TW H.  TW H...  TW H, TW H.  Why does this name seem familiar to me?  
Hmm...?  Ah, yes, I remember now, heh.

At any rate, great to see that you're writing again.

Grammar and spelling are just fine.  I think there's one case of a "too" 
being spelled as "to" but otherwise things are fine technically.

The premise for your story is creative, but while the story has the language 
to pull the audience (and by audience I mean me) along, it leaves them 
wondering what was meant to be gained by this exploration.  In the case of 
fanfiction, I usually look for something that educates and chagnes the way I 
see things, something that can compel.  This piece is more like art for 
art's sake, a sort of poetry I myself have experimented with (my old "Blue 
Rain Blue" comes to mind, among some works that will never see the light of 
day again).  I read this fic with a moderate degree of attention to detail, 
and liked the way the cahracter Yuko has never quite been done before.  But 
Yuko, even holding the last scene of the piece, she does nonetheless go 
without much of a mark on the mind (that is, unless "Seraphim" aims to 
change that).  Nothing much is gained in Shinji's or any of the other EVA 
canon cast's character, either.  Again, as a prologue, this run lacks a 
grip, and its rather thick mood may discourage the casual reader wondering 
if there are any good EVA fics left.

But all this criticism can be rendered inadequate by a few added sentences 
or scenes.  Furthermore, I'm not sure what should be done, if anything.  
These are just my opinions, and my own last project, which had a basic run 
with a tried and almost-true formula, didn't seem to exactly work, either.  
In other words, I'm not sure I have the right idea.

To be honest, I have yet to read Seraphim, but if it can keep this 
prologue's richness in language, and then attain a grip and ideal notion 
with which to identify Seraphim, then you've got something.

Not bad, pretty good, but something's missing...

Good luck,
- Jonathan Wang

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