Don, I'd like to apologise, it seems once again I've managed to put my
foot in my mouth again with my negative C&C and been more offensive than
I intended.

I may well toss the LEMON, but the entire chapter? I don't think so.

Actually, I meant this section.  Sorry.  My bad.

First, I find it highly disturbing that Ranma's sexual 'iron will'

that

has been made so much of in the previous chapters became a 'jello

will'

in this chapter. Akane's statements to it being 'safe'

notwithstanding,

Ranma has been built up as having a damn sight more control than

that.

Ah, did you actually read what happened? There were four girls

involved,

Christopher. And take note, this is not a "sex for money deal." This

is sex

because I love you and you just made me very happy and I've been

wanting to

jump your bones anyway.

I suppose.  It still stuck me as being a rather abrupt reversal,
especially considering the "prudish" nature of Ranma-male.

My experience suggests otherwise, especially if the girl in question

happens

to be in love with you.

We'll differ on this, I guess.  All I know is I *wish* my S.O.'s
reaction was such.

I did not write more than twenty-thousand words of finish copy to no
purpose, nor can I imagine why I would.

I'm sorry if I offended.

I have two suggestions here. One, I think you have focused on some

things

and missed others. Two, there is more of this chapter to go and you

haven't

seen it all yet.

I expect the latter.

Finally, I disagree with you about the LEMON section of this part. It

STINKS

and I know it.

It was effective.  High prose, it isn't.  Decent smut, it is.

You seem to have ignored
Ranma's reaction to it all.

I'd like to think I haven't, but I'll re-read.

This is coming off harsher than I'd like, but I can't help the way I
feel about this chapter, especially considering how much I _love_

the

rest of the story.

No hard feelings. I knew I was in for a beating before I ever shipped

it. My

pre-readers beat me up over some of it. Life is hard, especially when

you

try to do something creative.

Now, if you will excuse me. I'm going to go have a good cry and a long

soak

in the tub.

*DAMNIT*, that's not what I wanted to do here.

#&^*#@^*!!  That's it, no more negative C&C from me to anyone, ever.

--
Christopher Angel

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