--- allyn yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:

Well, this was an easy story to C&C. ^_*
Writing, dialogue, descriptions are all good. It's
first person POV which is, IMO, the hardest kind of
story to write and it's done well. 

That's nice to hear.  I definitely find writing in the first person
difficult. 

Criticism?  More of a personal bias toward an edgier
story. This is a nice little �Slice-of-Life', a little
like Joseph Palmer's stuff in some ways. My preference
would have been for things NOT to work out so neatly,
for pairings NOT to work out quite so smoothly.
(Though �smoothly' is, of course, a relative term)
which means there aren't really any surprises.  

I agree to an extent, but there are alot of worse things than being
compared to Joseph Palmer.  There are also some fairly obvious snags
coming up.

There isn't as much dynamic tension, nor the depth of
character development I would like to see, but it is a
nice read, if a little on the quiet side. 

Glad you liked it.

=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
 And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus

"A man is a small thing, and the night is large 
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany

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