In a message dated 3/6/2002 9:13:49 AM US Mountain Standard Time, 
sommer@3rdm.net writes:

Finally finished with my rough draft, which grew to nearly twice the length
 that I had in mind. So I'll do a little more C+C before going to the 

arduous

 task of revision:

Ah, revision! I'm still not quite done with the planned revision on a few 
things...

 > Raye shook her head. "No. Not since he got hit by that guy
 > last night."
 >
 > "That's funny, I thought I saw him after the fight, in the
 > hospital. You were there. You saw him, didn't you?"
 >
 > Raye didn't respond.
 >
 > "Didn't you?!"
 
 Raye: It depends on what you mean by 'see.' If you mean it in the sense 

that

 we had sex, then yes, I did see him.

If life won't give you lemons, someone else will! ^_^

And which movie was that from...? It's hovering on the edge of my mind...

 > He didn't have time to pick up a 'Get Well' card because he
 > would have to be getting to Professor Kuno's poetry class pretty
 > soon, but he hoped a visit would be enough. The sign out front said
 > that visitors' hours were not until the afternoon, but the
 > receptionist didn't say anything when he asked to go in, so it most
 > likely would not be a problem.
 
 Sure it won't.

Mwa-ha-ha-haaaa. ^_^

 > "Can't you hear me?" Darien pressed, putting out a hand to
 > lightly touch her arm.
 >
 > *Whoosh* Darien's hand passed right through Amy's arm. He
 > drew back and gasped in shock. "What--?!"
 
 Oops. Looks like he was hit so hard he ended up in the afterlife. :)

Quite!

 > CHIBA MAMORU?
 >
 > Darien blinked hard when he heard the voice, then spun around
 > to see an eight-foot tall skeleton in a hooded black robe stride
 > toward him, brandishing a very long-handled scythe with a gleaming
 > silver blade. Despite all the fluorescent track-lighting, darkness
 > seemed to permeate the area around him.
 >
 > SORRY I'M LATE.
 >
 > Darien let out a girly whimper and passed out.
 
 Whoops. Looks like Tux-Boy didn't make it this time. Poor weenie. :)

Yeah, poor guy. Heh heh. ^_^

 > "What do you mean, 'I'm dead?!'"
 >
 > I AM HERE TO COLLECT YOUR SOUL. KNOWING THAT, THE REST SHOULD
 > BE OBVIOUS.
 
 Mamoru: But what if I don't like Hell? I'm going to have to come back.

THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. DON'T BE SUCH A BABY. YOU'LL GET USED
TO IT. BESIDES, IT ISN'T LIKE YOU HAVE MUCH OF A CHOICE.

^_^

 > He was dead.
 >
 > He was DEAD.
 >
 > He was DEADER than dead.
 
 Wouldn't that be 'Alive'? :)

In a roundabout sense, yes. Would death for the dead involve being born, in
this particular system? If that were true, then in the end, they'd end up 
nowhere...

 > "No!" Darien shouted back. "It was horrible, creepy, and I
 > don't like how I died!"
 >
 > Death paused in consideration of the man's statement.
 >
 > WHAT KIND OF DEATH WOULD YOU LIKE?
 
 Darien: Old age, and quite some time from now.

Think he'd be able to produce such a snappy remark?

I'll add it in and see if it works. 

    Death paused in consideration of the man's statement.

    WHAT KIND OF DEATH WOULD YOU LIKE?

    "Old age, and quite some time from now!"

    Death shook his well-polished skull. NO, I AM VERY BUSY.

    Darien went to his knees, holding his head as he tried to sort
out the stress of his situation. "Well, ehhh, arghhh!!!"

    OLD AGE TAKES TOO LONG. ANY OTHER POST-FINAL REQUESTS?

    "I don't know! I'm frustrated! I've never been dead before!"

    Death's heavy voice grew impatient. WOULD YOU PREFER IT IF
YOU WERE TAKEN UP INTO VALHALLA BY A FLIGHT OF VALKYRIES INSTEAD?
The leaden sound of a thousand crypt doors slamming shut echoed
throughout the room.

    Darien nodded and shouted, "Yes! I just might!" He paused,
realizing what he just said. "No, wait! I mean--"

    THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.

I think it works good. ^_^

 > *Dahn-dahn-dah-dah-daaah-daah!*Dahn-da-da-duln-duhn!*
 
 Well, he did ask for it.

He did indeed. ^_^

 > Behind the women, a pair of huge, ghostly, half-plane half-
 > robots cruised down the large hallway.
 >
 > The women started singing in a very high pitch and the robots
 > fired up their engines.
 >
 > Both groups of Valkyries roared toward the dead man.
 
 Cute.

Pink ArbyFish(straightens her bow): Cute as spit, Oye is! Cute as spit!

Green ArbyFish(makes a protective sign of the 'shroom): Back... BACK!

 > "ArbyFish," Darien mouthed. There were some things that
 > simply could not be forgotten, no matter how much effort one puts
 > into it.
 
 Too true.

In-deed!

 > "He... looked different than I imagined."
 >
 > "Ta YEW 'E would," Arby replied, crossing his front flippers
 > while he fluttered over to perch on top of the man's head. "Th'
 > Almoigh'y Great Green Arkleseizure's presence iz not ta be unda'esta'
 > ma'ed."
 >
 > "Almighty... Great... Green... ARKLESEIZURE?!"
 
 Of course. Isn't that the almighty Tux-Boy wanted? :)

"I was expecting something more grand! Less..."

"Mouldy?"

"Moldy, yeah..."

 > "But I didn't understand _anything_ he said, Arby."
 >
 > "Oye did."
 
 And in the end, that's all that really mattered.

To Arby, anyway. ^_^

 > "--n' yew can get revoived the day that'chew can stop being
 > a shrew-monger n' defeat the real tough guy that killedja."
 
 Ohh. That's not a good sign.

"When the sun rises in the northern sky, and the east wind blows in the
south--That will be the day when YOU find a girlfriend."

"All right! Now all I have to do is wait until... Hey!"

There are mysterious ways to say that things will never happen. ^_^

...

Or just happen at the South Pole.

 > "Oye..." Darien grimaced and threw up his arms. "Oh, great!
 > Now you've got ME doing it!"
 >
 > Arby looked pleased. "Gotcha speakin' roight _propa'_ now,
 > Oye doez."
 
 Heh

Arby giving language lessons. Many wars started. Hmmm. Very bad.

 > "Level TEN did you say? I'm surprised you even lasted long
 > enough to take that hit. Most people simply burn up if they get too
 > close to one--like, within eight miles' distance."
 
 Heh. That would be problematic.

The only thing better than maximum power is SUPER maximum power!!! ^_^

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because I know something you don't know."

"And what is that?"

"*I* am not at full power!" *RRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOAAAAR!!!*

(Big battle ensues)

"Well, there's something *I* have to tell you."

"Tell me."

"I'm not at full power either." *RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

A DBZ/Princess Bride fusion. Coming never to an FFML near you. ^_^

 > *WHINNIEEE!* The horselike creature let out a high-pitched
 > winnie, then reared back, almost throwing Tuxedo Mask off, then
 > dove forward, the Gates of Hades wide open to receive them.
 >
 > Kull the Conqueror shook his head and rolled his eyes. "What
 > a gullible kid he's turned out to be." He looked at the Chinese
 > Valkyrie standing next to him. "He doesn't take after my side of
 > the family, that's for sure."
 >
 > The woman smiled playfully at her disembodied husband. "Oh?"
 
 Heh

Tuxy's no Kevin Sorbo, that's for sure. ^_^

 > The Sayajin blinked. "So you want to try and defeat ME?"
 
 Darian: Do you have anything better to do?
 
 Kakkorotto: No. But you dont' stand a chance.
 
 Darian: I have a really evil idea that's sure to piss far more people than
 me.
 
 Kakkorotto: Yes?
 
 Darian: Let me win. I've been set up to lose by the powers above. They 

don't

 want me to go back because it would be a waste of their energy. So if 

things

 go wrong and I win, it'll piss all of them off, and you enjoy pissing 

people

 off, don't you?
 
 Kakkorotto: True. Your plan has merit. Also when people hear you've won,
 they'll think I've gone soft and will come after me, thinking me weakened.
 And then I'll get to beat the hell out of them and say and mock them for
 being even 'weaker' than you.

I'd hate to see such good dialogue go to waste...

Should I add it in? Whaddaya think? Oh, sure! Why not? ^_^


    The Sayajin blinked. "So you want to try and defeat ME?"

    Tuxedo Mask nodded. "Yeah." Straining for a snappy comeback,
he added after a moment, "Do you have anything better to do?"

    Kakkorotto shrugged. "Eh. No, not really. Just a few demons
to dominate and an escape to work out." He raised an eyebrow. "But
you don't exactly stand much of a chance..."

    Darien leaned in close and whispered, "Hey, I have this really
neat idea that's sure to make a _lot_ of people far more angry than
me."

    "Oh yeah?" The Sayajin's eyes lit up. "What?"

    Tuxedo Mask folded his arms. "Let me win." At Kakkorotto's
smirk, he added, "Look, it's obvious that I've been set up to lose by
the Powers Above. They don't want me to go back because it would be a
waste of their energy. That Death guy seemed especially against it.
So if things go wrong and I win, it'll make all of them REALLY mad,
and you enjoy making people angry, don't you?"

    Kakkorotto looked amused. "True. Your plan has merit. Also,
when people hear you've won, they'll think I've gone soft and'll come
after me, thinking myself weakened." He cracked his knuckles. "And
then I'll get to beat the hell out of them and mock them for being
even 'weaker' than you."

    Hyper-powered alien warrior laughed. It wasn't one of those
malevolent, overconfident laughs. It was a laugh that only occurred
when an individual was confronted by a situation so utterly absurd
that it failed to consciously resolve itself into a real, actual
possibility. It was rather akin to when a brown chipmunk hops up to
the feet of a California businessman on a warm Sunday morning and
asks in a British accent if it can please, pretty please, borrow the
wastebasket so that it can reach the computer at home to type up his
weekly weather report for the bluejays. Something like that.

    Tuxedo Mask clenched his teeth. "Seriously, I mean it!"

    "Okay," Kakkorotto said, taking several deep breaths to help
himself calm down, "sure. I'll fight you." Something occurred to him.
"Hey, if you beat me and get to live again for it, does that mean I
get to live again if _I_ beat _you_?"

Does that work for everyone?

 > "Okay," Kakkorotto said, taking several deep breaths to help
 > himself calm down, "sure. I'll fight you." Something occurred to him.
 > "Hey, if you beat me and get to live again for it, does that mean I
 > get to live again if _I_ beat _you_?"
 
 Tuxedo: Nope. Only works one way.

    "Okay," Kakkorotto said, taking several deep breaths to help
himself calm down, "sure. I'll fight you." Something occurred to him.
"Hey, if you beat me and get to live again for it, does that mean I
get to live again if _I_ beat _you_?"

    Tuxedo Mask's mouth hung open and he didn't know exactly
how to respond. Finally, he decided that it should only work in a
certain manner. "Ummm... No! It only works one way."

    The Very First One of the Green ArbyFish fluttered up to perch
on the man's shoulder. "Oh, 'e'z roight, 'cha'know," the seal-like
creature said. "If yew win, yew gots ta go back ta loife." He pointed
at the Sayajin. "If 'E wins, 'E gets ta go back n' blow up th'
planet. Fair'z fair, y'know!" He turned to look at Kakkorotto and
saluted. "'Ello, mist'ah!"

Let's suppose, for the moment, that it could work both ways. ^_^

 > "Fleas?!" Tuxedo Mask exclaimed, instantly starting to feel
 > itchy. He dropped down and rolled around, frantically trying to
 > stop the fleas from doing their work. In the process, all of
 > Kakkorotto's super-speed punches and kicks missed him.
 
 You're an evil man, Oliver.

An ArbyFish can make a competent warrior out of anyone, using
the proper techniques. ANYONE. ^_^

 > "N' that's 'ow ya does it," Arby finished his explanation.
 >
 > "The badger...? The mushroom and the alcophobic marmoset?"
 
 Why not?

Hypercubical logic, y'see. The explanation is its own reward. ^_^

 > Dust scattered every which way and several horned demons and
 > scantily clad demonesses stood off on the sidelines to watch.
 >
 > "WAY TO GO, KAKKIE!" Mara cheered, glad to see some retribution
 > against the jerk that had stolen her laundry.
 
 Heh

Since Bell-chan&crew already made an apperance, I might as well mention
the opposition...

 > Ten seconds later, Arby hauled Tuxedo Mask out of the man-
 > shaped hole and tossed him to the side of it. "There ya go!"
 >
 > The demons booed. A shower of fire and brimstone followed.
 
 They seem to be growing more restless.

A riot's bound to break out at the first bad soccer call. ^_^

 > Tuxedo Mask actually started to believe the things he had been
 > hearing. "That's right... I've never been able to do anything good,
 > even though I got good grades in college, it was a Poli-Sci degree..
 
 Ewww. No wonder he's useless. :)

But maybe he's trying to get his master's degree now. ^_^

 > Tuxedo Mask examined the weapon he had been given. It was a
 > plain axe, with little decoration.
 
 The best kind. One built for use instead of ornamentaion.

(nodnod) Yup! And by that axe, he could actually rule!

 > *BOOM-BOOM-WHACK!*
 > *BOOM-BOOM-WHACK!*
 >
 > Kull turned toward Darien and said, "Okay, kid, we're gonna
 > sing you a little song to get you going."
 
 Just plain evil.

If I'd told people before actually writing this that I was going to kill 
Tuxedo
Mask, send 'em to Hades and force him to fight a level ten super-sayajin
in order to get his life back, with a bunch of sickeningly cute cherubs
singing "We Will Rock You!" in the background...

What would people have said?

 > "It means," Arby said, "Tuxy n' Bruce get ta go back ta Earth
 > n' live out'cha short loives there," he turned to the Sayajin, "n'
 > yew n' Oye get ta spend the rest of eta'ni'ey tage'thah!"
 >
 > "WHAT?!" Kakkorotto cried, raising his arms in shock.
 
 Hehehehe. Some reward.

Funny, this attachment people have to their decaying mortal coils...

 > Darien wrapped the white sheet around his waist and stumbled
 > out of the basement, muttering, "Hope I get it right last time. Last
 > time I went looking, I found Sailor Moon. Heh, who cares about _that_
 > girl?"
 
 ^_^

My story's long enough now that I can make references to earlier plotlines
and have it seem original. ^_^

Shampoo 1/2 did that to a certain extent, IIRC...

 > The man in the white coat coughed as he realized that the stiff
 > had just walked out. With eyes wide in shock, he whispered to
 > himself, "I've never lost a patient before..."
 
 First time for everything.

I should say so. ^_^

 > Okay, so does anybody want this section included in the actual
 > NETTG storyline?
 
 Sure. It was long and fun enough to fit in.

Already added and put on the website.

 Cute. Dragged a bit in the middle with the fight, but aside from that it
 worked fine. Have to get to more of this later. Off to eat, then work. 

Ciao.

A typical DBZ battle. Drags on and ON and ON and when the planet's going
to be destroyed in five minutes, they stretch it out to eight episodes... 
Fun. ^_^

And if you think THIS was cute, wait until you see the NETTG spinoff...

Thanks for the commentary! I managed to juice it and come up with some
tasty additions for the plot.

...

Funny, a lot of people ignore smart remarks. I snitch 'em and change them into
dialogue. Waste not, want not. ^_^

-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com

    "We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
     We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
     Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
     Resistance is and always has been: Futile."

Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html

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