Glad you made your way back.
Since I did promise to respond to you on IRC, I'll jump my backlog queue
and do this right away.

The disclaimer, practically every character here is NOT mine.  They all 
belong
to their respective company.  I am using a lot of them, so I can't list them
all.  Beside, I am gonna add more series to the story later on.  Don't sue 
me.
Pleeeeeeese!  I haven't got a penny!  For others, there are SOME characters 
I
made up, but who cares?  I don't.

Formatting problems (although it's not so noticible in the actual fic
proper)

< Past always comes back to haunt you... then bites you, HARD >

Ooohhh...kinky.

After all, it was his body that was about to be torn in halves.

Sounds kind of funny, although technically correct.  Perhaps 'torn in
half' would work better?

the corner of the room.  They were depressed to say the least.  It was 
obvious that their new love interest already had his hands full with girls.  
They were feeling left out.

Last line is kind of superflous, and could probably be left out.

Minako's eyes widened.  In less than a second, her eyes examined the target, 
his tough yet handsome face, his cute pigtail, and his not too thick but 
still firm build.  She looked up to the sky and whispered.  "Thank you."

Not a moment sooner, Akane stomped up to him and bonked on his head.  
"Ranma, don't be such a glutton!  This is not our house!  We're guests 
here!"

"Ouch!  Geez, what was that for?  I just asked when's the dinner."

Minako frowned, and looked up.  "Will you quit toying with me?!"

Heh!

It was then when she noticed her fellow Senshi's reaction.  Surprisingly, 
Makoto didn't look all that disappointed.  More than a surprise, she 
actually looked... angry?

'More than surprised, she ...'

Without a hesitation, Makoto walked up to the arguing couple.  Intrigued, 
Minako followed her, and so did the rest of Senshi, who by now had noticed 
Makoto's actions.

and so -> as

"Really, you're so uncute!"

"What did you say?!"

"I said you are..."

"Hello, Senpai."

"...senpai.  Huh?"

"Sempai?" fumed Akane.  "What did you call me?"

"Ha!" triumphantly cried Ranma, "Ya, your marital arts are just as good as
Kuno's".

Makoto blinked.  Her comment hadn't even phased him.

"Nothing!  I swear!  I don't even know her!"

A whole new argument began, right beside the chaotic talk of the Senshi. The 
confused Minagi turned to the Tenchi Household for answers, and became more 
confused to see the entire household, including Ryoko and Ayeka who seemed 
to have called a truce now, sat and watched this with a great intent.

sat -> sit  (since the subject of that part is the 'entire household')

Sasami nodded eagerly.  Tenchi, on the other hand, was out cold in the 
corner.  So Minagi turned to only other one left to ask, since the GP ladies 
seemed to be out on the patrol.  "Um, Washu-san...?"

Shouldn't that be 'chan'?

After a chaos fit for an apocalypse,

After a period of chaos...
After initial chaos had died down...

Or something to that effect.

They sat face-to-face, Ranma with confused and uncomfortable face, and
Makoto with her angry face.

...with a confused and uncomfortable face,

Although honestly, this is too many uses of 'face' in this sentance.  I'd
probably amend it to something like

They sat facing each other, Ranma distincly looking confused and
uncomfortable, and Makoto looking ready to smite him with righteous fury.

Again, adjust phrasing as you may deem necessary.

"...what about lunches?  You hungry?"

Heh!

She learned martial arts, she learned how to fight, and soon she became the 
toughest one in her school.  No one was making fun of her.  No one pulled a 
prank on her.  Absolutely not.  There were too SCARED of her.

"Why?" she thought.  "Why won't anyone pull a prank on me?"

*SPLOOSH*

A bucket of water was dumped unceremoniously on her head, courtesy of a
jeering boy on the second floor.  Makoto, fuming, was not going to stand
for such behaviour.  She charged into the building, shouting oscenities.

"Haha, you stupid girl, you should have seen the look on your...Ow!  What
the....Hey, leggo...My arms don't bend that way!!  HEEELLLPPP!!!"

[Next day]

Makoto leaned against the school, wall, wondering why she was consigned to
be so lonely.  No one was making fun of her.  No one pulled a prank on
her.  Absolutely not...

(Yes, I'm bored)

This made Makoto try harder to be feminine.  She started to learn how to 
cook.

I thought she tried to learn how to cook because she'd starve if she
didn't.

Now more determined than ever, Makoto took a deep breath, then smiled at the 
boy.  "Would you like to share my lunch with me?"

No answer came.  The boy was gone.  Only empty space was left in front her 
now.

Makoto blinked, confused.  She looked around, but couldn't find the boy, 
much to her disappointment.  He was... gone.  Depressed again, she 
absentmindedly put her hand into the lunchbox to grab a riceball.

She found none.

Heh!  Thought so.

A small vein popped on Makoto's head.  Next thing Ranma knew, a bread was 
flying toward his face.  But much to the girl's dismay, he casually caught 
it with his mouth.

She should have seen that coming.

"Ehh?!  Owe you what?  I don't owe nothing to nobody!"

"Remember all the lunches you swap from it for last..."

"Sentence parse no correct understanding lack me"

Some of the couples even joined the square dancing to enjoy the

closeness with their loved ones.

Now I KNOW this is fiction.  No one born in this day enjoys square
dancing.  :p

The girls in the room nodded with sympathy.  They understood perfectly how 
it would feel to be stood up by a guy.  Not that it ever happened to them.  
No, they were too cute and sexy and beautiful to have experienced such a 
travesty.  But, they still understood.

Heh!

"Rei, I think Saotome-san is sincere.  I don't think he's lying.  Beside, 
why would he lie about it now?  It happened a long time ago."

Cause he's surrounded by a bunch of girls with phenomonal cosmic powers
(and itty-bitty miniskirts)?

"...I'm sorry, but what was your name?"

_BAM!_

Heh!

Makoto watched Ranma mumbling out poor excuses and fidgeting very nervously 
under the stern gazes of her friends, then smirked a little.  "Nah.  Maybe 
later."

Is he mumbling, or choking? ^_^;;;

was the worry.  She was worried that... Ranma was changing.

*splash*  :p

leaving just a short message on the answering machine.  Minagi's parents 
were rather open-minded, but she still didn't want to risk getting grounded 
for acting so recklessly. 

I thought Minagi didn't have to care about that.  Or did you mean Minako?

The dinner afterwards went rather smoothly.  That Sasami girl's cooking was 
excellent, and all of them were very hungry after a good exercise(?).

(?) indeed.

and she terribly missed the time that she had spent at the Tendo's.  But 
Haruka didn't approve of her to go outside so late at night, especially in 
an unfamiliar neighborhood(?).

Why?  Afraid the trees might mug her?

<snip>

You know, I sometimes I think 1/3 of the dialouge in this fic is "Eh?"
"What?" "Huh?"  "Who?"  "Oro?"

Okay, maybe not Oro.

"I'm not consolated enough."

consolated -> consoled

At least, I don't think consolated is a real word.  I could be wrong.

The sleeping beauty didn't answer, yet Yosho still went on with his word.

...yet Yosho continued to speak.

Setsuna stirred a little in her sleep, but was still sleeping deeply.  Yosho 
stayed quiet until she stopped stirring, then spoke up again, his 
reminiscence that no one was listening.

...up again, continuing his reminiscence that no one was listening to.

"I planted Funaho here so she would take its roots.  That would practically 
prohibit me from ever leaving this planet, but I didn't care.

Prohibit means 'not allowed to'.  I assume you mean 'prevent'.

"But then I found out about the power of Ryoko's gems.  It was somehow 
feeding their power to Funaho.  Just like Tsunami's energy, the gems' power 
not only kept Funaho alive, but it also kept me stay young.

...also kept me young.
...also allowed me to stay young.

Choose one.

as long as I needed you... but at that moment, I had sworn to myself to care 
for you as long as you would need me."

Which makes me wonder what happens if she decides to put the smack-down on
Tenchi.

The full moon shined as brightly as ever.  The wind was blowing calmly.  The 
sleeping beauty was yet to be awake, and only the tree which stood in the 

The sleeping beauty was yet to wake...

Actually, that still sounds stilted.

"But Oneesan, this is all his fault!  He got us lost!  The least he could do 
is make the tent for us!"

Actually, considering that it was Skuld that made the device...


Very nice overall.  One of the things that strikes me most is that the
super overpowering person on the side of good had made only one
appearance, and while steps have been taken towards him prescence, it's
not an overridding factor in this story by any means.  That pace is not a
common thing one sees in fanfics or anime anymore, and it's nice to see
that it's still being done.

Ah well.  Hurry up with RP.  As for me, back to my backlog...

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...


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