DB Sommer wrote:
And continuing:
Ryouga wasn't certain what had tipped him off, other than a prickling
at the back of his neck, but he was on his feet in an instant,
shouting, "Aino-san! The chains!
Minako: But I want to only have kinky sex with Mousse.
That's later. Much later.
it easier for him, he wouldn't complain. From across the street,
using his vantage on the shop's roof, Ray leveled his rifle at one
of the reavers and unleashed a barrage of glowing green fire at it.
It staggered briefly, but quickly resumed the rush towards Ryouga.
I see they've finally adapted to the rifles. Didn't think that would take
long.
Generally doesn't.
He braced himself, having no clue how he would face three reavers at
once
He'll probably face them not all that successfully, I'd wager
There is that.
The monster's carapace was oddly slippery, despite its jagged hide.
He slipped
I'd use 'slid' since you just used a form of 'slip', or some other similar
word.
Good idea.
Glancing quickly to the other reavers, Ryu and Mousse both harried
one, while
not sure if you need that comma
Dropped.
Something was very wrong.
yep. Smells like a trap.
Maaaaaybe.
Warned only by a yelled,
'yelled' doesn't sound right. shouted or loud might sound better
Will adjust.
"They're feeling out our defenses," Ryu surmised. "They want us to
use whatever tricks we still got on them so they knew what we can
do, I bet."
And adapt to them. Better take them out quickly then.
Still about... 244 left at this point.
her attention. By reflex, her ear sensors raised, and Ran-oh-ki's
whiskers brushed against one of them, transmitting the information
she needed to hear.
Heh. He's using her as his personal transmitter unit now. :)
It kind of works, too.
The others joined him in short order, though the crowd was reluctant
to part as they had ordered initially.
Shout out 'Another reaver is coming' and I think they'll find the will to
move faster.
True....
But there was no more time for further words, as a trio of the
monstrous black creatures emerged from beneath the ground, all of
them converging on her.
Oh? They sensed the similarities in her power as well?
Seems so.
The motion crawled, losing more and more of its speed, until Cologne
was raising her staff at a snail's pace to deflect a molasses-speed
strike. Mamoru dodged away from a claw slowly -- too slowly -- and
Usagi was eerily aware of all of the minutiae of the effects on the
claw as it failed to pierce his armor, instead flinging him
backwards forcefully. The tails of his cloak lazily snapped in the
breeze of his passage as he sank into the concrete wall awaiting
him, and bounced back, landing face-first and sliding a short distance.
Hmm. New power emrging?
Or a catch from something that they really shouldn't have messed
with in the first place coming back to haunt them.
Rei caught a claw with an ofuda moments before it stabbed into her,
launching her over the crowd, blood trailing from her crumpled form
Ouch. Doesn't sound good. Though Usagi might be able to ressurect them, if I
remember correctly.
With the crystal, yes. :)
as she flew beyond the range of Usagi's peripheral vision. And yet,
more prominently than any of those details, which Usagi _knew_
should effect
affect (I think)
Will trust your judgement on this one.
Something... there was something there. Hotaru remained, seeming not
to be slowed down in the slightest, and regarded Usagi curiously.
Hmm. Wonderwhy she's the exception,
That comes into play later.
Eric ejected a battery from his rifle, sliding another into place
before the first struck the ground, yelling something that Usagi
couldn't hear as he fired continuously at the third reaver.
Wait, was he affected by the time slowing down or not? Can't quite be
certain.
Will clarify. He's slowed too.
Destroy her and devour the crystal, integrate that token into itself
and increase its capacity... yes.
But that's only one of the answers. I'm curious as to what the other was.
One would wonder, yes....
Rei's vision was nothing more than a black field with dizzied blurs
of color and sparkling motes of white light swimming through it. The
monsters were strong -- monstrously so.
Especially since they were monsters (was the second use of the term
intentional or not?)
Er... not. >_< Will revise.
Rei nodded in understanding, preparing herself to return to the battle.
Rei: It's good to have a low level goddess on your side.
Ranma: It is?
lips. The crowd parted easily for him as he drifted downward,
swearing further and already ablaze in the healing blue flame that
Tsunami had gifted him with.
Figured he would use it soon since you gave it to him recently.
Like Terry said....
The claw was halted at the last possible instant, the same figure in
the red robes, holding her left hand towards the reavers, right arm
curled supportively about Rei.
Gee, Ranma really has his hands full.
Oh, a little.
Tears brimming in her eyes, the blonde dropped to her knees. "I no
longer want what I fought for. I was foolish and blinded. What I
fought for is a thing become corrupted by time and powers greater
than I had imagined.
True.
It fit with the story.
"Welcome home, Amatera Omiki."
Hmm. Name mean anything in particular?
Ami and Yosho discussed it briefly in chapter five.
Washuu and Setsuna turned in tandem to watch as the barrier rippled,
becoming more stable and shifting forms.
That end part reads awkward to me.
Will revise.
Setsuna obviously didn't
comprehend the change, but Washuu was unable to hold in a gasp at that.
I know what you're saying, but it's awkward. I'd rephrase the latter half of
the sentence.
Bad paragraph all around, I'd say. Revised.
"Do you know that feeling, where you've planned and worked for
something, and some unknown factor comes in from nowhere and
destroys all of your hard work and planning in a heartbeat?"
Things that take years to build usually end up destroyed in a single second.
Ironic, that.
Yeah....
Mamoru stared at the boy floating at his side, and blinked. "Why did
you help me?" he asked, uncertain.
Why wouldn't Ranma?
Because Mamoru was being a dick to him earlier.
In that time, Ranma had already slain another reaver at the cost of a
sizable gash to his shoulder, and the third was destroyed messily
though
through
Whoops.
She shook her head quickly. "The crystal's been destroyed," she
declared. "I don't think we'll ever see it again."
Not if it was destroyed, no.
I think it's shattered in a few of the movies, or suchlike.
"I need to get something..." she said, glancing at Usagi, and biting
her lip nervously. "Serenity told me that there was a weapon I we
Think you meant to drop the 'I'
Yep.
"Er... if it's not too much trouble to fly me to the moon," Rei
mumbled,
"And let me play among the stars," She continued, her features taking on a
pale cast as she began channeling Rei Ayanami.
You missed the later parts of the joke? Phooey.
Ranma used the coordinates that his partner had suggested, holding
Rei close and prepared to leap back instantly should anything go
wrong.
Doesn't Rei need a space suit? I don't think there's an oxygen filled "Blue
Area' on the moon, like in the Marvelverse.
Apparently, the senshi's uniforms protect them even in vaccuum.
soft noise echoing about, though they could only report the floor,
since there wasn't enough air to convey sound beyond the bubble he
had taken with him.
I see now. Might want to have mentioned that earlier.
Like I did when Ranma went to retrieve the satellites? ;)
Ranma grunted, tapping once against the door to sound it out. It
didn't give when he pushed against it, either
think you can drop the comma
Done.
"Kinda," he grumbled, phasing through the door. He only stepped
halfway through it, leery of taking the bubble of air with him, and
leaving the girl alone in the vacuum.
I don't think she'd care for that, no. :)
Well, she doesn't NEED to be near him, you see... ;)
The scabbard was green, worked through with yellow slashes to denote
something, though what that was, was completely beyond Ranma. The
blade itself was very fine as she drew it, unblemished despite
resting where it had for countless years,
centuries, if not millenia (sp?) might be better.
Very true.
I guess you handled those reavers okay?" he asked cautiously.
"Yeah," Ryouga grunted, walking over some of the building's rubble to
stand closer to Ranma. "Once you left they
left, they (I think)
Changed.
Ranma shook his head, sighing, "Running away means they're up to
something, Ryouga."
Heh. Now that I think about it, he's right.
Genma: They MUST be the supreme beings! They all know the Saotome
Ultimate Technique!
"Oh, that's okay," Ryu drawled, "once you're done beating them into
the ground, I'll show you how a real martial artist fights."
Ranma: You mean you'll bleed more slowly than the others?
Ryu: Something like that.
Hah!
Mamoru frowned, thinking about that. "Funny," he said, scratching his
head. "I don't know how to use a sword, either,
Mamoru: Now if it was a flower or floral arrangement, that would be a
different story.
Er....
safety. Washuu had retrieved the device which she had said wound
would
Drat.
Ryouga's team had arrived, the other boys taking up silent positions
near Ranma wordlessly, while Makoto and Minako set nearer Setsuna,
managing some idle chatter. But that idle chatter was painfully
obviously just that.
Awkward. Maybe 'managing a small conversation. But it was painfully obvious
that it was little more than idle chatter.'
Will revise.
She turned to look at him, and frowned. "Of course," she acquiesced.
"But it doesn't hurt to think about things, does it?"
Oh, I think they need ALL of their thoughts on the reaver situation,
actually.
Usagi's thoughts might do more harm than good.
Washuu turned to look at the man, raising an eyebrow as the entirety
of the gleaming expanse of metal folded itself into a single disk,
no more than twenty centimeters across and five thick. "Not long,"
she observed. "It's calibrating it that takes time."
Oh. I'm surprised she bothered to make it easy to move when she first made
it since she was rushed for time.
She'd had it sitting around for a while, actually.
Washuu sighed deeply. "I blame Noriyasu for this. He was in charge of
things-- Okay. Since I'm in charge, let's get moving as quickly as
we can." Approaching the defenders, Ranma still attending her from a
few centimeters above the ground, she yelled, loudly enough for the
forty-six Marines
Is that all that's remaining, or are there more scattered about?
All the other Marines went to join the Australian peace-keeping force.
Yakumo growled, shaking his head. "No, I mean... okay. See, I was
just fine, until I met this girl, and I would have died if she
hadn't turned me into a... well, you know," Yakumo mumbled. "Not
like I can hold it against her, though."
It was Pai's little birdie that 'killed' him, so I say he could hold it
against her.
Yeah, but he's got that whole 'love' thing messing with his good
judgement.
"Okay, well, I can't do that," Ranma admitted.
Actually since Ryouko could he might be able to.
Maybe.
"You win that one, too." There was a moment of silence before Yakumo
spoke again, commenting, "I can't die."
And can heal from any wound faster than Ranma could.
Yeah, that's true.
The man's eyes widened in surprise. "Me?"
Mamoru: You mean I can have a decent power at last?! WAHAHAHAHA!
Man, everyone comes down hard on this guy. Maybe it would have been
more merciful to let him die. ;)
Wee. Another chapter done and the refugee problem solved at last. Now it's
time for a running battle with alien monsters. Looking forward to getting to
more.
Thank you again (very much) for the C&C, Mr. Sommer. :)
D.B. Sommer