And moving on:


Used most of your grammar comments, as always.

Author's notes: Something a little more somber than what you might
expect
from me.

$Y'know, I read this.  I thought it was pretty good, but, as you said,
a bit somber.

Nod, nod.

Then my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years was destroyed over
the course of
the past week, finally ending last night.

Sorry to hear that.

It's really not funny, now.

In fact, it makes me want to kick someone even as I admire it.

It is an unpleasent feeling to be sure. It's been a while for me and any
serious relationship breakups, but I remember what it was like.

No prereaders this time out, so be forewarned.

$Good...  Maybe I'll have something to actually do.

Lots of people had a lot to do on this one this time. *sigh*

the world really didn't care about you. Whether you were there or not,
everything would continue on uninterrupted as though you had never
existed
to begin with. It was a startling revelation to him, to fully understand
the
concept as it latched on and all but shook him on his somewhat
precarious
perch, but if there was ever a moment where one would have a moment of
such
clarity, this was it.

$True.

Agree, but I ended up cutting this paragraph as mostly being redundent and
dragging things on a bit.

His attention fully returned to the river below. Despite the cold
temperature and the snow that had fallen, and was now continuing to fall
as
it started snowing again, the river had not frozen over. Either the
current
was too strong or the water too warm. It was fortunate for him it had
not.
Had there been ice, it would have meant a change of plans.

$He'd have had to ease out on it and knock a hole in it with a hammer.
Then he'd either slip and fall in then, or miss the hole and splat on
the hard ice.

He's too lazy to do it right now. You're right, though.

 Not that he had
spent much time planning this, it was sort of a spur of the moment
decision,
though once it came he realized it had been bubbling beneath the surface
the
entire time. Every other avenue he could think of had been tried. This
was
the only option left that would bring an end to the suffering. The only
one.

$Pussy.

Yep. he's being weak at the moment.

Fear still ruled, him, fear that she was lying and would lunge forward
to
prevent him from the only course that was left. "So what are you? Morbid
curiosity seeker? Want to watch me jump to my death because you've never
seen anyone die before?"

$Urd: Actually, I've been curious about necrophillia lately, and I
figured I'd stick around until your body washed ashore so I could have
sex with it.  As cold as it is out here, I figure you'll be nice and...
Ah... 'Stiff', if you know what I mean.

Less than a day later, Yoshi only had one word on his lips as he threw
himself into a trash compactor to be mangled beyond recognition.

"Freak."

% Hehehehe. Grim, but amusing.

"Nah, it'd be too late if you already jumped. Before, though, there's
still
time to talk."

$That's true.

Oui.

He was making fun of her.

$Urd: Yeah, stop making fun of me!  You big meanie!

I think this mistake is going to be with me for a long time to come.

Yoshi continued nodding his head sincerely. "Yeah, I know what you mean.
I... Hey! Why am I talking about this with you?"

"I brought it up?" she ventured.

$Heh.

She's right. :)

"I thought you said you were trying to talk to me, but you're doing is
"Well, it's not like you have anywhere else to go or you wouldn't be
here,
would you? I sort of like having a captive audience."

$Heh heh.  I like this part.

I can see Urd doing that too. :)

"Nah. You were

$a lucky find.  Most people kill themselves as soon as they find out
I'm coming.

Urd: They keep mistaking me for Death from DC, which is stupid. I have mch
bigger tits than her.

She turned to look it him, causing him to trail off. "That look in your
eyes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Only one thing can cause it.
Believe me, I know.

$*sigh*  Me, too.  It looked back at me when I brushed my teeth this
morning.  Don't tell me THAT ain't ironic.

I won't.

 I've seen it staring back at me in a mirror on more than
one occasion."

$Yeah, Urd's been dumped by so many women.

Urd: I do have rather liberal standards, don't you know?

Every single day was so much better than any I had before. Every other
woman
I met before was nothing compared to her. She was perfect. She was
smart,
had a great sense of humor, was attractive, and we got along perfectly
together. We hardly ever fought, and it was only over minor things.

$Well hell, there's yer problem.  If you don't fight occasionally,
there's no spice to keep the relationship alive.

There were little fights, but you do have a point.

still there, even when she's not. I can feel her around me, and it's
more
than I can bear. She was the center of my universe. Without her, I can't
go
on, no matter how hard I try. And now it's come to this." He looked
mournfully at himself, the bridge, and then at the murky river below.

$At that point I'd pull out a fishing rod and drop a line in.

That one made me laugh out loud. What a misdirection ploy that would have
been.

martyr for the concept of love because you don't want to deal with a
chunk
of misery that almost everyone goes through. You're not. You don't see
everyone else plunging to their deaths like a bunch of lemmings when
someone
they love breaks up with them, and there's a reason for that."

$Ah...  Hell.  I don't know if having read this before the recent crap
in my life happened helped or what.  I mean, I already knew that.  But
what the hey, thanks anyway.

Sometime it doesn't hurt to hear others state out loud what you already know
inside.

her
hand back, then brought it forward. The slap across his face was hard
enough
to leave a hand print across a cheek already reddened by the bitter
temperature. The blow also served to nearly topple him from his
precarious
perch.

$It'd have been morbidly funny if it had.

Agree.

"How dare you! How dare you think kami-sama hates you so! I'd like to
take
whoever came up with this idea of people only having 'one true love' and
throttle them."

$Choke them.  Keiichi is the one known for out throttling people.

Ouch. Bad pun.

Each question spurred memories of those girls, as though each event with
them had occurred but moments ago rather than the years that formed the
gulf
between then and the present. Suddenly Yoshi was sitting in a restaurant
with Miaka back in seventh grade, nearly throwing up on their date with
how
nervous he was.

$Heh, that's funny.

I almost did on my first date. I was a nervous wreck afraid that I'd screw
something up.

 Kachinko later in that same year, behind the bleachers after
the school soccer team had lost another game. Her consolation kiss made
his
team's loss completely forgotten. Manami, the first girl he had formed a
serious relationship with during their senior year. It was an act of
desperation on her part to salvage a relationship that was in its dying

$You need to clarify what that act of desperation was at the beginning
of that.

Well, Urd went down the list of things, and the other two were in the same
order. I assumed most people would know what I was referring to. Think I
should spell it out?

were anything but annoying? Is there now someone out there that can
never
meet their predetermined 'true love' when they get older because they
died
in an accident?

$Yoshi: I dunno, it might explain the people who never marry.

Urd: Now that's just cold.

it all comes in degrees."

"Degrees?"

$Urd: Yeah, what we have zero of right now.  Can we go inside?  I'm
cold.

% Heh

miserable for a while. The more you care the longer it usually lasts.
But
guess what: it's temporary. Give it enough time and it'll go away and
just
be a distant memory, like all the girls that came before her.

$Yeah, but if it gets replaced by the lonliness of not having one for a
long time afterwards, it can still getcha.

But it usually fades, as new experiences overwrite the old.

added
to your collection. Given a choice, I'd take being able to forget
everything
instead of having to remember it all every single time. Be satisfied
that
you can lose your memories, for there is no greater misery then being
forced
to remember everything in perfect detail."

$Yes, folks, we have a title.

I try to incorporate the titles in the story if possible. Except Painegloss.
There's no way you can put that one in the main body of a first person
narrative.

and
only dreamed that a mysterious beauty had appeared out of nowhere and
had
kept him from making what would have been the stupidest mistake of his
life.
He needed treatment, immediately.

$Drugs.  Lots of drugs.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

Certain ones help, it's true.

'I've found that ice cream tends to make things better. Figured you
could
use it more than me.'

It was left unsigned.

"Ice cream in the middle of winter? Why not?"

$I like it.  The summer is time for hot, spicy foods.

I get a craving for it every now and then.

 Not knowing what else to do,
Yoshi slung the bag over his shoulder, intent on going home, eating the
whole thing, and getting the first decent night of sleep in months.


$Possible suggestion for the version without the ending scene:

Two hours later, Yoshi groaned in pain and abject misery as he clutched
both his head and stomach in pain.  The brain freeze was bad enough, but
that much ice cream in his stomach had given him the most intense cramps
he'd ever had.  And despite it all, he couldn't help but laugh.  The ice
cream really had made him feel better.

Heh. Amusing. Actually the alternate version just ends on the somber note,
but I do like this bit.

Urd, Goddess of the Past, snapped her fingers. "I knew I was carrying
that
thing around for some reason, but it slipped my mind."

$She was already in town, she could have went back for more.

But she wanted to get back. She had accomplished her good deed for the day.
:)

"Probably wrecked havoc with someone else's lovelife for a change."
Keiichi
shook his head and winced at yet another holiday where it appeared he
would
never get a quiet moment alone with Belldandy.

$Hmm.  The ending works, but it'd work just as well without it.  Kinda
shifts focus, so I guess its all a matter of degree.

Yep. Depends on what you're going for, methinks. Like I said, I'm putting
both versions up on the webpages.

Well, haven't done an A!MG, fic in a while, and this is definitely
different
from 'The Visitors' in every way. Did this one a bit different from
usual,
in doing some later parts of the conversation first and as I got stuck
writing earlier ones. Made meshing them together a bit hard, but I find
myself not dissatisfied with the results.

$Nah, was damned good.  Of course, maybe I'm a little biased, or maybe
it spoke to me too much, but this is the best thing I've read in quite a
long time.

Thanks. I'm flattered that it moved you so.

 Not sure how this one will go
over, since it reads as something of a short speechfic rather than
something
with an actual plot, IMO. An irony, since I generally skip over stuff of
this nature when it comes to reading, yet found myself compelled to
write
this.

$Fate.  Er somthin.

Could be, though I'm not a big believer in it myself.

clutter things up. I did like using the idea of being Goddess as the
Past a
double edged sword for Urd, though. Don't read much A!MG fanfiction, so
I
don't know if the concept has been done before.

$Probably, but probably not as well.

Some people have told me it has, but neither one was completed.

Hope to do more C+C before I go on to my next writing project, which
will
likely be longer. Depending on the muse, we'll see how things go.

$Hey, what is next?  I'm curious.

Uncertain. Probably an A!MG 'trilogy' which will actually be a spamfic and
an Avenging Omake with several of the A!MG folks. Then it might be the next
chapter of Avenging or a Dual! fic I have had in my mind for a while.

D.B. Sommer
---"Abuse of power? Isn't that something weak people made up to try and
keep
those that are bigger and stronger than them from acting like they're
bigger
and stronger, therefore negating the whole purpose of being bigger and
stronger?"---

Captain D'Amour "TWPOS II: The Wrath of Monetkahn"


$Well, like I said, very nice work.  Really spoke to me.  To be honest,
I wish it hadn't, but hey.

Yeah, life throws odd things out at you sometimes.

And now I'm off to a little more C&C, and a few last minute tweaks
before I post my own latest work.

More Aurora? Cool. I've caught up on that one. Looking forward to it.

Thanks for the C+C


D.B. Sommer

Later!

-Ragun







             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'