Unfortunately, I deleted the fic after I read it, so I don't have
a copy to refer to. If my comments make no sense, please forgive
my fallable memory. ^_^
I thought the fic was good overall, but I did have a problem with
a little inconsistency. Namely, Hojo remembering his past life.
I don't mind that he *does* remember (although a little explanation
might be in order, if just to say "For some reason, unlike
Kagome..."). What confuses me is how he can consider Inu-Yasha
"the other man." Shouldn't he remember being with her *as* Inu-
Yasha? Doesn't he cherish those memories?
Of course, love isn't logical, but I thought that the emphasis
should have been more on jealousy that his past life had Kagome
*now*, while he had to wait.
You sorta covered this, but I got more of an impression of anger
directed at Inu-Yasha, rather then cursing the luck of the time
of his birth (if that makes any sense).
Anyway, other than that one little (perceived) inconsistency,
a decent fic.
I do have one other comment to add, though.
on 2/20/02 6:21 AM, Raye Johnsen at raye_j@yahoo.com wrote:
What I don't think Mr. Kleppe has realized about these
fics is that this sense of watchful waiting, which I
tried to convey in "Understanding" and QS has (in my
opinion, at least) succeeded in portraying here, *is*
the point. These are one-shots; they are not the
first chapter in a longer fic, nor intended to be
followed up, nor to be action-driven. This is shoujo,
ladies and gentlemen, with all that implies.
Just remember that it is even *more* important in one-shots
to be internally consistent, precisely *because* you do not
have a second chapter to explain things.
And please forgive Gary; he only reads Takahashi. ^_^ He
might not like or be too familiar with the shojo style, as
Takahashi does not use it. By the same token, however, it was
probably not unreasonable for Gary to expect action or comedy
in a IY fic. After all, IY *is* action/comedy.
Maybe a little warning at the top would be appropriate, ala
the "WAFF" indications? Perhaps an "introspective" label?
Just a thought.
Later,
Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall "There's a lot of things I *should* do."
http://www.dougmacd.net/ Fanfiction * Drawings * Roleplaying
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