And moving on to some random insanity...

Gotta finish this one sometime...

Thanks go out to Jason Hanks and a whole bunch of other people who
commented and helped, like Tefloncat and Josh Temple and DB Sommer.

Some of them didn't work on this one,

Nag, nag, nag. So I'm still a little behind. At least I'm getting close.

but they sure helped out on

previous ones!

So, back for more, eh?! We got a pretty good response on the last
part, so I guess you're ready for this one. Somebody out there was
wondering about 'Tim, Nephrite, and Jadeite, I'll bet...

Lot of people you haven't touched on in a while.

While SOMEBODY was too wrapped up in her own flashback to care,

Heh

The youma general looked down at the unconscious girl he
carried and considered the complete insanity of his actions.

He's no less insane than anyone else in this fic. He has nothing to worry
about. :)

Sailor Moon gasped as she saw with whom she had just collided.
"Nephrite!" she exclaimed, her voice echoing throughout the alleyway.
"There you are! Sailor Mercury said that you were being attacked by
all these monsters and had Molly with you! Good to see you're not
all THAT evil at heart!"

Heh. She would add that last bit too.

"Woodah-woodah-woodah-woodah!" a purple-skinned youma with
leopard-spotted clothes let out a war-cry as she sped by the entrance
to the alley on a unicycle, popping its hand over its

why switch to 'its' when you identified it as a 'her'?

*PHOOMP!!!* All thirteen youma in the immediate area instantly
turned around to face her.

Heh. Wonder if she'll rethink her strategy now.

Sailor Moon's pink communicator crackled to life again. "Sailor
Moon!" Mercury's voice called. "Remember, you're using the Luna Pen!
Contrary to appearances, your prism is still broken. Do NOT, I repeat,
do NOT attempt to fight any of the youma by yourself!"

Heh. And all the youma heard it too. How convienent. :)

BoomBoom stepped forward, brandishing a handful of explosive
nodules. Llama the WhickerWoman held up her thorned arms. One of her
thorns had the name "Maxfield Stanton" engraved on the edge

Out of curiosity, that some brand name of whicker furniture?

The Guardian blinked hard, trying to straighten out her vision
and gear up for the next and final mental shock to destroy her
enemy. "You should remember," she coughed, "that of all Earth's
Guardians, Jadeite was the most tested, loyal and successful. That's
why he was the first picked by Queen Beryl to be turned."

Hmm. Going after the best first instead of last. Interesting tactic.

At the same time, the General was laughing. <Oh yes, I
remember! I remember it ALL now! I remember how I was chosen to
take your place, you worn-out old immortal coot!> Aloud, through
the girl's mouth, he added, "I also remember how I defeated you
in the first place! BWA-HAH!"

Uh oh.

The magical conflict intensified. Jadeite's body convulsed and
fell down flat on her chest on the high catwalk.

The conflicting energies separated themselves from the body,
sparkling in the air over to hover

'over to hover' sounds awkward. I'd change that.

The two powers resolved themselves into two fully grown men,
who were exactly identical one to the other. They had short blond
hair and wore grey uniforms with black boots and were only
distinguishable by the nametags pinned to the jackets of their
uniforms. One tag read in black, backed by white, [Guardian Jadeite]
and the other read in white with a black background, [General
Jadeite.]

Heh. At least that solves that problem.

"So we meet again, Guardian," General laughed,

Guardian: You always say that! Come up with something original.

General grinned, his eyes focusing deeply on Guardian. "So I
did. And in this new lifetime, I fought to destroy the last remaining
hope for your pitiful prince and the old regime!"

And failed.

Guardian made an obscene, one-fingered gesture and casually
motioned with it for the General to come forward, voicing a few
similarly offensive taunts. "Pansy! Tum-tum! Squirtle! Jigglypuff!"

Now that last was just uncalled for. :)

With barely a moment's hesitation, General landed in front of
his counterpart.

"We both know that neither of us is suited to aerial combat,"
Guardian reminded the General. "So let's do this the old Navy way."

They're going to drown themselves? :)

...

I hate that phrase, I really do, so let's just say that they
went at it, tossing punches like a pair of fighting bowlegged
cowboys. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Works for me.

"Hah!" Nephrite shot back.

YOU'RE ONLY PROLONGING THE INEVITABLE, said Death, who
patiently stood beside the doomed general, his scythe gleaming as
he waited for the appointed moment. Nephrite gaped at him.

Heh

"Crimson fire burning bright!"

*BLAM!* Nephrite took advantage of the opening and blasted
BoomBoom in the chest,

Not BoomBoom. She was my favorite New Mutant. :)

"I am Sailor Mercury! I fight for Love and Justice and
Fruitbats,"

Can't forget the fruitbats.

With heavy metal music playing and the whole of the cosmos
swirling behind her, Sailor Mercury's hair and outfit glowed as it
changed. Her head became engulfed in a huge, big, puffy and curly
blue 'fro and her skirt turned white with a rim of light-blue.

I almost wish I hadn't visualized that. :)

Super Sailor Mercury held a hand out, backed by the symbols
for Mercury and for Peace. Streams of water flowed in to form an
electric guitar. She gripped the guitar and ran her fingers along
the strings, tuning it while playing Stairway to Heaven.

Argh! Not Stairway. Nooo!

General slowly stood up to see Guardian leaping forward with
a kick aimed at his neck.

*BAM!* General fell backward, barely managing to hang on to
the last bit of the metal catwalk with one hand. Guardain

Guardian

Guardian, with only a bruised face and a couple of broken
teeth, appeared to be in a much better shape than his double. "Okay,
General!" he called. "You can't win this one! I've worn you down too
much already!"

Oops. Too cocky, he is. Defeat imminent for certain

*BLAAAAAAM!!!* The energy lit the foundry. Shafts of blue shot
out of the windows and the entire building shook from the explosion.
The roof and one of the walls caved in, smashing an awful lot of
expensive equipment.

Hmm. Let's see what happened.

---

In the infirmary located in the gigantic underground base
buried beneath 'Tim's Ucchan, the balding Emergency Medical Hologram

Just plain evil. Never thought to see him in a SM fanfic.

"Finally beat Lina Inverse on maximum difficulty in the
holodeck, did you?" the doctor asked, smirking mockingly. "Well, good
for you."

I'll say.

"I beat her on medium," 'Tim said, "she needed a few seconds to
power up her spells, but on maximum she kept on tossing around these
'Giga Slaves,' left and right, and those are kind of rough to try and
avoid."

True.

"I don't get along well with Fate."

You know what they say about Fate. You can't choose it, but you can always
fight against it.

"Oh, be still your vaporized heart," the doctor said with a
smile

Heh

The doctor slapped the man on the shoulder, not losing his grin
as he illicited another agonized noise from his patient. "Don't be
such a baby. Besides, that's just the icing on the cake." He punched
up an image of the man's brain activity and showed it to him. "Do you
see this? It means that you have a terminal, previously undetected
ailment which has no cure."

Hehehehe. Just no way to win somedays.

"That's not funny, 'Tim!" Ukkyo pleaded. "Stop it!"

[But,] the main computer protested in its sweet, echoey
feminine voice, [I have so much more life to live; things to
contribute to the universe!]

"No buts," 'Tim coughed. "If I can't have you, no one can!"

Ah, the Captain D'Amour philosophy: If I have to go down with the ship, so
does everyone else. No lifeboats for you.

HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW, a voice as heavy as the slamming of a
thousand stone coffin lids said, its black-robed owner carrying
closer His gleaming scythe. ENJOY IT, BECAUSE IT WON'T BE LONG NOW.

"Not NOW, Death!" 'Tim shouted as best he could without a
functioning circulatory system.

Which is pretty darn good when you take that into consideration

IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT? OH, LINA INVERSE BLEW A CHUNK
OUT OF MY SKULL, PICCOLO RIPPED OUT MY SPLEEN, SAILOR PLUTO BASHED
IN MY HEAD, SAILOR URANUS PUT HER SWORD THROUGH MY CHEST, JADEITE
BLEW UP MY CORE BEING. Death shook his head. IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU
FACED DEATH LIKE A MAN AND NOT LIKE THAT GOOF SIGMA.

True. He is something of a whiner

"N' then Aye sed ta the General," 'Tim added in a gruff voice,
trusting a finger into the air, "Bam, zoom, straight ta the Moon!"

Ukkyo glanced between the doctor and the pink-haired man.
"All right, all right!" she finally said.

About time she gave in. Even I was starting to go nuts. :)

Lord Giles Tranquility stood as best he could with a fractured
leg and tore a large chunk of shrapnel from his side, applying direct
pressure and muttering a healing incantation before favoring their
attacker with a reply. "Probably from the Terrans," he spat out a
mouthful of blood. "They've become so foul-spoken since Kull was
overthrown. It's like they're not afraid to offend or anything,

Actually that sort of describes Kull, when you think about it.

<And they've wounded Giles. Grrr. He's my favorite being in
this miserable

miserable what?

*SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!* Giles quickly whipped out
his huge golden claymore and with his one working hand slashed at
those approaching.

*CLANG!* The monsters crossed their arms in front, blocking the
magical blade with a sort of energy field.

Oops

<Okay, NOW we're out of power.>

Seems like its sort of the end

<We will take all the refined power from all the talismans we
can find and carve a way back to our power source. I want to get out
of here. Right now.>

<Here here! This ain't no fun no more.>

<Nuke 'em all and show 'em who's boss!>

<Yeah. Nuke 'em 'till they glow!!>

And we have our title.

"It gets worse than that," the doctor said, examining his
patient. Finally, with a sigh, he pulled the sheet over the man's
face. "You're dead, 'Tim."

Heh. Cute way of twisting the standard phrase.

A long, black shadow hung over the bed.

Death grinned and said, NOTHING IS CERTAIN. EXCEPT FOR ME.

IRS: And us.

Death: Fine, and you.

&&&

The End.

Well, that's a nice spot to end the whole thing, wouldn't you think?

It wraps things up nicely and you even managed to work in the title. I'd say
so. Can't think of much else to say, other than it was really nice and a
pleasure to C+C this part of Nuke 'Em.

D.B. Sommer





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