Suggested changes: {before : after}
--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.
----- Original Message -----
From: "David A. Tatum" <desaix@sysnet.net>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 09, 2002 21:10
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][Slayers] Slayers TITLED, Chapter 5

 Hey, bet you all thought I'd forgotten about this, didn't you?  (Hell, I
bet some of you were starting to wonder if I quit writing).  Well, I
haven't.  Here's chapter 5.  I don't particularly like the end of this
chapter- I wanted to rewrite the scene, but after trying a dozen times I
just gave up and decided I'd post it, and hope someone here can help me
figure it out.

Is this the point where I should ask "Who are you?" :}b

Considering it's been over a years since I last posted a chapter of this,
you may want to catch up via the chapters on my web page at
http://davecon.anifics.com/

Done.  Suggestions by separate email.

Luna neatly beheaded the creature she was engaged with and teleported over
to Lina's location.  "Yeah, {sis : Sis}?"

"What'cha 'fraid of, {sis : Sis}?" Luna asked, smirking.

A large hand descended on Lina's shoulder.  "Relax, Lina," Gourry said.

"{I'

ll : I'll} protect you from whatever horror it is impersonating you."

"They could be useful, {sis : Sis}," Luna noted.



"You just want to annoy me, don't you, big {sis : Sis}?" Lina growled.

"All right,

then.  If we're going to rescue those two, we'll do it MY way.  *Darkness
beyond twilight...*"

There seem to be a couple extra lines between each paragraph.

"I don't THINK they were killed by the blast," Sylphiel, using her scepter
to receive some divine sight, said.  "But the spirits seem to be saying

{they

're : they're} flying away from here much too fast for us to catch up."

"I'm quite familiar with the legend of Joyrock's fall," Xelloss said.

"It's

considered one of the most pathetic of ways for a mazoku of his rank to

have

fallen.  But Elves have changed a lot since then... and probably have
changed even more since that village was abandoned.  But I believe my
information is more current than yours."  He paused for dramatic effect.
"An elf will always specialize what skills he has to one field- often

though

not always involving technology or magic- but they are rarely capable of
using those skills effectively.  They can build an ultimate war machine

{that

'll : that'll} only attack the person who turns it on, or design a spell

which will

blast an opponent to smithereens yet will also do even more damage to
themselves in the process.  They usually fail to grasp certain concepts,

and

have a... flighty... memory, but are capable of brilliant flashes of
inspiration from time to time.  Usually, however, they have no peer when

it

comes to the trade they specialize in- an elven mage is usually ten times
more powerful in his primary school than a comparable human, an elven
swordsman as good or better than the most elite of humans.  Outside of

their

trade, however... don't expect much from them.  They're a race of idiot
savants.  Well, not all of them- the farmers are actually pretty normal
farmers, and often are skilled in more than one area.  Farming is a
lower-class role for elves, but most of their politicians come from that
field."

"And now," a new voice interrupted.  "You've returned, Mr. Gabriev.  But

{you

've : you've} brought visitors with you- which, as you should have

remembered, is a

BIG no-no!"

Lina's eyes narrowed.  "What do you mean {like : by} that?"  Gourry,

surprisingly,

didn't waver.  "Okay, okay... I promise not to use any magical attacks

until

we leave the village unless someone else attacks me, first."

Their entrance into the elven village was something of an event for the
townspeople, but otherwise went fairly smoothly.  With Gourry's {voucher :

vouching for them} and

a simple vow of secrecy on some magical talisman (which Xelloss eyed
suspiciously, and later in the privacy of their rooms announcing it had

the

usual elven defect of short-sightedness.  It only forced a person to keep
the village a secret while they were still in the village) there were no
legal difficulties.  Preparations were already being set up for Amelia and
Zelgadis wedding, and more of Gourry's cluelessness was explained.

"We had a few things to do first, {dad : Dad}, and I'll have to head off

to the town

hall to witness the wedding of a couple of my friends soon, but I'm here
right now."



"Well, {son : Son}, why don't you introduce me to your friends, then?"

"Hello, Mr. Gabriev," Sylphiel said confidently, trying to win the elder

{man

's : man's} approval.

It was interesting to hear Gourry's impressions.

"Hey, if we freed just a fragment of him, I think the twelve of us could
control him.  'specially since {sis : Sis} killed a part of him, before,"

Luna

noted.  "He wouldn't help us willingly, mind, but he'd help.  We'd take

him

to one of the fragments of Ceiphied, and we'd have a bargaining chip in
securing their aid.  The utter destruction of Mazoku power would be a big
added incentive, I would think."



"Uh, {sis : Sis}," Lina said hesitantly in the silence that followed.  "A

few small

problems with that.  One, we don't have a fragment of 'Shabby' to
'control.'"

Luna chucked, as if in on a joke the others didn't know.  (She was, in

fact,

as every Ceiphied Knight knew a certain something about Shabradnigo that
made them all so... amused, that they just couldn't wipe the smiles off
their faces no matter what they did, or what happened to them.  Most

people

assumed the smile was a requirement for being selected to the job- few
realized that most Knights of Ceiphied were unusually serious people who
just couldn't hold in the laughter of a secret they were forbidden to

tell).

"I don't think Ceiphied would mind, if we could keep Shabby {passified :

pacified}."

Unless you are punning on getting Shabby passed on.

You also use 'ampliphied' near here.  Is that a Commonwealth variation on
the US 'amplified'?


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