Just bouncing around now. Haven't done an EH fic in a while:

Caryatid

~~~~~

     Hanging a little bell in the doorway of a business wasn't a
Roshtarian custom, but it was a touch of home that maintained
Jinnai Nanami's sanity in this magnificent but bizarre world.
"Welcome!" she sang without turning when she heard its thin,
brassy chime behind her.  It took her a moment to realize that
the murmur of conversation in her cafe had gone silent, and
another to notice that everyone in her field of view was looking
at the doorway.  She turned.

Nice intro paragraph.

     The figure silhouetted against the sunlit street wasn't the
bubbly girl that the people of Floristica were slowly getting
accustomed to seeing in the company of Mizuhara Makoto in the
weeks since their return.  Ifurita's Key staff was at her side,
and Makoto was not,

Don't know as I'd call Ifurita 'bubbly'

and that made her a Demon Goddess rather than

the consort of a young sage.  A chair fell over, and suddenly
customers and staff alike were scrambling for the other exits.
Nanami froze with a rictus of horror on her face.  *Oh, crap, she
found out!*

Interesting reaction from Nanami.

     Nanami blinked.  "You mean you aren't here to toast me and
wreck the place?" she managed.

     "Not at all."  Ifurita picked up a chair, set it on its
feet, and seated herself.  "If I meant to do that, it would be
done by now."

Good point.

     Indignation was starting to sprout from panic, but Nanami
managed to keep it from becoming anger; getting mad at Ifurita
was not a good long-term survival strategy.

Or even short term, really.

  "Then why'd you

stampede my customers?"

Actually they stampeded on their own.

     "Well, Makoto was with you before."  Nanami cocked her head.
"So why isn't Makoto with you now?  Aren't you two, like, joined
at the hip?"  She was quite proud of her flippant tone; not a
trace of bitterness.

Oh no. She doesn't sound bitter in the slightest.

     "If I'd left it with Makoto, our conversation wouldn't be
private," Ifurita explained patiently.  "And I don't leave it
with anyone else."

Nice point to bring up.

     "Uh huh."  Nanami sighed.  "So, what do you want to talk to
me about?  Care to invest in a local food-service business?  Need
a job?  I don't know how popular you'd be as a waitress, but
you'd make a great bouncer--"

     "Makoto."

Nanami: No, he wouldn't make a good bouncer at all. He's too much the
weenie.

     "Ah."  Nanami looked past Ifurita, to where a couple of
faces displaying a little more curiosity than fear were peering
in through the doorway.  "How about we go upstairs?"

Ifurita: But I don't want to have sex with you.

Nanami: That's not what I meant!

Ifurita: Oh, when Makoto says that, that's what he means.

     "Nothing's wrong with Makoto, is it?"

think 'there' instead of 'it' might be better.

Nanami asked over her

shoulder as she closed the door of a sitting room that didn't
look like it got much use.

The bed, on the other hand, was like a revolving door with all the men she
entertained.

     "And I know why."  Ifurita paused and gave Nanami a
speculative look.  "I think you know why, too."

Nanami: He's gay?

Ifurita; Bingo.

     "How can you NOT be?  I tried to steal him from you!  He was
discouraged, and you were gone, and I was lonely, and I thought I
had a chance--"

Ifurita: I knew you didn't have a chance.

Nanami: That really doesn't make me feel better.

     "Why would he want me?" Nanami burst out.  "He has YOU!"
Her gesture took in the Demon Goddess' mane of ice-blue hair,
alabaster skin, sculpted features, and lush figure.

Plastic and metal, though. Like a giant wind up toy more than a woman. :)

reason... but it occurs to me that my masters were all men,
powerful men, and they may have wished the most devastating
weapon at their disposal to appear female.

Like that would make any difference.

     "And, of course, I can't give him children."

     Nanami looked up at that.  "That's a lot more than 'lover'
you're talking about there.  You're talking 'wife'."

No. Concubine fits.

     "You love him that much?"

     Ifurita frowned a little.  "'Love' is not the right word.
Before Makoto, I wished for nothing more than to stop existing.

Really? She didn't seem to have any feelings along those lines. Mostly I
think it was because she had not experienced anything like emotions before.

     "Of course I'd be jealous!" The harsh tone was back, and the
lovely blue eyes seemed to blaze with lightning.  "I got my
emotions from Makoto, and HE'D be jealous!

Makes it sound as though she's just holding a copy of Makoto's emotions
rather than having any of her own.

with you... because it should be.  Because..."  Nanami took a
deep breath to steady her voice.  "Because no one can take him
away from you."

Spoken like the voice of inexperience. Anything is always possible. People
change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes not.

     "Nanami...."

     "And anyone who tries to take you away from him needs her
head examined."

True

     Right on cue, a shout filtered up from downstairs, a shout
carrying a heavy cargo of worry, frustration, and where-the-hell-
is-my-girlfriend: "IFURITAAAAA!"

Heh. Nice way to phrase it.

     Nanami watched them go and thought about the other reason
she'd turned down Ifurita's offer.  *I can find someone else, but
there's only one Makoto, and you need him more than I do.  I
guess I am your friend, after all.*

Nice wrap up to the story. Very minimal, and more of a way of explaining a
potential problem than much of a story per se, but anything EH is pretty
good, IMO. Badly underutiliazed series. Prose flowed well, and no grammar
errors I could detect. Nice work.

D.B. Sommer

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