I liked this story. I liked the original that this one
is based upon.

HOWEVER:
(I'm commenting on all three chapters)

there are a couple of minor? problems, IMO.

1)The writing is uneven. There are spots of wonderful
imagery, dialogue and action. And then there are spots
of . . .less good writing, where the dialogue is
clumsy, the imagery is pedestrian and the action is
trite.  The good writing carries the less good
writing, but it reduces a great story to a merely good
story.

2)There is too much going on for a mere three
chapters. The action moves so fast that nothing is
really developed fully.  A great deal of the story is
incomprehensible or nearly so. Worst of all, the story
whets the readers (me ^_*) appetite with the beginning
of a plot-line, then darts off in another direction.
Now this is clearly a personal bias, but I'd prefer
more leisurely story that shows us MORE detail about a
few things, than a barrage of many different sub-plots
in so little detail.

IMO the Wiseman story was brilliant, especially the
final fight scene. But the concept wasn't really
developed fully. And we never got to see enough of the
"future" to get a real feel for the characters. 
Another absolutely breathtaking scene was the senshi
caged by the youma and used for food. Again, much too
short and I thought the resolution via blowing
everything up was unsatisfying after such a good
start.
I would have prefered something along the lines of
"The Great Escape" rather than deux ex machina.

The Akane/Ukyou Akane/Shampoo fights were entirely
unsatisfying except as an exercise in drowning
kittens. :(
ONE of those would have been enough, perhaps Ukyou as
she has a large role in the story. Two were overkill.

Nabiki was a LOT of fun and I would have liked to 
have seen more of her.  Konatsu was nicely done, but
his dialogue was a little stiff at times.

Ranma's �past life' had a lot of good parts, but the
�names' just didn't seem to fit the overall story.
They felt wrong to me.
And the time line was much too short However I have a
problem with the canon time-line of 1,000 years.
That's well within recorded history and I think a
little thing like a �Moon Kingdom' might have been
mentioned somewhere in a footnote. (^_^)



And that's my real complaint. A WONDERFUL concept, but
the pace of the story was so fast and chaotic it lost
a lot of it's emotional punch. Some characters were
VERY well developed, others less so. I'd really like
to see this particular story greatly expanded to do
justice to the overall plot and great number of
characters. 

Nice read. I enjoyed the story, just wanted to see more.

=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
 And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus

"A man is a small thing, and the night is large 
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany

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