DB Sommer wrote:
And here we go again:
After nearly of an hour of quiet chatting, both Ranma and Yakumo
finally succumbed to sleep.
And dreamed.
Ranma: Oh, Yakumo.
Yakumo: Oh, Ranma.
Ranma: Oh, Yakumo!
Yakumo: Oh, Ranma!
Ranma: OH, YAKUMO!
Yakumo: OH, RANMA!
Everyone else on the bus: Stop talking in your sleep, you disgusting
perverts!
... ew.
His shout echoed through the vast, echoing
two 'echoes' close together.
Fixed.
"I am Amatera Omiki, Higurashi-sama," she replied, curtsying low.
Straightening, she added, "I would advise that you be quiet, though. I
do not know how much I can hide from the lady who this hall belongs to."
Tokimi; Nothing, but it amuses me to allow you to think you can hide from
me. Do continue.
Heh.
Unused to the lavish apartments that had been bestowed upon him when
he was handed the title of 'Emperor,' Tenchi did not entirely feel
comfortable in the old Emperor's oversized bed.
There were stains in the sheets he seriously did not want to think about.
Urk....
it could comfortably allow three of
or
A sea of endless typos... if I delete a typo you caught, than it's
because I used your advice.
Thinking about why a bed would be so large didn't comfort him much
either, and as a result he had taken to sleeping on a couch in a sitting
room connected to the official bedchamber.
It was only four times the size of a normal couch, which made it just like
his bed back home.
About, yeah.
enough that it put the living room of the Masaki home on Earth to shame.
I would think the Emperor's toilet would put the Masaki living room to
shame. :)
True.
couch to stand on the soft carpeting. He scratched at one arm absently,
glancing around the room. The clothes that he had been given to sleep in
were not to his liking,
Really, how could one expect to sleep in a clown outfit? It was ridiculous,
traditional grab be damned.
Heh!
Funaho nodded her understanding, sipping at her tea, while Misaki
sat stiffly, managing a terse nod. "Are you sure that you do not wish
Ayeka to be here?" Jakugo asked softly. "And perhaps, your successor
also?
A successor to Tsunami? How would that be? She's pretty unique.
He was adressing Misaki.
Misaki sighed, calming herself visibly. She was probably pleased
that Tsunami had taken the first step towards allowing her to disavow a
relationship between them.
Why would that please her?
Because I sometimes assume that everything I write about sucks as
much as my life does. This leads to really stupid fanfiction on my part,
I've noticed.
Blinking away forming tears, Tsunami offered a shrug. "Yes," she
said simply. It wasn't true, of course, but it was the answer that
Misaki obviously wanted to hear. It was far easier for her to think of
her daughter dying as a sacrifice than changing in such a manner.
I wouldn't think so. Children change. Misaki would realize that, though this
is far from the standard way. I still contend she would accept that, at
least in time.
I have no frame of reference for this -- I was disowned by my mother
so I can see it quite easily as it is. I will, however, take your word
on it and see what I can do to make it better.
"By your leave, Misaki-san, Funaho-san," Tsunami mumbled, rising,
and offering each of the women a polite nod.
Methinks Tsunami is being rather pessimistic about this whole thing.
Very likely.
"Not at all!" Jakugo exclaimed, shaking his head quickly. "Tenchi is
as much a Masaki as I am, and I wish nothing more than the Empire to be
ruled by those most capable -- and that's us. I'm quite sure that he'll
do more good than evil for Jurai before his reign ends."
Heh. Not a nice way to put it.
I'm surprised how few people caught that....
Funaho regarded Misaki levelly, dismissing the servant after Tsunami
left with Jakugo. "That wasn't very kind," she informed the other woman.
"Neither were you," Misaki snapped. "Goddess of Jurai or not, she's
not my daughter."
More like she's everything her daughter was and more. Again this seems
awfully short-sighted.
Well I'm sorry, Mr. Sommer, experience in the area is limited at
best. Still, since it doesn't work, I need to change it. I just wish I
knew where to begin.
Lacing her fingers together beneath her chin and frowning, Funaho
hesitantly said, "This is not entirely news, I'd suppose, but rumor has
it that Washuu has some guardian, from Earth. A Terran native would
likely be more amiable to Tenchi's cause, but it's difficult to gain
information on him."
Why would she think a terran would make for a signifigant 'ally' for Tenchi?
I would think she's referring more to those that run planets and star
systems when saying Tenchi needs allies, not individuals.
But Washuu's support would count for a lot.
"Tsunami seems reluctant to support Tenchi herself," Funaho said
quietly. "Or Tenchi is reluctant to ask her for support because it might
be seen as a sign of weakness. If that's his thinking, I applaud it,
because he's right. However, if he's allied with someone who the goddess
of Jurai supports openly, it garners him that much more support without
making him look weak for it, especially if it's through an outsider."
I don't know about that, but we'll let it slide. :)
I don't really understand politics at all, so I tried to make it up
as I went along. If you have any suggestions on how to make it work, I'm
willing to listen.
Swearing under his breath, Tenchi leapt to his feet and slashed
across his opponent with his sword, yelling, "Guards!" The cloak parted
beneath the Tenchi-ken's assault, falling to the floor, but the blade
rebounded harmlessly from the armor itself.
That's really not good.
Good? It's great!
Oh, you meant for Tenchi....
Unsteadily reclaiming his feet, Tenchi threw himself at the door,
obstructing the assailant's face as it was, and rammed the Tenchi-ken
forward to stab easily through it, and into the armored figure with a
far greater deal of resistance. Yelling savagely, he rolled onto his
back, tucking his in
tucking his what 'in'?
Knees. Whoops.
"Flechette rounds will still get you," the attacker mumbled,
HIs attacker does seem prone to mumbling, doesn't he?
Bleah. Will change.
Recovering himself, and sparing no time for the as-of-yet unhealed
wound on his arm Tenchi charged forward, knowing that Ryouko was already
battling whoever his assailant was. "Aw, crap," he distantly heard,
recognizing it as being the voice of the attacker through the suit's
speakers.
I'd say that's an understatement. :)
Likely.
"I didn't think any of them would agree to a job like this, really,"
Ryouko mumbled,
More mumbling. Use a different word for some of those mumbles.
Done.
silent, noiseless explosion of light, kept at bay by Azaka and Kamidake.
Took him a while to explode. :)
Assasin: I'm a ticking time-bomb of rage!
"Whoever sent him had to know he would fail.
Err, he almost didn't fail. I think they're being wee bit generous about
Tenchi here.
Yep. They are.
=> Unsettled from a dream he remembered far too well for his own
liking, Yakumo woke, staring about with some confusion. The girl at his
side, sleeping against him, head resting in his lap was not Pai, which
simultaneously disappointed and pleased him. That she wasn't there meant
she was safe from the current threat. That she wasn't there also meant
that she could be in danger from some other threat that Yakumo couldn't
hope to counter.
Like boredom. :)
Err....
I'd actually drop 'though...long' It seems unessasary. We know the length of
Washuu's hair isn't short.
Done.
"Nyima," Yakumo answered, shrugging. "Spent a few months learning
Wang Chung Kung Fu."
Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. ")
Heh!
"We're about to find out," Ranma mumbled, tensing his shoulders and
drawing his sword.
Yep. It does seem rather underpowered for the reavers.
They're strange and mysterious creatures. Or something like that.
A not-quite-vacuum sealed sandwich package sat in her lap, obviously
wrapped at a lower altitude, as the plastic was bulging outwards. A
similar sandwich had been gathered for Yakumo, and sat next to a pair of
juice cans, but Ami's attention was focused on her computer. Washuu too
consulted her terminal, one of the stray leads linked to Nuku's
ear-sensors, while the scientist explained, "Finding something for you
to eat is easy, Nuku-chan, but finding something that's _good_ for you
is going to be a more difficult problem. You're going to need to have
most of your systems replaced when I have the time."
ie: Upgraded. :)
Oh... something like that. ;)
"I'm not sure," she admitted, frowning.
The bad kind, lately. :)
Reaver1: Avon calling!
Ami: Aaaaah!
Reaver2: Let me talk to you about time-share...
Washuu: Kill it! KILL IT!
Sighing, Yakumo trotted towards the house, pausing as an eerie
warning sensation reverberated through his spine. He and Ranma exchanged
a glance, Ranma's partner leaping across the intervening distance to
land in Ranma's outstretched hand before running back to Yakumo. Low to
the ground, and some distance north, a massive red ball of fire was
barreling towards them, streaks of faint vapor spreading upwards from
behind it.
"That ain't good," Ranma noted sourly,
Nope. I should say it ain't.
Heh!
For the briefest moment, Yakumo thought that Ranma had stopped the
projectile, but in truth it halted for only a heartbeat, before Ranma's
wall of power dissipated, cracking like a pane of crystal. The resultant
backlash flung Ranma backward with explosive force, before Yakumo's
eyesight vanished in a blinding flash of searing fire and light.
Now that was powerful.
Mihoshi: Did I do that? Tee-hee!
Flesh boiling away from the intense heat, Yakumo was only able to
dimly hope that Ran-oh-ki was protected by Chin-Kuu before the
all-too-familiar sensation of death overtook him.
Death: Sticking around this time?
Yakumo: No. Sorry. Have to go back to life.
Death: I'll be waiting. It is what I do, after all.
Yakumo: Been busy lately?
Death: Don't you know it.
Careening through the atmosphere of the Earth, unsure of her bearing
and orientation, Mihoshi scrabbled desperately at the control panel,
yelping worriedly as the ship slammed through a barrier of blue force.
Oh, so it was her.
Well.... Yes.
"Activating tutorial function," Yukinojo notified them, sounding
almost relieved as instructions flashed across the viewscreen.
"Tutorial? Is this a spaceship?"
Ahh. Now it makes sense.
Yep.
"Lovely. Where's Ranma?" Shaking her head at her distraction, she
tapped her wrist to the bracelet there, and asked, "Ranma? Where are you?"
Recovering from being hard-boiled, no doubt.
Lucky he's got them fire-proof robes. Doubt he could stand Usenet,
but he could withstand the trivial heat from a GP ship easily.
"What?" Ranma asked, shaking his head. Ran-oh-ki was a short
distance away, unhurt, but severely rattled. Teleporting to his side,
Ranma allowed the creature to scurry into the sleeves of his robes and
hide there, shivering. "The reaver here is moving towards -- shit. I
think I can take two birds out with one stone."
Heh. Maybe he can.
He can TRY....
He pointedly ignored the smoking corpse that remained of Yakumo;
That's awkward. I'd reword it.
Done.
"Gotta learn how to do this," the man muttered under his breath.
"Gotta study. Study! Study! Okay, show me how to do it, and let's get
this done!"
Heh. True. Oe can adapt to just about anything.
Had to take way his bike or else he would have destroyed all the
reavers himself. ;)
Yakumo smirked wryly. "Funny thing is that it hurts less after a
while. You stop noticing the pain.
Heh. I guess it just stops bothering you when you get a lot of it. :)
Or so I hear.
"I see," Washuu muttered. "Hello, Oe-san. I didn't recognize you
when you knocked Atsuko to safety. Can you pilot that craft?"
"Yes!" he said, nodding quickly. "It's quite educational, really."
Give him a week and access to Washuu's computer, and he could probably
outsmart her. :)
Heh!
"I'm not so sure about that," Yakumo remarked. "I don't know what it
is, but the reavers already have a way to counter cold.
But this sounds slightly different. One would hope it works, though.
It should.
"I think that Ranma shouldn't be on this planet and fighting
reavers," Washuu said quietly. "I think he should be living a normal
life, away from this mess."
But that would apply to everyone. So it's not really relavent, IMO.
Hm. Revised.
Washuu eyed the much shorter woman. "I meant at fighting the
reavers. But that's aside from the point. Where else could Ranma go,
anyway? He hasn't got anyone who's not here, does he?"
A lot of people are like that now.
Also, revised.
"Well, there are his fiancees," Cologne mused. "One of whom is my
own great-granddaughter." Washuu flinched at that,
Why? Does she think Shampoo looks like Cologne?
Eh? No, because it's the whole 'competition' thing, even though
Cologne's more aware of it than Washuu is.
Cologne looked away, staring thoughtfully at a descending shaft of
light, headed for a point some hundred and more meters distant.
"Probably one of the most dangerous men on Earth," she managed after a
minute.
"And this is a good thing how?
'Dangerous' means powerful and 'men' means he's not a reaver, which makes
them his enemy.
Yes, but Washuu is concerned for Ranma.
Which was good, to a degree. Warriors should be warriors, but not
nothing _but_ warriors.
Actually they should be just that until the battle is won. Then its okay to
relax.
I guess.
Glad I finally got to this. Helps fill in some of the holes only reading
part 2 made. :) Not many grammar errors I could detect. Nice work, overall.
Thanks for your time, and thank you very much for the C&C.
D.B. Sommer