Haved touched any of TF's stuff in a while:

     It was 13 o'clock on a typical day when the sky turned blue.

I hate it when that happens. It usually signifies the start of a bad trip as
opposed to a good one, where things turn orange and the clock chimes R.

     "Over here, Dad!" Mallory called back, sitting up. He quickly
packed away his headphones into his school sack, before his father could
spot them. "We're running in safety mode again, huh?"

     The man in peasant farmer's clothes (you can tell from the amount
of dirt and color tones ranging the spectrum from brown and green)

Heh. This is true.

jogged to a halt, glancing up at the sky with a frown of displeasure.
"Blue Sky of Death. Third time this week," he reminded him. "Third time,
Mallory. We really should call in a technician tonight to fix the
blasted thing once and for all. Something can't be right if it's
crashing this often..."

Ah. VR world, eh?

     "C'mon, Dad! They charge an arm and a leg, why

leg. Why

( I think it would be better if you broke them into two.)

     The elder farmer crossed his arms, giving his boy a flat look. No
words.

Don't think you need the 'No words' bit

     "Yeah, yeah, but it was worth a try," Mallory said, hiking his sack
up over one shoulder.

     The windmill was quite a ways away,

'ways away' awkward. I'd rephrase it so it doesn't sound so redundent.

     "This may take awhile," he said.

Nah. The fic is short. It'll be quick.

thud, thud... thud.... quiet.

     He sat down and waited a few minutes. Picked at some wax that had
been building in his ear lately.

Nice way to show him killing time, since people do this. Still...

Ewww! ^_^

     Better this cheap trick than to worry him with how I REALLY fix the
engine each time it crashes, Mallory thought to himself for the dozenth
time.

And he's right

     He'd read once on the network about how people sailed across worlds
with oceans, in vehicles built to harness the power of the wind. There
would be spots in the middle of an ocean where no wind blew and the
waves were calm... doldrums, they were called. Places where everything
just sort of sits there until you die of boredom and/or hunger, with no
wind to aid your escape.

And you died. It was really quite boring. Far better to get swallowed by a
sea serpent, in his opinion.

     To carry the metaphor too far (which he had an uncanny habit of
doing even in his own mind) he was hungry for something other than the
boredom of this world,

Not far off in my joke, I see.

     As he pondered such tornados, walking along to rejoin his life
already in progress, a house fell on him.

Hate it when that happens too. Usually means Dorothy's come a calling.

Nice work, but feels more Sci-fiish than anime flavored. At least in this
beginning part. Just my two cents on it. Sorry I couldnt' be more helpful..

D.B. Sommer

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