Ask and ye shall recieve C&C...

Ranma picked him of his chest and tossed him out in the yard.
"Wouldn't you like to know old freak?"

off his chest

Happosai landed on his feet on the edge of the grass next to the
pond.  "Did you finally manage to get cured, huh Ranma?"

don't need the huh here, just 'cured, Ranma?'

He jumped back and landed on rock next to the pond.  He pulled
out his pipe and began puffing on it.  He blew a cloud at Ranma,
who put up his hands to block it, and that was when both of them
noticed the smoke deflected by some strange invisible barriers.

on a rock, and you have a run-on sentence.  Try: He blew a cloud at Ranma, 
who put his hands up to block it. Several invisible barriers deflecting the 
smoke caught the two martial artists' notice.

They seemed to extend from Ranma's knuckles and were long and
slender.  The smoke did not clear the top of them and so it was
difficult to tell how long they were.

Passive voice.  Try:  Long and slender, they extended from Ranma's knuckles, 
their length unclear as the smoke dissipated before they ended.

hurled it at Ranma's head.  The boy was too distracted to notice
it exploded directly in his face.

'and it exploded'

That is when he noticed these glowing blue spikes moving within
the smoke.

Ranma stepped out of the smoke.  He was untouched, but the look
on his face gave Happosai a chill.

Repetition of smoke.  Maybe replace second smoke with cloud.

Protruding from the knuckles on Ranma's fists were the claws.
Easily visible now thanks to the lambent neon blue glow.  They
extended nearly two feet long.

Passive voice.  Try:  The claws protruded from the knuckles of Ranma's 
fists.

Also, second sentence is a fragment.  just change period to comma and make 
Easily lowercase

Ranma spat at the ground.  "My father is dead.  Soun is gone too,
both drowned in the canal.  As for how I took control of my curse
and my fear?  You'll have to thank Akane and my mother.  They
helped a lot, no thanks to you and Genma."

Maybe spat on the ground?  Spat at makes it sound like he could miss hitting 
the ground

Happosai stared at Ranma for a few seconds.  He was feeling the
focused rage building within the boy.

Switching tenses.  He felt is more appropriate

Suddenly he felt it spike and he dodged as Ranma launched into
an attack again him.

Don't need suddenly.  also don't need second he.  'He felt it spike and 
dodged as Ranma launched an attack against him.'

Ranma was cutting through the ground, through rocks, and even the
outer wall and Happi was doing his very best to stay one step
away from those claws.  Ranma's reflexes were focused and faster
than Happosai had even seen them.  Ranma's eyes were like a
cat's, slited vertically and as red as fire.  He tried tossing
wards at the boy, but Ranma brushed them off without even slowing
down.

More passive voice  'ever seen them' not even

Then Happosai felt something stab his leg.  He looked down in
time to see a shard of one of Ranma's claws vaporize, after being
driven into his calve.

calf not calve.  calf is singular calves is plural

He looked up at Happosai, who shuddered at this latest display.
The prevert realized that Ranma's attacks were not only powered
by chi, but now Ranma was commanding magic as well.

pervert, not prevert

Cologne then tried to feel Ranma and found she couldn't.  Panic
set in and she took to the rooftops.

why does she try to feel for Ranma's presence here?  does she think the chi 
blast came from Ranma?  Was the trajectory from the Tendo Dojo?  Some more 
explanation here would be nice.

"So Ranma has control of the Neko-Ken.  I suspect he did not
realize how much energy he was focusing and passed out.  I'll
bet that if there is a candy bar within a block of us, it has
melted."  Cologne was joking, but no one was laughing and so she
decided to be quiet.

I don't get this joke at all

Ranma found himself looking over the barren wasteland.  This time
there was no wind and it seemed calm.  But nowhere he could see
Ranko.  He remembered that he had not heard from her since the
moment he merged, and it worried him.

could he, not he could  maybe he realized instead of he remembered?

Blood was coming from her mouth, but yet she held a weak smile.

'but yet' belongs to the Department of Redundancy Department

"Ranko, what happened?"  As he ran over to her.

As he ran over to her is a sentence fragment.  Put Ranma asked in front of 
it and you have a complete sentence.

As he started to scream out, he felt a surge within him and knew
what he would do.  A brillant flash of light, and an enormous
shock wave was sent outward from him, ungulfing them both.

Maybe knew what he had to do instead of knew what he would do
also, it's engulfing

They were all crouching behind rocks by the pond, still watching
the inside when Cologne yelled, "DUCK!!!"  And dove behind her
stone for protection.

"Mousse?  Where?"  ='P

The ground began rumbling as light, sound and energy spread
outward from inside the house, filling the air with a horrible
noise.  The pond was shoshing around, the ground itself was
rumbling and the outburst was deafening.

I believe you mean sloshing


Another good chapter here, but it's too short!

You do have a problem with passive voice though.  Anytime you see was or 
were, stop and ask yourself if there is another way to phrase it.  i.e. They 
were all crouching  could be rewritten as They all crouched.  Keep this in 
mind and you can greatly improve your writing ability.



C-Ya ='P

Jon Osborne

"Sometimes you just have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way 
down."
                   -Kobi Yamada


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