Combining two messgaes into one here....

DB Sommer wrote:

Tofu's mom comment was a recommendation which I agreed with, since we should
have some inkling of what she's been up to. Mostly it followed a similar
line to the episode and would have been redundent, sort of like retelling
the Golden Pair arc again. As to telling instead of showing it, I'm
approaching the one meg mark and the Avengers still haven't formed. This cha
pter was 130K long and the other two threaten to be the same. Basically
it'll be dragging things out longer than I want. So in this case summerizing
was necessary to move on to the action. Ordinarily I wouldn't want to do it,
but I think I have to here.

I don't really see why. Mother Tofu is a throwaway character from a
filler episode of the anime, and your series is only loosely based on
Ranma and Ranma anime anyway. It's like saying that you have to account
for one of the villains who showed up in an obscure episode of the '70s
Captain America cartoon show. :)  'Sides which, even if you do feel the
need to account for her, a quick offhand mention ought to be plenty.

TOFU: Any messages while I was out?

AKANE: Your mother called. She wants to know whether you're dating
anyone, and if so, what her hip measurements are.

AKANE: It means that I'm not Shampoo. Now kindly disenglomp me before I
slug you.

Hehehe. I love that word, 'disenglomp.' Mind if I steal it sometime?

Feel free. :)

her concerns. Akane had left it on for background noise while she filed

the

doctor's patient files (which, thanks to his machine building and hiding

in

machine-building

Should that one be hypentaned?

I think so. Otherwise it looks like it's the machine that's been doing
the building.

Seems to me you could show some of this in this scene, rather than
describing it secondhand.

Again, space problem since I'm at 130K already.

I don't know that it would take much (or even any) additional space.
Tofu could come out, see Kasumi in a new outfit, ask her about it,
listen to her reason, and then go off to fight crime.

The change in behavior seemed to hover around her idea of them becoming
super heroes together. Since acquiring her powers, she had become intent

on

tracking down and taking on other super villains. Tofu's thought

processes

Other than who?

Than the Fixer and Mentallo, who they defeated last chapter.

TOFU: Um... Kasumi, we aren't supervillains. We're heroes.

KASUMI: Oh, of course we are. Heh heh. And I'm certainly not pocketing
any of my opponents' loot on the side. Only a villain would do that. Hee
hee!

Hmm. So you think the wording is off? Sounded okay to me.

I'd probably change it to "more supervillains" just in case. Or you
could say "Since fighting  Fixer and Mentallo, she...." Or better yet,
Kasumi could make some remark in the scene that shows how eager she is.

What about his glasses? Does he have to squint during combats, or did he
manage to get "unstable molecule" contact lenses? :)

Hadn't considered that. We'll say that his vision is only a little bad and
mostly he just wears them to look older and more sophistcated, since most
people are a little less confident in younger doctors. He can get by pretty
well without them.

TOFU: Of course! It's just my Clark Kent disguise!

KASUMI: Er, well... I'd still be able to tell the difference between you
and Mr. Kent, I'm afraid. But I'm sure people who don't know you will be
fooled!


Gary

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