--- noirchloe had this to say about Robocop:

As always, comments are my opinion.  Use them or
ignore them at your whim.

Pancakes.

KP:  The openening paragraph feels, stilted.  Maybe
just the sentence
structure is too repetetive with all the 'pretty's'.

I did it like that on purpose, I think it's more
dramatic that way and makes the "revelation" at the
end of the paragraph more jarring. Your mileage may
vary. 
 

KP:  The last sentence seems off, not sure why.

 
Search me, I don't see anything wrong with it.
 

KP:  I like this.

 
Yay!

KP:  I find myself cheering!

She isn't evil, she's just... okay, she's evil. Cheer
away!
 

KP:   the surface if Serenity's -->  surface _of_
Serenity's
KP:  of there rifts -->  of these rifts

 
Changed.
 
 

KP:  Very nice.  Wonderful opening.

 
Thank you!
 

KP:  The last sentence feels out of place. Not sure
why.

As Brian pointed out, that's because it seems "Their"
is referring to Delacroix. Sentences transposed.
 

KP:  Heh

It's true!
 

KP:  Senshi of Love had vaulted -->  Senshi of Love
vaulted (tense)

I think it agrees, she had vaulted before the balls
hit the ground.
 

KP:  Why was Sailor Jupiter struggling?

 
Because I was supposed to change it to Sailor Mars but
never did.

I did now, though.
 

KP:  I especially like this part as well.

Rotten SM-SI fanboys. GET OFF MY LAWN!
 

KP:  The middle sections of questions needs to be
identified as Jupiter's.
I'm assuming they're Jupiter's.

I think it's pretty evident as-is, they're part of
Jupiter's narration.

KP:  Would Michiru really scoff at this?  I think
most parents would find it cute.

It's part of the symbolism of the dream. She thinks
that the only true love is between her and Haruka, and
all other loves are pale shadows.

KP:  He child -->  Her Child...

Done.

KP:  I... I loved it.   I hope you do continue to

write more.

Fine, fine, if you insist.

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