Ah!  Fresh meat for the grinder... ;)

  Seriously, though, I'm tackling a C&C of this piece for several
  reasons.  First, I've got a soft spot for original works, especially
  well-written ones, -especially- ones that actually tell a story,
  rather than blatantly act as a medium for an author avatar.

  Second, I'm trying to get back into the fanfic groove, and my
  tolerance for Yet Another Ranma Fic is at an all-time low still...
  and I don't know enough about many other series, so I'm kinda stuck
  giving C&C on other work.

  And finally, I'm a bit pissy today, and feel like tearing something
  apart.  Since that would be a Bad Thing to do, I'm going to try and
  redirect my destructive impulses into something creative.  Try being
  the operative word.

  As always, everything herein is My Opinion Only, and you're free to
  ignore it as you please.  Also realize that, while I may be blunt
  from time to time, I don't bother C&C'ing work that I don't either
  like or see potential in.

  (in other words, this isn't an attack, it's just blunt. ;)

At Thursday, January 17, 2002 11:43:12 AM, lsmcgill@hotmail.com wrote:

Book One: Fallen Angels

  Is this Book One, or Chapter One?  Seems rather short to be called a
  Book...

She closed the door to the apartment in which she had lived all her life and 
sighed. The door locked with a click that echoed in her ears with a finality 
that bespoke doom. She picked up the single bag that carried all the 
possessions she owned after a lifetime of service, a life now fallen into 
ruin, and walked down the brightly lit hall to the elevator. She pressed the 
button, and almost instantly, the doors opened. She stepped inside the roomy 
interior, ignoring the cheerful voices of the choruses coming through the 
speakers as the elevator descended. Today, the usually upbeat music seemed a 
false promise of heaven.

  She wondered where it came from.  She thought, "Maybe next door?"
  She realized she was hungry.  She opened the fridge, then she...

  Anyway.  Do you see my point?

  Four of the six sentences in the above paragraph (unless my count is
  off) begin with 'she'.  I suggest finding some other way to word
  this.

As the elevator descended, she looked at herself in the mirrored walls, 
glumly noting the redness of her eyes from crying, the disheveled mass of 
her flaming red hair. She pushed her glasses back up her pert nose, the gold 
frames settling back in front of her eyes where the oval lenses of pink 
glass hid some of the redness. Better perhaps to take them off and not be 
able to see the world she was leaving behind, but she hated her 
nearsightedness without them too much.

  Right about here I was figuring this was a suicide-in-development,
  thus begetting at least part of the 'Adult Content and Themes'
  disclaimer above.  Glad to see I was wrong. :)

The doors opened out to the enormous lobby and she walked across the vast, 
echoing room to the front doors. She stepped out into the eternal sunshine, 
the bright sunlight seeming dimmer, though she was the only one who seemed 
to notice. She flagged down a taxi, watching as it turned to retrieve her. 
The golden chariot dipped down to the street, the hooves of the Pegasus 
pulling it chiming on the cool metal of the gold surface. The gorgeous blond 
Adonis driving the taxi leaned down to help her up.

�Where to, miss?� he asked, the musical sound of his voice grating on her

  ... and right about here, I nearly gave up.

  You NEED to send out these things in plain, old-fashioned,
  no-frills, unadorned ASCII text.  You've got the styled quotes above
  (I'd reproduce them, but my mailer doesn't support 'em -- I had to
  open some of this in Word to figure out what they were) and in other
  places you've got an ellipsis character instead of an ellipsis
  (...)

  This Will Not Do.

  Many people on the 'net at large, and on the FFML in particular,
  dislike any form of formatted text.  We prefer our text in
  caveman-era ASCII, thankyouverymuch, and (in my case, at least) are
  likely to just trash something if it's filled with strange
  heiroglyphics rather than readable text.

 
ears.

�Pearly Gates Complex,� she answered.

As the taxi transported her to her destination, she sourly reflected on the 
overdose of pleasantness that was part of her daily life. Rather� had been a 
part of her daily life. Bright, eternal sunlight, unvarying temperature, 
sweet scented breezes, and angelic choruses, Heaven was everything one could 
want, and more�

Unless you wanted something forbidden.

  Hmm... kinky angel?  Could have possibilities... ;)
  

[snip]

The clerk eyed the pink paper emotionlessly. �Name?�

�Harteriel Serefina, Seraphim first class,�

  In Nomine?

�Not anymore.� Emotion colored his voice finally, a vicious, gleeful tone. 
He reached up and Heart felt a wrenching sensation as the golden circlet was 
pulled free and dropped with a clatter on the desk. Only the silver circlet 
of light, innate to all angels, remained hovering over her head. The clerk 
glared at it as though he wished he could take that away, too, but only 
Heart could choose to remove it, and a glance into her eyes confirmed her 
unwillingness to do so. The clerk changed tactics.

�This is the Exiles� Gate, girl. You come here, you don�t work in Heaven 
anymore!� he crowed licentiously, a nasty smile on his face.

�I know,� Heart said, the jibe hitting home and chilling her all the more.

�I don�t think you do,� the clerk laughed, enjoying the opportunity to rub 
the salt in. �You fucked up, girl.�

  So, is he an angel or a demon?  Or is it not that clear-cut?


[snip]

She turned to the store behind her, not noticing the strange look she was
getting from the owner of the flower shop next door. Her eyes sought out the 
sign along the music store�s weathered fa�ade, which proudly proclaimed its 
name to be Celestial Sounds. The windows were covered with an assortment of 
garish music posters, among which two stood out most prominently. Many 
passersby had noted the irony of Led Zeppelin�s �Stairway to Heaven� poster 
being right next to AC/DC�s �Highway to Hell,� but only a few knew the 
truth.

  *snrk!*  Okay, you scored a point.  *wipes Coke off monitor*

She stepped forward to place a hand on the poster of the golden stair, but 
only smooth glass met her hand. She collapsed in tears, falling to her knees 
at the base of the wall.

�Well, well, what have we here?� a cruel voice asked.

�Why, it�s a little slut, so eager to get fucked, she couldn�t wait for us 
to strip her,� another voice laughed.

She looked around, her sight blurred with tears. Six men surrounded her, 
dressed like a gang of typical punks; but they wavered in her vision, 
looking one moment like a group of deliberately-bald teenagers from a neo- 
Nazi gang, then shifting into the semblance of lower-level demons. She 
pressed her back to the wall behind her, fumbling through her bag, hoping, 
praying they hadn�t taken it�

  Taken what?  Her Holy Howitzer?  An aerosol can of Demon-B-Gon?  The
  Cross?  A battery-operated Super Soaker 3500XPZ-M filled with holy
  water?  A prayer stick?  A blessed nine-iron?  What?

  

[snip]

In a squeal of tortured rubber, a midnight-black Corvette convertible
fishtailed around the corner of the alley and braked, the headlights 
illuminating the shadowed corridor. A blur launched from the car into the 
air, then flipped before slamming into the concrete, shattering it. The 
demons froze in shock at the sight before them, but Heart sighed with 
relief.

  An angel of Love named Heart.  Aww.  Someone pass me the insulin,
  would ya? ;)

An Amazonian woman crouched before them, her feet buried to the ankles in 
the shattered cement. One hand was also buried in a third hole, her fingers 
puncturing the pseudo-rock as though it were clay. Long legs met under a 
short black leather mini, and the skintight halter-top barely contained 
oversized breasts. Her violet eyes blazed out of a heart-shaped face under a 
long, white pageboy haircut, and a slight smile graced her lips. Her free 
right hand held an axe-bladed trident. For a long moment, no one moved. Then 
she spoke in a warm contralto that carried more menace than the gravelly 
voices of the demons.

  I'm having a really hard time picturing an axe-bladed trident.  I
  don't know if it's just me, though.
  

�Care to try someone your own size?� A wicked grin revealed inch-long 
canines.

For a second, the leader seemed nonplussed, but then he grinned again. �How 
sweet, twice the meat!� He motioned to the two closest to the strange 
newcomer. �Get her!�

  Obviously he doesn't remember what happened when Ray said that...

The two demons separated to come at her from both sides, but the stranger 
didn�t move. As they aligned on either side and began to rush her, she 
shrugged.

With blinding speed and the power of a piledriver, bat wings caught the two 
demons and slammed them into the walls on either side, crushing the bricks 
nearly a foot and a half back and turning the pair into mangled carcasses.

The leader blinked in shock at the altered appearance of his foe. Two purple 
horns just poked through the sides of her bangs, and her skirt had been 
pushed up far beyond the bounds of modesty by a muscular tail that ended in 
a large spaded tip. Delicate points had appeared on her ears, while her legs 
now terminated in an elongated foot that suggested hooves. The hand holding 
the axe-bladed trident had five-inch nails of the same purple as her horns. 
Violet light burned around her weapon, wisps of glowing vapor rising like 
smoke. Her wings completely spanned the wide alley.

  I've gotta give you points for nifty-looking, um, monsters? ... but
  there's one problem: how, exactly, does one hold onto something when
  one has *five-inch* nails?

  I mean, if they're as sharp as you describe, when she closed her
  fist around the trident she'd stab herself in the palm of her hand,
  or the wrist at the very least.

�What the fuck!� Surprise was evident in his gravelly voice. �You�re a 
goddamned succubus?�

�Let her go,� she commanded, and ice was warmer than that eerie tone.

  Very nice wording.  I may have to steal that line sometime. :)
  

�Mephistopheles will have your horns for this, bitch! You�re interfering 
with a sanctioned operation!�

�If you don�t let her go, I plan to do more than interfere.� The violet glow 
around the trident�s head grew larger, brighter.

�Fuck this,� The leader nodded at the two holding Heart. �Kill this bitch.�

  Should be:

  "Fuck this."  The leader nodded ...

  (he didn't -nod- "Fuck this."  He -said- it, then nodded.  See the
  difference?)

The two large demons grinned and moved toward the succubus, drawing long, 
curved swords out of their long coats. The last demon drew out a 9mm.

The two swordsmen charged as the succubus launched herself upwards, 
revealing that she did, indeed, have a pair of sharp hooves. Her double- 
ended trident swung in a tight circle as she deflected three bullets and 
landed between the swordsmen and the gunman. Her trident intercepted the 
gunman�s wrist as he tried to re-aim; his hand flying away with the gun 
still in it. He jumped back with a shout of pain and shock as the two

  That second-to-last sentence should be written as so:

  Her trident intercepted the gunman's wrist as he tried to re-aim;
  his hand flew away with the gun still in it.

  The reason is, a semi-colon divides two sentences that are closely
  related.  Thus, among other things, they need to be the same tense
  (present-present, past-past, whatever).  In this case, you were
  mixing tenses, and it makes the flow 'stumble', for lack of a better
  term.

  Or I suppose you could say:

  ... tried to re-aim; his hand was sent flying away with the gun
  still in it.

  That might flow better.

 
swordsmen swung.

Heart cried out in fear, the leader�s arm choked tight around her throat. 
But the succubus caught the swords with either end of her trident and spun, 
throwing the two demons in opposite directions as the gunman came up behind 
her with a large knife�

  Hmm... somehow I missed this, but her trident has -two- ends?  As
  in, blades/points at both ends of a pole?

  Interesting.  But you may need to describe it better, somewhere
  before this paragraph.

�Then he was looking down in disbelief at the spaded tail that had 
penetrated his ribcage. The succubus pulled her tail free and made two 
passes with her trident, the larger of the two ends separating first the 
head, then the upper and lower torso, sending them flying in all directions.

  It slices!  It dices!  It turns bad guys into mush!  Order during
  this special TV offer and recieve the Chop-O-Matic for half-off!

  ;)
  

The larger of the two swordsmen charged her from the rear. She reached up 
with her wings, their powerful thumbs latching on to an overhead fire escape 
as she launched herself into a backwards kick. Her sharp hooves smashed off 
the top of the demon�s skull as he vainly tried to swing his blade at a 
target that had so suddenly gone from forward to up. His eyes rolled into 
their sockets as black blood gushed from the mangled remains of his head. 
Then the succubus landed behind him with a wing flap and gave his torso a 
diagonal permanent vacation from the rest of his body with her large blade.

  Diagnonal permanent vacation seems awkward.  I understand what you
  mean, but you might look at finding a better way to describe it.

  Or not; it works as-is.

The remaining demon closed warily, drawing a second sword. He assumed a 
Chinese sword stance and his blades began an intricate dance as bloody light 
crawled along them. The succubus answered this with a light show of her own 
from the trident, her wings shrinking to a fraction of their normal size.

Heart watched fearfully as the two combatants met in a spectacular whirl, 
blades flashing too fast to follow. For long seconds, the sound of steel 
against steel rang in the air, then the demon�s right arm, still clutching
its sword, flew theatrically away. A still-whirling trident caught the

  I'd break that into two sentences, like so:

  For long seconds, the sound of steel against steel rang in the air.
   Then, the demon's right arm, still ...

 
second arm at the elbow� In a few more whirls, the demon lay in nearly a 
dozen pieces at her feet.

  And I'd drop the ellipsis, here.  You don't need it, and a simple
  period will do just fine.  In fact, the period will work better.

Heart found herself flung back down onto the trash bin, and she screamed as 
the leader pulled out a large knife and went to stab her. For a long frozen

  While the phrase, "went to stab her" is perfectly acceptable slang
  usage, you might use "moved to stab her" instead.  He didn't -go-
  anywhere to stab her; he was already there.  He did, however, move.

  Or you could use "started", "tried", or "swung the blade" in place
  of "went", as well.

 
second, her eyes focussed on the dagger tip as it descended towards her 
breast, then a streak of purple fire burned across her vision, and she felt 
the restraining hand ripped free.

The succubus-flung trident carried the leader nearly ten feet before pinning 
him to a brick wall. He screamed as he tried to pull the triple- bladed

  Drop the space after the dash.  Not necessary (and in fact,
  incorrect).

 
spear free.

�You goddamned slut! Bitch! Bhaalor will gut you for this!�

The succubus sauntered up to the demon as Heart�s eyes followed her. She 
laid her hands at the haft of the trident.

�I could care less what Bhaalor thinks.� She wrenched the trident upwards, 
the axeblades shearing through brick, flesh and bone alike. The leader fell 
to the ground, his upper torso splitting wide as black blood poured in a 
flood from his carcass.

Heart turned at a sudden crackle and watched as the demonic blades flared 
and burned, leaving not even scorches where they had fallen. Only the 9mm 
remained, still clutched in a demonic hand. She turned wide, relieved eyes 
to her savior, who was approaching her with a smile.

�Are you okay, Heart? I�m so sorry I didn�t get here faster. They didn�t 
hurt you, did they?�

Heart flung herself into the tall demoness's arms, her short frame nestling 
into the succubus's as she laid her head against the base of the demoness's 
chest. "No, Beloved, you arrived before they could do more than frighten 
me."

  Hmm... here you've got normal straight quotes instead of the styled
  ones.  Then, below, you revert to styled.

  Not to harp, but since I forgot before, the big ones to watch out
  for are quotes, single quotes, and ellipsis... ellipsi...
  ellipsises... ah, skip it, you know what I mean.  Oh, and dashes,
  too, though it doesn't look like you have THAT problem (Word is
  notorious for it.)

  

Tension flowed out of the succubus as relief showed in her face. �I�m so 
glad, Love. If they had hurt you��

�I�m fine, Seraph, just a little shaken.� Heart looked around at the remains 
of the six demons. �You handled that magnificently. You moved so 
beautifully. Have I ever told you how pretty you are when you fight?�

Seraph blushed, and self-consciously pulled her skirt back down from her 
hips to where it belonged. �Really?�

  Darn. ;)

Heart gave her a rib-crushing hug. �Yes! You were wonderful!�

�I just wanted to make sure you were safe, Love.� She returned the hug with 
equal force, the looked down the alley, past her Corvette, and spied the 
little sidewalk caf�. �Hey, let�s go to that place across the street.

  Ack!  Okay, add accented characters to that list, too.

 
Fighting makes me so hungry.�

  Yeah, nothing like a major bloodbath to whet the appetite.  Anyone
  else want steak?  Extra-rare?
  

Heart appraised Seraph's blood-spattered state, then looked down at her own 
voluptuous figure. "Um, I'd love to, Beloved, but you're a mess, and I 
haven't a thing to wear!"

Seraph looked down. �Well, um, I have a spare tube dress in the car�� She 
answered.

Heart smiled. �Then let me deal with the blood.� She spoke a few musical 
syllables as the blood shimmered and vanished from Seraph�s form.

  So, if she can call on THAT mojo, why couldn't she, say, banish the
  demons?

  I thought she was stripped of ALL abilities...
  

Seraph giggled. �That tickled.� She turned to lead the way to the car.

Heart smiled as she watched the demoness's swaying walk, then followed, not 
wanting her beloved to get too far away.

* * * * *

It had taken nearly ten minutes for the two to move the �Vette and get seats

  Lowercase 'v' in 'vette.
  

 
on the sidewalk patio, but the conversation still consisted of reassurances 
that Heart was unharmed. For long seconds after the waiter left, they simply 
gazed at one another before they simultaneously spoke.

�I love you.�

  It's purely a style decision, but you might consider replacing the
  period after 'spoke' with a colon.  Keep the line spacing as-is if
  you do, though; it works better that way.

They both giggled. �We keep doing that,� Heart noted. �I think it�s 
wonderful.�

Seraph smiled. �I think you�re wonderful.� Then a look of concern crossed 
her face. �Oh, Heart, I heard what they did to you! I�m so sorry.�

  "Oh, that's okay," Heart said with a negligent flip of the hand.
  "The rubber-hose beating was the worst.  It was all downhill after
  that."

�It�s not your fault, Seraph,� Heart sighed. �If nothing else, at least it 
will help your job.�

The demoness couldn�t meet her eyes. �I know. Mephie gave me a raise and a 
promotion right before I resigned.�

  ... I'm having some mental convolutions trying to imagine -anyone-
  calling Mephistopheles 'Mephie'.  It hurts the head.  Ow.

�Then some good came� You what?!!?�

�I quit. I resigned from the Department of Corruptions.�

  I first read that as 'corrections', then realized that, y'know,
  there -might- not be much difference...

�But Seraph, you showed me how necessary your job is to the balance of 
nature! You make so many people happy, and you don�t have to hurt a single 
soul doing it!�

�Yeah, and then they go to Hell because I damned them with lust� and causing

  Well, if ya gotta go... ;)
  
[snip]

Heart was silent for a moment, pain in her eyes. Then she spoke with a voice 
that was alien and cold, even to her. �Theliel said I have no concept of 
what true love is.� She shrugged. �You�d think if anyone would have 
understood about us, it would be the angel who holds the office of Cupid.� 
She looked into Seraph�s agonized face. �But he seemed to get violently 
angry about it. He wouldn�t even listen to me, just called me a whore and 
threw me out of his office. Then, when I got home, I found my exile papers.�

  Do I sense a wee bit o' jealousy in the ranks of the divine?

�Oh, Heart!�

  I'm still having trouble with that name... :)


[snip]

indiscriminately, sowing only chaos and pain. In all the time I�ve watched
you, I�ve never seen you feed without giving so much happiness in return. 
I�ve brought the gift of love to humans who�ve descended to the depravity of 
demons. How could I not give the gift of my love to a demon that has such a 
caring heart?�

  You are aware of the potential for wordplay in that last line, yes?
  

[snip]

1 They ate between bouts of blissful gazing and many �I love you�s,� much of
the conversation revolving around how wonderful the other was or how happy 
each made the other, but eventually, they got around to the ultimate 
question: what next?

  Typo in the first line, methinks.

[snip]

�I love you too, but I�m serious! I had a hard enough time not throwing you
down on that trash bin and making wild passionate love to you right then!� 
Seraph whispered fiercely. �Another kiss like that and I won�t be able to 
stop from orgasming!�

  *wince*  And it was going so well, too...

  I dunno what it is, but the word 'orgasming', besides being a
  tongue-twister, is jarring.  I'd suggest just chopping the last two
  words out, like so:

  "Another kiss like that and I won't be able to stop!"

  After all, it's pretty obvious what she won't be able to stop from
  doing... ;)

Heart smiled, very pleased with herself. Seraph took a few seconds to 
compose herself, then drained her tea. She gave Heart a wicked look.

�You just wait till I get you in a hotel tonight, Love!�

�Promise?� Heart�s canary grin grew wider.

�Damn right!� Seraph nodded. They both fell to giggling.

�I love you,� they both said simultaneously, and broke out in laughter yet 
again. Then Seraph reached out a hand to grasp Heart�s tightly. �We�re going 
to make it, Love. I have faith.�

  "Insulin to Ward Four.  Insulin, Ward Four, please."


[snip]

�And that,� he said, �was The Ghoul.�

  I like him.  He's nifty. :)

* * * * *

Detective Bruce Lipton made his way across the crime scene, looking for the 
coroner. He�d always considered it ironic that he should be called The Ghoul 
when, often enough, the New York City coroners not only reveled in their 
terrible duty, but also looked the part. Young or old, they all seemed to 
resemble the Tall Man from Phantasm.

However, the coroner for this particular scene was the exception that proves 
the rule. Terry Shaw was a vivacious blonde who looked like she�d stepped 
right out of a porno movie, but whose intelligence should have been honed by 
the Ivy League. Lipton had always thought she was wasted among the dead. She 
was far too alive.

  Don't know if you've seen it or not, but I can't help but think of
  the coroner from _Men In Black_ here... :)

He waited a few moments until she noticed him, then she bounced up.

  *boing!* (oing-oing-ing-ng)

�Bruce!� she said, her voice a cheery contrast to the grisly atmosphere of 
the alley. �I�m so glad you could make it so quickly!�

Surveying the carnage, Lipton replied, �Yeah, this is one of those cases 
alright.� Turning to face Shaw, he asked, �Ok Terry. Whatcha got?�

  "Okay, Terry.  Whatcha got?" would be the correct way to write it.
  Commas before proper names, and 'okay' is the word -- 'ok' is not.

�Humph! Tell me you don�t love this.� She reached down into the tangle of 
body parts she�d been studying and withdrew a hand and lower arm. She wiped 
the severed end with a blood soaked cloth to reveal the bone as she 
explained. �Whatever our perp used was very sharp. Cut through both bones 
like they were melted butter. No grooves, chips or marks, just one clean 
sweep. And it was apparently hot enough to cauterize the cut without searing 
the surrounding tissue.� She turned bright eyes on Lipton. �Any idea what 
kind of weapon would have done something like that, outside of a medical 
laser?�

  "Why, a demon-blade would, of course... ah, never mind..."
  

Lipton didn�t answer, though he could have. He�d seen weapons that did that 
before, not that Terry would believe him if he told her.

She looked at a black smudge on the hand, then dusted some of on her finger. 
She smelled it, and then tasted it. Lipton winced.

  Umm... yeaaah.  Okkaaay...

  Sorry, that one stretches the bounds of unbelievability.  In the day
  of AIDS and five-billion-and-one other diseases floating around out
  there, I can't see a coroner doing this.  Sniffing it, maybe.
  Tasting it, no way.

  I've studied a police crime scene handbook.  It specifically states,
  in cases involving drugs, at least, that tasting any substance is a
  big no-no and will land the person doing it in hot water,
  big-time... despite what they show you on TV.  I would imagine that
  this is the ruling in all cases -- and in fact, just how stupid
  would one have to be to risk putting an unknown substance from a
  -crime scene- into one's mouth?

  You don't mention it, but I assume she's wearing surgical gloves,
  too...?

  Anyway.  Yes, it has an effect.  Yes, it's probably the one you want
  -- tough lady, unfazed by death, bright, chipper, and really really
  disturbing -- but at the same time it's so unrealistic that it might
  not fly.

  Up to you.  I can ignore the little voice in my head saying "NO
  WAY!", but the less I hear him, the more I tend to like stuff. :)

Didn�t she see what she was holding? Scratch that. He knew better from long 
experience.

Terry spit the substance out. �Gunpowder.�

No, Lipton mentally corrected. Brimstone�

  Couldn't it have been gunpowder?  After all, one of them -- was it
  this one? -- was firing a pistol.

  (of course, this ignores the fact that three shots from an ordinary
  pistol won't leave visible streaks on your hand... black-powder
  pistols, maybe; I've never fired one.  But ordinary ones?  Naah.)

[snip]

Behind him, Terry looked down at the strange pothole Lipton had been staring
at. For a second, she stared in confusion, then her eyes widened. She 
reached out and grabbed a passing technician. Pointing to the holes, she 
said �Get a plaster team over here at once.�

  Heh.  Does the Obliviousness Effect extend to physical evidence
  left behind?  If not, those techs are in for some surprises... :)


[snip]

Back in the flower shop, Mrs. Loggiabrazzia watched the frustrated
detective, then, satisfied that everyone was done asking her questions, she 
went to make herself a cup of coffee. As she passed the open door to the 
ally, she looked out at the evidence team pouring plaster into the holes in 
the pavement and shook her head.

  Misspelling.  'ally' should be 'alley'.

"When Lucifer saves an angel from his own demons, you know there's going to 
be trouble."

  Nice.  Very nice.

  Okay.  I like this piece.  I wanna see more of it.  My complaints
  are few, and mostly non-important.  Great work!

  So, um... when's the next one coming? ;)
  
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
Sofaspud's Couch - Notice: the Couch will not be held responsible for
any loss of sanity, real or imagined...
http://www.sofaspud.org


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