Wee! Another short one to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something.
^_^:

"How has it come to this?"

Faceless minion: Well, it all started when the Man in Charge said, "let
there be light!"

Princess Rune Venus's quiet words resonated in the vast
chamber beneath the palace in Floristica. Londs, her loyal
and faithful chamberlain, approached her slowly. In his
arms were a stack of papers; undoubtedly the latest reports
on the current situation. She did not want to read them.

As ruler, she has the power to delegate authority. She should obviously do
so.

End it? How could she? Rune stared at the central column
dominating the entire chamber. Transparent glass walls
allowed a clear view into the pillar. Within floated the
still figures of Makoto and Ifurita, naked and unconscious.

Rune; Take pictures. We'll make a fortune with a hottie like Ifurita and a
weenie like Makoto whom all the women love.

"You know what Dr. Strellbaugh said, Londs."

I'd drop the 'Londs'. Not really necessary, since he's the one obviously
being talked to.

"Highness, he was enslaved by the Rapture eight days ago,
while attempting to contact Makoto.

Eh? He who?

If El-Hazard was magnificence incarnate, then the world of
Rapture was perfection. All your dreams and desires became
real. And Gallus had truly loved her, within...

Sounds like an advanced VR system.

In the end, it was her love for flawed Roshtaria that had
overcome her desire to stay forever. Even now, five days
after the experience, the memories were a glittering web
waiting to entrance her. Rune fought to banish them, and
they fled, causing a stab of pain, to lurk once more in the
back of her mind.

Nice look in her mind.

Rune shook her head once more. Londs was right. Across the
River, the Bugrom were slowly recovering after their
virtual annihilation in the last war. Roshtaria could not
afford weakness now. Makoto... Ifurita... I'm sorry, but I
can't let you dream your life; not when it could destroy us
all. You'll find a means to overcome your problems in the
real world. I hope you'll thank me for this... if you survive.

She turned to Londs. "Unplug them."

Hmm. More like a teaser than anything else. I think I would have preferred
something a little more mysterious and doubtful. Like maybe one focusing on
Makoto, and having him be the one on the outside trying to help save EH,
only to have him wonder if perhaps he wasn't already in a rapture nodule
since, after all, he's the unlikely hero of this 'reality'. All the women
fall for him. It's only his redemption of Ifurita that saves everyone. Etc.
Etc. Not that your idea is bad, just simple. Just some food for thought.

D.B. Sommer




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