And now I get to this:

$Finally!  Starting this was easy.  Finishing was a bit of a problem.
Hopefully part two will go quicker.  I got the C&C for AoRF too, thanks.
I'll respond to that later.

Just saw it in the inbox. Will look it over once I'm done with this:

$Whew!  Back after a long, long christmas torture session.  Sorry I'm a
bit late with this.

Compared to the man with the backlog now (only) stretching to the middle of
November, you need fear me lobbing no stones.

later,
the next thing I know I'm waking up in the middle of China wearing
nothing
but a pair of torn purple pants?  I've never owned purple pants in my
entire
life! Purple pants look stupid! SO WHY AM I IN THEM NOW?!"

$Ah, the important questions of life.  Hey, at least it wasn't a red
thong with black tiger stripes.  That looks pretty silly too, believe
me.

Yes, that would be a bit awkward.

The cries startled Lin-Mei, the eight-year old girl who was helping lead
Ryouga, whom she had discovered in her grandfather's crops, up the
trail.
She looked fearfully over her shoulder towards him, an action that had
been
repeated before. "<Grandfather, he's yelling again. This time at the
sun.>"

$Old man: Perfectly understandable.  Isn't it glaring in your eyes too?

Heh. That could have been a cute comeback.

"And why am I carrying all of these sunflowers?! I don't even like
sunflowers! The pollen makes me itchy!"

$Is this Ryoga speaking?  Why does he have sunflowers.

Yes, and the sunflowers go ALLLLL the way back to chapter two and his
wandering off as the Hulk to find some flowers for 'the pretty hammer girl.'
I don't know how you could have forgotten since it was only posted about 2-3
years ago. Almost as long as the last chapter of Quantum Destinies was
posted. *Hint, hint* JK. :)

an

explosion which had shaken the village last night-- he still wondered if
even this belligerent youth deserved to meet what was probably going to
be
his end at the area's new sovereign lord.

$Poor guy.  The lord, that is.

Oh, he can hold his own.

labor,
forcing them to build a huge fortress in the mountains nearby, and
providing
a small amount of their crops to feed him and his handful of close
lackeys,
the lord made little in the way of demands.

$Why, even on a bad day there was at least one bowl of boiled pond scum
for each villager.  And on a good day, well, that mouthful of millet
just filled you right up.

Heh. Actually the demands aren't really that bad. Mandy is a non-demanding
evil overlord, unless he needs something done.

day and night, but Yun-Lo was too sensible to allow curiosity to get the
better of him. The affairs of those more powerful than he were beyond
his
concerns. The credo of his life was to keep his head down, be obedient
and
all would be well, or at least as well as could be expected.

$Yes, indeed, rock farmers are a philisophical lot.

Not much else to contemplate out there.

and he
intended to die as one as well, but not for some time, if he had any say
in
the matter.

$I dunno, I'd rather be a corpse than a live rock farmer.

He has less pride than you. :)

Yes, Yun thought, he would be poor until the end of his days, which
would
hopefully be more than the ones this boy had remaining.

$Knowing Ryoga, if Yun did live longer than him, he'll probably be all
but immortal.

Heh. and farming rocks his entire life. Prolly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Avenging
Chapter 8
Ten Rings to Rule Them All

$Nothing to do with the Lord of the Rings?

Nope. Not at all. It's all in your mind, I'm telling you. :)

Part 1


Any and all C+C is appreciated.

$No matter how late or pathetic it may be, eh?

Oui.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hasam tugged at the collar of his white shirt. The garment was far too
small
to fit his six foot plus, three hundred pound well-muscled frame. It
felt

$Pretty sure it's six-foot plus rather than six foot-plus as I think I
saw in earlier C&C.

six-plus foot was what the other said, actually.

sweater/vest that went over the shirt did nothing to help either his
breathing or his eyes, as it clashed miserably with the baggy plaid
pants he
wore. Actually it clashed with everything he had ever worn in his
twenty-five years of life.

$Possibly because turbans are really hard to accessorise?

Nah, he's not wearing one now.

friend seemed more form-fitting, though given Fekish's usual easygoing
nature, he could have worn an iron maiden and still seemed obliviously
happy.

$Fekish: No, really, it fits fine.  Kind pinches in places, though.
Almost like its digging into my flesh.  And it's a little heavy...  No,
really, I like it.  But, well, do you have one for an autumm?

Yeah. That's pretty much it.

"Why are you making us wear these ridiculous outfits again?" Hasam said
miserably to his superior,

$Yes, explain it again for the reader.  ^_^

A common tool for the writer, to have character reiterate information they
already know for the benefit of the reader.

  And I'm going to ignore as

many technical errors as possible.  I really am.

Thank you. :)

of
his superior. At least Fekish's reflexive regurgitation of
political-religious jargon could be understood since the shorter man was
probably the most impressionable human being on the face of the planet.
He
was fairly certain Fekish could be talked into stripping in front of a
convention of nuns and singing "I'm a little teapot short and stout,"
with
only five minutes of prodding.

$Heh.  People like him are the backbone of all sorts of organizations
that like brainwashing.  Taliban, militant groups, the 700 club, Hare
Krishnas...

True. Hare Krishnas still send shivers up my spine. :)

As Hasam looked his over, his jaw nearly dropped into his lap. "My name
is
supposed to be Sven Svenson

$It's tempting to break out into the Monty Python bit about the moose
and the

this bit got cut off. The what?

"Several," Fekish answered cheerfully as he began absorbing the
information
contained within the passport.

$And he would know because...?

Feckish is a dearth of knowledge, he merely lacks the ability to use it in a
wise manner. Hence why he can do just about anything required of him, except
show initiative.

"Ingenious, isn't it? No one would suspect Icelandic golfers of being
terrorists.

$Having read this, if I'm ever on a flight and I see a tall blond guy
talking with a nordic accent and reading a golf magazine, I'm taking him
out THEN.

Heh

"It's a bomb, isn't it?" Hasam growled as Fekish accepted the briefcase
without a word.

$Technically, no.

But close enouh to hack Hasam off.

"Nonsense," the Colonel scoffed, recovering quickly. "As I said before,
it
is not a bomb.

$It's just that it's very fragile and we ran out of bubble wrap, so we
had to package it in C4 putty.  But _it_ is not a bomb.

Heh

don't I
give you the case and you can get on the plane with it, while I hang
around
this plane of existence for a while longer?"  He thrust the case in the
Colonel's direction.

$If he's got that much common sense, why is he a terrorist in the first
place?  I mean, usually smart people with an agenda and a bit of
bloodlust become serial killers and lawyers.

It's just of late he's coming to realize the truth of the matter. This is
pretty much the incident that breaks his resolve, though.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Roquat?"

"Yes, Mistress?"

$Sometimes I regret not having read all of the previous chapters.

Yes. This would make much more sense if you had read chapter two. *Hint*
Hint* :)

<snip>

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Such a stupid woman, like all of her gender." The Colonel continued to
grin
at his perceived intelligence and wisdom.

$Being a man, I cannot make a truly cutting mark about our frequent
stupidity when it comes to women, but I can shake my head and sigh.

I know I do all the time.

That made Hasam worry all the more, because the Colonel was neither
intelligent nor wise, just lucky, and his luck rarely extended to those
around him.

$As you say, it's sometimes better to be lucky than competent.

Yep.

"I'd just as soon he distracted the authorities rather than travel with
us,"

$Heh, cute.  And imagine the paparatzi.

True.

Paranoia ate away at Hasam's senses like a sea full of sharks devouring
a
bloodied fish in their midst

$That's a very specific way of getting eaten away at.  He's had time to
hone that trait.

Just trying to use a metaphor. Or was it a simile? I get them confused
sometimes.

Fekish waved his finger. "Ah, ah, ah. We're undercover."

Hasam's eyebrow twitched. "Excuse me, Bjork."

$Let me find my chefs hat...  Ah.  "Bjork bjork bjork!"

Heh. Always wondered how that was spelled.

"But the Colonel told us not to." Fekish suddenly became uneasy. He
shifted
his weight between one foot and to the other, almost like a metronome
with
how rhythmically he swayed back and forth.

$Heh, interesting trait.  Will we get to see more of this guy?  I like
him.

Unknown at this time. No plans currently, though.

The Colonel was lying. Oh, he might have been technically telling the
truth,

$Bingo.

But it is intent he was going for here.

compulsion to stand on top of a trashcan and shout out to everyone to

quit
staring at him grew ever more powerful. His breaking point was fast
approaching.

$Man, you'd think he farted in a crowded elevator or something.

Heh

"Like Pig Latin?"

"If it'll make you feel better, fine."

"Okay. No ombay, on the friebcasay."

$I didn't think that was how you did pig latin...

Have no idea. Never used it myself. Was making it up.

Fekish looked up to the ceiling as the list formed in his mind. "Well,
there
were lots of things. Let me think. Inside there were several shirts,
sweaters, pants, socks, edible underwear, toothbrush, toothpaste, soap,
K-Y
Jelly, unused condoms, a tube of talcum powder, a pair of suspenders."

$Ah, so they're a pair of gay professional golfers from Iceland with no
fashion sense.  I bet you don't see that everyday.

No, no you don't.

Fekish continued. "A bag of golf tees, toothpicks, bio-weapon kept in a
metal cylinder with status readout on the side, lint brush, argyle
soACK!"

$Heh heh.

Glad it worked.

"Oh, that's easy. I dated a biochemist while we were here. She'd get a
little drink in her and then would go on and on about the different
types of
bio-weapons her company had her make.

$Bragging?  Moral delimma?  Or just making smalltalk as best she could?

Could be a little of all. ^_^

 I paid attention to what she said
because women like it when you take their jobs seriously, respect their
opinions, and listen to what they have to say. I read that in 'Cosmo'."

$Again, I like this guy.

Thanks. I have to admit, they turned out better than I thought they would in
my head.

"It'll release the gas from its container, and depending on the toxicity
levels, it could conceivably kill everyone in the airport."

$Damn, I really would have thought it would have had at least a little
explosive.

Nope. I slow hissing sound is all they need.

Fekish froze. How did the man know? Was it a trap? What could he do? How
should he respond? Important decisions were best left in the hands of
superiors, who tended to be smarter than him. Racking his mind, he came
up
with the only wildly elaborate and nearly insane plan that he felt might
get
him out of this dire predicament.

$I really liked the Tick's response in a similar situation.  '"Ah...
Err...  Uh... No."  It was the perfect answer.  There was no way it
could possibly be confused with a 'yes'.'

Heh. I must have missed tha issue, or don't remember it. Did love the series
on TV and what few comics I have of it, though.

The smaller man slapped his companion on the back. "See? I told you so.
Didn't I say he looks like a Bjork the instant he headed toward us?"

$Heh.

And we are introed to the dynamic duo of Lime and Mint.

Fekish bowed once, and ran as fast as he could towards the exit of the
airport.

$No comments about it being funny he didn't know where the restroom
was?  Aww, I'm disappointed.

Sorry. Didn't occur to me.

looking
around. "Undercover. People will know we're super villains if we show
off
our costumes."

$In cog knee toe.

Heh

"So if the costumes will give us away, why didn't we just come in our
normal
clothes?"

"Oh, come on. What would we tell them? Be on the lookout for a pair of
Chinese men. One of them is somewhat slender, fast, and likes wearing
wolf
skins while the other is seven feet tall, has four hundred pounds of
solid
muscle, and likes tiger skins? Lots of guys look like that. They'd
probably
walk off with the wrong people."

$Knowing the area, I'd have to agree.

True.

"Oh, that's easy. We'll... Umm, that is we can just... Actually we
can...
Ohh. Look at those. Are those titties?"

$Heh.  Are you sure they aren't American?

Yep. These two are unique individuals, to be sure.

attractive,
with a long mane of black hair that traveled halfway down her back,
bound
only slightly by a red bandanna on top.

"Do you think she's one of the people the boss hired?" the thin one
asked.

$Looking back on this after reading the chapters...  That's funny.

Yep. Ironic to the Nth degree.

Kyo Saeba looked between the hands and the breasts in the distance.
"Hmm.
Sorry, Kaori. I'm afraid I have to go with Ryo. Look's like he's got the
better match to me."

$Cute.

Thanks

She grabbed one ear on each of them, then brought the ears together
rather
violently. Each man's respective head followed the path their ears had
taken. Their heads produced a similar thud. "Ow!" Both said as one,
enhancing the brothers' identical nature.

$Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Yep, pretty much.

"Oh, is that all?" Ryo said. He and Kyo nodded to one another, removed
themselves from the cover of the column and headed towards the two men
without another word.

$Heh.  This is so gonna work.

Irony again

"I swear by all that is holy I will go with you two idiots to Hell and
torment you there even as you tormented me in this life."

$Kaori in a revealing devil suit with a pitchfork and tail.  Heh.
That'd be cute.

Ohh. Hadn't thought of that. Too true.

Ryo turned back to where Kaori still remained behind the pillar, nearly
chewing on the concrete in anxiety. "We have it! And I still don't see
why
you were whining so much about getting it! All you needed to do was ask
politely!"

$If only everyone in the world would be so polite to each other, we'd
have a lot less bloodshed.

True

Mint turned on his comrade. "No! When we're in costume, we use our
super-villain names. I'm the Whizzer."

$Aww, man.  That's horrible.  Kinda reminds me of the old joke beer.
Wolf-whiz pale ale.

Well, there is a historical reference for this, ironically enough.

Kyo looked at his brother's stunned form. "Curiously, I don't feel the
slightest bit of remorse at that." Not one to let a decent opportunity
pass
by, Kyo kicked his brother once again in the side, intent on blaming the
super-villain later.

$With twins, is that considered a self esteem problem?  Self-loathing,
abusing yourself and all that?

Hmm. Freud prolly would have a field day with that.

enough to stop these two monsters before the casualties became too high.
This screwed up, loser situation was exactly why she loathed super
powered
beings. And every time she encountered another one, her anger grew. She
didn't care if the media had dubbed some of them heroes. They were all a
threat. Something had to be done about them before it was too late.

$That reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Me either. let me know if you do.

"Let him in," Tsujimoto whispered in Kobayakawa's ear. "Since we're
dealing
with superpowered bad guys, we can use the help. We're authorized to let
people ride with us in emergency situations. Besides, he's wearing
tights
and has a seriously hot ass. This might be our only chance to hit on a
major
hunk."

$Heh, I think it'd be fun if Ukyo and Kaori were to inadvertantly end
up hitting on each other.

That would be evil.

Daredevil pulled with far more force than was required on the chains.

"First, my name is Daredevil. Second, you made the mistake of using
aftershave, as well as the allowing the smell of gunpowder cling to your
habit. There isn't a nun around that would use Brute and shoot
firearms."

"Obviously you never attended a Catholic school," the man muttered.

$Heh heh heh.  I liked that one.

Seemed to be a popular line

As Mousse traveled overhead, he was barely able to hear the officer's
radio
over the roaring of the engine. "Confirmation on two super villains at
the
airport. One is really strong and called Powerful Guy. The other has
something to do with urination, evidently. Be advised and grab a
poncho."

$That's just too funny.  Poor Mint.

Yep. But his fate will change my next chapter.

you
let them. But you have to let them, boy, otherwise there's no telling
who
they'll follow. All I know is, it would be better if it were you instead
of
someone else.

$*sniff*  That's beautiful.

Thanks. One of the few Genma isn't a complete puts speeches he's made that I
can remember.

strangely
ever since that bizarre incident where the addition to the office had
been
completely destroyed by two super villains that had been apprehended by
the
authorities a few weeks ago. Luckily, the doctor was insured by Damage
Control Inc., who specialized in covering cases of destruction by
super-powered beings.

$I bet his premiums are going up, though.

Nah. One thing about DCI. that's what they specialize in.

 There was still some question as to who was actually
at fault since the villains claimed they had only taken over everyone's
minds in the district and not destroyed any housing. Their declarations
were
silly, though. Akane never had her mind taken over. She would have
remembered that sort of thing.

$Sure she would have.  ^_^

Just like everyone else in the neighborhood thought.

would behave even more nervously, as though he was trying to hide
something,
which only served to fan the flames of interest further.

$And her desire, which kept her awake and sweating on those long,
lonely nights...  No, wait, that's my kind of story.  Never mind.

Heh

screening prospective bridal candidates. However, Mrs. Ono lacked the
patience to wait for Akane to get older, and was insistent Tofu marry
soon.
And, much to Akane's concern, for some odd reason the old woman seemed
insistent that Kasumi was the perfect match for her son.

$Funny, that.  I bet the sex would be interesting, though.  'Oh, honey,
that's the biggest I've ever seen!' indeed.

Too big. Would frighten away all the girls.

hadn't turned out well at all. Everyone that sampled the mixture had
agreed
on that.

$Cute.

Thanks. Wanted to include a subtle reference to her cooking not being good
in this universe.

the backroom, he had fallen way behind with). Now the regular
programming
was interrupted due to some special report about super villains
attacking an
airport and holding the authorities at bay.

$It's a red letter kind of day.

Yep

cane
and then it would be time to fly to the airport and kick some butt as
only
the Goddess of Thunder could do.

$Aww, all the action is next chapter.

Well, next half of the chapter.

  Ah, well.  Looks good, solid

writing, mildly humorous asides, and interestings things going on.  I've
read I think 1 american comic book in my entire life, and watched most
of a season of X Men cartoons, so I'm pretty far out of my league when
it comes to the Marvel universe, but I'm still enjoying the fic.

Well, as long as that's going on, then it's all right.

Keep

it up.

As I said, I should be able to C&C it within a day or so, now that I'm
not working anymore and back in classes.  Unfortunately, it'll be Friday
before I can send it out.

Like I said, just got it and will look it over. Thanks much for the C+C.

D.B. Sommer






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