And another:

Warning! Not to be taken seriously!

The best kind of fic there is. :)

My DC comics knowledge is rusty, bear in mind. I'm a Marvel man myself.

 Her colleague, Professor Shinichiro Ohta, grinned. "Well, in the absence

of

a live-tissue DNA scan for the meta-gene, we really can't say for certain,
but based on the hair and skin samples recovered from the scenes of his
numerous battles, I'd tentatively say no. The boy's as mundane as you or

me.

Er... Well, as mundane as me, anyway."

Which means the other Doc is a hero.

 Dr. Hoshi, who was occasionally known as Dr. Light,

The femal version, not the older guy that used to be a tough guy until DC
felt compelled to turn him into a joke.

 Dr. Hoshi frowned. "Well, have you considered monetary compensation?"

 "I hadn't, err... Actually, I think I can massage the testing budget to
accommodate an honorarium of maybe, oh, let's see... a hundred thousand
yen?"

Well, Genny will jump on the opportunity to send Ranma even if Ranma
refuses.

 Space Pirates Productions Presents:

 A fanfic by Dave Menard

 "WHEN TITANS CLASH" or: "A Whole Buncha Bizarrely Powerful Teenagers Beat
The Holy Hell Outta Each Other For Inadequate Reasons... And YOU Decide

the

Outcome!"

I see. Sort of like the Jason Todd death or life vote (Like there was any
doubt about that outcome)

 "How do you know that's what they want?"

 "Tsk. Like it could be anything else? Lissen ta this: 'Mr. Saotome, we
would relish the opportunity to examine your'

drop that quote

 quote 'special gift' unquote

'

don't think you need that one either, though I migth be wrong.

 "One hundred thousand yen, eh?" Nabiki said softly to herself, then shook
her head. "Selling your own brother-in-law for _lab experiments_? Nabiki,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself." She resolutely turned away from the
wastebasket and returned to tracking the Nikkei. Ever since the wedding
debacle she had been trying to go cold turkey on the moneygrubbing. It
wasn't good for her anymore.

 "One hundred thou-sand..." a whispery voice called from the wastebasket.

Heh. Cute

 Soun and Genma peered around the shoji door that separated the porch from
the living room, blinking in astonishment at the sight of the middle Tendo
daughter covering her ears and dancing around in a circle, singing
"Lalalalalalalalalalala... I'm not listening to the wastebasket,
lalalalalalalala..."

That's not really that strange around there.

 The phone in Professor Ohta's office rang, startling the scientist into
checking the 'yes' box on the release form for metahuman test subject
#08967, rather than the 'no way in hell' box as he'd intended. His mistake
went unnoticed as he absently tossed the paper into his outbox and picked

up

the receiver.

Oopsie!

 "Moshi-moshi, Ohta-Hakase desu."

I thought this was already translated? (Yes, I dislike excessive Japanese
usage in these sorts of fics. Why do you ask?)

 Keystone City.

 "West residence, oh, hiya Kimiyo, long time no talk-to. Yeah, the wedding
was great, I'll run you over some pix. So, what's up?"

 Silence. Then: "You're kidding, right? A sixteen-year-old kid? No thanks,
I've got enough problems with teenagers dealing with Bart.

I know enough to know he's talking about Impulse and that he's right.

Sorry."

 "Well, come on up to the Watchtower sometime, you've gotta meet Plastic
Man, he's _way_ funnier than Ralph..."

True. Too true. And both are way more humorous then Reed Richards. :)

 "What."

What?

"No. Don't be ridiculous."

Heh. True.

 JLA Watchtower, The Moon.

 "Hello, Doctor. I beg your pardon? I see... How many crates of Oreos?
Hmm... No, I'm afraid I must decline. Yes. Well, good day."

Not sure which one that is since Firestorm was gutted years ago. *Grumble*

* * *

 Chicago, Illinois.

 "Y'ello? Hey, Doc, howareya? You need what? Well, I think I could be
persuaded to lay a little smack-down, Blue Beetle style..."

 "Hey! Whaddya mean you were trying to reach Hawkman?! Hello? Hell-ooo?"

Heh, from a little of my humorous version of the JLA years, I know BB as
well.

* * *

  Atlantis.

 "I don't think so, Doctor. The whales'd never forgive me. Sorry."

Sure they wouldn't. Even Peter David can't make you that interesting,
harpoon hand. :)

* * *


 Happy Harbour, Michigan. (The last number on the list.)

 "Whaddya want?!"

 "Yeah, sure, I'll come frag the bastich's ass for ya, no probs. Hey,

LEGGO,

BIGFOOT!"

Now what on Earth would convince her to ask Lobo under any circumstances?

 "P-chan, wait, where are you going?" Akane called, but too late. The tiny
porker had disappeared towards the kitchen.

 Seconds later, Ryoga Hibiki appeared in a cloud of steam.

Hey. He found out the right direction immidiately. I'm impressed.

 The lost boy paled. "Aheh, well, you see, I was just passing by, and..."

 Akane smiled radiantly. "And you want to be one of Ranma's seconds?

That's

so sweet! It's so kind of you to offer, Ryoga. He doesn't deserve a friend
like you."

Heh. Cute.

 Robin, the Teen Wonder was unamused as he looked over the faxed info from
Dr. Light. "Wait just a minute, Bart. When I agreed to this, I was under

the

impression that we were assisting Dr. Light with some kind of science
experiment. I didn't realize you meant _this_!"

Oh, now I see.

 "This _has_ to be a mistake," Arrowette

Ugh! Revenge of the Teen sidekicks. At least Marvel stopped doing that in
the modern era. Early on there was your Cap/Bucky Torch Toro partnerships,
but that was before the relaunch in FF 1.

 "Forget it, we're not going," Robin declared, getting to his feet. "This
kind of thing isn't why I put on this mask."

True. Tim's a little boy scout that wouldn't do that sort of thing. :)

 "Naw, ya did that so's you could prance around Gotham in spandex with yer
big bad leather-wearin' Bat-buddy."

At least he doesn't wear green shorts.

 "Knock it off, Lil' Lobo."

 The Czarnian teen rolled his red eyes, and settled for humming the theme

to

"The Ambiguously Gay Duo".

But never in front of Batman. Even Lobo would know better.

 "Anyway, we're not going," Robin finished, studiously ignoring Lobo's
musical mockery. "I'll call Dr. Light and send our regrets."

 "Aww..." Bart Allen, the Fastest Boy Alive pouted. "I wanted to go to
Japan. I hear all the people over there look like me!"

Hehehe. Cute

 His teammates didn't facefault, but only because that strange and mystic
Oriental art is not taught to westerners, not even the sidekicks of the
world's greatest superheroes.

 Finally, Wonder Girl gave in to the urge. "What the heck are you talking
about, speedy?"

Agh! Roy Harper flashback. At least he got a real identity later as well.

 Bart, a.k.a. Impulse disappeared in a flash (whoops, pun!)

don't like the little aside myself. Probably best to drop it.

 Sadly, the ancient Oriental art of sweatdropping isn't taught to

westerners

either, else the Young Justice team would have been doing it like crazy.

 "Err, yeah, I guess so..." Superboy shrugged.

 "..." Robin simply hung his head and tried to imagine he was back in

Gotham

being beaten up by Bane. It would have been easier to take.

Heh

 "Ooh, I love this one," Secret cooed with glee, entranced by the pretty
sailor-suited warriors of love and justice. "Cassie, this one looks just
like you!"

 "She does not!" Wonder Girl yelped, surreptitiously letting her blonde

hair

out of her twin ponytails.

So she's a blonde with ponytails, eh?

 "Er, Bart?" Arrowette gently placed her hand on the young speedster's
shoulder. "You _do_ know that these are just cartoons, right?"

 "Hey, didja get any Urotsukidoji?" Lil' Lobo asked, digging through the
piles of videotapes.

Of course. :)

 "Please?"

 "No."

 "Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease-"

 "All right!"

Heh. He needs to learn Batty's intimidation techniques better.

 "Aw, Ranma-honey," Ukyo smiled cutely. "What kind of fiancee would I be

if

I didn't stand by my man in his time of need? You can count on me, sugar!"

 "Great, just great," Ranma sighed as the okonomiyaki chef snuggled up to
him in plain sight of Akane, who was visibly smouldering. "I _so_ needed
this..."

 A cheery "Nihao!" was heard, and suddenly the pigtailed martial artist
found his head under the front tire of an Amazon-ridden bicycle. Not for

the

first time, Ranma wondered if 'Nihao' didn't _really_ mean 'look out

below'.

Probably does. :)

 "Mm-hmm! That right, Pervert-Girl! Shampoo make especially for Airen who
fight challenge today!"

 "At least you don't wanna join in..." Ranma groaned from beneath the

tire.

 "Aiyah! Shampoo happy to help Airen fight challenge. Have but to ask!"

 "I ain't askin'!"

Shampoo: That no defense against Shampoo helping anyway.

Kunou and Mousse should be popping up, though I would have liked Konatsu
around, if only because few use  him.

 High above the Pacific Ocean, the teenage superteam known as Young

Justice

Don't read that one, though.

 The Super-Cycle audibly screeched to a halt in mid-air, spilling half the
team ass-over-teakettle in their seats.

Heh

 "You think of this now?" The

the

teen wonder almost growled.

 "Um, sorry?"

 "In answer to your question, yes, _I_ speak Japanese," Robin stated

firmly.

"It was required learning so that I could study under the great martial

arts

masters of the orient-"

 "Oh, _here_ we go..." Superboy rolled his eyes.

Heh

 "Hell, I can speak any Earth lingo ya want," Lobo chimed in. "It ain't

like

we're talkin' somethin' tricky like interlac or somethin'. Just speak real
slow and real loud, an' anyone can unnerstand ya."

Heh. Probably right.

 "Anyone else?" Secret asked.

Bart looked up from Supersonic Mario Planet. "Hey Rob, do you have a
Japanese-English dictionary handy?"

Of course.

Superboy shrugged. "I know a few words from back when I lived in Hawaii,

but

not enough to get by..." He turned to Robin. "Why don't you just pass out
the Baby Boxes? They do translation."

"D'oh!" Robin cursed, swatting himself in the forehead. He looked

sheepish.

"Nobody tell Batman about this, okay?"

He'll know. He always does.

 "Uh, me?"

 "Cool. I'm Superboy. Nice ta meetcha." The Teen of Steel pumped Ranma's
hand enthusiastically then turned his eye to the three fiancees. He

grinned

rakishly and gazed at them over his sunglasses. "Hel-lo, ladies."

 Akane, Ukyo and Shampoo blushed. Hard. Superboy grinned. Ranma, Ryoga,
Mousse and Kuno glared.

Heh. That would set them off.

 "It's _him_," whispered a nearby Sayuri to her companion Yuka. "It's

really

_him_! Gods, he's even cuter in person..."

He did have quite the following, as I recall.  The one Superman knockoff
that stuck for me.

 It was a good thing Superboy's stable of powers didn't included

include

super-hearing, as his already titanic ego would have swelled even further.
The rest of Young justice

Justice

 disembarked the Super-Cycle to cheers and

applause. Arrowette and Wonder Gril took a moment to wave to the crowd,
Impulse was a blur as he sped around investigating everything like a

curious

puppy, Lil' Lobo spat and grabbed his crotch, while Robin looked for some
all-concealing shadows in which to conceal himself. No joy. With a sigh,

he

approached Superboy and the Nerimans.

 "This him?" he asked the Metropolis Kid, who pulled himself away from

aking

making

Ranma Vs. Impulse

Dead meat. If Ranma had problems with Konatsu's speed, Impulse will flatten
him easy.

Akane Vs. Secret

Not familiar with her.

Kuno Vs. Robin

Robin.

Ukyo Vs. Arrowette

Depends on how tricky the arrows are. :)

Mousse Vs. Superboy

Not even close.

Shampoo Vs. Wonder Girl

Not aware of this one's power level either.

Ryoga Vs. Lil' Lobo

Hmm. Not sure how tough a Lil Lobo is compared to the original, so no guess
here either.

 The opponents faced each other across the centre line of the Furinkan
soccer field. Nabiki made sure that her henchwomen were circulating

amongst

the growing crowd collecting bets on the outcome. No matter which side

won,

Nabiki knew she'd make a fortune. Hometown heroes versus Junior Justice
Leaguers. It was a bookmaker's dream come true!

 Principal Kuno, lured from his Tiki hut by the promise of seeing his hero
Superboy in person

Heh. Nice touch.

* * *

 Here's the fun audience participation bit. Write me (privately) and tell

me

who you think would win each fight and why, assuming all goes according to
the rules. I'll tally up the votes and post them next week along with the
conclusion of the story!! Cool, ne? Just like Marvel vs. DC, or "Death in
the Family"!

I see you remember that too.

Robin: Third "Boy Wonder" to partner with Batman. Real name Timothy Drake.
Robin possesses a keen intellect and excellent physical conditioning, as
well as razor-sharp reflexes and the best martial arts training that

Batman

and several others could give. Not as acrobatic as the Dick Grayson Robin,
(now Nightwing) and nowhere near as headstrong as the Jason Todd Robin,

(now

dead) Tim idolizes Dick and is living out his childhood dream of fighting
crime alongside the Caped Crusader. His uniform is also flexible body
armour, the "R" on his chest is really a shuriken, he wears a collapsible

Bo

staff on his belt and has a utility belt full of a vast array of bat-toys.
He is currently the focus of a romantic triangle between Secret and the
Spoiler, a Gotham vigilante who is the daughter of the Cluemaster.

Oh, there was a winner. Right up there with Crazy Quilt. ^_^

Secret: Enigmatic, waifish girl apparently composed entirely of smoke. She
has a sweet disposition (generally) and is usually very shy. In anime

terms,

think of her like a Caucasian Hotaru Tomoe. Like Hotaru, she has a hidden
dark side, that manifests in occasional dangerous rages. In addition to

her

insubstantiality, Secret can teleport, cast illusions, and apparently cast
others into a kind of smoky limbo from which there is apparently no

escape.

She has a huge crush on Robin, and he is aware of this. While careful not

to

hurt her feelings, he doesn't seem to be in any hurry to return them,
either.

So she's not a side kick to anyone, eh?

Arrowette: Daughter of the original Arrowette, an also-ran sidekick to the
Silver Age Green Arrow.

Really? Didn't remember that.

Lil' Lobo: Once the interstellar bounty hunter Lobo (his name means 'he

who

rips out your entrails and eats them' in Khundish), Lobo was magically
youthened by Klarion the Witch Boy in the Sins of Youth crossover. Now
physically around sixteen Earth-years of age, Lil' Lobo is not as
psychopathically homicidal as his adult self was.

Thankfully

Nice job. Will try to get to the next when I'm able.

D.B. Sommer




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