As always, thanks for taking the time to comment.

Darn cute series:

That it is!

Sae: (Holding up a tome) It's a new spellbook I picked up in 
this little out of the way old book store. It's called the
Necronomicon, and its got spells in it. Thought I'd try this
one about raising some sort of Old Ones out. I think we could
learn a lot from a bunch of old guys that have been around
for a while, don't you?

Heh.  I can see that, actually.  It'd make a good story in
its own right.

"Did it occur to you that the defense forces might well be called
up, in

not sure if you need that comma

Probably shouldn't be there, grammatically, but it seemed to me
that it makes parsing the sentence easier (which probably means
I should have shortened the sentence).

"Oh.  I didn't think of that." Sae shrank in on herself even more.

Heh. Nice way to phrase it. I can see her doing it.

:) Indeed.

"And did you center it on our high school, so that we're the
center of even more scrutiny?"

'that we'll be the' might be better than 'we're the'

Yep, I think you're right.

"What's so special about Christmas, anyway?" asked Nanaka.  "It's
just some foreign holiday that the department stores started
promoting, to boost sales."

Department Stores: Darn, she's on to us. Time for a little accident
involving a dark alley, candy canes, and some elves.

heh.

"No, no, Nanaka," replied Sae urgently.  "It's more than that!  I
heard all about it last week from my sister!  It's about this
baby, I think from the moon

Chibi-usa: Yay! A holiday for me.

No!  No Chibi-usa's allowed!  Never, never, never!

(Actually, I have a vague idea for a story where Chibi-usa
turns out to be the evil mastermind, which I may write
some day.)

Nanaka just looked at Sae, frustration warring with perplexity.
How could her friend be so wrong about the facts, and so right
about everything else?

Sae: It's a gift.

Heh.

Sae just stood there, looking down at the school roof, meekly
awaiting further scolding.

"Oh, never mind, Sae.  I'm sorry for scolding you.

Nah. Change the 'scolding' remark either here or in the 
earlier paragraph.
It's redundent when used in this manner so close together.

Hmmm... good idea.

Nanaka thought about it, then smiled to herself.  Looking at Sae,
she answered, "You just keep wishing for that, Sae.  And maybe,
just maybe, one day, we might just see it."

Sailor Moon: That's the plan. It'll be all better when I'm 
running the show.  You mark my words.

:) But with Sae on the case, who needs Sailor Moon?

Cute little one shot. If I had realized it was this short, 
probably would have done it sooner. It was perhaps a little
too brief, but it captured the sentiment you were going for
very well. Things flowed well and could only
find a couple of things to mention.

Glad you enjoyed it!

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