The following is a chapter from an improvisational fanficiton posted at
http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net.
This chapter was written by The Black Snotling (no current email available).
-----
"I didn't like the way this story was shaping up, so I decided to
write a new ending with my .45 automatic as co-author."
Calvin, aka, Tracer Bullet, from the collection
"Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons,"
by Bill Watterson.
-----
When one considers mecha-to-mecha combat, several factors need
to be figured in. These are the relative speed of the mechs, their
armour or other protective devices, and their weaponry.
At first glance, Chyld X's Unit 69 appears to have the
advantage: An impenetrable force shield, phenomenal speed and a knife
which can cut through anything.
This is until one takes into account the fact that an Atlas
can throw the 35-ton weenie around like a koosh ball.
===========================
Self-Extraction
a charming little tale of people who write themselves in,
and the people who smack them back out
Chapter Three: Goal-Setting
as deciphered from the hidden Bible code
by The Black Snotling
series co-created by Thomas Wilde, A.o.D., and Quanah S. Harjo
===========================
Carver watches as Unit-69 draws closer, and grows somewhat
concerned.
While he has complete faith in his Atlas, he knows that to
underestimate his enemy would be worse than foolishness. He only
creases his brow when it jumps a twenty-story skyscraper, as if it is
Spider-Man.
When Groat is in range of his Gauss rifle, he stands up from
his crouching position. Carver really, really wishes he could have
seen Peter Groat's face just then.
Carver thumbs the trigger for one of his large lasers, quickly
followed by a Gauss slug. Unit-69 reels from the blow, but recovers
quickly, its AT field protecting it.
Peter Groat's Unit rolls backwards, demolishing a car-park. It
stands up and dives behind an office block. Carver holds his fire,
preferring to track his opponent on his scanner. He notices a light
flashing on his comm console: Ikari's channel. He ignores it for now.
Unit-69 is ducking and weaving down several side streets in an
effort to confuse Carver. Carver's foe stops moving, so Carver takes
the oportunity to thumb the radio.
"Agent Smith," Mr. Ikari's voice says, "I should tell you that
we mistakenly provided an energy rifle in that area, in case of
attack. Our technicians forgot to remove it in time for your
mission-"
"Thanks," Carver growls, and sets the Atlas moving forward.
He hasn't moved more than a block when Unit-69 opens fire from
a random rooftop. An energy beam flashes out faster than the eye can
blink, and carves a ridge in the Atlas' armour.
Carver responds by letting fly a flight of missiles from the
mech's LRM rack. While the explosions do no damage, the impact knocks
the Eva from its perch.
They play a delicate game of cat-and-mouse, these two, for
some time. The more agile Unit-69 shoots once with its rifle, Carver
sometimes fires back; it makes little difference either way, and only
builds up his heat.
Eventually, the rifle runs out of its charge. Carver smiles;
while all his weaponry is geared towards long range, he knows that he
can hold his own like this.
Unit 69 sprints forward, with its progressive knife drawn. Carver tags
its field twice with his large lasers, before it clashes with him. The
Atlas's left hand clutches his opponents' knife arm, holding the
lethal blade at bay. Carver tries to snap the arm, but the AT field
holds it intact; he is forced to occupy the other arm in holding back
Unit-69's frantic blows.
He calls Ikari back on the radio.
"Mr. Ikari," he says, respectful to his employer to that
extent, "what the hell does that thing use to power its damn field?"
Unit-69 is hanging by its arms and kicking the Atlas in the
chest now, weakening the armour still further. Carver's HUD displays
his chest armour in a yellow colour, the mid-point.
"I'm not sure. I'll have my technicians look into it."
Carver doesn't thank him. It would be demeaning.
He twists his opponent's arms back around behind it, and
tries to press it into the ground, to crush it. Still the damnable AT
field holds on, even though millions of dollars of buildings are being
crushed in their wake.
"Agent Smith-"
"Yes?"
"My scientists tell me that Unit-69 is running on a special
power-pack of Chyld-X's own design. We have our own equivalent, but
those can only hold energy for half an hour at most. It converts solar
power into-"
Carver already knows what he must do. Rolling back over,
holding the black EVA in the air, he releases Unit-69's left hand, and
with his own he reaches to its back, and rips its power pack right
off.
The AT field flickers and dies. Unit-69 still possesses motor
functions, if only for a while, and tries to batter the Atlas about
the head, utill Carver picks it up over his head.
Peter Groat comes over the Atlas's intercom.
"You... you bastard! Just what the hell are you?"
Carver smiles.
"More of a man than you'll ever be."
With a heave of myomer muscles, he throws the smaller machine
into the air, and takes two steps forward. After it hits the ground,
Carver takes two steps back, crushing the compartment where Groat once
worked.
"Mission accomplished," the feminine MechOS says. "Return to
base."
------
"Thank you, Agent Smith."
Carver is back in Ikari Gendo's office. He still feels sweaty
from the cockpit, but he's only had time to throw on something other
than a cooling vest and shorts.
Carver shrugs. "Just doing my job."
"I don't suppose that you could-"
"Lend you my machine?" Carver smiles. "I'm afraid not. It's
against company policy."
"I understand." Ikari gives the impression of only
understanding on suffrance. Here is a man who likes his own way. "Here
is your check."
Carver looks at it. It contains a lot of zeros.
"Before I go..."
"Yes?"
"Could you... ask Ms. Langley to sign this?" The last few
words come out in a rush.
"Certainly."
"It's not for me," Carver adds.
"I see."
"For a friend."
"You don't need to make excuses to me. Myself, I've always
wanted to meet Nick Cave-"
-----
"Hello?"
"Hi. My name is Aerith. I hear you people specialize in
hurting other people."
"That's right. Who do you wish removed?"
"Well..."
-----
FF427 is a pleasant world, of rolling fields and green hills,
of balmy beaches and clear blue seas. It never rains unless it is
dramatically appropriate. The planet harbors several unique life
forms, never to be found elsewhere in the universe: congruently, it
also shares other species with a host of other universes. It is a
world of heroes and villains, mighty cosmic power and true love.
Magic and technology have established a truce and work in something
approaching harmony.
For some odd reason, someone wishes to destroy it every other
week.
"MWAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!" Sephiroth says, spinning his absurdly
large sword above his head. "I have returned from the dead! No-one can
stop me now!"
Sephiroth demonstrates this by impaling a demure, green-eyed
auburn haired girl in a pink dress. She dies, but seems used to this.
"SEPHIROTH!" Cloud yells, his Ultima Weapon drawn. "You !#$$!
You killed Aeris!"
"Aerith," his foe corrects.
"Whatever!"
Cloud races forward to slash at Sephiroth, and is somewhat
discouraged when his blade is stopped by a magical barrier.
"#!$%!" he curses, stepping back. "I will have to use my best
technique!"
He stops to think, to focus. Suddenly, a yellow and orange
glow surrounds him and he charges forward, slashing furiously. His
companions, a large black skinned man with a chain-gun for a hand, an
intense man huddled in a sea of rags, and a different, long-legged
woman with brown hair watch on in shock as Sephiroth essentially
ignores Cloud's Omnislash technique.
"Damn," says Barret, the black man. "What the @#$%#! can we
do?"
Sephiroth laughs his guttural laugh.
-----
Carver had lead a quite conventional childhood for a citizen
of the Federated Commonwealth. Like all children of his generation he
grew up on stories of honour and glory, of pain and death; tall tales
of metal titans who could level cities single handed. He owned a
complete model Battlemech battalion and an fairly extensive collection
of taped Solaris matches, including a complete run of Justin
Xiang-Allard fights. His most vivid patriotic childhood memory is when
that man was welcomed back, with highest honours, into the Federation
after undergoing a deep-cover mission into the hated Capallan
Confederation.
Carver's family was very much the farming type: he relieved
his dreams of martial glory inside the family agromech. When he was
old enough, he enlisted into the local garrison against his parent's
wishes.
He acquitted himself quite well against periphery bandits and
Kuritan-hired mercenaries. His superiors marked him down as having
great potential; the New Avalon Institute of Science wanted him as a
test pilot, and Daniel Allard recieved a memo about his possible
suitability for the secret service.
In addition, the Agency made him an offer.
He moved to a Chicago. He is still somewhat amused that he can
read about Justin's- his idols- adventures in paperback form.
-----
Xerox the Destroyer is the head of a group called Maximas
Ultra Fighting Force. They are three ex-SOLDIERS who were augmented
with cybernetics, trained with Sephiroth (who is the illegitimate
father of one of them -- Mammonette), in addittion they all possess
natural magic ability, uncanny martial prowess, an even more powerful
'Esper-Form,' the ability to cross time barriers and the power to
destroy the world or save it.
With this comes the urge to dress themselves in monochromatic
spikey armour and capes. They all use swords larger than combine
harvesters and insist that they are in no way compensating for their
lack of a certain organ's length. No-one likes them much.
When they leap from the Highwind, they pose dramatically and a
sudden wind lifts up their capes. Heroically. Xerox, resplendent in a
white-cape-on-black-armour motif, utters his fearsome battle cry:
"You're going to die, mother-fucker!"
Mammonette, the token female in red and black, echoes with:
"Yeah, Sephy-scum! Evil must pay!"
Testigen Eliminatrix, the third, chooses to dress in shades of
gray. His contribution is only a little less lame.
"And the compound interest is your life!"
"Maximal Ultra Fighting Force-" Xerox yells.
"HOOOOO!"
Barrett unfolds a card table and four seats. Cid, Cloud,
Vincent and Tifa sit down and Barrett deals a round of poker.
"So," Sephiroth says, "You feel that you are a match for the
true child of Jenova?"
"We are as much children of that giant sea anemone as you are!"
Xerox scoffs. "Besides! We killed you last week!"
Sephiroth laughs. "Ahaha! That was due to a fluke chance!"
"And the week before that?" Mammonette chimes in.
"I was blinded by the sun!"
"And the week before that?" Testigen teases.
"That doesn't count! I wasn't fully awake!"
"Pink lace suits you. Goes something wonderful with those
hand-cuffs."
"Shut up!" Sephiroth waves his Masamune sword, which only he
can lift. "Now I have awakened into my True Form, you cannot defeat
me! Even now, the Meteor approaches! I cannot be stopped!"
-----
"Did you get it? Huh? Huh? Did you get it?"
Kathleen Hale is jubilantly happy. Carver lets a wry grin play
over his face. He wouldn't have picked her for an Evangelion fan.
He hands it over. Kathleen hugs the autographed poster
detailing Asuka Langley posing before her red EVA unit to her chest
and pecks Carver on the cheek in way of thanks.
"Thank you so much!"
"It was nothing."
"They used to play this show all the time when I was a kid! It
was soooo cool! Did you actually meet her? Oh, wow!"
Carver lets her babble and attends to his take-out lasagna.
"Anyway," she says, putting the poster on her desk. "Where are
we going?"
"Pleasant land of swords and sorcery. Code FF world."
She makes a face. She's only just finished learning what the
different world codes are from Marie, and knows what that means.
"Get in the car. Shouldn't take too long."
"When do I get my own?"
"When I say so."
"Say, why does that Aeris girl have two different names?"
"No damn idea at all."
"Oh. Just wondering."
-----
"I'll see your 50, and to make it interesting, raise you 100
gil," Cloud says.
"No sir. I'm folding," Tifa says.
"Damn," Cid mutters, "I'll have to throw in Aerith's staff.
I'm sure she won't mind."
"You're messing with the best, rookie," Vincent warns.
Behind them, a fearsome battle rages as the forces of Maximal
Ultimate Fighting hurl lightning, plasma, fire and ice; all are
useless against Sephiroth's mystical shield. His return attacks fare
just as well, unable to penetrate the sheer ego of the Men and Woman
from M.U.F.F.
"Father of mine, elemental of the Ages!" Xerox chants, lifting
his cybernetic arm. "Help me in my time of need!"
It is at that point that Carver's car arrived. He parks it on
the crest of a nearby hill and tells it to go into stealth mode. He
points at the battle and says to Hale, "Watch."
Xerox the Destroyer doubles over, trembling in agony. Lances
of fire burst from the joints in his plate mail and his head snaps up.
His eyes are wide and tinted red. Twin wings of flame burst into life,
lifting Xerox into the air. The remaining two M.U.F.F members and
Sephiroth look on in awe as this firey, tortured avatar ascends to the
heavens and beyond.
Cloud loses his Buster Sword to Cid, who puts it on the pile
of Gil behind him.
"Can't we play snap?" Cloud whines, as above Xerox wrestles
off a chunk of Meteor and punts the remainder back whence it came.
"Shit on a brick," Hale mutters, lowering her telescope.
Carver smiles. "It gets better."
Xerox holds the broken piece of matter before him and flies
back to the ground. Sephiroth starts to scream, "No!" but it is too
late-- he is crushed by the meteor piece. Xerox lands, pulls his hands
next to his chest, and starts murmuring something. A bolt of brilliant
fire pierces the meteor, shattering it, and Sephiroth with it.
"Well," says Hale, "Fuck. Is it too late to back out?"
"Don't even think that," Carver says, sighting down his
telescopic sight.
She wasn't serious anyway. She tracks her target like the
trained soldier she is.
Xerox is holding Aerith in his arms, weeping.
"Oh, why!" he cries into the uncaring skies. "Why did you take
my love from me, you cruel, fickle bitch that is Death?"
As his tears fall on her face, Aerith opens her eyes. Her
expression is one of disgust.
"Xerox!" she spits.
"Xerox!" Mammonette yells, diving forward, just as the others
hear a loud retort. She falls to the ground with a large hole in her
chest. Testigen is lucky, and the bullet which had his name on it
misses by mere millimetres.
Carver tries to take a bead on Xerox, but he shoots back a
bolt of lightning; Carver and Hale are forced to hide behind the crest
of the hill.
"Well, hell," Hale says. She seems to be getting used to this.
-----
In the Middle of Nowhere, Russell is still sorting papers.
There are a lot of them, and he is determined not to stop until he
finds some sort of connection, a lead. It hasn't occurred to him that
he should move. He feels safe here. As he reaches for his coffee, a
tall man blocks his light.
"Hello," the man says, extending his arm. "My name is
Mephisto. You seek answers about the Agency, and I feel that I might
be able to provide them."
"You don't work for them, do you?" Russell knows he can't
trust a word this man says. Yet he has to go through the motions.
"On the contrary. I represent a collective from... the other
side."
-----
End of Episode.
Stuffage:
I noticed what some would call an inconsistancy about Carver's
origins in chapters one and two. This is merely my hamfisted attempts
to try and fix this before the series attracts serious fanboys, ala
Cheeks. ^^
Thanks to my extreeme pre-readers: A.o.D, Thomas Wilde, and
Falconer. Extra thanks to A.o.D for assistance in all things
Battletech and Evangelion.
Plug: www.solaris7.com ! More Battletech desings than you
could *possibly* use!
The next chapter shall be extracted from the still warm corpse
of Geson Hatchett, fanfiction producer. Hi, Racey!
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