It's based on the part of the manga where Keitaro's distracted, and
manages to get everything right. I think he's got a lot of potential, he
just has trouble living up to it. So when it's really important, he can
meet the challenge usually, but it's it's something that's not as
important, he doesn't do so good.

Ah.  Well, I guess that works, but you have to be careful that you don't
make him act like this consistently, otherwise it loses effect and it
simple seems like Keitaro has suddenly matured a great deal for no
apparent reason.

"I don't want to be like that!" Mitsune opened her eyes, clenching
her fists at her sides. "I learned that if I keep thinking of just
myself and acted stupid, eventually something's going to go wrong!

Maybe

I'll get drunk and do something I'll regret -- hell, maybe I already
have! Maybe I'll end up hurting someone I really... really... don't

want

to hurt," her energy left her with those words, and she slumped,

staring

at her feet. "I don't.... There's someone I want to do everything

right

for, and I don't want to screw it up. The best way to not screw up is
not to be the person I was."

And then...

   "Absolutely," he said with complete conviction. "And whatever guy

it

is that you like, he probably thinks the same thing. So, who is it,

anyway?"

She never says it's a guy.  It could be Naru or somebody else just as
easily, especially since Naru had just mentioned a promise earlier

while

Keitaro was present.  He could take Mitsune's words here to be linked

to the

promise she had made to Naru, since he doesn't know what the promise

was

about.  Breaking a promise would be hurting somebody, and Mitsune is
supposed to be Naru's best friend, so it would make more sense for

Keitaro

to believe that is who Mitsune is referring to, rather than some guy

who

Mitsune never gave any indication that even existed.

    Why on earth would Keitaro assume that Mitsune was in love with
another girl?

Um.  Mitsune never says that she's in love with anybody.  Her wording just
indicates that there is somebody she is afraid of hurting or
disappointing, which is why it seems more likely that Keitaro would take
this as being a reference to Naru, because of everybody Keitaro knows
about, Naru is probably the closest person to Mitsune.  If Mitsune gave
some kind of indication that this person was male(and as far as he knows,
there is nobody around for her to be interested in), then it might be a
more logical conclusion for him to believe she was in love with somebody,
but in this case it seems like a rather big jump from what she said to
what he heard.

    I don't remember the Seta thing in the manga, so I think that's
anime. And besides, the idea is that Naru thought the guys that left her
for Mitsune were immature, and that's why she went after Seta -- he's
more mature than the boys that dumped her for Mitsune.

Eh... okay.  I don't remember this being in the manga, though, so if it's
something you came up with yourself, you might want to make sure you bring
it out a bit more, to show her reasoning for going after Seta.  You
haven't really done enough with it here quite yet for it to be apparent.
This could easily be used with a short scene in chapter three where Naru
thinks about all those boys Mitsune used to steal from her, and how she's
not going to let it happen again, with a brief mention of how she viewed
Seta as being somebody she could be in love with, yet be in no danger of
losing to Mitsune.

Again, this feels very sudden.  I don't think Mitsune would realize

she's in

love with Keitaro simply because he decided to ditch his trip to

America to

help her get into college.  She hasn't even had time to properly

appreciate

that at this point, much of her thinking is probably being focused on
getting out of the mess she's locked herself into.  There is just no

reason

for this to happen so quickly.

    But it's canon. In the manga, she doesn't realize it until Kanako
does the whole test thing, but if she had feelings for him still after
all that time he was gone, I don't think it's a stretch at all.
Actually, according to that, all of the girls are in love with him. I
think her feelings for him would be strengthened by the recent events. I
mean, she slept with him, and he's going way out of his way to help her
because of it. I don't know. It makes sense to me?

Yes, it is true that she admitted 'really liking' him, but she was also
near the bottom of the list.  I think Sara and Tama were the only ones
less in love with him, and she thought she was comfortable with the score
she got.  While recent events would cause this to go up(although I think
the whole resentment thing would come about before she realized that she
was in love with him), it doesn't feel quite right the way it happens in
the story.

The reason I say this is that Mitsune goes in a very short time period
from seemingly not loving Keitaro, to loving him for a couple of very
trivial reasons.  Taking advantage of a mostly unconcious sick person
while drunk, and then having them almost force their help upon you,
doesn't really define being in love.  Mitsune doesn't seem from the very
beginning of this story to be in love with Keitaro.  If she already knew
it from the start and the situation was approached from the angle that she
simply wasn't doing anything because of Naru, it would be easier to
believe.  But with the realization following so closely on the heels of
two events which wouldn't make somebody fall in love, without the story
already making it clear that she loves him and simply hadn't realized it
yet, it makes it seem like those two events are the cause for the love.
Does that make sense?

Hmm... I guess what I mean is that if you compare it to two people who
don't know each other, get drunk and have sex at a party, then the guy
helps the girl out later on, it doesn't really follow that she would reali
ze she is in love with him.  This is what it feels like is happening in
the story, because the realization follows those events so closely and the
story doesn't really give a background of Mitsune being in love with
Keitaro for a while and simply not knowing it.  It just seems spontaneous,
like it's coming out of nowhere and caused by nothing but her having sex
with him while drunk and then his helping her out.

Anyway, this is what it feels like to me.  I dunno what other people's
reactions are to it, since nobody else is commenting on it publicly, so I
could be the only one who reads it like this.  ^_^;

"Would... would you like me to explain what happened between me an
Naru earlier today?"

'me and Naru'.  Although this should really be 'Naru and I'. :)

    Whoops!

Er... Yeah, Whoops!  Forgot to put something in to make it clear the 'Naru
and I' bit was a joke.  A small reference to english teachers trying to
pound that little rule in, even though it doesn't apply here.  Bastards
and their 'i before e' thing still mess me up on occasion.  >_<

Other than the thing with Mitsune, everybody seems to be acting as I

would

expect them to.  Naru seems right, as does Haruka.  Suu felt slightly

off,

but I can't really identify why, and it might just be my imagination or
something.  Mutsumi is as ditzy and cheerful as ever.

    I don't know. I think Suu was too calm.

*shrugs*  Maybe that's it.

Motoko is a bit more iffy.  I dunno if Mitsune starting to have

feelings for

Keitaro would really affect this whole change thing that she sensed,

because

I don't recall that same issue being present in the manga when Keitaro

and

Kanako entered the abandoned part of the inn and where thereafter

destined

to be together or something.  Motoko should have sensed that far more

easily

than a simple shift of emotions on Mitsune's part, so unless there's
something else going on, you might want to consider giving this angle a

bit

more thought.

    Who said that it was the Mitsune/Keitaro situation that got Motoko's
attention? She saw it and thought nothing of it, really. So I guess
you're right. It's something else.

    Or... is it? ;)

Heh.  Just letting you know that if that is the reason, it doesn't work
very well. :)

Anyway... when is the next chapter going to be ready?  :)

    Ooooh.... I don't know. I don't get to use the computer as much as I
would like.... :p

Not as much as I would like either, obviously.  >_<


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