, he wasn't afraid of anything and that she should
mind her own business when he bit it back, swallowed
it. It wasn't fair to her�she'd been waiting two years
for him to come back, waited two years for a boy she
considered more than an equal, if not a friend, while
he hadn't even thought of her. They had never been
extremely close, but he respected her and he knew she
respected him. She deserved better.

	"I don't know," he said. "I thought�" He laughed.
"Two years ago I thought I could do anything. I
thought�well, I thought that I was right and the rest
of the world could go to hell as far as I cared,
because as long as justice was served, it didn't
matter."

	"You don't believe in justice anymore? You don't
believe in fighting for a cause?"

	"I do, but�" he trailed off, pulling his long
ponytail over his shoulder and playing with it idly.
"Until a few weeks ago I still believed that I had
been right and that it was the rest of the world that
had turned against me. So I hid. I hid because I
believed I had been wronged."

	"I know how that feels," Sally said and he glanced at
her again. There was an undercurrent of bitterness in
her voice that he hadn't remembered hearing before.
She didn't look at him as she spoke. "I fought in the
war for my country�for China, for the country that up
till then wouldn't - couldn't - consider me one of its
own. Because I didn't look like the rest of them.
Because I didn't look like you."

	"You thought that they had wronged you," Wufei said.

	"I remember telling you that day in the forest a long
time ago�when you asked me why we were fighting an
enemy that we knew we couldn't defeat�that it was
because somebody had to do it. But that wasn't the
only reason I fought. I fought because I loved my
country, even if she didn't love me."

	"I think she did love you," he returned.

	"And why is that?"

	He turned to look at her. "Because China is like
that. Because she loves all the sons and daughters who
come back to her. Even people like you and me, who
have no home."

	The corner of her lip twisted in a smile. "You still
haven't answered my question."

	"What?"

	"If you're afraid of the truth."

	He stared into the darkness, thinking of Treize.
Thinking about how he had spent the last two years
hiding from himself and from Meilan and from the new
world he had helped build, because he was ashamed.
Thinking about how it hadn't done him any good in the
end, because all it had done for him was to instill
even more deeply in him the sense of failure, of
weakness. of regret. Thinking about how it was time to
end the cycle of self-penance.

"Well," he said slowly. "I came back, didn't I?"

	There was a long silence. "That same time�you told me
that you were a coward. Because you could only defeat
those weaker than yourself."

	He took a deep breath, let it out again. "Why are you
bringing this up, Sally? And don't tell me it's just
that you're glad to see me, either, because this isn't
the kind of thing you're supposed to say to a long
lost friend who you haven't seen for two years."

	"You're right," she agreed, "it's not. It's the kind
of thing I'd say to a man who has come back and who
has decided to be a warrior again."

	He couldn't find anything to say to that, so he said
nothing.

	"Remember what you're fighting for," she whispered to
him. He felt her smile. "I'll always believe in you,
Chang Wufei. Is it too much of me to ask the same of
you in return?"

	"To believe in you?" He met her gaze, read the pain
and the uncertainty mirrored there under the
confidence. He smiled back. "I've always believed in
you, Sally. You know that. Even when I was ashamed of
myself, even when I thought I couldn't trust anyone
else around me, I've believed in you."

	He felt her grab his hand and squeeze it tightly
before dropping it and standing. "I have to get back
to the office. It's going to be a long night. Are you
going to be all right?"

	"I'll be fine," he said. "I think�I'll stay here for
a while longer. Take care of yourself. I'll come by
later."

	"Remember what I said," she whispered, and was gone
into the darkness.

	The lights seemed to flicker and dim as he lay back,
feeling the warmth of the spot that she had just
vacated, staring at the steel beams in the ceiling of
the hangar.

	I came back, didn't I?

	"I don't know if that's enough, Nataku," he mused,
pillowing his head on his arms and closing his eyes,
envisioning her face in his mind. "I'm still a coward
at heart, whatever Sally says�I'm just less of one
than I was two years ago."

	He thought he heard her laugh, thought he saw her
smile at him before her image flitted away and he took
a deep breath, let it out slowly and let his mind
drift. He was so tired. He'd just rest his eyes for a
bit before hitching a ride back to the living area.
They'd never miss him anyway, and Sally knew where he
was�

	Because China is like that. Because she loves all the
sons and daughters who come back to her.

	That night he dreamed that he was standing on the
beach with the water lapping at his toes and the
seagulls crying and that he was watching the sun rise
over the ocean and there was something else rising
with it�a flashing sword ascending out of the depths,
sparkling like a thousand lights on the water.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene III: Returning to the Beginning
"When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home."
--Pink Floyd, Nobody Home
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The temporary main office was a mess, and when Dermand
Etille stepped inside the front door and started to
inquire about General Une's whereabouts, the harried
receptionist simply stared at him, told him to sit
down, shut up, and wait. So he did.

	His shuttle had touched down on the VIP pad half an
hour earlier, but he'd heard about the attack on the
headquarters yesterday, via the ever-helpful World
Nation news. They hadn't shown much footage, most of
it too classified to risk falling into the hands of
the media, no doubt, but what they had shown made him
wince. He'd seen worse, but for a mere terrorist
attack, the damage that had been done would take weeks
to repair, not to mention that there would probably be
some serious psychological trauma on the part of those
who the headquarters was supposed to be protecting.

	No place was safe. That was what the attack had
taught the Preventers�at least what he hoped it had
taught them. An old soldier like him could reiterate
the phrase a thousand times, but it took something
like this to drum it into their heads. 

	He'd stayed the night in Europe after delivering
Milliard Peacecraft to his estate, had been planning
to go visit his family and stay another night when
he'd heard the news that night as he sat in his hotel
room in Spain. He was still tempted to stay. They
didn't technically need him at the headquarters, but
the call of duty was too strong to ignore, so he'd
called his family and told them that he couldn't make
it, then flown straight from Galicia to Geneva the
next morning. It had taken half an hour for them to
clear him for landing, but he supposed such
precautions were necessary in the light of yesterday's
attack. He had been lucky they'd agreed to check out
his credentials at all.

	He heaved a sigh, shifting in the uncomfortable
padded chair. The receptionist didn't seem to notice
that he was alive, much less inquire about what he
wanted. He was pretty sure she hadn't heard him the
first time. He cleared his throat quietly but she
didn't look up, simply spun her chair around and
closed the window. He could hear the clacking of her
keyboard from inside.

	As he was about to get up and rap on her plastic
window, the door to the office opened and in walked a
pretty, young blond carrying a stack of datacards in
her right arm and a sheaf of papers in her left.
Perhaps walked wasn't the right word - it was more
like half sprint, half powerwalk. Whatever the case,
he stared for a moment before realizing that the
pretty, young blond, who couldn't be more than
twenty-two at the most, was wearing brigadier general
rank.

	Une's second in command was a Brigadier General�Po?
He remembered seeing holos of her during the war, and
she looked a little older and much more worn and
tired, but it was the same woman.

	"General Po!"

	She stopped in midtrack, swung her head towards him
with a harried look, then frowned. The cast of her
face was definitely Asian, but her features spoke of
mixed blood.  She looked haggard. "Did you need
something?"

	He bowed slightly, remembering the Asian custom. "I
was actually here to see General Une, ma'am, but if
you could just tell me where she is, I won't bother
you. You look rather busy."

	She blinked at him. "General Une's not here at the
moment."

	"She's not?" Oh. Of course not. There'd been an
emergency�she had probably been evacuated.

	"Who are you?" she demanded, shifting the stack of
datacards to her left hand and looking him up and down
irritably.

	"I'm Dermand Etille�back from A007?" He didn't know
how much Po would know about the situation on the
colony, though as second-in-command he would expect
Une to have kept her up to speed.

	Her face cleared. "Oh!" She looked like she was about
to say something else, then stopped and beckoned to
him a little impatiently. "Here, come with me. We'll
talk in my office."

	She did not glance at the receptionist as she passed,
though Etille noticed the receptionist looking up just
as they entered the hallway and standing belatedly.
"Your receptionist seems a little out-of-sorts," he
remarked.

	Sally snorted. "She volunteered. I don't think she
knows what's she's doing, but as long as the phones
get answered and I get the messages and there's
someone to reroute calls, I don't care. My regular
operator is in the hospital with a bullet in her leg,
and Une's was evacuated along with her and the command
staff."

	Which was why Po had said that Une was not here. That
made sense. Score one point for Une. "To Bern, I
suppose?"

	"Right."

	Po's office was a small converted conference room at
the end of the right-hand hallway.  On one end of the
long wooden conference table was a computer,
vidscreen, and field intercom, which was hooked up to
a master control system in the corner by the room's
only wall sockets. He didn't think he'd ever seen so
many wires and surge protectors. Another computer,
probably a server of some sort, sat humming in the far
left corner, hooked up to two secondary servers. Other
than that, the room looked bleak and bare. There was a
large, boarded up window on the right wall, behind the
general's chair. On the left wall on the other side
were two light maps: one of the base and one of
Western Europe, both of which seemed to have frozen in
mid-motion. An INTERNAL ERROR PLEASE REBOOT message
was blinking over the tiny suspended dots which
represented buildings, people, and vehicles.

	Po grumbled something under her breath and dropped
the datacards and papers in a disorganized heap on the
other end of the table, nearly tripping over the wires
in her haste to get to her computer. She rapidly keyed
in a string of the commands and both maps blinked, the
error messages vanishing. The dots started moving
again.

	"Cheap things," she said, sounding apologetic. "They
do that at least once every hour."

	He inclined his head politely, waited until she'd
finished reconfiguring the maps and then watched as
she collapsed into her chair in front of the computer.


	"General, if I'm interrupting something, I'm more
than willing to come back at a later time."

	She looked up at him as if she had forgotten he was
there. "Oh�no�sit down, please." Waving her hand at
the datacards. "And could you scoot those over to the
computer for me? Thanks."

	He took a seat in a chair next to her, waiting as she
steepled her fingers in front of her and took a deep
breath. "It's been hectic around here. I'm sorry I
can't offer you a more elaborate reception, Commander.
It is Commander, isn't it?"

	"For what it's worth, yes."

	Po raised an eyebrow. "Oh really. Explain?" Her voice
was the voice of a professional, faintly questioning.
She sounded disinterested and detached, but he had no
doubt that before this audience was over, she'd have
dug out every bit of information she wanted out of
him, deconstructed and then reconstructed him in her
mind to find out exactly what made him tick. He'd
forgotten how Federation and OZ soldiers seemed to
have a knack for doing that.

	He smiled. "I'm a relic, General. It's a new military
now, and the rank, just like my authority and
position, seem to have fallen by the wayside."

	"Very true." She didn't indicate which part of his
statement she was responding to. "So why are you
here?"

	"Une contacted me after�Noin's death. Asking me to
come back to Earth. She indicated that I would be
helpful to have on her staff, especially with the
Gundam crisis going on, so I came in answer to her
call. Unfortunately, I seem to have missed her."

	Po nodded slightly. Her computer pinged and she
glanced over, clicked something before looking back at
him. "She was evacuated right when the attack started.
She wrote the regulations herself�a good thing to have
done, I think, or we might have had another New
Edwards if things got bad enough. Which they never
did, thank goodness - the terrorists never really got
past the main gate and personnel center."

	"I heard about it on the news last night in Spain,"
he offered. "There weren't a lot of images and hardly
any information, obviously - I'm sure you and Une want
to keep the details as confidential as possible."

	There was a short silence before she spoke. He knew
she wanted to ask him about what he had been doing in
Spain and what he'd been doing since Noin's death four
days ago, for that matter, but for some reason she
didn't. That surprised him somewhat, but he kept his
mouth shut.

	"It's a shame," she said at last, quietly, drumming
her fingers lightly on the keyboard. "We're in a deep
enough mess as it is, politically. Then something like
this happens. I'd hate to be Une at the moment. We're
going to have a hell of a lot of clean-up work to do."

	"The World Nation won't let this go."

	"No they won't." She sighed. "Which is hardly my
biggest concern at the moment. I don't give a damn
what the World Nation thinks. It wouldn't surprise me
if they'd sent the terrorists themselves."

	Her bitter tone surprised him. He'd known that Une
wasn't terribly fond of the World Nation, and neither
Milliard nor Noin had been either, but Po seemed to be
putting that sentiment into a more extreme form. "You
don't seem to like the World Nation much," he said
mildly.

	She snorted. "I'll refrain from further comment, but
no, I really don't. They claim that the Gundam pilots
ordeal is purely political, but they've been hiding as
far from it as possible, downright refusing to accept
responsibility - blaming the military instead. In my
opinion, they got us into this mess and I have yet to
see them lift a single finger to get us back out." She
fixed him with a challenging stare. "Tell me, Dermand
Etille, what do you think of the World Nation? You
were in the resistance forces on A007, weren't you?"

	He chuckled quietly. "Depends on what you mean by
'resistance.' Both sides were resistance fighters, but
I just happened to be on the side that was actually
supporting the World Nation." Her nostrils flared
slightly, but he held up a hand. "Which doesn't mean I
supported the World Nation by any means. They were the
ones who shipped me out to that dustball of a colony
anyway. But I didn't agree with the philosophies of
the anti-World Nation faction, so that made me an
enemy. And a World Nation ally, I suppose, though I
confess I'm a little uneasy to be known as such."

	The challenging stare remained, but her posture
seemed to have softened slightly. She looked him over
a moment more, and Etille felt the uncomfortable
sensation that she regarded him as just one more
specimen to be studied under the microscope.

	"I appreciate you coming out here, Commander," Po
said, suddenly all crisp business again. She still
looked tired, but there was none of the anger and
resentment that she'd communicated a few seconds ago.
He couldn't help thinking that she would have made a
damn good politician if she hadn't chosen the military
for a career.

	"Thank you, General. I was wondering if you'd require
my services?"

	She laughed. "We need all the help you can get.
You're here now and there's no escape. Actually�" she
turned back to her monitor, fingers flying on the
keyboard. "I�m expecting a transmission from Une this
afternoon. I wonder if you'd care to join me? She
might have had instructions for you."

	"Of course." She smiled and he couldn't help but
curve his own lips in return, noticing how her slanted
Asian eyes looked almost incongruous, yet strangely
fitting, in her otherwise Western face. "Meanwhile,
where would you like me? As you said, there's no
escape, so I might as well plunge to my doom."

	Po laughed. "You're certainly eager, Commander. Your
specialty�special forces? Intelligence?"

	"More on the special forces side," he corrected her.
"Though I did do my share of information harvesting
when I was in White Fang and on A007. But I'm much
more of a hands-on type person."

	She grinned outright, looking relieved. "Excellent!
Our Special Forces commander was evacuated to Bern
last night along with about a third of the forces, and
the second-in-command isn't exactly what you'd call
experienced. We could use some help."

	"I'm glad to be of service," he said smoothly.

	She fixed those eyes on him again, and this time the
eyes weren't the eyes of the clinically distant
surgeon or the accusing eyes of the wronged soldier.
She looked tired, drained, worn-out�and there was
something else behind that blue gaze too that he
couldn't quite figure out.

	There was a short sequence of beeps from the comm and
he flinched, startled. Her eyes moved away from him,
indicating the end of the audience. 

	"I have to take this call," she said, "but if you
wait just a few minutes, I'll show you to your new
office."


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene IV: The Darkest Hour
"Even if it breaks me into pieces,
I want to keep believing, keep feeling till it ceases
The eternity deep in my heart."
--Luna Sea, Forever and Ever
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The knock sounded louder on the door this time. He
didn't move from where he lay on the floor.

	"Mr. Yuy?"

	Above him the ceiling swirled in bright flashes of
white and pink and yellow and he blinked, trying to
get the flashing to go away, but even the blinking
made his head hurt too much, so he simply closed his
eyes tightly. Even then he could see little spots on
the insides of his eyelids which slowly swirled and
became eyes and gaping mouths laughing at him with
silent mirth.

	"Mr. Yuy, please open the door!"

	It was double-bolted. He was glad. He'd made sure
both bolts had been firmly fastened last night so they
couldn't come drag him out and take him to their
horrible little room with all the pills and needles
that he knew he had to have. Except it wasn't the same
with them watching, them stabbing the needle into him
and telling him that he'd have to come back again the
next day. And the next day. And the next.

	He wrapped his aching arms around himself to ward off
a sudden flash of chill, wondering if he should get up
and put on another shirt. Or maybe a sweater. It was
very cold in here�when had it gotten so cold?

	A different voice this time, angry. "Yuy, you better
open this door right now! Yuy! Open up!"

	There was a crack of thunder through his ears and his
eyes flew open and he sat up, fingers grasping vainly
for a weapon, for a blanket to hide under, anything.
But it was just someone knocking on the door, though
each knock sounded as loud as the frenzied beating of
his heart in his ears. His vision blurred again.

	"Open the damn door, Yuy!"

	He wasn't going to open the door. They'd take him
away�do terrible things to him. Like they'd done to
Atsuki. They weren't going to hurt him like they had
hurt her.

	"Atsuki," he whimpered softly, feeling the tears slip
from the corner of one eye, but he wasn't sure if it
was because he was sad or if there was something in
his eye. He reached up to wipe it away but his arm
wouldn't obey the commands of his brain for some
reason. He stared at it as it lay limp on the carpet
like a dead thing.

	The knocking stopped.

	His arm was trembling now - no, not just his arm but
his hand and fingers too. He watched in fascination as
they twitched, suddenly realizing that he was
sweating. Panting, he tried to tug his shirt over his
head, needing somehow to feel air meet his skin, but
neither arm was responding and he gritted his teeth
against the sudden flash of pain shooting through his
wrist and down to his right hand as the muscles
cramped.

	"Darkflight?" he mumbled, looking around as if
suddenly expecting the dark-skinned boy to just appear
suddenly. "Darkflight�I�where'd you go?"

	The light wavered and his vision grew dim, then
brightened again. He finally managed to move one arm,
tried to place it over his eyes to ward off the
brilliance. He was crying again, crying against the
pain of the glow, but he couldn't look away, seeing
flashes of color amidst the white light, winged horses
and eagles, and he was floating, lifting into the air
and rising up from the floor. The ceiling opened up
above him and he emerged into the rosy sunlit sky,
seeing the Preventers base spread out below him across
the plain below. There were mountains rising in the
distance against the lavender-tinted clouds. A flock
of birds passed below him and he spread out his arms,
soared into the sun.

	The breeze on his face and his body was cool and he
realized he was no longer wearing any clothes but it
didn't matter anymore, stretching his arms out to the
golden rays of the setting sun and becoming one with
the sky. He closed his eyes.

	There was only a slight warning, a small tremor of
the air currents around him that alerted him to the
fact that he was no longer flying, but falling. He
opened his eyes, saw the ground approaching at an
alarming speed. Braced himself for the impact. The
wind wailed in his ears and he narrowed his eyes to
slits, keeping them on the ground as it rushed up at
him and he was tumbling-

	His feet hit and he let his muscles relax, let his
knees crumple under him and then the rest of his body
was on the ground and he was rolling before he was
aware that he was actually doing so. He rolled over
twice, checked himself and stopped his body before it
could complete a third roll, leaving him lying on his
back and staring up at the clear blue sky.

	Wait�it had been sunset before, hadn't it?

	He felt soft grass beneath his fingers, sat up slowly
and ran shaky fingers through his hair. Ran them
through again, feeling like something was missing.

	Something was missing. His ponytail was gone. He
fumbled for the back of his neck, feeling the short,
tousled hair that only grew to just below his ears.
Had someone cut his hair while he had been asleep?

	Had he been asleep?

	He tried to remember how he had gotten here,
remembered falling from a long way down. He started to
panic. Doctor J would not be happy if he'd somehow
botched the mission, and the only way to explain the
falling was that he'd jumped or been pushed out of a
plane. He leapt to his feet, shielding his eyes, and
scanned the sky, but there was no plane or shuttle in
sight.

	Shit.

	He checked his chronometer. It read just past 1500
hours and he took a deep breath, shook his head and
closed his eyes, trying to think. His brain wasn't
functioning right for some reason; faint nagging
flashes of memory slipped in and out of his
consciousness, gone before he could sort through them.
He growled in annoyance, sat down heavily in the
sweet-smelling grass and tried to think. There was a
patch of bobbing yellow flowers at his feet.

	There was a city in the distance, which meant that
he'd been dispatched for some type of�spying?
Sabotage? It was afternoon. Was he supposed to arrive
in the afternoon? In either case, spying or sabotage
had to be done at night, and he would have to get in,
get out, and get back to Doctor J all tonight. It
would definitely be an all-nighter.

	Of course, if he couldn't remember what his mission
was before the sun set, it would all amount to nothing
anyway.

	"Are you lost?"

	He scrambled to his feet, fingers scrabbling for his
gun, cursing himself for being so preoccupied that he
hadn't been aware of his surroundings. He'd gotten his
fingers wrapped around the handle, prepared to bring
it up when he caught sight of the person who'd
addressed him.

	The gun fell from his hands.

	"Relena?"

	The sunlight was a halo around her hair and she was
facing away from him, holding something in her arms,
and as he stood unsteadily, wondering what to say to
her, how to explain what he was doing here, she
turned. 

	It wasn't Relena after all.

	"Atsuki," he said, staring into her blue eyes and
watching her golden hair flutter in the wind. She
smiled, facing him fully, and he saw she was cradling
a little puppy in her arms.

	"Shh," she whispered, stroking the dog's fur. "Isn't
he cute?" She smiled at him and then bent down in one
fluid motion, gently snapping one of the yellow
flowers off its stem and holding it out to him. He
stared at her, then reached out and took it, not
knowing what else to do. She withdrew her hand before
his fingers could touch hers.

	A little girl and her puppy.

	"What are you doing here, Atsuki?"

	His voice was hoarse and she frowned. "Don't be so
rude, Wing. Aren't you glad to see me?"

	"I thought you were dead," he said, then immediately
wondered how he'd thought that, if she was still back
on the colony, and then wondered after that how he
knew she was on the colony.

	She took all of this in in a heartbeat and then
laughed, the sound floating away on the wind. "Dead?
Well, I'm here right now, right? I can't be dead, can
I?"

	He shook his head mutely and she cocked her head to
the right, examining him. "You don't look so good. Are
you lost?"

	He took one step forward, as if struggling through
air that had suddenly become too thick. "I�I'm not
lost." 

I've been lost since I was born.

	"Then where are you?" she challenged.

	He looked at her, confused. "What?"

	"Where are you?" Atsuki repeated. "What are you doing
here?"

	He gaped at her, then glanced around, again taking in
the grassy hilltop, the city below, the gleaming river
running through the valley beyond. "I don't know."

	The smile she gave him was sardonic and sad at the
same time. Her eyes were haunted, though she was
smiling. The puppy stirred in her arms and she made
soothing noises, one hand caressing its furry head. He
watched her.

	"You've changed," she said.

	"Me?"

	"You're not the Wing I fell in love with," she said
softly, and he wanted to touch her but she did not
move closer, simply stood there just out of arms'
reach. "The Wing I loved�he died. In the Breaks. The
Breaks killed him."

	"Atsuki, what are you talking about?"

	"You don't understand now," she murmured, "but you
will."

	"I�m still here!" he said desperately, not knowing
what she wanted to hear, but only knowing that he
wanted to understand. "The same person. Atsuki,
whatever I did�I'll change. I'll go back. I can go
back�I will, I swear it. I want�"

	"What?"

	He didn't know what he was going to say, simply
stared at her, at the face which now seemed ageless
and young and old all at once.

	"I don't know," he said again, feeling foolish beyond
belief.

	"You don't know," she repeated after him. "You know,
Wing, that's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard."

	He stared at her, trying to figure out if she was
joking. "What happened to you, Atsuki?"

	"You fool!" she snapped. "People need you, and you're
locking yourself away. You're killing yourself!"

	He felt his defenses rise to the fore, though he
wasn't sure why. "That's none of your business!"

	"It is all of my business, Wing! The Breaks killed
me�they broke me, and then little by little I died. I
was dead before I ever came to Earth, dead before I
saw you that one last time on the Preventers base. And
I'm seeing you headed down the same path. I don't want
that to happen to you, Wing."

	"Atsuki," he whispered, reaching out one hand to
touch her, but she stepped back, shaking her head.

	"I�m lost to you now. I can't do anything to help you
now�you need to be strong. For yourself."

	"I�I can't," he whispered, felt himself shaking.
"I�Atsuki, I can't. I can't go back."

	"The Wing I loved," she said very clearly, "was a
fighter. He was a warrior. He never gave up. Something
happened between the last time I saw you on the colony
and the next time I saw you on Earth. I don't know
what, but something happened. You gave up, Wing. You
gave up your past."

	"The past doesn't matter!"

	"It matters! Humans cannot live in the past, but
those who give up their past have also given up their
future!"

	"Well then," he snarled. "Maybe I have no future. I'm
a hopeless case, Atsuki. You just haven't realized it
yet."

	He'd never seen such fury in the blue eyes before,
but they were like chips of ice staring at him out of
a molten sea of gold. "You're wrong," she said
quietly, yet he could feel the force behind each
clipped word. "You are the future. Whether you want it
or not, it is what you are. It is who you are, and you
cannot change that."

	"Don't tell me what I can and can't do!"

	She smiled sadly, all the anger gone now, drained.
She bowed her head. "I wish I could give you a choice.
But that is not an option given to me. I tell what
must be, nothing more."

	"You're not Atsuki," he breathed, lunging forward,
but she was already running and he gave chase,
stumbling over the uneven ground and hearing her last
words over the breeze.

	"Don't let the past kill you as they killed me. I
believe in you, Wing. No�not Wing. Heero. I believe in
you, Heero."

	"Atsuki!" he screamed, reaching for her shadow one
last time, knowing as he did so that she was already
gone beyond his reach forever. There was a whisper of
a voice in his ears, not her voice, but yet so very
familiar.

	Now I understand. Heero is the true heart of space.

	"Quatre?" he whispered.

	And then the world exploded around him.

	The ground buckled under him and he cried out as fire
rained down around him, crackling up towards the
smoke-blackened sky. There was no longer grass under
his feet, only ash and cinders, but he fell to the
ground anyway, one hand going up automatically to
protect his head while the other one reached for his
gun only to realize that he'd dropped it and had never
picked it back up. The heat of the blaze was searing
on his skin and he gasped, choked, pushing himself to
his feet, forcing himself to keep moving, hunched over
to avoid breathing in the fumes.

	He was still holding the flower.

	Glass broke, something exploded, and there were
screams.

And then he knew. He knew exactly where he was,
because he had lived it once before and no one could
change the past. He knew what would happen.

	This isn't happening�no. Not this. Anything but this.

	"NO!" he screamed, crumpling to his knees, shaking
his head wildly as if that could save him. "This isn't
happening�this is over. Over! It's over!"

	"He-Heero."

	The words were a ragged whisper, barely audible over
the noise of the fire and explosions, but he heard
them, his head jerking towards the sound, and he
half-crawled, half-stumbled towards them, towards the
fallen metal beams of what was once a civilian
complex, knowing what he would find underneath.

	"Heero. You came."

	His muscles were shaking as he reached the pile of
rubble, gazing helplessly down into the darkness
between them, at the girl who he knew lay pinned
beneath. He grasped the topmost beam, strained until
one of his arms popped with a sickening cracking noise
and an intense jolt of pain ran down his back. He
gasped, slumped forward across the metal, closing his
eyes tightly in agony.

	"Heero�don't worry about me."

	"Relena�" he gasped, trying to catch his breath,
realizing that he was now in a position to see who it
was who lay trapped under there. He opened his eyes.

	"You came, Heero. You didn't forget me."

	"Relena?"

	She smiled, the blue eyes the same royal shade as
Atsuki's, but there was a different quality to hers -
none of the haunted darkness behind them that the
other girl seemed to wear like a shroud, but there was
something in her gaze too. An age and wisdom and a
deep sadness that seemed to penetrate through to the
heart which he believed he didn't have until now.

	"I couldn't save you," he mouthed, not knowing if he
spoke the words or not, but she smiled again.

	"It doesn't matter, Heero. You came for me�that's the
only thing that matters. Is that you cared enough to
save even someone you hate."

	"I�I don't hate you," he said, his head swimming,
trying to focus on her as she swam in and out of his
vision.

	"Perhaps not. But there are other things that you
might perhaps hate, things which you must�nevertheless
be prepared to fight for. I know you can do it�Heero.
You're strong."

	"I�I came to save you, but I was too late�"

	A spasm of pain crossed her face but she fought to
keep her eyes open, staring straight at him. "I'm not
the one who matters now. Open your eyes, Heero."

	"Relena," he choked, stretching his hand down to her
as far as he could reach, and he saw her own arm reach
out with supreme effort, her fingers grasping his in a
trembling, tenuous grip. Her hand was cold. "Don't
die, Relena. Please don't�"

	"Open your eyes, Heero," she said again. "You-"
Stopped, gasping for breath.

	"Don't talk," he said. "I'll�I'll go get a doctor.
You'll be all right."

	"Fight for me," she whispered. "Fight for us. Don't
throw your life away�your friends need you, Heero. I
know we can believe in you�you're the kind of
person�who gives everyone�.hope."

	"Relena," he said, but her hand was going limp,
falling before he could catch it. 

	She's dead. You killed her.

	He buried his face in his hands, prepared to lie
there until he too was killed by a falling beam or
burned to death or perhaps he would be lucky and some
stray explosion would catch him. But before any such
thing could come to pass, he heard a soft yelping. Sat
up, stared.

	Caught under another, smaller beam further away, was
the puppy.

	He gathered it into his arms, feeling its heartbeat
flutter weak and faint beneath his fingers. Its eyes
were closed and each breath rattled in its throat. He
cradled it close, not knowing what else he could do
but let it pass in peace.

	"Are you just going to let it die, then?"

	He knew to whom the voice belonged even before he
turned and saw Chang Wufei standing there, arms
crossed over his chest, proud, bold, fierce, but
older, with his long, unbound hair loose across his
shoulders. Tired, yet determined. Buckled at his waist
was a long curved sword.

	"Leave me alone, Wufei," he said tiredly.

	"So you're just going to let it die," Wufei
challenged, nodding at the puppy in his arms.

	Something broke inside him and he felt the tears
spill down his face. It took all his energy to keep
himself on his feet, took everything he had to keep
his legs straight and steady. "What can I do?" he
cried. "Look at it! It's already dead!"

	"That's where you're wrong," Wufei snapped. "Never
give up on something, even when you think it's too
late!"

	"Shut up!" he screamed. "I don't want to hear your
fucking lies�get away from me!"

	"I�m not leaving," the Chinese boy said.

	"You bastard," he whispered, but the fight had gone
out of him and his knees buckled and he sank to the
ground, still clutching the puppy in his arms.

	"I'm not leaving," Wufei said again. He heard
footsteps as the other boy moved closer. "I told you I
would never give up on you, Heero. And I never will.
None of us will."

	"Why?" he whispered brokenly. "Why? I gave up on
myself long ago. I don't deserve this."

	"Because," Wufei said gently, kneeling in front of
him. He could see the other boy's form through his
tears. "Because that's what you taught me. Two years
ago, you taught me that other people are worth
fighting for."

	"No, I didn't."

	"Open your eyes. There are people who need you�and
there are people who you need. No one man is an
island, Heero. You can't survive alone. None of us
can. You taught me that, too."

	He was still shaking his head when he felt something
being pressed into his hand, looked down.

	"I think you dropped this," Wufei said. He was
smiling.

	It was a yellow flower.

	He tucked the flower into the crook of his arm next
to the head of the puppy, felt it wriggle a bit. Its
heartbeat was slow and steady now, and even as he
shifted it in his arms, it was sleeping soundly.

	"Wufei?" he called. But the Chinese pilot was nowhere
to be seen, and he stood up, noticing faintly in the
back of his mind that the explosions had ceased and
that it was warm, but not with the deadly deceptive
warmth of fire.

	You can't survive alone. None of us can. You taught
me that, too.

	"I'm sorry, Wufei," he whispered. "Wufei�Atsuki,
Relena�Darkflight. Duo, Trowa, Quatre. Everyone. I�m
sorry."

	Heero is the true heart of space.

	He was drifting and the warmth surrounded him and he
could hear music, faint chimes like a celestial
lullaby.

	Open your eyes, Heero.

	He opened his eyes.

	The light flooded his vision, a brilliance of a
million galaxies, a billion suns, light shooting forth
from the spaces and planes of every living thing and
heavenly body, all glowing, all pulsing, all singing.
He felt himself being pulled apart and remolded, torn
and healed in a single instant, and it was so
beautiful that he wanted to weep.

	Is this the uchuu no kokoro? The heart of space?

	Then he was being pulled away again, seeing the light
fade, but the music remained with him and he closed
his eyes again, feeling, for the first time since too
long ago, a feeling of absolute serenity. Of peace.

	"I think he's coming around."

	He glanced around but there was no one there, only
darkness, but then something brushed his forehead and
he could see a speck of light in the distance, growing
wider and wider, and he stood still and watched it
draw near.

	"Can you hear me?"

	This awakening was different. He struggled to open
his eyelids, feeling his pupils rebel against the
concentration of light in the room, though upon his
second try he found that it wasn't as bright as he had
first thought; in fact, it was dim by indoor
standards. The first thing he saw was a large
florescent light fixture on the ceiling, but it was
turned to minimum level. He could hear something
beeping.

	"You're finally awake."

	He opened his mouth to say something, but found that
his mouth was already open and there was something
attached to it. He started to struggle, felt a hand on
his shoulder.

	"Let me help you," a kindly male voice said. "Here."
Hands went to his face, working steadily and quickly,
and he felt the apparatus slide off his face. A
respirator?

	"Where�where am I?"

	"Preventers Headquarters Military Hospital," the same
voice said, and a face swam into view, middle-aged,
with deep-set brown eyes and tanned skin, a light blue
medical cloth mask covering his mouth.

	"How?" he croaked.

	The doctor snorted. "You're lucky, kid. They had to
break down the door. Took security forces a whole half
hour to do so. You were in one of the most secure
rooms on base. But they got you out alive is what
matters." He turned away, fiddling with something on
one of the machines. "Now. How many fingers am I
holding up?"

	He watched as the doctor held up one hand, thought,
counted. Three? No, four. "Four."

	The grin was hidden under the blue mask, but the
doctor had definitely smiled. "Correct. How about this
hand?"

	He counted again. "Two."

	"Very good. What's your name?"

	He blinked at the doctor, mind drawing a blank before
it came rushing back to him�the attack, Atsuki's
death. How he'd hid inside his room, locking the door.
They'd come to take him to detox but he'd refused.
He'd stayed there�wallowing in his own misery. It was
a wonder he was still alive. So they'd had to break
down the door to get him out.

	The dream...a product of his own forced drug
withdrawal? Yet it had seemed so real. Atsuki. Relena.
Wufei. The images rushed back with astonishing
clarity, and he felt himself flinch from the brutal
honest truth of their words, yet knowing at the same
time that something had changed. He no longer felt
lost, abandoned. No longer alone.

	For the first time in two years, maybe things could
somehow be all right.

	"Your name?" the doctor repeated, this time looking a
little worried. "Hello? You still with me?"

	"Heero," he whispered, then swallowed. "Heero Yuy. My
name is Heero Yuy."
	
END SNK 9.1

=====
"No matter what the bible says, the battle always goes to
the strong. And I am strong. I don't need to prove that to
anyone anymore."
-Excerpt from Sainan no Kekka- Act Seven, Scene VII

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quicksilver/
http://www.midnightrevolution.org/gundam

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