Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma/DC Comics][xover] When Titans Clash! Part Two
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 2/7/2002, 4:55 PM
To: "Dave Menard" <menard5078@rogers.com>
CC: <ffml@anifics.com>


And getting to the second part of this at last:



Out of the 21 eligible voters, they chose:

Ranma:11  Impulse: 10 - Wnner: In a squeaker, Ranma.

Feh. Bart's too fast. Sorry.

Akane:0   Secret:20 -Winner: Secret, unanimously. (Oh, really?)

She did seem like she would be overpowered there.

Kuno:4   Robin:16 - Winner: Robin, handily.

Agree.

Ukyo:15   Arrowette:5 - Winner: Ukyo, by a greater margin than I expected.

Ditto. Should have been a more even match up.

Mousse:2   Superboy:18 - Winner: Superboy, in a landslide.

Well, I'd pick him over Bart, for that matter. :)

Shampoo:8   Wonder Girl:9 -Winner: Wonder Girl, close shave.

Agree there too.

Ryoga:7   Li'l Lobo:12 -Winner: Li'l Lobo, with room to spare.

He is a Lobo. Damn near psychotic and unstoppable. Tough mix


    This includes all votes rec'd up until September 2nd, 11 p.m. eastern
standard time,

September? Or did you mean December?

* * *

 Certain things are next to impossible to describe; the kind of things you
desperately try to relate to a friend at some later date, only to be met
with a blank, uncomprehending stare. You're eventually forced to fall back
on saying, "You had to be there."

Heh. I know this.


4. Headmaster Kuno was driven like a tent-peg into the ground as Li'l Lobo
stomped on him in his eagerness to reach his opponent.

Heh. Cute.



"How _dare_ you flirt with my sweet Shampoo! I'll teach you the error of
your playboy ways!" Mousse sprang high into the air, bringing himself
briefly level with Superboy. The flying super-teen drew back slightly,
willing to let his opponent make the first move, and move Mousse did,
producing a set of tiger-claws and lunging forward at Superboy.

Still surprised it wasnt' Supey Jr. vs. Ranma


"Whoa, there," Superboy laughed as the sharpened-steel claws glanced off
his
invulnerable skin. "Watch where you poke those things, man! You might'a
wrecked the jacket!"

Heh. Typical of him.

"Damn, you're just pointy at both ends, aren't ya, Specs?"

Heh.


"Yaah!" the Chinese fighter bellowed as he shot a torrent of weighted
chains
that engulfed a surprised Superboy in a cocoon of metal. "Hah! You're at
my
mercy now, you, you... Casanova!"

Superboy: Well, yes, I am.



* * *

 Ukyo winced as she blocked an explosive-tipped arrow with the flat of her
giant battle-spat, the impact knocking her back a few inches.

Surprised it didn't blow a hole in it.


 "This?" Ukyo batted aside, blocked and ducked under each arrow,
respectively. "This is pure skill, hon," she grinned. Then yelped as the
third arrow doubled back and nailed her in the small of the back, sending
her sprawling on her front. "Let me guess. 'Boomerang arrow'?" she
groaned,
spitting a clod of dirt from her mouth.

Heh. I like 'em.


 "What the-" Arrowette yelped, loosing her arrow just as the sharpened
utensils flew past. One grazed her shoulder, drawing a thin line of blood,
another sliced a few inches of hair. The third...

Arrowette: You shot my hair! Now die!

(Scene of carnage becomes something that makes even Lil Lobo cringe.)



 *Okay, fine,* she thought. *I'll go first.* "Yaah!" She threw a solid jab
at Secret's chest, and for a moment she thought she was about to see a
replay of her first fight against Ranma, where she just swung and swung,
while her opponent effortlessly dodged. But Secret simply held her ground,
wearing a friendly smile...

 ...as Akane's textbook-perfect jab passed right through her.

Oops.

 Akane's eyes began to cloud with tears. For the first time since they'd
met, Ranma actually _needed_ her help, and she couldn't give it! She could
just hear him now: *Akane, you're useless. Ya can't even beat some little
girl. I don't wanna marry a weenie like you, so I'm gonna go off an' have
hot, sweaty sex with Ukyo an' Shampoo an' Kodachi an', _heck_ why not? I
think I'll boff that hot lookin' chick with the arrows while I'm at it.
Nyeah.*

So Akane is jealous of Scret already, eh? :)


 Secret was puzzled as Akane scowled and a bright blue aura like hazy
flames
flickered to life around her. "Um, Akane, are you okay?" She laid a smoky
hand on Akane's shoulder.

 "RANMA, YOU JERK!!" Akane cried, spinning to her feet and lashing out
with
an angry haymaker that miraculously connected. Secret shrieked as she was
sent flying through the air across the field.

Heh. That went against the prediction.



 Swinging the deceptively light-looking umbrella like a club, Ryoga
followed
up with a blow to the Czarnian's head, sending him flying back several
more
yards.

Does LL still have his chain to counter that attack?


 "Yer so fraggin' outclassed it's painful, buddy," Lobo grinned,
delivering
a low blow for good measure while Ryoga was at his mercy.

That's Lobo all right.

 Ranma was beginning to have an inkling of how Akane had felt all those
months ago when they'd sparred for the first time. He was going all out,
using every once of speed and power he could wring from the Kachu Tenshin
Amaguriken technique, but his opponent just kept smiling and dodging. A
back-to-basics approach wasn't helping either, as even the most
precisely-executed manoeuvre

That looks horribly misspelled.



"Naw,thatwouldn'tbeverysmart.MaxwouldbeprettyupsetifIdidthat.Say,that'sprett

yneat.Whydoyoucallitthechestnutfist?Idon'tseeanychestnutshere.Didyouwantsome
?'CauseIcouldgogetsomeifyawant,it'snotrouble,really..."

That'll drive Ranma even more nuts.


 "Gyyaah!" Ranma yelp,

yelped

 >

 "Coo-ool..." Impulse said, finally motionless as he looked down at his
hands. "It's not like I can't move fast _anyway_, but it's so much
_cooler_
if you say somethin' first! Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Heh



 "Dammit, stop!"

 Zip! "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!" _Bbbrraaaaat!!_  Trip! Thud!

He's that clumsy?


 Ranma leaned over the prone speedster, leg still extended (and badly
bruised) from where he'd tripped the hyperactive superhero

Oh.


 Ranma gritted his teeth, but continued anyway. "Betcha can't do _this_,"
Ranma snarled, summoning the Soul of Ice technique and causing the ambient
temperature in a two-meter radius to drop ten degrees. Impulse was mildly
impressed, but continued to speed in a circle around the concentrating
martial artist, delivering rapid jabs that jerked Ranma around, but failed
to break his concentration.

I think I see what he's trying to do.


 "Kindaboringisn'tit?Imeanyoujuststandtherelikeapunchingbagandgetcold.
Iknowthisguywho'sasupervillaincandothesamethingonlyheusesacoldgun.
Hisname'sCaptainColdhe'skindofamemberoftheRoguesGallery.
There'shimandMirrorMaster

MM's dead, I thought.

andRainbowRaiderandHeatwave

Ditto with Heat Wave.


 What occurred when the cold aura generated by Ranma collided with the
Speed
aura generated by Impulse could best be described as a "Big Bada-Boom."

Heh


* * *

 Shampoo knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was more than a match
for
the blonde girl with the oddly-familiar symbol on her chest. It showed in
the way her opponent moved, the way she carried herself while on the
ground.
In many ways, it was very much like fighting Akane; the girl had titanic
strength, and some small skill in what looked like a very familiar form of
martial arts. She also had a temper on her like you wouldn't believe, as
Shampoo discovered early on when the blonde had accused her of flirting
with
Superboy.

Wonder Girl: They all want Superboy, but he's mine, I tell you! Mine!
MUHAHAHA!



 "<If you really _are_ an Amazon, you'll know the Secret Handshake,>"
Shampoo stated, extending her hand to the American girl.

Oh boy.



 Shampoo smiled. Inexpertly performed, but definitely the Amazon Secret
Handshake. "<Sister!>" Shampoo cried, enveloping the other girl in a tight
hug and kissing her on the cheek. "<Hail and well met!>"

 "Uh, yeah, right back at'cha," Wonder Girl returned with a shaky smile.

Heh. Cute turn of events.



 Tatewaki Kuno, a.k.a. the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High (Robin knew his
name and title, since the kendoist had informed him in verse before the
fight began in earnest. Informed him at _length_.) was easily the most
dangerous swordsman the Teen Wonder had ever faced. All the more so
because
he wasn't even wielding live steel, and was _still_ making gashes in his
kevlar body armour. Batman had taught the best defence when faced with an
assailant using a weapon is to relieve your assailant of said weapon as
soon
as possible, and preferably painfully. Only how was he supposed to do
_that_
when he couldn't even get close without being bludgeoned?

Nice to see Kunou putting up a fight.


 He drew his collapsible Bo staff and made a few tentative thrusts
forward,
only to have each turned aside. Closing for a hand to hand

hand-to-hand (I think)


 Robin didn't quite know what to make of that statement. His outfit, while
not as goofy-looking as the suit Dick used to wear,

Not like they were green shorts that clung to his butt, no. :)

 Yea, verily, did Tatewaki Kuno despise the watermelon, in all its
unwholesome succulence and malefic juiciness. He loathed it entirely, from
the foul green rind through to the vile red pulp. The Unholy Melon needs
must be destroyed, no matter what guise it may take, and it takes many
guises indeed, oh, yes. It hides remarkably well, for a
supposedly-inanimate
fruit. Yet a clever and discerning eye can spot the wily watermelon by the
one characteristic it can never disguise:

Heh. Yeah. I can see that.



 Robin needed all his skill with the Bo, as well as every once of
gymnastic
ability the Dark Knight had taught him, just to stay clear of the thrusts.

 "Why-" dodge, parry, "Does everyone assume-" block, block, parry, "That
I'm
gay?!"

Hehehehehe.


 The kendoist leapt to his feet. "Think you to confuse the Blue Thunder
with
your foolish words? I say thee nay! You are most definitely a watermelon!
What care I for aught else?" He charged forward once more, but this time
the
Teen Wonder went low instead of high, using his staff to block the bokken
thrust while knocking Kuno's legs out from under him with a leg sweep.

 "A watermelon? Boy, and I thought Gotham had the monopoly on loonies,"

It does. I've seen Batty's rouges gallery. It is not a pretty sight.



 Metahuman test subject #08967 was one such specimen. No sane individual
would _ever_ contemplate releasing it, since the parent creature had
proven
virtually unstoppable by any means known to man.

Doomsday?



 "Add the saltpetre mix to the kibble for subjects #76859 through #81204,
change the newspaper in big G's

Big G?



1. Ukyo was momentarily startled as Secret flew _through_ her due to the
knockback from Akane's punch, allowing Arrowette a moment to whip out a
spare bowstring and attempt to restring her bow.


2. Tatewaki Kuno stood up from a dead faint, crying "I fight on!" This
caused Robin to spring back without looking and fall into one of the
furrows
dug up by Ryoga and Li'l Lobo's game of shot-for-shot.

I see what you meant about everything happening at once.



6. Headmaster Kuno's Device activated, exploding from the turf in the
centre
of the field, revealing itself to be a giant robotic pineapple, complete
with a forest of faintly-menacing robot arms clustered around the top like
leaves.

Nice touch.



 In the heart of Akihabura ward, sirens wailed, red lights flashed, and
the
populace screamed and fled. The SDF's most modern weaponry was proving
useless against the rampaging monster, and the decision had been made to
call in the top-secret G-Force to deal with the problem. G-Force
commanders
had taken one look at the creature, shuddered, and muttered "not our
jurisdiction, sorry," before disconnecting the phones and hiding under
their
desks.

Heh



 Kimiyo hammered the call-button on the Justice League communicator sewn
into her right glove. "This is Dr. Light in Japan! We have an emergency, I
repeat, an emergency! I need backup, boy, do I need backup! J'onn, Clark,
Diana, anyone!"

Agree with Gary. She wouldn't use their real names over the radio.


 High above on the surface of the moon, relays beamed the message into the
fringes of the solar system, where the JLA was desperately attempting to
destroy a Khundish invasion fleet that had warped into the orbit of Pluto
minutes before. Aquaman, forced into manning the comm. system of the JLA's
spacecraft by virtue of being unable to contribute to the space battle,

Aquaman: But I can harpoon them, I'm telling you.


 "No, you idiots! Stick to your own opponents!" she cried through the
megaphone, but if anyone heard her over the noise, they didn't obey.
Nabiki
begin to quietly weep. "I _must_ be losing my touch," she moaned. "I
should've known this would happen." Oh the shame. She'd thought she'd
covered all the angles; she had people betting on individual fighters as
well as the spread, but somehow, someway, she hadn't factored in outside
interference from Da Principal or other matches.

Mores the fool she is.

Now, all bets were off,
she'd have to give back all the wagered monies. At least... At least there
was still merchandising! She glanced over at the kiosk she'd set up to
sell
Superboy and Young Justice T-shirts, action figures, souvenir mugs and
posters, only to see it be demolished, as an airborne Wonder Girl slammed
into it, stood up, and flew back into the fray. "Auugh! I spent the entire
finder's fee on those!"

My, she moved quickly.


 Nabiki's left eye began to twitch in time with the quivering of her
bottom
lip. "Stupid, stupid... Serves me right for listening to the wastebasket."

True.


over his left ear. "I fight on!"

 Robin swung in on a bat-line to assist, briefly tangling a number of the
metallic limbs up with a series of well-thrown bolas. "Need a hand, Blue
Thunder?"

 Kuno sniffed. "Though it pains me to say this, I owe you thanks,
Watermelon
Boy.

Heh. Love the name.


 In the air above, Wonder Girl wrestled with a half-dozen steel tentacles
tipped not with shears but with grabber-claws. Every time her gods-gifted
strength yanked one out it's

its

housing, another swarmed forth to take it's

its

 Lobo set down the bag of popcorn he'd been munching on. "Aw, shoot. Yer
no
fun. I come alla way ta' Japan an' I don't get ta watch 'blonde versus the
tentacles'? Grife," he grumbled, leaping to her aid.

Heh. Unusually compliant for him.



 A mannequin head wearing shades and a tiny palm  tree growing out of its
hair sprang out of the end of the limb the chef had blocked. "Aloha! De
wahines get de bowl-cuts!" It squawked, its grinning mouth springing open
and shooting out a tiny clipper-tipped cable. Ukyo ducked, but Arrowette
was
not so lucky as the tiny terror quickly did its dirty work.

Ohh. She's the first to 'fall'.



 "I'm comin' Akane!" He yelled, bursting free of a mass of tentacles at
her
cry. By the look of things, he'd been holding his own, although he was
missing a few centimetres of pigtail

Wow. Good day for the principal if he got some of Ranma's locks.


 "Whoa!" Superboy gasped, taking in the sight of a muddy-yet-stunning
redhead that had appeared from nowhere. "Got-ta get me some'a _that_!"

Methinks he'll pay for that.


 "Ko-on!" Wonder Girl snapped.

Superboy's nickname?



 "I'm right over here, twinkletoes," Ranma-chan yelled, striking a ready
stance. The others turned and stared. A petite, tattered-looking redhead
had
appeared from nowhere, and she was... Flashing them?

Heh



 "Me! Me!" Lobo and Superboy cried, jumping up and down. Wonder Girl's
eyebrow twitched and she began to growl, low in her throat.

Don't blame her.


 "What are you talking about?" Arrowette asked while fingering the end of
her bowl-cut hair. Maybe Cassie would let her borrow one of her wigs for a
while...

 Akane strode forward. "The water activated our guys' curses. See?" She
gestured at the soaked duck, cat, and Ranma-chan.

At least she hasnt' questioned about Ryouga's absense yet.


 Thing degenerated

Things



 "You're alla buncha wimps, anyway. The Top Teen could take ya all on
without breakin' a sweat!"

 "Sez who?" an irate redhead yelled back.

 "Says me, sweet-tits."

Heh. Lil Lobo is in rare form today



 "I feel somethin'..." Ranma whispered hoarsely, her eyes wide. "Somethin'
_powerful_ comin' towards us." Ukyo and Akane nodded, clutching her hands.
In her distracted state, she neither noticed nor cared. "Whatever it is,
it's puttin' off a battle aura as big as Saffron's..." Another explosion,
this time less than a block away, blew everyone to the ground. "No,
bigger!"

Prolly Doomsday. They're toast if it is.


Okay, he'd gotten better, but _still_...

 "Err, not quite..." Dr. Light moaned from her prone position on the
ground.
"Look again."

Oh?


 They did. Once their initial shock wore off, they realised that the
famous
monster didn't _quite_ look like it did in all the pictures. For one
thing,
it was short. Maybe a meter, a meter and a quarter tall. For another
thing,
its head seemed larger than it should have been; wider, too.

 "Holy cow," Impulse whispered breathlessly. "It's a Chibi Doomsday!"

Oh, now that's evil. Still, a little Doomsday goes a long way. We'll see how
things go, if  you ever get around to doing the next chapter. It's okay,
since I'm ready to read it now. :)

Nice work.

D.B. Sommer

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT SENSES-SHATTERING ISSUE OF "WHEN TITANS
CLASH!"

Coming soon to a mailing list near you!

Author's notes: the Flash Facts and Ranma Facts bits are my personal
salute
to those seminal 60's Flash writers, John Broome and Julius Schwartz, who
used to pepper their books with vague scientific explanations of
pseudo-scientific phenomenae they called "Flash Facts", usually as an
excuse
for good ol' Barry Allen-Flash to pull some bull$#!t trick out of his
spandex-clad behind to defeat the rogue-du-jour. They were dumb, but I
liked
'em. As for the Speed Force, don't blame me if it's silly. Blame Mark Waid
and Brian Augustyn, they came up with it and made it Flash canon.

Apology: Gary, I know you're gonna hate my prose style in this piece, but
like I've said, it happens sometimes, and sometimes (I hope ~_^) it works.
Hope you can enjoy it anyway.

Thank Yous: Thanks to all the peeps who voted! In no particular order,
Mark
Biggar, DragonBard, Jason, James M. Zema, Bryan Neef, Raymond Nirag,
Tzxazrael, Michael Noakes, Kent Hyam, Rylan Hilman, Christopher Olsen,
GunKnight, Tail Kinker, Louis-Phillipe Giroux, Angus MacSpon, H. Torrance
Griffith, Pang Sze Chuan, Small Pink Mouse, Poorman777, Allyn Yonge,
Tannim
Murphy, Nyssia Otauku, Bruce A. Munro and John Sauber. Most of you got
your
votes in on time, but I want to thank all of you for writing at all!

Thanks also to Garry Kleppe and Bert Miller, who sent in very helpful C+C
on
part one not related to voting. Cheers!

Any input y'all have on the Doomsday vs. everyone else battle is
appreciated, but should likely be sent by private mail to avoid snowing
under the list. If you've got commentary about the fic _not_ related to
that, by all means post it to the list, that's what it's there for.

Dave Menard

You're the cutest of the Scoobies,
With your lips as red as rubies,
And your firm and supple... tight embrace!
-Xander, BTVS "Once More With Feeling"

Dawn's in danger? Oh. It must be Tuesday.
-Buffy, BTVS "Once More With Feeling"


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