Jose Argao wrote:

Warning: Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health.

Lies, all lies.
 

Warning: Altaverse (Keichi ain't here, and the senshi timeline is
all messed up.)

We'll live.
 

        "Shi Shi Hokodan!!!"

        Ranma heard the cry and dodged left just in time to avoid the
huge ball of ki aimed at him. He had barely landed when a bokken
whizzed by the side of his head, his martial artist's instinct the only
thing saving him from a concussion. He grabbed the weapon before it
could be retracted and used the leverage to hurl the swordsman over his
shoulder.

You ever read Edgar Rice Burroughs by any chance? 
 

        "That's Kuno down and two more to go," Ranma thought.

down, and

        With skills honed through much training, Ranma carefully
avoided each of the assorted blades headed his way and jumped high into
the air, preparing to kick Mousse on the head. He never noticed the

on the head intentional?

        "Forgot about Ryoga..." Ranma twisted his body in mid air and
landed behind Mousse. Willing himself to ignore the pain in his foot,
he grabbed Mousse before the chains connecting him to his projectiles
could retract and pulled him between his body and Ryoga's umbrella,
which was now headed directly for him.

Break that one up.
 

        "Wha?" the optically challenged martial artist barely had time

The

Following sentence does not refer to the quote.

to summon a blade from the depths of his robes and bring it up in an

brought 

tense agreement

attempt to deflect the spinning projectile. He was partially successful
in that the umbrella hit cold steel with a loud clang and continued
its flight in a different direction.

You've a affinity subordinate clauses onto everything. Perfectly
valid usage, of course, but you may want to try to fit a few of
them in more fluidly.

        However, the force of the umbrella was sufficient to cause the
blade to rebound in the opposite direction, hitting Mousse on the head
and promptly knocking him unconscious.

As that starts it's own paragraph, the however isn't really
applicable. either tack that sentence onto the one above, and
avoid single sentence paragraphs, or try something like
"Unfortunately."

        "Two down," Ranma thought to himself. "Now for the hard part."

Getting Ryouga out of his pants? 
 

        Although he would never admit it to anyone, Ranma regarded
Ryoga with a great deal of respect as far as martial arts ability is
concerned. He may have had a brain the size of a peanut, and he may
have been able to get lost looking for the bathroom of his own house,
but he was one hell of a fighter. With his leg constantly reminding
him of his injury, he wasn't so sure he'd be able to get out of this
in one piece. Ranma took a moment to reflect on how unfair life was to
him.

Now this is just another of my pet peeves but I think you're
tipping your hand a bit too early. I'd recomend building Ranma
into a character we're more likely to identify with through his
actions and direct thoughts before getting to deeply into his
psyche. 

        "How dare you use one of my own attacks to defeat my allies,
you shall pay dearly for this!"

comma splice

        "You may have defeated Kuno and Mousse, but you won't defeat
me!" Ryoga lunged with an open-palmed strike to Ranma's neck that he
narrowly avoided. He was losing and he knew it. Ryoga knew it. The

losing, and 

fight had become a battle of endurance and if there was one thing Ryoga

endurance, and 

        Ranma ducked a punch, his leg sending his brain signals of
searing pain. His body was about to give out, and he was running out of
energy. He had to buy time. Gritting his teeth at the pain, he vaulted
fifteen feet behind him and shouted at the top of his lungs.

        "Since when have you been friends with Kuno anyway, P-Chan?
What's the matter? Have you finally realized that you can't beat me
by yourself?" Ranma smirked at Ryoga, trying to hide the fact that he
felt like he weighed a thousand tons.

these are the same paragraph. 
 

        "Mouko Takabisha!" Ryoga stared unbelieving as Ranma released
a huge ball of ki aimed straight at him. It was impossible, Ranma was
already too tired to fight and his injuries had weakened him even
further. He shouldn't be able to muster any confidence to fuel his
attack at all, much less enough to generate the blast now headed
towards him.

        Ryoga tried dodging Ranma's attack, but his momentum made it
impossible to avoid it. It was the last thing he saw before the world
went dark around him.

Ranma one-hitted Ryouga after all that? Why didn't Ryouga counter
with another blast of his own? Failing that, several times Ryouga
was shown capable of receiving the full brunt of Ranma's most
powerful blast and fighting on. Now if this is a hint towards how
you've changed the past, fine. If not, its pretty damn hard to
believe.
 

victor. A little worse for wear maybe, but victorious nonetheless.

Fragment.
 

        And he hadn't even gotten to school yet.

And I hate it when people do that. 
 

        Ranma sighed, remembering that Akane and Nabiki had gone ahead
to school when the fight started. It looked like he would have to wait
for Ukyo to get him to school. Knowing his luck, Shampoo would
probably get to him first and drag him off on some 'date'. He sighed
again.

        "I swear," Ranma said to no one in particular, "It's like
there's some kami out to get me or something."

Something of a stretch to see Ranma take this attitude, at least
seriously. 
 

        Urd giggled.

This, on the other hand, is not. At all.
 

        Not only was Ranma shaping up to be a great fighter, he was
also proving himself to be very creative, intelligent, and perceptive.
He was truly the epitome of the perfect man.

        Not to mention he was gorgeous.

I really hope you're hinting at what I think you are. I've always
wanted to see that done well.
 

        Urd smiled as she watched Ranma through the computer screen in
front of her. She saw him get up and start walking to school in spite
of his injuries. Closer inspection revealed that the injuries were
already healing at a rate fifty times faster than a normal human.

47.358 to be exact. (CF Calculator of Doom arc, vol 34)
 

        Part of her self-appointed duties to Ranma had been to ensure
that a proper wife was selected for him. It simply wouldn't do for her
masterpiece to just go out and marry the first girl he laid eyes on.
Through the years she had tried many times to find the right match. She
could no longer count how many women she had 'arranged' for him to be
engaged to. Each girl had been a good choice. They had all been very
beautiful, and loving. Alas, as time wore on, she realized that they
were simply not good _enough_.

Except herself of course. 
  

        She lifted a finger to her chin and thought about who the next
fiance would be.

"Hmm. What about....me."
 

        "That Kurumi girl was cute, and so was her sister Natsume.
Yuka and Sayuri have had crushes on him for months, and Kasumi has
taken a liking to him ever since that bathroom incident." Urd stopped
momentarily to pat herself on the back for coming up with that idea.

Mad props for not throwing in gatuitous cameos. Huzzah huzzah.
 
 

        "His full potential as what? All you've been doing is making
a bunch of girls fall in love with him!" Skuld pointed an accusing
finger at her older sister. "I don't see what's so special about him
anyway."

Odviously, Urd didn't share the shower incident footage.
 
 

        Urd stopped chuckling when Skuld's words finally reached her.
Much as she was loath to admit it, Skuld had a point. She was just
about to wring her hands in despair when a _brilliant_ idea came to
her.

"ME!"

Am I being too subtle?
 

        Setsuna sneezed.

Oh hell yeah.

        "Why so suddenly? Is it anything we should know about?"

"Not really. Too much fiber in the casserole."

"You're right. We really shouldn't know anything at all about
that."
 

Now the idea is excellent, and while you've a wee bit o grammar
problems, the execution seems to be heading in the right
direction. Don't fuck up and you'll have one nice fic.


And ladies and gentlemen, I'm back again.

Miashara

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