DB Sommer wrote:
And doing this to take a break from working on the next chapter of Avenging:
I'm not sure if I should be happy about getting C&C, or upset about
delaying Avenging....
He had never considered himself a man of deep thought,
Largely in part because he was not a man of deep thought.
Check!
His eyes narrowed, and his head bowed slightly allowing
slightly,
Gotcha. I'll just use all of your grammar suggestions, unless
otherwise noted.
A hobby, he decided. He needed a hobby.
Something like alcoholism.
I'm not sure he can get drunk, anymore.
Eyes growing distant for a moment, he allowed his senses to drift,
casting about him through the earth, stone, and concrete that lay
beneath and around him. His wife was safe, he could feel her
presence a mile and more distant,
bit awkward. I'd change that sentence.
Will do.
Tired, he knew in a clinical sense, because the journey so far from
Qinghai amid lands where his own kind were persecuted and killed
drained her. Content because his presence restored her.
Sort of like a giant battery. It was a good thing she enjoyed electric
shocks during sex.
Hm. Sort of a play on the Lum/Shampoo resemblance....
"Yes," she said fingers
said, fingers
And the lack of a pre-reader shows. >_<
it back to some semblance of order. Cocking her head to one side
suddenly, she asked, "Do you think I would look better with blonde
hair?"
To which he should reply, 'Of course' since this is obviously what she wants
to do.
I think he answered it pretty well. :p
He straightened up, folding his arms over his chest. "How
remarkable," he mused. "Base he would be, assuredly, but enough so
to have children? Remarkable."
Hmm. This bodes ill from the sounds of things.
Shinnosuke's just a wee bit confused.
Ukyou growled, eyes flickering briefly to Nabiki, then back to the
man. Stubbornly, she warned, "My husband can be here in... in... in
two minutes and three seconds, if someone calls him right now."
Heh. Not that useful an ability, the time thing.
Nope. Not here. At the track, however.... ;)
The emphasis is really more apropriate to the character. She can
make really good okonomiyaki, while others might be better at, say,
subtrefuge. :p
The man bore a strong resemblance to Keitaro, too, though his dress
was entirely different. He wore the standard garb of a swordsman in
a long passed age,
The twenties, to be specific. He looked odd then, too.
Hm. Well, it's about 2020 in the story, you realize. :p
"Do we have to settle this with a duel, Koara?"
Koara: Not if I shoot you first.
Koara could just abuse Aoyama's fear of turtles, and free the
mini-Tamago that he used to retrieve Shia-Hai's paperwork from the Tama.
Luckily, he's not mad. Or Aoyama would distract him with bananas. They
kind of fall prey to their mothers' weaknessess.
smoothly around the woman, slamming into the gaping maw of the smoky
Dragon, and passing through that to wreath the man behind the dragon
in writhing bands of electricity.
Which didn't affect him since he was the lord of air, and subsequently
lightning.
Pretty much. This is just me playing at the whole Makoto/Ukyou think
again, don't mind me....
The Dragon reeled, the force of the blow knocking its head back,
straining the creature's long, slender neck. The strange man hissed,
raising one hand to his temple, then growled, as the Dragon
recovered, eyeing him warily. "Ah," the man grumped. "You arrive.
Let us be quit of this place -- our brothers and we have much work
to do."
Ryu: You know, you could have sought me out instead of the kids. We would
have been out of here sooner.
Man: I hadn't thought of that.
Heh. Shinnosuke lacks subtlety.
"Ryu-chan! Why are you just standing there."
there?"
Gah....
fascination. He had not moved to intercept the strike; he had simply
stopped being in one place, and immediately started being in
another.
Makes family trips much shorter, which was a good thing. No one ever asked
if they were there yet since they always were.
Before that, Ukyou could have told them how much longer it would
take. ;)
"No..." the woman said, shaking her head, and shifting again to
emulate the form before her. "I suppose... 'Shampoo is copy-cat',"
she offered, smirking.
Heh. Interesting ability.
Great for being sneaky. Also why she asked if Herb would like her
with blonde hair.
"Fey," the woman spat. "Why are you holding me here?"
Keitaro: Has to do with that whole trying to kill us bit.
Heh!
I will tell you this much of the woman though, Shia Hai. Her name
meant Scent of Spring. Haruka.
Wonder which Haruka they refer to.
Urashima Haruka, who is Noriyasu Seta's theoretical love intrest.
Haruka is a chain-smoking 'old lady' who runs the tea house connected to
the Hinata inn in Love Hina.
The implication being that Seta was the Magician, and Keitaro was
the Fool.
"I was once called Shinnosuke,"
Oh. Didn't realize it was him.
Well, playing around with the Orochi.... There were also hints in
the sidestories.
Konno smirked, asking, "Do you understand, then? Are you willing to
bring Summer to us?"
Hmm. So she's the key?
Shia Hai means 'scent of summer' -- Koara commented on that in an
earlier chapter.
"You'd be skipping Fall," he noted. "And the key to Winter would
still be you. Just reborn, like."
like what?
That's just the way he talks. Konna is strange.
And with those words, Summer began.
All quite simple, really.
As it should be.
[END, Compass Points]
Hmm. Seemed a bit anti-climatic, after that build up. Expected something a
little more, I suppose. Still, a very enjoyable piece.
I liked it.
Glad you liked it!
I suppose the real problem with the story is that it's not as much
an ending as a beginning. Of course, I'm done with this world, I think,
but if someone else wants to take it for a spin....
Thank you _very_ much for the C&C, Mr.Sommer. Improved my day, it
did! ^_^
D.B. Sommer