Aaron E Nowack wrote:
And here's part B...
Thank you again!
Turning back to survey the refugees, Ryouga frowned. Some
people had
been wounded, others killed... but so few. He wasn't pleased about
it by any extent, he wanted as few people to die as possible, but...
but what were the reavers doing?
Suspect you mean wasn't displeased...
No, that's right. He's not pleased that people were wounded.
"Do you know that feeling, where you've planned and worked
for
something, and some unknown factor comes in from nowhere and
destroys all of your hard work and planning in a heartbeat?" Setsuna
asked nervously. "I have that feeling that something went dreadfully
wrong."
Snorting, Washuu replied, "I call it 'the Mihoshi factor'."
Heh. You know, I would consider moving the Mihoshi scene from earlier to
here just for the transtion factor. Just a thought.
Good idea. I think I'll do that.
Not looking directly at the beam of light, Mamoru set into
the
damaged reaver, his blade only just barely able to wound it.
Weakened by the prodigious gash that Ranma had already inflicted,
the reaver was able to struggle weakly, and nothing else before it
finally stilled.
Suggest "...was only able..."
'able to only' -- will revise.
"Er... if it's not too much trouble to fly me to the moon,"
Rei mumbled, bowing her head.
"And let me play among the stars..."
Sorry.
I'm not, why should you be? ;)
anma nodded, reaching towards the blade, his fingers hesitating
centimeters away, as a sudden flurry of writing electricity crawled
Missing an R in Ranma.
Your e-mailer seems to have eaten it.
"So," he said after a moment, "what's your story."
Needs a question mark.
Will change.
[End, Process of Elimination chapter 10]
And that's a wrap. Another very nice chapter, and as always I'm looking
forward to the next. Insert more positive comments here. I'd write them
all out, but I need to hurry and struggle some more with the outline for
my own Chapter 10...
Looking forward to that! And thank you very much for the C&C. :)
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/