I know I'm really being lazy on my New Year's resolution to do more C&C
when I let PoE sit in my to-do pile for a couple days...

Blah, blah, all IMNSHO disclaimer you know already.

On Sat, 26 Jan 2002 16:57:44 -0800 Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org>
writes:

        Process of Elimination -- Interlude Two

        Ukyou

        Disclaimer: The primary colors in this story are from 
Takahashi, Viz 
(Ranma 1/2) and Pioneer (Tenchi Muyo!).

Insert "primary colors" joke that my muse is failing to provide at the
moment here.

        ------------------------------------

        She couldn't see the other girl, but an accidental nudge 
from her 
sent her bumping into the side of the narrow access corridor she was 
working in, striking her hip against a bulkhead. "Ow," she mumbled, 
looking down, but still unable to see much of the corridor where her 
lower body was still poking out. "Be careful, will you?"

I had to read this through a couple times to see the geometry of the
situation here... but it was probably just a brain fart on my part, as I
can't think of any better way to describe it.

        Ukyou growled further obscenities beneath her breath, and 
snapped the 
grounding strap into place on her wrist. "Can you see that I'm 
secure?" she mumbled at Shampoo, checking the tool kit at her waist 
before drifting back into the service hatch.

Suggest that you change the dialogue to "Can you make sure I'm secure?"
or "Can you see if I'm secure?".  As is just doesn't seem quite right to
me.  

        Shampoo sighed, shaking her head, and grateful that Akane 
had decided 
an old skirt could be cut into hair-ties. "Don't know. I have 
feeling we will see Ranma again. Don't know why."

Shampoo:  Well, it's in the script, but I can't just go and _say_ that...

        "Lovely," Akane grumbled. "How long have we been going?"

        "A month," Shampoo said thoughtfully. "Rest well, Ukyou. 
More 
navigation training today, Akane?"

You know... it is interesting how little time has actually passed in this
story.   It sure seems lot a lot longer...

        Short, pointless, and the second of three. Save, collect, 
trade for 
swell prizes!

Yay!  Prizes!  ^_^


           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/
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