Jose Argao wrote:

Upwards and onwards.
 

Warning: If symptoms persist, consult your crystal ball.

Can't. Blind. And the girlfriend broke the vibrate function.
 

        "I'm sooooo sleepy."

"I dooooooon't care," Rei replied.
 

        "Aw, come on Rei! You aren't still mad at me are you? I didn't
mean to ruin your dress like that, but it was our anniversary and I
didn't have anything to wear! How was _I_ supposed to know that we'd

split that

        Rei looked at her friend once again, and realized that Usagi

again and 

        "It's okay, don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault so I
won't make you pay for the dress. Just promise never to borrow clothes
from me again."

"Do I have to take these off now then?"

Rei leered.
 

        Some people might have seen it as adorable, the way her head
lolled from side to side as the train she was riding went along on its
way. Others might have looked at the strange smile forming in her face
and wondered what happy dream could have been causing it.

        Rei just hoped Usagi would stop drooling on her shoulder.

How's she drooling on her shoulder and still having enough head
mobility to let it loll with the train?
 

        "Fascinating..." Ami Mizuno continued staring at her computer,

"Fascinating." Utterly useless ellipse.
 

        "I've been getting strange readings since we neared Nerima.
There are a lot of very powerful auras in there, I think." Ami answered
the question without looking up from the tiny screen in front of her.

Completely opinion but I'd go ...think," Ami answered without...
 

        "Powerful beings? Could they be enemies?" Makoto turned her
head to Ami excitedly.

What? She doesn't have enough?
 

        "No, that's the strange thing about them. All the auras
indicate beings with power either equal to or greater than our senshi
forms, but they're all undeniably human." Ami pressed a few buttons on
her computer's keypad, and frowned again.

Than she's missing a whole lot of people, Kuno, Kodachi, and Ukyo
spring to mind as those probably not more powerful than the
senshi. Not to mention people like Shamps, Tarou, and Mousse all
being quite regularly deniable as human. 
 

        "I'll bet it has something to do with Setsuna calling us there.
Maybe we should wait until she's finished telling us what she has to
say. If she doesn't mention the sources of the readings, we can always
ask her afterward, right?" Minako again turned to the cute guy. Maybe

Like she'll answer.
 

        "I'll bet it's another being come to destroy the world or
something." Makoto cracked her knuckles, almost wishing that there
would be new enemies to fight. Nothing much has happened for the past

had

        Minako sighed as she saw the cute guy kiss the man beside him
on the lips. A large sweat drop appeared behind her head.

Well did she sigh or sweat drop? The two reactions seem mutually
exclusive. Perhaps she sighed then sweat dropped after realizing
it was a guy?
 

        Skuld was not happy. She had been watching Ranma's life through
the Yggdrasil and so far she couldn't see anything different from the
way things were before. She should have been relieved, but she was
actually even more afraid because of it. It was her firm belief that

massive repetition of "she" in that one, most of it easily
avoidable. 

everything Urd does would inevitably lead to trouble, and the longer

does= did

the lag between the act and the trouble, the bigger the trouble would
turn out to be.

trouble repetition as well. that probably won't be a problem
after you change the she repitition, but I can't tell yet.
 

        She looked at Ranma's sleeping form on his futon and sighed.
She would never admit it to anyone, but she'd had a crush on him since
he was five. He was so cute then!

again on the repetition <use epithets>, and well damn. That's
kinda foul.
 

        "He's cute now," the young Goddess whispered to herself.
Suddenly, she found what she was looking for and gasped.

I'd make the man amongst men joke but its just so overused. 
 

        Getting up from her seat, she slowly made her way to talk to
the one person she trusted with her secret.

Mr. Wiggly.
 

        The fact that she had indirectly caused Ranma's curse was
constantly weighing on Skuld's shoulders. She felt guilty that he
had to suffer so because of a slip of her tongue. However, no matter
how much she wanted to, she could not interfere as long as Urd was in
charge of him.

Seems a very un-skuldish mentality.
 

        "How'd she get father to agree to that deal anyway?" Skuld

Father

        Finally reaching the room she was headed for, she knocked on it
three times. Shortly after, a brown-haired young woman opened the door.

On the room or the door? Watch your antecedents.
 

        "Calm down, it's not your fault." Belldandy led her sister to
her bed, where she stroked her sister's hair and comforted her.

=D

        Ranma coughed and sputtered as a bucket of water was dumped on
him, waking him up from restful slumber. Now a she, the young martial
artist sat up suddenly and collapsed into a fit of coughing. Quickly
turning to the person who splashed him, his eyes narrowed into slits
as anger overtook his good sense.

You've got some gender confusion in there. I'd do something like
"Now in his girl body..." or such for a bit of irony.
 

        "Why you little... DIE, RANMA!" Akane swung at Ranma with a
wicked uppercut, sending him flying through the roof only to land right
in the middle of the Koi pond.

        "Uncute tomboy," Ranma muttered under his breath as he started
getting up.

Now I'm probably one of the list's most rabid Akane haters, but
this, especially after the Moko Takabisha arcs, is very hard to
believe. Akane usually stays out of Ranma/Ryouga's fights and
when she does offer extreme violence on Ranma, it's usually with
the assumption he needs a good beating rather than an intent to
harm. I'd tone it down.
 

        "I heard that!" Akane's voice rang through the house as she
started moving towards the pond to inflict further punishment on her
fiance. She wasn't all that surprised to find that he had already fled
by the time she got there.

That's absurd for the both of them. She'd probably go sulk as
usual, and he'd taunt her from outside. Individually those two do
those actions reasonably, but as a whole scene its a lot of
stretching.

Contrary to Fanfic canon, Akane can't actually hit Ranma when
he's expecting it. It's the expecting it part that poses the
problem.
 

        "I must stop it before it's too late." Setsuna looked at her
watch to find that the other senshi would not be arriving for at least
another hour. Walking with a grace which made the small, routine action
seem beautiful, she made her way into the ice cream shop behind her.

So she walked backwards? While quite pleasent for those in the
ice cream shop, somewhat silly.

        "Well, that _could_ get very problematic." Belldandy continued
stroking Skuld's back, but her mind was miles away from her sister.

=D

what Skuld said was true, Urd's antics would have repercussions that
would reach far into the future, and might even change the fate of the

future and 

        "I know that, but there's nothing we can do! Ranma's off limits
to us." Skuld hugged her sister harder.

Again I say =D
 
 

        "Huh? What do you mean?" Skuld blinked twice. "I've read the
contract. There aren't any loopholes in it. Aside from father, Urd is

Father

        Skuld's eyes flashed with excitement, and her lips formed a
smile. "Yes, go on."

Yes, please do. Graphically. 
 

        "I don't think so. Setsuna was never late before and I doubt

before, and

that she'd be any less punctual now. If anything, she's probably
already left. After all, we _are_ ten minutes late." Ami glared at

you seem to be doing the underscore emphasis twice a scene.
You're overusing it.

        "What are you talking about, Usagi? You were _humping_ my leg!
What else could it possibly been?" Rei shivered in disgust at the
memory of one of her best friends rubbing up against her in ways that
she'd much rather forget about.

She may want to forget, but your readers want nothing of the
sort.
 

        "That does not matter right now * . There are more pressing

now.*

Yes, there are rules for that sort of thing. Strunk and White my
boy. Let them be your gods.

        "I think it would be better to demonstrate." Setsuna glanced at
her watch. "Yes, I believe it is just about to begin."

That's kind of informal phrasing for her.
 

        Ranma dodged another flurry of punches from Ryoga before
feinting to the right and kicking the fanged martial artist. The blow
hit him directly on his back, the force enough to send him through a
wall and onto street outside the house whose backyard they had been
fighting in.

That whole paragrah has unclear antecedants. Be more specific
with your pronouns.
 

        "It's not like I had a choice, you know! Akane threw me out
before I could eat any breakfast, _that's_ why I was at Ucchan's. What
do you want me to do, starve to death?" Ranma dodged a left straight
punch and blocked the two fingers striking at his eyes. Grabbing
Ryoga by the collar of his shirt, Ranma moved to throw him over his
shoulder into a wall.

Your Ranma's awfully whiny.
 

        Ryoga saw the move coming and jumped into the air to meet him.
The two exchanged blows for a few seconds before dropping back down,
turning quickly back to each other.

Come on, describe that better than that. Be artsy.
 

        "It's unbelievable, if I'm not mistaken, _both_ of them have
enough power to match our senshi forms! They're even stronger than the
negaverse generals but the readings indicate that they're both humans!"

generals, but

        "They're skills and strength are amazing." Rei watched slack-

"Their skills and strengths 

        "Yeah..." Minako and Usagi drooled openly as the man of their

"Yeah." 

        "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!" Ryoga tried to block as many of
Ranma's punches as he could, but a lot of them still got through.

No, actually he didn't. He blocked as many as he could and
probably tried to block them all. The "of them" is unnecessary.

        "Wow, did you see that? They were _amazing_!" Rei turned
excitedly to her friends, but got no response. Ami was still busy with

friends but

        "Makoto, wait!" Makoto paid no heed to Rei's pleas and
continued towards her destination. Rei shook her head at Makoto's
foolhardy move. Then, a thought hit her with the force of a freight

Then a 

train.

That happens when you only have two or three a month.
 

        'Wait a minute, _sempai_?'

"Wait a minute. Sempai?"

As is you have sempai as the object.
 

        After releasing his attack, Ranma twisted his body once more
and prepared to hit Ryoga with a flying kick to the head. At the same

you mention people preparing to attack to much. Gets old.

        "Sempai, are you okay?"

Nice change to see that being Ryouga for once.
 

        "I'm fine."

        "Really? That's great!"

        Ryoga felt the pain in his head increase slightly as Makoto
dropped him unceremoniously and made her way over to where her friends
were trying their best to help Ranma.

HA!
 

        "Is he okay?" Makoto sat beside Minako as she cradled Ranma's

again, who's she?

head in her lap. Rei was brushing dirt off his face and Usagi was

face, and

standing to the side, a worried look on her face. Ami was running her
computer over his body and taking note of the readings it gave her.

Homemade porn, Senshi style.
 

        Ranma didn't recognize the blonde who gave him the warning. He
didn't remember ever seeing anyone with the same hairstyle as her, and
it wasn't a style he'd easily forget. He decided to play it cool.

Yeah, Ranma playing it cool. Snort. 
 

        "Those were some great moves you used! What style do you
practice?" Ranma beamed at the praise.

        "I am Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts."

Try to keep the quote with the sentence of he who's saying it.
 

        All the inner senshi disappeared and Setsuna felt a gust of

disappeared, and

        Well, actually, he just quickly nodded his head up and down
while eating but it was practically the same thing.

eating, but
 

        Everything was going fine until Ryoga came along. He hadn't
been in the restaurant for five seconds and they were already locked

seconds, and 

in battle. Her perfect morning with Ranma, ruined by a directionally
challenged idiot.

that sentence has no verb
 

        'It was probably a wrong number. A strange one too. Huh?'
Ukyo's train of thought was derailed by a sound coming from inside her
bathroom. Grabbing her battle spatula from her back, she approached
the door carefully. It opened suddenly and a small girl stepped out.

suddenly, and

She had long dark hair and strange markings on her face. She had what
looked like a hammer strapped to her back. Her clothes were of a style
Ukyo had never seen before, and she was levitating a short distance
from the floor.

See Spot run disease.
 
Well, that was some of the most entertaining Ryouga bashing I've
read in a bit. I've noticed that while most of your events are
wery similar to the OS, the dialogue and some interpersonal
interactions seem out of place. Try not to overuse either simple
pronouns <he, she, they> or sentence constructions. Awful lot of
subject, verb ones. 

Still entertaining. 

Miashara

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