--- DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Perfect Detail
An 'Ah! My Goddess' fic


Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me
at sommer@3rdm.net

A shuddering shook Yoshi's body, one far worse and
more violent than any
brought on by the chill in the air. A burst of  pain
escaped his lips, a sob
that sounded more like a cough as it wracked his
form. The world wavered as
a sheen of water fell over his eyes. Keeping a firm
grip with one gloved
hand on the bridge's railing behind him, he moved
his free hand up to his
face and rubbed his eyes as best he could. The worn
leather made a poor
handkerchief and did little more than smear the
tears across his face. He
looked back and forth across each side of the
bridge, but still no one had
appeared. An omen, perhaps, one that told him this
was what he was meant to
do.

I think it was about here that I began feeling like
the introduction was dragging on too long.  I knew
what was likely coming and began getting impatient.

Again Yoshi's eyes sought the water below. The
lights still danced across
the surface as the wind continued to blow, paying no
heed to his discomfort.
So much like the rest of the world, when he thought
about it. It occurred to
him as he stood there, regarding obsidian depths
that could have they
reached two hundred feet down instead of a mere
twenty from as far as he
could see into it, that no matter what the priests
at his temple contended,
the world really didn't care about you. Whether you
were there or not,
everything would continue on uninterrupted as though
you had never existed
to begin with. It was a startling revelation to him,
to fully understand the
concept as it latched on and all but shook him on
his somewhat precarious
perch, but if there was ever a moment where one
would have a moment of such
clarity, this was it.

His attention fully returned to the river below.
Despite the cold
temperature and the snow that had fallen, and was
now continuing to fall as
it started snowing again, the river had not frozen
over. Either the current
was too strong or the water too warm. It was
fortunate for him it had not.
Had there been ice, it would have meant a change of
plans. Not that he had
spent much time planning this, it was sort of a spur
of the moment decision,
though once it came he realized it had been bubbling
beneath the surface the
entire time. Every other avenue he could think of
had been tried. This was
the only option left that would bring an end to the
suffering. The only one.

Yoshi closed his eyes and drank deeply of the frigid
air. He swore he could
feel a coating of frost form on the inside of his
lungs. That was all the
air held. There were no soft scents of warming fires
or roasting food. No
smell of people gathering together in groups to
enjoy the festive season.
Just cold and loneliness in equal amounts. There was
only one other thing
that seemed to be there, just at the borders of his
perception: the cloying
scent of jasmine perfume. It was an illusion, of
course, but not a new one.
Once it had not always been so. Once, an eternity
ago, it really was there,
teasing him, seducing him and succeeding time and
again. He had never grown
desensitized to it, never failed to bask in the
scent. But then everything
changed. It left abruptly, disappearing in a
heartbeat. In the beginning it
lingered, becoming less noticeable as other smells,
none ever so sweet,
drowned it out until he could smell it not longer.
It was shouting in a
cavern, listening to an echo that dwindled ever
softer into the distance
until it became unheard. Though if one tried hard
enough, believed strongly
enough, they might convince themselves they could
hear one last sound even
when it had drifted into nothingness long ago.

He breathed again to find that jasmine, but could
not bring himself to sense
it. The last echo had long since departed. All that
was left was the cold
and loneliness, and a hint of a lilacs.

"Cold night."

Ah, finally, here we go! ^_^

"AH!" The woman's voice coming from not more than

I thought Urd had said this until I got further into
the elongated sentence.

five feet from him, and
worse, right at the edge of the bridge, shocked
Yoshi enough that he lost
his grip. One hand slipped completely from the ice
cold metal of the safety
rail and for a moment he hung on the edge of the
precipice, a soft caress
away from going over altogether and plunging into
the icy depths below.

But the wind, that cold, heartless thing that had
seemed to taunt Yoshi all
night, made the difference as it blew hard into his
face. That little bit of
force was enough to allow him to fall back and
regain his balance. He
clutched onto the rail tightly, a wrought-iron life
preserver.

And right here, my fanboy senses were telling me "It's
Belldandy!"  After all, Holy Bell is a wind angel. 
Nice twist, since it turns out to be Urd.  No divine
intervention after all.

Still frightened by the unexpected nature of the
near plunge, Yoshi's wild
eyes darted to the previously unseen speaker. The
comment came but a handful
of feet to his right where no one had been a moment
before. The first
thought that struck him as his eyes fell onto the
woman, who leaned over the
railing and looked idly in his direction, was that
she was a goddess
descended from Heaven, come to deliver him from
oblivion. She was beautiful,
her appearance easily rivaling that of any woman he
had met in person. Dark
skin contrasted sharply with platinum locks that
were just a shade darker
than the snow around them. Several loose strands
danced behind her head,
playing softly in the wind. She wore a long red coat
rimmed in white fur
around the neck, cuffs, and bottom. The white
reached just below the knees
of legs that managed to be shapely despite being
hidden by the material
around them. Brown leather boots hugged her firmly,
stopping mere inches
below the edge of the jacket and showing just a hint
of skin that was every
bit as dark as that of her face. The only odd thing
about her was the white
plastic bag that was slung over her shoulder, the
bottom sagging from an
object within.

Nice contrast between Urd's impeccable attire and what
she's holding.  Very AMG-like.  Would Yoshi recognize
it as a shopping bag?  Such a revelation would add to
the contrast in the description and maybe heighten the
reader's curiosity as to what Urd was doing with it or
what was in it. 

He looked back and forth across the bridge, but she
was the only person in
sight. "Where'd you come from?!"

"Trust me, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Her smile held a mix of
sarcasm and amusement in equal amounts.

Hehe.  Urd the enigma strikes again!

She couldn't have been there. He had seen no one.
Even as distracted as he
was, he would have heard her approach, especially
crunching down on the
newly fallen snow; he was certain of it. His head
whipped around to see if
anyone else had intruded on his solitude, but there
was no one in sight.
There was no noise to indicate others were
approaching. Even the sounds of
the city sounded diluted from where he stood.

Surprise finally departing, he regained some measure
of composure and
realized what the situation looked like, and why the
woman would have
silently stalked towards him. He drew his body away
from her, though after
the near fall his hands refused to leave their
secure grasp of the railing,
which meant all he did was lean to the side. "If you
get any closer, I'll
jump."

"Don't worry. I couldn't stop you from falling even
if I wanted to. Has to
do with rules of conduct and such. I'm not allowed
to do it for a stranger
like you, not in a situation like this." She gave a
helpless shrug.

Fear still ruled, him, fear that she was lying and

ruled, him, == ruled him,

would lunge forward to
prevent him from the only course that was left. "So

from the only course == from taking the only course
(suggested)

what are you? Morbid
curiosity seeker? Want to watch me jump to my death
because you've never
seen anyone die before?"

She made a face, her lips pouting slightly and
marring her beauty. "I've
seen more than enough death in my time, more than
you could ever want. I
know it's a natural part of life and all, but still,
I don't need my face
rubbed in it."

Her words bore the weight of truth. There was
something about them that hung
in the air, a grim acceptance of pain that Yoshi
thought he had mastered
until he found himself perched on the edge of a
bridge looking down at cold
waters that would suck him down to his death.

"Then why are you here?" he finally asked.

She gave another shrug, this one far more casual. "I
thought you might want
someone to talk to."

For the first time in almost a month, a laugh nearly
escaped Yoshi's lips.
It was all so... surreal. But he caught himself and
instead gave out a
terse, "I am about to jump off a bridge. I'd say
it's a little late to talk
to someone."

"Nah, it'd be too late if you already jumped.
Before, though, there's still
time to talk."

He was making fun of her. He was about to leap to
his death and she stood
there making light of the situation. Tears welled in
his eyes at how anyone
could be so callous, and direct such uncaring at him
in such a moment. "I
don't want to talk to you!"

She looked put off by the comment. "Fine, be that
way."

"I will!"

Surprisingly, she made no move to him, instead she

him, instead she == him.  Instead, she

Most of the scorn left her voice and she sounded
more sympathetic, like when
she had been reminiscing about her own past. "Yes,
it hurts. It's supposed
to. It shows you cared. You're supposed to feel
rotten and depressed and
miserable for a while. The more you care the longer
it usually lasts. But
guess what: it's temporary. Give it enough time and
it'll go away and just
be a distant memory, like all the girls that came
before her. You know, the
ones you hadn't given a second thought in months?

hadn't == haven't (suggested)

"It makes letting go difficult and forgetting
impossible. And with each new
failure, the burden becomes greater until every time
you think of the past
it feels as though your back will shatter and
there's never any way to seek
relief by purging yourself of what has happened. And
the next thing you
know, you try everything you can to live solely in
the present, even going
so far as to live vicariously through others and
playing matchmaker for them
so you don't have to feel the pain of yet another
failed relationship added
to your collection. 

That's something I've long felt was a driving force
behind Urd's manic matchmaking with Belldandy and
Keiichi.  Happiness and a successful love relationship
lived vicariously through them because Urd's own
experience has been so painful.  Of course, as time
went on and Urd began to realize that Belldandy and
Keiichi really were truly, deeply in love even if they
weren't "progressing" as Urd would have it, Urd began
playing matchmaker less and less.  Now, it's basically
just a joke she uses on Keiichi, reminding him to "do
something" every time it looks like he and Belldandy
will be alone.

Contrary to popular belief, Urd has almost never used
love potions for any purpose other than to get
Belldandy and Keiichi together.  The single exception
was Sora Hasegawa's lunch for Aoshima, and that was
only because Belldandy was already helping Sora so Urd
became interested.  She has tested a potion on Tamiya
once and used one as revenge on Peorth, but she seems
to have no interest in meddling in the love lives of
anyone other than Belldandy and Keiichi.  She doesn't
even meddle with Skuld and Sentaro.  So, if Urd has no
desire to get couples together in general, then
Belldandy's relationship with Keiichi must hold
special significance for her.  The most likely
explanation is that she feels she can redeem her own
failure in love if she "helps" make their relationship
successful.

Given a choice, I'd take being
able to forget everything
instead of having to remember it all every single
time. Be satisfied that
you can lose your memories, for there is no greater
misery then being forced
to remember everything in perfect detail."

Yoshi didn't understand how it could be as she said
--the ability to
remember everything the way she described it was
impossible-- but at the
same time there wasn't the slightest doubt in his
mind she spoke the truth.
He could only imagine the misery that being able to
remember everything
caused, and despite the fact they were not his own
feelings, he could feel
her pain dwarfing his own.

He looked down at the river below. It beckoned him
no longer. It was just
water. There was no peace, not real peace, to be
found there. That was not
to say he was cured: he was still miserable since

cured: he == cured; he

Mariko remained in his
heart, a gaping wound. But now he had something he
lacked earlier. Now he
had hope for the future. And in the end, he knew
that was all he really
needed.

Going from one extreme to the other, Yoshi held a
brief vision of slipping
and plunging into the river now that he had found
the resolve to deal with
his situation through other means. Gingerly he
stepped over the railing,
turning away from the woman and giving his full
attention to his handholds
and footing until he was securely on the proper side
of the rail. He shot
one last glance at the river. Only minutes had
passed since he had paused,
mentally preparing himself to take the fatal plunge,
but it felt like years.
He was tired and hungry. For the first time since
that final dinner with
Mariko, his appetite had at last returned.

In gratitude, he decided to ask the woman if she was
hungry and wanted to
get something to eat, though he would make it clear
that he held no romantic
interest in her. There was an unearthly aura
radiating about her, making her
feel unapproachable in those terms. Just asking if
she wanted to dine with
him took a great deal of courage on his part. And
there was Mariko. He had
found the determination to deal with his feelings
concerning her, not found
the actual solution to them yet. Besides, from the
sound of things, this
woman carried at least as much emotional baggage as
he did, and he was wise
enough to know that two miserable people could
rarely make each other happy.

Yoshi turned to talk to her, still trying to figure
out how to phrase the
question without sounding like he was asking her on
a date, when he
discovered his companion was no longer there. He
spun in a circle, looking
all around, but somehow she had disappeared from
sight in under five
seconds. Again he was struck by the impossibility of
it all. This time he
knew for certain she could not have walked off
without him noticing; he was
not that drained from the experience and inattentive
to the world around
him. If anything, he was more aware of it now than
at any other time in his
life. He looked down at the snow covering the bridge
to see which direction
she had walked off in order to pursue her.

The snow was as virgin as when it has first fallen,
with only his tracks
giving any indication that anyone had been on it in
hours.

Urd would have left impressions in the snow from where
she had stood at first and then walked to him, even if
she had flown or teleported to the bridge in the first
place.  

A hallucination. That was the only explanation. He
was losing his mind and
only dreamed that a mysterious beauty had appeared
out of nowhere and had
kept him from making what would have been the
stupidest mistake of his life.
He needed treatment, immediately.

Just as Yoshi was about to wander off in a daze, his
eyes fell upon
something hanging from the railing. He had
overlooked it, searching so hard
for the woman that he had disregarded anything that
wasn't her. The plastic
bag dangled there, moving slightly in the wind,
though the weight of the
object inside kept it from spinning greatly. He
walked over to the bag and
quickly undid the simple knot that suspended it in
mid-air.

Inside was a container of Rocky Road ice cream and a
note attached to the
top. The writing was sloppy, as though the author
was in a hurry. It read:

'I've found that ice cream tends to make things
better. Figured you could
use it more than me.'

It was left unsigned.

"Ice cream in the middle of winter? Why not?" Not
knowing what else to do,
Yoshi slung the bag over his shoulder, intent on
going home, eating the
whole thing, and getting the first decent night of
sleep in months.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Damnit, Urd! How could you forget the ice cream?!
It was the whole reason
you went out in the first place!"

Urd, Goddess of the Past, snapped her fingers. "I
knew I was carrying that
thing around for some reason, but it slipped my
mind."

"I can't believe you're so irresponsible!" Skuld
briefly considered what
device she had in her room that would gain some
measure of revenge from her
older, incompetent sister.

As the clothing shrinker raced to the forefront of
Skuld's mind, Urd grabbed
the young goddess in a headlock and proudly
proclaimed, "That's right! I'm
the irresponsible sister, and don't you forget it!
Now watch in horror as I
make sure it sinks into this thick skull of yours."

"Ah! Not the noogies! Not the noogies!" Skuld
protested even as Urd
proceeded to rub her knuckles across the top of her
helpless sibling's head.

Watching the scene from the kitchen, Belldandy
commented to Keiichi, "It
looks like Urd's feeling happier now. I'm glad. She
seemed pretty down the
last few days. I wonder what cheered her up."

cheered her up. == cheered her up?

You have a good handle on Belldandy also, it seems.
Most authors would have her admonish Urd here, which
she never does with Urd or Skuld in these situations
(well, except for the very early manga before her
gentle post-Skuld personality stabilized).  One of the
little details of character that separate the people
who just write AMG from the people who know AMG.

"Probably wrecked havoc with someone else's lovelife
for a change." Keiichi
shook his head and winced at yet another holiday
where it appeared he would
never get a quiet moment alone with Belldandy.

Poor K1!  ;_;
 

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Fini.

Well, haven't done an A!MG, fic in a while, and this
is definitely different
from 'The Visitors' in every way. 

'The Visitors', even if a bit OOC (or not) for
Belldandy, was hilarious!  My compliments.

I did like using the idea of
being Goddess as the Past a
double edged sword for Urd, though. Don't read much
A!MG fanfiction, so I
don't know if the concept has been done before.

It's been alluded to, but never in as stark detail nor
nearly as well as you have done here.

Hope to do more C+C before I go on to my next
writing project, which will
likely be longer. Depending on the muse, we'll see
how things go.


D.B. Sommer

P.S. And remember boys and girls, if you don't get
the new admin C+C, you
might ah, accidently get bumped off the list, and we
wouldn't want that now,
would we? ^_^

The proverbial "Between a rock and a hard place,"
critiqueing an admin. ^_-

Brian

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