Hiya,

Free time at work.  Woo.  Here we go....
(Incidentally, if this seems long... _really_ long, it's because of the 
abovementioned free time....)

 Oh, crap! It's a Michael Noakes NewRanma C+C! Now poor Jones-san'll be so
disheartened it'll take him _another_ month to finish the next chapter!
(Kidding! I'm kidding!!!!!! I swear!!)

Argh.  Am I really that bad?  I know it probably comes off looking like I've 
got a vendetta against some series--like newRanma, or Deborah Goldsmith's 
stories... it tends to happen in stories where the writing is really good 
and deals with difficult issues, but I don't agree with the way the 
characters are portrayed.  Sorry!  Still... at a month a chapter, he'd still 
be doing awesome!  It's certainly better than the six months I generally 
seem to take....

I ask: Why is it a bad thing that Akane is a secondary character for a
change? Lord knows I'm a big A+R fan, but once in a while I like to see
other characters take centre stage. If I wanted to see Akane as a
protagonist, I'd re-read Takahashi-sama's original.

There's nothing wrong with Akane being pushed to the sidelines in a story.  
There's some very good fics out there that focus on secondary characters 
instead of the principle ones.  However, in a story like this it leaves very 
noticable gaps in the fic's credibility (in my opinion).

This fic takes place post-V.38.  By that point it's difficult to argue 
convincingly that there's nothing between Ranma and Akane.  In a story 
dealing with Ranma's awakening sexuality, she's necessarily going to be 
deeply involved.  What was (in the manga) a mostly platonic relationship 
(though Takahashi allowed more mature suggestions to sneak in on occasion) 
begins to take on sexual overtones.  True, these newfound sexual vibes are 
going to be reaching out to everyone close to him--fiancees, rivals, 
schoolyard friends.  But first and foremost, I'd expect them to be directed 
towards those he's already got an emotional investement in.  Instead, Akane 
gets mostly shunted to the sidelines.  She gets pulled back in occasionally 
to reaffirm that there's supposed to be something remaining between Ranma 
and her--but when she's all but absent from the fic, why should we believe 
this?  I went back and checked, and she's barely there in the previous three 
chapters--of which two are of extremely important (Ranma turning back to 
male; the sequel to him kissing Nabiki in front of her).  And yet, when 
Nabiki tries to seduce him, we're suppose to accept that the sight of 
polka-dot panties is enough to pull him back?  Or that when Soun forces 
Akane to face the reality of her relationship with her fiance after the 
fight, that there's still any doubt remaining?

So--while I don't think it's necessary to keep Akane front and center in a 
fic, I do think that _this kind_ of story needs to give her her time.  
Especially since her absence undercuts the importance of the spot usage she 
is given.  It wouldn't take much--just a couple of scenes to remind us that 
she's around and important.  Her reaction to Ranma's return to malehood (a 
palpable sense of relief, I'd expect) could've been a prime scene, for 
example.

(The emotional investement part is important.  Ranma seems to be denied the 
emotional aspect of sexuality in this fic.  Yes, teenagers are randy--we'll 
discuss this below.  That still doesn't mean they'll do anyone, anytime.  
Feelings of love, hate, disgust, jealousy, or whatever, have a lot of 
influence in the sexual arena.  True, some people argue that sex and say, 
love, are entirely different things--sex and emotions are seperate; and this 
may be true in some cultures... but it's less so in North America/Western 
Europe, I believe.  We've got the luxury to confound the two.

A brief codicil: It could be that Jones-san is building to a chapter purely
devoted to Akane's POV. If he isn't, he should consider it, if only so that
we can finally understand what she's been thinking. So Noakes-san is
perhaps, upon reflection, not wholly wrong.

What's a codicil?  (Damn my spotty education!)  I don't know if, at this 
point, especially with so few chapters to go, it would be enough.  It'd 
certainly be jarring.  That kind of chapter can be very effective--Perry did 
so in Hearts of Ice and turned Yuki-Onna from 2D villain into a sympathetic 
character--but in this case, I think a scattering of small scenes here and 
there would be more effective.

I find it unlikely that Nabiki's
caddish behaviour will go unpunished by the end of the story.

I hope not.  Actually, I don't really expect nor want a punishment--just a 
recognition of what she's done and how she's treated both family and 
friends.  Her treatment of Akane, and her usage of both Ranma and Taiyoko, 
borders on 'evil', here.  Yet nothing in the narration suggests 
acknowledgement of this.

On the other hand (and this relates to Noakes-san's later criticism of
Ranma's behaviour over the course of the series) I find it fascinating to
see the Ranma cast behaving like real teenagers in this series. I know that

[...]

A horny, hormonal teenager is seldom a very nice
person, and it's a good thing that most folks eventually outgrow that kind
of stuff. As such, I can empathize with Nabiki, perhaps more than Jones-san
intended due to my own experiences, so I find it difficult not to nod
knowingly when she pulls another fast one.

Okay, two things here: accepting that the Ranma cast are acting like 'real' 
teenagers, and accepting Nabiki's actions as a normal (or possible) 
extention of that.

In my earlier criticsm (a few months back), I applauded Chris' potrayal of 
high school life.  Some scenes rang extremely true: like when everyone got 
together to watch movies a few chapters back (before Nabiki almost raped 
Ranma in the bathroom), or the party Ukyou crashed in her bunny suit.  In 
these relatively relaxed scenes, I agree--they're very empathetic and true 
to life.

(Well, to a western perspective, anyway.  The teen life we're seeing here is 
totally western--a good thing, in my opinion, since it's a western audience 
that the story is aimed at.  I don't think that many of the scenes we've 
seen could easily happen to 'real' Japanese teenagers.)

However--I'm not convinced that they're all acting like 'real' teenagers, 
especially once the hormonal overdrive kicks in.  Yes, many teenagers are 
walking balls of seething hormones; hell, many adults are, too.  It's 
especially bad for teenage boys, spending many of their waking hours at 
school walking around with an awkward boner.  However, despite what popular 
media would probably like us to believe, I seriously doubt that they're all 
fornicating in the dark recesses of our public schools.  Sure, some kids are 
losing their virginity as early as 14 (or earlier!), but more, I'm sure, 
still haven't done it by their late teens and beyond.  (I don't have any 
figures to back that up, though.  I could be way wrong.  Anybody know?  I 
might be setting myself up for a terrible disillusionment here.)  Where's 
the shyness that early tentative exploration is often mingled with?  Or even 
reluctance?  Even the teens in American Pie were more hesitant than this 
lot.

Then again, the sexual awareness we're seeing here often has a far more 
'adult' feel to it, especially in the case of, say, Nabiki--which brings us 
to the second point.  Her actions don't strike me as those of a horny teen 
lashing out--they're calculating and sophisticated.  I'm not denying that 
her actions are plausible; I just don't think that they're justifiable.

Actually, despite all the stuff I've written above, I don't have any serious 
issues with the way most of the characters are acting.  It doesn't bother 
me.  _Ranma_ bothers me.  Almost everything's from his perspective, so we're 
getting a big prose dose of his horniness; but as I think I complained 
before, he's just _way_ overcharged.  I think we've disagreed on this 
before, and as you mention below, it may be an issue to 'agree to disagree' 
on.  I don't want to create the misconception that I'm a neuter, here.  I'm 
not!  But Ranma spends chapter after chapter literally on _fire_.  It's, 
like, wank and get it over with already!  That hyperchargedness, coupled 
with an utter lack of will, creates a character that I don't think is 
typical of a teenager--or necessarily true to his character.  Yes, spurred 
on by passion, many of us have done regretable things in our life--but few 
have succumbed to each and every temptation.  Ranma seems to spend most of 
the fic hovering at that thresshold.  I'm not arguing to eliminate this 
aspect from the fic, but I think toning down the 'burning flesh' and cold 
sweats and sexual imaginings a bit might make him a tad more believable.

Now, now; NewRanma has more-or-less eschewed Takahashi's original slapstick
violence for more "realistic" consequences of violence. By those rules,
hitting Nabiki could result in fatality or severe injury, something not to
be wished on someone whose sole crime is being human. Bad behaviour on 
Nabs'
part is no excuse for violence on Akane's.

[...]

In a
Ranma fic closer in tone to the source material, or "original flavour"
violence has no more lasting consequences than hurt feelings. The rules in
NewRanma are closer to those in RL.

True enough.  Therefore, the emotion consequences should be just as serious. 
  In real life, throwing those kind of words around can create familial 
rifts that last for years--if they don't outright tear the family apart.  
Maybe Akane's actions aren't excusable, but they certainly are 
understandable, considering the number of hateful barbs Nabiki has thrown 
her way.  It's perfectly realistic for Akane to flip out like that.  I can't 
imagine very many people who wouldn't.

On the other hand--Akane _does_ bounce back from the pain pretty quickly.  
Ranma making out with her sister in front of her during the Monopoly game 
carried virtually no consequences--she forgave him by the time he threw the 
video party.  (True, the passage saying so is from Ranma's perspective, and 
he may me wrong--but there's nothing else sneaking through to suggest he's 
blind to the truth).  So while we've been granted real-world consequences to 
violence, we're denied the same on an emotional level.

I agree she had every right to be upset/angry/dump Nabs' cheatin' ass, but
it'd be OOC for Taiyoko to react that way, based on her consistent 
portrayal
as someone who shrinks from confrontation, and is all-too-willing to
shoulder guilt and blame for things that aren't her fault. I can see her
simply blaming herself for "not being good enough to Nabiki" as an excuse
for Nabs cheating. Sad, and pathetic, but very IC for Taiyoko.

True.  My criticsm wasn't justified there.  It would be interesting to see 
Taiyoko develop in the few chapters remaining.

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, Noakes-san, but look at it this
way: Ranma's job description in this story isn't "hero of the piece", just
"protagonist", i.e. the character upon which the story is focused. It isn't
necessary that we _like_ the protagnoist of a work of fiction, or ever want
to meet them in RL. The author's job, IMO, is simply to present us with a
protagonist whose actions are understandable within the framework of the
action, and to serve as our "viewpoint" on the ensuing drama.

The author is free to create whatever kind of protagonist he or she likes, 
but similarly, the reader is free to simply toss the story aside.  A 
character doesn't need to be a 'hero', but if a story's protagonist is 
detestable, annoying, uninteresting, or passive, the odds are most readers 
won't get very far.  If you don't like or care for the character that 
carries the story forward, why would you continue to read?

(Fanfiction, of course, circumvents this.  Someone else--in this case 
Takahashi--has already made us care for these characters.  We read 
fanfiction with an emotional investement already made into these characters. 
  That's how C&C debates like this happen.  We both already care for, say, 
Ranma.  I, however, disagree with how he's being rendered in this story.)

Of course, it's a mark of good fiction to take otherwise detestable 
characters and make the reader sympathize with them as protagonists.  A good 
literary example escapes me at the moment, but a visual one would be just 
about any movie by Tarantino.  His leads are generally violent sociopathic 
killers, but somehow we still care about their fate.  It's not so much 
'liking' the lead character, as it is being interested in him or her.  But 
as this story progresses, I'm finding my interest in Ranma waning, due 
largely to his passivity as a lead character.

(Incidentally, this is why I didn't like the Harry Potter movie.  Does the 
boy actually _do_ anything?)

Once again, it isn't Jones-san's responsability to convince us that Ranma's
(or Ukyo's or Kodachi's or anyone's) actions are right or wrong, simply to
make them plausible within the framework of the story.

Fair enough; my criticsm wasn't entirely appropriate.  As long as it's 
consistant, it works, I guess.  Then again, as I mentioned way above, I'm 
just not sure it's entirely believable.  I suppose that ultimately, my 
criticism is one of characterization.  The story hasn't convinced me that 
the circumstances leading up the current events could sufficiently change 
his personality enough to have him acting the way he is.

I don't know about this, Noakes-san; I think you're reading stuff into the
narrative that isn't there. Bear in mind that throughout the story we have
seen all forms of sexuality being modeled as being "healthy", from
heterosexuality to homosexuality as well as many shades in between.  We see
a wide variety of tropes in this story, both positive and negative: 
Confused
Akane and Ranma, homosexual Nabiki and Sensei, heterosexual Hi+Dai and Mr.
and Mrs. Saotome, fetishists Principal Kuno and the Priest, repressed
Kasumi... all of whom exhibit various different "kinks", (If I may misuse
the term) and who deal with how that affects their lives in different ways.
Whether Ranma chooses to live as a homosexual, heterosexual or somewhere in
between by the end of this story, he has both positve and negative role
models on all sides of the issue.

True, the story brings forward a number of sexual 'types' as it progresses, 
and offers them up as examples--positive or negative role models, as you 
say.  Most of these characters, however, are already firmly established in 
their 'role'--Hi and Dai aren't about to test the sexual waters and push out 
their boundaries--it's not their story.  The only characters still figuring 
themselves out are Ranma and Akane.

(I _like_ that paralleling between them, whether done intentionally or not.  
That's why Ranma's complete lack of understanding of his fiancee's dilemma 
is unfortunate.  Yes, yes, it may be plausible (the guy's a bit of an 
emotional dunce at times) but if not picked up on, I think it's a lost 
opportunity rife with dramatic potential.)

I'll hold back judgement on whether I'm reading too much into the story 
until we've had a few more chapters.  I'm curious to see what's going to 
happen with Akane.

Your criticisms were extremely coherent, IMHO, even if I didn't agree with
all of them, and indeed, the more buzz about this challenging fic, the
better. I hope you don't find me too presumptuous in answering before
Jones-san has a chance, but I, like you, have very strong feelings about
this story. Anyway, take care!

I hadn't realized it would take me this long to reply--this C&C is longer 
than some fics out there.  I should be sticking to my own writing!  Next 
time, I won't be such a long-winded jackass....  Thanks for challenging my 
comments; it sucks to throw out a long piece of criticsm only to have it 
swallowed up by the void.

Booyakasha!
-Mike Noakes


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