As she hung up the robe, she spoke.  "Are you going to
stand there all night?  Or do you have a reason for being here?"

	spoke.  "Are -- spoke, "Are

	Again. If you're leading into the dialogue, use a comma.

Actually..."speak" works differently from everything else. You don't 
"speak" lines the same way you "say" or "yell" them. This is because 
"say" always is a transitive verb, "yell" often is, but "speak" never 
is. It's always intransitive, and can't take a line of dialogue as a 
direct object.

Wait...that's not right...you can "speak" pronouncements and the truth 
and legal sentences and things like that, but it just doesn't work with 
dialogue...grr...

It's hard to explain why...but this is correct:

As she hung up the robe, she spoke. "Are you going...

as is this:

As she hung up the robe, she said, "Are you going...

But the oposite is incorrect in each case

You'd never say:

Jim spoke, "Hello!"

or

"Hello!" he spoke.

But you would say:

Jim's eyes flashed an unearthly light, and he opened his mouth and 
spoke. "Begone, foul demon!"

         Setsuna smiled faintly as Nemesis walk into a shadow and
disappeared.  Then she rapidly got off the bed, got dressed, and
moved down the hall.  When she reached Haruka and Michiru's room,
she opened the door, leaned in, and spoke in a flat, commanding
voice.

	walk -- walked

	Suggested:

	commanding voice. -- commanding voice:

It's not incorrect as is...now, if it were "said" rather than "spoke," 
it would definitely be incorrect.

But here, whether you have a colon or not would be a stylistic choice. 
And I find colons rather awkward. ^_^

	I won't comment on this error any more -- the C&C would be larger
than your fic. Still, it's a minor detail...

I would have just said it once and left the rest up to the author to 
find...

         "Dear Goddess.  It's a total ruin."  He slowly walked into
what had once been widely considered as the center of the Solar
System, detailing the damage as he came to it.  "Grand Pavilion,
gone.  Wishing Tower, toppled.  The Palace...crumbled.  Beryl and
Metallia were thorough, I'll give them that much.  Hmmm, the main
courtyard is still intact."

	Is 'Solar System' a proper noun? I'd think Alpha Proxima would be,
but 'the solar system' wouldn't...

There are two schools of thought on this. The majority of people don't 
capitalize "earth," "moon," "sun," or "solar system," but astronomers 
and science fiction writers often do, the same way you capitalize 
"Mercury" and "Mars," etc.

If the word "solar system" is referring to any star and its planets, you 
don't capitalize it. (In that case, "stellar system" is probably better 
anyway.) But if you're referring to the star named Sol and its 
collection of planets, you do capitalize it (if you follow this school).

         He walked through the destruction until he reached his
goal:  the Throne Room.  Or rather, what was left of it.  The
destruction was almost total.  The only thing that remained were a
few of the pillars that once lined the walls.  Nemesis slowly made
his way towards one that had snapped off and was resting at an
angle on the broken base.  He stopped a small distance from it.

	goal:  the -- goal: the (I THINK. I'd like to get the opinion of
someone else on this one, though.)

The convention which mandates putting two spaces after periods also 
includes putting two spaces after colons. In this computer age though, 
the newer convention is to use two spaces in neither instance. That's 
largely because of justification, though, and since fanfiction is rarely 
justified, don't feel you have to stop using two spaces.

He continued until he reached his goal: a simple, gray door set
into an out-of-the-way corner.  He palmed a hidden latch,
revealing a keypad.  He tapped in an access code and the door
slid open.  He moved into the small room beyond the door and
waited until the door had shut behind him.  A thin red beam of
light emerged from a corner and ran itself over his body, then
shut off.  In the corner of the room, a hidden panel set into the
floor opened silently.

	Missing indent.

	Would that WORK, really? I mean, a genetic scan... his body is going
to be completely different from the Silver Millenium, isn't it?

Fanfiction writers have differing opinions on this...I don't know what 
Takeuchi would
say, but their currect incarnations being identical to their past ones 
would tend to indicate similar genetics. The cause of this would, of 
course, be magical.

         Setsuna nodded slightly.  "No girly stores.  However, you
WILL be getting a variety.  That is non-negotiable."

         Ranma suddenly had a sinking feeling.

	Eh? What about Ranma's complaint that Setsuna has only one type of
suit? Doesn't that run counter to this?

I'd agree.

Peter


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