The following is a spoof, not to be taken seriously in
any way or really looked at gramatically. It's just
meant to be read and possibley make you laugh once or
twice...Although, comments would be nice...
Please send all comments to:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
---
Disclaimer: Don't own Ranma. Like big duh there huh?
. . . Ah what the hell, I cannot lie to you! I AM
RUMIKO TAKIHASHI! Pay me!...BWHAHAHHAHA...hey...who
are those masked guys at the door? Oh they're selling
Avon! Of course! Silly me, better let them in...
---
THE EVIL
SUMMER FIC
The Hibiki family were on vacation. Yes, the Hibiki
family. Ukyou and Ryouga got married after a life
changing adventure of epic proportions that changed
the very fabric of time and space and gave perfectly
plausible reasons for why they were not with Akari and
Konatsu.
Which everyone has heard before, so no reason to go
over it again.
Oh and Tsubasa died, for no reason at all.
Eh what the heck, Happosai did too.
Anyways, Ryouga and Ukyou were now a family according
to a piece of paper from the government. And so, as
people are naught to do after they get hitched, they
had a couple of brats to liven up the place a little.
Unfortunately, they lost the receipts and were unable
to take them back after they had begun talking.
Big bummer there.
After that, some other stuff happened and then they
decided to go on vacation. It was after all, the
thing families did for some reason.
"Daddy! He's looking at me funny!"
"Stop bothering your sister!"
The eight-year-old boy who just went by boy (Why
bother to keep giving the kids names if they just got
lost before their parents could invest any time in
them?) scooted closer to his younger sister.
"Mwhahahahha! Prepare for your death! Dad taught me
a new technique! The ultimate . . . touch of death!"
He pointed his index finger and waved it in front of
his sister face.
"No he didn't!" The girl said ('cause you know, her
name was just girl).
"Ultimate Baksai Tenkillyu!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! MU-OM!"
The station-wagon swerved violently off the road,
falling on it's side for a moment, and then righted
itself. It was an old vechile, but it
worked...sorta...sometimes....once in awhile...
Ryouga turned calmly around from the front seat.
"Now children be good or Mommy might accidentally kill
us all."
"But Dad! He tried to make my face explode!"
Ah, how many times had he heard that one? He had to
pay attention to these two, they'd stuck around for
nearly eight years. If they made it to junior high,
maybe he'd even give them names.
"What did I tell you about using ultimate killing
techniques on your siblings?"
"Only use them against the Saotome kids from across
the street?"
"Exactly! That's my girl!" Ryouga reached back and
ruffled her hair.
The car careened off the road again.
"Hey, where's your baby brother?" Ryouga scratched
his head. The little boy pointed beside him at a
little blue bundle that was bashing a rattle against
the car door, creating large dents in the frame.
"Ah that's good. Thought we were going to have to
replace that one too."
"Daddy! I'm hungry!" The little girl waved her hands
around obnoxiously. "When are we gonna eat somethin?"
The toddler created a few more dents in the door.
"We're going to stop at a rest stop soon and Mommy's
gonna fix us some okonomiyaki."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the collective response
from the children that could talk. The baby just sat
and drooled some. He WAS just a baby after all.
"But we have okinomiyaki everyday!"
"Please don't make us eat it again!"
"Anything but that!"
"Shhh!" Ryouga glared and then looked warily at the
woman driving next to him. Luckily, she was too busy
being consumed with road rage and cussing out the
passing cars to notice any sacred Hibiki family law
being broken.
"How dare you cut off a beautiful business owner like
me?! I'm an okonomiyaki chef damn it! Yeah you
better speed up! I don't even have to get out of the
car to kick your ass! I'd just have my kids do it for
me!"
Phew, it was a good thing she didn't hear the kids
talking, or she coulda REALLY gotten angry...
"Ow! Stop it! . . . Ow! . . . Ow! Dad! He won't
stop slapping me! Make him stop! . . . Ow! Make him
stop!"
Ryouga growled and turned around again.
"Hit your sister one more time and you're not getting
any food next time we stop."
The little boy opened his mouth to reply and shut it
quickly. Not having food was worse than death! Or
having the Saotome girl steal your pudding cups and
push you in the mud everyday! Not that those things
happened . . . cause they didn't. And if he didn't
eat he'd shrivel up and his stomach would cave in and
the pressure would like...do stuff and he'd explode!
The little boy made a solemn vowel to be good until he
had eaten.
His sister glanced up at her parents to see if they
were watching. Satisfied that they were both watching
the road, she brought her palm up to her arm and . .
.
SLAP!
"THAT'S IT! NO FOOD FOR YOU, MISTER!"
"But I . . . But I . . ." The little boy turned in
shock to see his sister smiling sadistically at him.
Oooooh so that's how she was going to play the game
eh? Well fine. Be that way. The family didn't need
a girl child. He would bide his time. He would have
his revenge, yes he would. He would be the top child
in the family. None of them would be able to stop--
"Aaaaaaaaah! The baby's biting me! Make him stop!"
The little boy yanked his hand free and glared at the
baby. Stupid baby! The little boy glared at the
toddler next to him. The baby just smiled. The boy
glared harder. The baby pointed a chubby finger to
his temple as his smile turned sinister . . .
"Aaaaaaaaah! Switch me places sis! The baby's
freaking me out again!"
"No way! He bites." The little girl looked thoughtful
for a moment. "Ya now, he hasn't been the same ever
since we accidentally left him in that temple with
those guys with black hoods." She shrugged.
"Daddy?" The little girl put on her, 'look at me I"m
so cute, I never do anything wrong it's always my
brother's fault' look. "Are you sure we can't go to
McDonald's or something?"
The room fell suddenly silent.
She had said...THE WORD.
"I don't want to hear you speak profanity like that in
this car!"
"S-sorry Daddy." She implored the 'I'm the cutest
little girl in the world with pigtails' look agian.
"Aww, it's ok honey."
The little boy glared. The baby...just clasped his
fingers together and mumbled to himself.
Silence was sent down by the Gods for 4.6
seconds...wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful
wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful
wonderful wonderful....wonderful silence. But the
gods didn't say it multiple times because they knew it
would only make the word sound odd until authors of
the world would look at the word 'wonderful' and
wonder...is it REALLY a word?
"Dad! Do the wonderful thing!" The little girl put on
her cutesy overdose-on-sugar-eat
my-heart-out-chibi-usa-cute look again.
Ryouga blinked. "Wonder-what?"
"Nevermind! You know, the glowy thing!"
"But I just showed you an hour ago, kids and--"
"Pleeeeeease?" The little girl elbowed her brother in
the ribs.
The little boy looked up. "Eh? Um...yeah right! Do
the thing Dad! It's so amazing and uh cool!"
"You're the coolest dad ever!" The little girl
smiled.
"Yeah, we're in awe of your awesome and god-like
skills."
"Eh, I don't know about God-like." Ryouga blushed.
Aww, maybe the kids weren't so bad after all.
The little boy and girl smiled.
Just a little more and he'd give them ten extra bucks
to spend at the park!
The car swerved off the road again, hit a mailbox, and
then righted itself.
"Ahhhhhhh!" was the response from everyone but the
driver.
"But we didn't even say anything this time!" The
little girl sniffled.
"Someone cut me off!" Ukyou growled in the 'I am mom
hear me roar, no cookies before supper' kinda way that
makes children throughout the world tremble in fear.
"Oh no!" The little girl pointed. "It's those snooty
amazons!"
And sure enough, like the death star coming into view,
a brand new minivan pulled alongside the Hibiki
station wagon. It's sides gleamed like new, 'cause it
was. The thing of newly polished evil shone brightly
in the daylight. But that meant nothing compared with
what was inside, three evil triplet mini shampoo's
(travel size). The little girls in identical Tommy
Hilfilger outfits rolled down the window and stuck
their tongues out at the Hibiki kids.
"Nyahh! Nyaah! The Hibiki's are real dirty! They're
mom is over thirty! They can't find their way, even to
the top of their bootay!"
"...Ahhhh! they're almost as bad as the Saotome girl!"
No one was as bad as the Saotome girl, the little boy
knew that from experience. No one knew the true
horror of the red haired demoness...
"Almost?! Lather, Rinse and Repeat are pure evil!
They knock our tree houses down! They can't rhyme
very well! I've seen hell because of them! Kill um
mom!" The little girl pushed her brother over and
rolled down the window. "Prepare to die Amazon bimbo
brats!"
Ryouga, despite feeling a nice sense of nostalgia,
still felt he had to do the parent thing so he turned
around.
"Calm down." Yes, that sounded like a very parenty
thing to say.
"But they're wearing Tommy Hilfiger! They HAVE to be
evil!"
True. Ah, such smart children he raised. Well, sorta
raised. Television did most of the work.
"Honey, they're only children and--" Ryouga was cut
off by another older voice coming from the Amazon
mini-van.
"Stupid spatula girl car look like it fall apart yes?
Get too crowded and finally decide to take pig family
out to bigger mud hole to graze?"
...
"GET THEM UKYOU!"
"RUN THEM OFF THE ROAD MOM!"
"MAKE THEM WISH THEY NEVER WERE BORN!"
The baby gurgled something that sounded remotely like
'redrum'.
And thus, Ukyou sped up in a highspeed family drag
race with dazzingly special effects, harrowing near
death experiences, and losta other stuff which looks
too damn hard to type out. It was really
uh...wonderful.
Boom! Crash! And stuff.
"Yeah mom! We ran them over the railing!" The little
girl cheered.
"That's what you get when you mess with the Hibikis!"
The baby bashed his rattle against the door like a
gorilla who has just snapped an unsuspecting tourist's
neck. You know, all savage like.
Ryouga looked over at Ukyou. "Should we be worried we
raised heartless and ruthless children?"
Ukyou shrugged. "Nah."
"Let's go have fun at the amusement Park!" The little
boy cheered. He was happy too. That's why he was
cheering.
Little did the Hibiki's remember that after their
really cool car chase their car was lying in the
middle of the road. Aka. the middle of traffic.
Where other cars can hit it.
And so one did.
Recycled Boom! Crash!
And so, the Hibiki family vacation ended like most
family vacation do: by their stationwagon carreening
off a cliff that then fell into a bed of sharp rocks,
and promplty burst into flames.
Somewhere in the Saotome family car...
Akane turned around. "Eh, did you hear something? I
thought we just hit something."
Ranma shrugged. "Couldn't have been very important."
He glanced over his shoulder. "Hey kid, where'd you
get all that pudding?
A redheaded little pigtailed girl in the back giggled.
"I dunnoooo...."
THE END...probabley
----
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
=====
"Caffeinated Kender? What's that, a berserk spell?" -
Tribble, Kender Warrior of the Celestial Kingdom
"God has to have a sense of humor, it's the only explanation for sex." - my father
"I have to write a how-to paper for class, so I'm writing a paper on how to be psuedo-evil." - my brother
http://members.aol.com/thrythlind/snake.html
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