Rakhal Stormwarden wrote:
One hour challenges are evil. I get weird ideas and every now and again I
give in
to temptation and actually write one. Here's the second such offering...
Man, I haven't been part of an hour challenge in AGES.
I'm going to skip grammar comments, since I believe they've all been
addressed....
A while later, awareness slowly filtered back, just in time to hear Akane's
voice
saying "Carrot Surprise! Eat up."
Hehehe!
He had finally got his wish. He could ask to be no closer to Ranma than
this...
My comments on the story, for what they're worth (and you can freely
ignore me) is that it needs just a little more development. For a
one-hour, this was pretty good, though.
Just a little more development on John's behaviors and something
more otaku-ish, perhaps, would help ofset things nicely, I think.
Othrwise, the fic was amusing, and it's good to see you writing
more, Boss. :)
fin<