Gary Kleppe <gary@garykleppe.org> writes:

"Welcome to Ucchan's. I'll be with you in a minute, sugar."

Gary v. Ukyo round 3! ;)

He ran his eyes furtively across the restaurant, making mental notes of
the possibilities. A dead mouse in the kitchen. An anonymous call to the
health inspector. It would be easy. The place would be shut down within
days, and the owners would never have any clue who was responsible.

Jusenkyo guide: No, customer, not spring of mouse!
Tsubasa: Ooops!
Azusa: Oooh! Pierre! Come to me, Pierre!

But that wasn't what he was here for.

Azusa: Good, because he's mine! All mine!

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a business card. "Here."

She scanned the card. "P. Tenshi, business consultant? That's a little
vague, honey. What kind of consulting do you do?"

Noelle: Hey, I'm the one that wants to be an angel! Parapu!

"Ran-chan!" She hopped over to greet him, dropping Tenshi's card on the
grill where it began to sizzle, smoking as it quickly blackened and
crumbled. "How are you doing?"

I liked this touch. ^_^

"Um... because I called her a flat-chested un-sexy tomboy whose cooking
ain't fit for worms," he answered. "Some people just can't take a joke."

Muahahaha!

"Um... yeah, Ran-chan." The giant spatula swung into action. "I'll just
box it up for you."

The kid stared down at his coat for a minute, then looked up at her.
"Flowers?"

This was a little confusing. The first read-through I thought that he
had the flowers and was asking her about them.

"Ran-chan attracts suitors like a flower attracts bees," she said,

"That's why I call him Ranma-honey!"

"All right, then," she said, obvious unease coloring her voice. *Little
miss high-and-mighty,* he thought with a chuckle, *embarrassed to have

You capitalized your last "Little Miss Something-or-Another," I'd keep
it consistent.

Vice Principal Tsumaranai of Furinkan paged through the expense reports
on his desk, resisting the urge to tear out what was left of his hair.

Muahahaha! Mr. Boring. ^_^ 

Five hundred thousand yen to build a simulated jungle in the basement?
How was he going to explain this to the school authorities?

Battle Royale training.

"There is one stipulation, though," Mr. Tenshi cautioned. "Due to...
insurance regulations... we must require the lead part in the play to be
performed by...." He pulled out a sheet of paper and began reading as if
quoting directly from it. "'... a martial artist whose initials are
R.S.'"

Ryoga: Good thing Akane knitted me this scarf. I'm not sure why it's 'R.S.' though. Maybe it means 'Ryoga Stud!'

In other words, I was sorta expecting misdirection to come of this,
but it turned out to be a false lead. ;)

Yuka Nikai

I'm only getting part of the word play in this one, I fear. 

(snipped the cab scene)

I'd probably cut the cab scene a bit short. It was okay, but sorta
extraneous to the story.

"Oh, how miserable a life I lead," Ranma recited, with all the passion
and energy of a patient reading the chart at the eye doctor's office.
"If only someone could show me a better way." A chorus of sympathetic
sighs issued from the audience.

ASPIRING FANFIC AUTHOR: I can do it, Ranma! The one you love is...

"But if I must lead such a terrible existence," Ranma continued, "at
least I have my GAME STATION! Game Station offers the finest graphics,
the most innovative and challenging games, and all at a reasonable
price. Order GAME STATION for the game lover in your family TODAY!"

This was a great scene. ^_^

"--over sixty hours late. Bloody--" For a moment, honorable suicide
seemed like a favorable option to Tsumaranai.

The cause of my death
One Ranma Saotome
At it once again.

Ranma turned his head towards the card. "Oh, what a happy day, when--"

"Not that line!" his fiancee whispered. "The one before it!"

Hahaha! Perfect!

The clang of the spatula against his head echoed through the restaurant.

"You have such a way with words, Ukyo-sama."

I smell foreshadowing...but only because I already read the whole
thing.

"C'mon, Akane, it's just a movie. Whoa! I didn't know you could do
*that* with a regular kitchen knife."

For a moment, everything was silent. Then a predatory smile crept onto
Akane's lips. "What am I going to do about it?" she repeated, taking a
single step toward him. "Here's what."

Ranma grinned. He was going to get what he asked for.

And you didn't even put in a lemon tag!

"The complaint was filed by a Mr. Konatsu, ma'am. I'm going to have to
ask you to come with us."

Hahahaha!

"Right away." Tenshi shook the man's hand. "You've made a wise decision,
Mr. Kuno. With me working for you, that pig-tailed girl will be
*begging* to date with you in *no* time."

He's no messenger from the sky. :)

What a fun story! Everyone's in character, and is has a great original
flavor about it.

Thanks Gary!

Colleen

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