The "So what?" was an attempt to look at the situation from a different
perspective. A short character introspection without the goal of excusing
her actions earlier or later in the manga. Just to make her more human,
unlike the butt of a joke Takahashi uses all her characters for so often.
Asking myself what was she feeling at the moment she got her invitation to
the wedding without any knowledge of it? Not the work of great literature
or even a great story, but a small step from an author who often finds
himself in over his head with his stories.
I was hoping that the small comments while waking and showering would shape
Ukyou in the piece from the perspective of the character. Just showing
small pieces of how she might interpret the manga she has been apart of.
Placing the thoughts she probably has on occasion all into one morning. If
two much is pushed into one period, giving the impression of a love sick
puppy, damn.>_<;; It seems that the people it failed with are more verbose
than those who it worked for, which I'm happy about. Perspective is gained
by listening to those who we don't agree with and understanding the root of
those disagreements.
Jilted Ukyou: I bombed the wedding become I was overcome with grief and
pain that turned to anger and hate. Emotions that I and all the Ranma cast
know how to deal with _well_ ^_^
If it made you or others consider Ukyou's feelings that morning in a
slightly different light, or consider them at all when you never did before,
then the piece has been somewhat successful. If it failed to show that she
could have felt these feelings I described on that morning, blame the
author. I hear he's only half of a hack. ^_^ ;;
Also, writing for me is always practice, and it may seem selfish, but I've
already received some of the most in-depth commentary concerning my writing
from the FFML with this piece, so from that perspective this may be my most
successful story yet, YAY!. ^_^ . Hopefully I can take this little piece of
success and make this story a little stronger for what it is, and also make
future works stronger as well.
Anyway, Thanks very much for the comments.
K Payne, at work so please ignore the evil disclaimer that will appear on
the bottom,
http://kpjam.anifics.com <http://Kpjam.anifics.com>
PS, Ginrai, YOU WIN!
-----Original Message-----
From: Gary Kleppe [mailto:gary@garykleppe.org]
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2002 7:40 AM
To: noirchloe
Cc: FFML mailing list
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma 1/2][Angst]
Ukyou's Betrayal
Just have some time to toss off some quick comments....
I agree with the gist of what Bert and Doug have said on
this one,
including the part about feeling distant from (this version
of) Ukyo. I
think that for me, the problem was that all of the emotional
narration
was just overdone. The Ukyo in this story came off as a
lovesick puppy,
something like Gosunkugi ("Akane spoke to me! I'm in
heaven!") but even
more so. The extremeness of this makes it hard for me to
work up a lot
of sympathy for her.
Generally, showing a character's pain does not *by itself*
make a
character sympathetic. Your average hypochondriac tends to
get very
little sympathy. Showing a character enduring pain for some
sort of
noble goal can evoke a lot of sympathy, but I'm not sure how
you could
apply that to this case.
My other comment is that at the end of this, my reaction was
fairly high
on the "So what?" scale. Okay, so Ukyo feels that Ranma
betrayed her.
And? I think it would've helped if you'd shown some sort of
consequence
of her feeling this. This wouldn't have to be external (i.e.
her going
out and doing something about it). A change in mindset would
work if we
had some idea of what it would mean for her future behavior.
If she
thought "I'm so selfless and saintly that I'll leave
Ran-chan alone with
Akane from now on, if that's what he wants" or alternatively
"That
jackass is never going to get a moment's peace from now on
until he
dumps Akane, I swear it!" I think I'd have had a better
sense of your
story's "so what." Perhaps you can find something somewhere
between
these two extremes. :) Also, you'd have to work to
reconcile whatever
you came up with with Ukyo's actual behavior in the canon
wedding, but
that can be done.
ST. UKYO: I only bombed the wedding to sever any emotional
connection
Ran-chan has to me. I don't want him feeling any guilt over
choosing
Akane. *sniffle*
Anyhow, good luck with this and any future fics.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
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