Ignition
By Ewen "Blackbrird" Cluney
Episode 5
Paperwork Panic! Enter the Eraser
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Characters
Pinky: A pink pearl eraser that gets turned into a girl. Pinky is
a short, slender girl with her hair done up in two pink pigtails.
She wears a short pink dress with "Pink Pearl Eraser" written
down the front. Pinky is friendly, enthusiastic, bouncy,
irresponsible, and a bit of a fluff-head. She also _really_ likes
erasing things.
Mr. Sakazaki: A middle-aged office worker in a permanent state of
apoplexy, Sakazaki invariably yells at the top of his lungs,
especially when telling others to be quiet.
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[Kenji and Naoki are behind the counter at Extreme CD Vision.
They stand there for several seconds before Naoki speaks.]
Naoki: So... you came here on the train today. What's up with
that?
Kenji: Long story.
Naoki: We've only got... what, six and a half hours until
closing.
Kenji: <sigh> Do you hang out with any street racers?
Naoki: S-street racers? Yeah, I know a f--
[Naoki stops short, wild-takes, and looks at Kenji.]
Naoki: Im... impossible! The EG6 on Monday night?!
Kenji: [nods] A couple punks stole my car for a race, and somehow
I ended up driving in the race.
Naoki: Then... your brother Kyosuke is _that_ Kyosuke?!
Kenji: I always told you he was a nutcase.
Naoki: But... To think that you're the younger brother of Kyosuke
the Madman! AND you beat Takashi the Demon! I should get your
autograph!
Kenji: Pft. I barely _survived_ racing that bastard -- I won
because he lost it and tried a suicide attack.
Naoki: No wonder you had to take the train; your car's gonna be
in the shop for a while, huh?
Kenji: Yeah. Half the paint came off, it needs body work, and the
gears are pretty screwed up too.
Naoki: How'd you mess up the gears?
Kenji: What do you think happens when you shift from fourth gear
into reverse and forget to use the clutch?
Naoki: [shock] Wha...?!
Kenji: Dunno how or why I did it, but I managed to recover when
he tapped my bumper and tried to spin me off the road.
Naoki: You are my god.
Kenji: [twitch] Then my first command to you is to leave me alone
and finish putting up the new P.O.P. stuff like the manager told
you to.
Naoki: <sigh> Same old Kenji. Some guys would be changed for life
by something like that you know.
[Kenji pauses; flash to a shot of him and Civiko holding each
other from the last episode. Cut to Naoki putting together a
small store display.]
Naoki: But not Kenji -- same ol Captain Sarcastic.
Kenji: Look who I have to deal with all day.
Naoki: Not for much longer -- we're gonna hafta' get another
person in here after you start college. Maybe I should see if
Mimi's looking for a part time job.
Manager: <ahem>
[The two of them snap to attention as the Manager walks into the
store from the back room.]
Manager: Kenji-kun, if you've got time for idle chatter then you
can make yourself useful.
Kenji: H-hai...
Manager: I need you to take care of some paperwork; I have to be
here to talk to the remodeling consultant who'll be coming by
today. You have a car now, right?
Kenji: Y-yeah, but it's in the shop.
Manager: Already?
Kenji: It's... a long story.
Manager: Well, I know you have a rail pass still, so I guess
you'll have to use that.
Kenji: <sigh> Hai, hai.
[Cut to Kenji walking down the street, carrying a folder full of
papers.]
Kenji: <sigh> I get to be an errand boy again. ... I sure hope
things will be okay at home.
[Cut to an imaginary sequence; Kyosuke leans over Toasty who is
blushing furiously. Kimiko watches from around the corner and
grins. Cut to Kenji as he walks. He pulls out his cell phone.]
Kenji: At least you're back to normal. For now. ... <sigh> I wish
I actually knew what caused them to change back and forth.
[Cut to Kenji riding on a train. Cut to Kenji walking into a tall
building. He walks up to a counter, and a secretary looks up from
her computer. He sighs and holds a piece of paper in front of
her.]
Secretary: ... Ninth floor, Suite 927.
[Cut to Kenji stepping off the elevator. He walks a short ways
down the hallway, and stops in front of Suite 927. He takes a
deep breath and is about to knock when the door flies open.]
Mr. Sakazaki: [shouting at someone inside] DAMNIT! DON'T YOU KNOW
WHAT "TRIPLICATE" MEANS?!?! [to Kenji] What the hell do YOU
want?!
[Kenji frowns and holds up the same piece of paper as before.]
Mr. Sakazaki: Ohhh, is that SO?! SIT DOWN OVER THERE!!!
[Kenji shrugs and sits down in a chair where indicated. The room
has several chairs arranged around low tables, occupied by two
women in their early 20s and a middle-aged man. Kenji sighs.]
Mr. Sakazaki: Be QUIET!!!
[Kenji gives him an annoyed, half-lidded look.]
Mr. Sakazaki: Oh, you think you're FUNNY, do you?!
[Kenji shrugs. Sakazaki glares at him, reaches behind, and slams
a stack of papers down in front of Kenji.]
Mr. Sakazaki: Follow the INSTRUCTIONS!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!
[Kenji pulls out a pen and pencil and picks up the first form and
begins writing. The others in the room heave silent sighs of
relief and resume writing, so that the sound of writing pens is
the only sound in the room. Cross dissolve to a different view of
Kenji. He picks up another piece of paper and looks at it, then
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pencil. He begins writing
with the pencil, and then stops short.]
Mr. Sakazaki: [suddenly over Kenji's shoulder] Please remember to
erase all mistakes... COMPLETELY!!!!!
[Kenji glares at Sakazaki.]
Mr. Sakazaki: DON'T GIVE ME THAT LIP!
[Kenji shrugs. Sakazaki seems to float away behind the chair.
Kenji gives a silent sigh and looks at the others in the room,
all of whom seem rather high-strung. He rolls his eyes and
reaches into his pocket.]
Kenji Voice Over: I have an eraser here somewhere...
[Kenji sifts through his pocket some more, and pulls out a pink
pearl eraser -- which is glowing red. He blinks.]
Kenji Voice Over: I... pressed the button on the remote, didn't
I?
[Kenji very quietly stands up and turns around to see Mr.
Sakazaki looming over him.]
Mr. Sakazakii: Where the HELL do you think YOU'RE going?!
[Kenji points down the hall to the men's room while holding the
red glowing eraser behind his back.]
Mr. Sakazaki: FINE!
[Kenji waits until Sakazaki has retreated into the suite, then
stops short and realizes he's holding a girl's hand. He lets go
and turns around to see Pinky standing there in front of him.]
Kenji: [muttering] Damnit, not another one.
Pinky: Hihi! ^_^ I'm Pinky! Who're you?
Kenji: Kenji. Asakawa Kenji.
Pinky: Kenji Asakawa Kenji? So you have three names and the first
and last are the same?
Kenji: ... Something like that. Just call me Kenji.
Pinky: Okay! So what's going on?
Kenji: Do you know how to be quiet?
Pinky: What do you mean?
Kenji: Okay... In that case you need to stay here. I'll be back
later.
Pinky: Okay!
[Kenji starts walking back to the suite. He stops short before
the door, turns around, and realizes that Pinky is right behind
him.]
Kenji: Pinky?
Pinky: Yeah?
Kenji: What did I just tell you to do?
Pinky: Ummm... I dunno.
Kenji: Are you an idiot?
Pinky: Dunno. Are idiots good to eat?
Kenji: No.
Pinky: Oh. ... [hopeful] Then I might be!
Kenji: Great. In that case just stay here and don't move.
[Cut to Naoki at the store; a guy in a brown trench coat is
browsing. Mimi walks in.]
Mimi: Hey there!
Naoki: Hey.
Mimi: Where's Kenji?
Naoki: The manager sent him on an errand -- paperwork to file or
something.
Mimi: Ah. Okay. How's he been?
Naoki: Same as ever. Of course, on Monday his car got stolen and
he wound up being in a street race to get it back.
Mimi: ... Care to run that by me again?
Naoki: I didn't get the full story, but he went up against
Takashi the Demon -- a guy infamous for trying to run his
opponents off the road. Kenji won but his car's gonna be in the
shop for a little while.
Mimi: Do you know how long?
Naoki: Two weeks I think.
Mimi: Two weeks... Just in time.
Naoki: Huh?
Mimi: Well, some friends of mine are planning a trip to the
beach. It'll be a lot of fun, and besides I want Kenji to meet
some more of his classmates.
Naoki: Ah. Am I invited or do I get chopped liver status as
usual?
Mimi: <chuckle> You can come. Who knows, one of my friends might
even like you. You don't have a girlfriend, right?
Naoki: Oh sure, rub it in. Kenji won't even let me near that
cousin of his.
Mimi: Cousin?
Naoki: Yeah; I didn't get her name, but she works as a booth babe
apparently. Really cute. Reminds me of a college-age version of
his little sister.
Mimi: He has a little sister?
Naoki: Yeah; her name's Kimiko. She's pretty cool, but I'm glad
she isn't my sister if you catch my meaning. He's got an older
brother too -- used to be a famous street racer.
Mimi: Wow. One heck of a family.
Naoki: Well, anyways I'll let him know when he gets back.
[Mimi smiles and waves as she leaves. Cut to Kenji working on his
paperwork. He pauses, turns his pencil around for the eraser, and
realizes he's already used it up. Pinky reaches over his shoulder
and uses her finger to erase for him. He stops short, and looks
up at her; she smiles.]
Pinky: Hi Kenji-sama!
[The two women and the old man immediately cower behind their
chairs.]
Mr. Sakazaki: WHO THE HELL'S MAKING ALL THAT RACKET?!
Pinky: Huh?
Mr. Sakazaki: YOU! Why the hell are YOU here?!
Pinky: I'm here to help Kenji-sama erase things. ^_^
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: I said--
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: I'm here to--
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: I just--
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: Why're you--?
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: When you do that I really can't--
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
Pinky: [sticking out her tongue] Beeeeeh!
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!
WHAT?! WHAT?!WHAT?!WHAT?!WHAT?!
[Cut to Kyosuke at the house, reading the newspaper and finishing
off a toasted bagel.]
Kyosuke: So how are you doing?
Toasty: I'm so happy! Kenji-sama said the toast I made for him is
tasty!
Kyosuke: [quietly] That's the way little bro. Open your heart.
Toasty: Huh?
Kyosuke: [blink] N-nothing.
Toasty: I... I was thinking... That maybe... since I can do toast
really good I should learn to make other things to eat for Kenji-
sama.
Kyosuke: I think that's a wonderful idea.
Toasty: Really?
Kyosuke: Home cooking is the best by far.
Toasty: Okay! I'll start now!
[Cut to Kenji covering his ears as Sakazaki and Pinky continue.]
Mr. Sakazaki: WHY YOU LITTLE! BEEEE QUIIIIIEEEET!!!
Pinky: But I'm not really--
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT?!
[Kenji stands up and clamps his hand over Pinky's mouth.]
Pinky: Mmmrf!
Mr. Sakazaki: DON'T INTERRUPT ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Pinky: Mrrr?
Kenji: sh.
Pinky: m?
Kenji: ... [nods]
Mr. Sakazaki: That's... BETTEEEEEEER!!!
[Mr. Sakazaki walks away, and Kenji slowly sits down, sitting
Pinky down next to him.]
Pinky: Whew!! He finally left!
[Kenji sighs and covers his ears. Cut to Kimiko walking into the
kitchen; Toasty is happily cooking away.]
Kimiko: Hey Toasty... What're you making?
Toasty: It's called "bread pudding." ^_^
Kimiko: You... can make pudding out of toast?
Toasty: Yup! I didn't know either, but I found it in this
cookbook!
Kimiko: Ah. What else are you making?
Toasty: Caesar salad. ^_^
Kimiko: With plenty of crutons...
Toasty: Of course!
Kimiko: And the main course?
Toasty: That's gonna be chicken. ^_^
Kimiko: Which is what those breadcrumbs are for?
Toasty: Yeah! ^_^
Kimiko: All right... I'll be going out for a while. Bye!
Toasty: Bye! ^_^
[Cut to Naoki putting the finishing touches on a store display.
The manager walks in from the back room.]
Manager: He's taking his time.
Naoki: Kenji?
Manager: ...
Naoki: Ah, he *is* taking the train. ^_^;
Manager: That and there are other factors.
Naoki: Huh?
Manager: There's a reason I delegated this to Asakawa-kun.
[Cut to Kenji and Pinky hiding behind a desk. Sakazaki can be
heard in the distance.]
Mr. Sakazaki: HOW *DARE* YOU DUCK WHEN I THROW THINGS AT YOU!!!
[A stapler flies overhead and hits the wall.]
Mr. Sakazaki: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Pinky: Kenji-sama, what're we gonna do?
Kenji: I'm not sure. This *is* your fault you realize?
Pinky: Okay. ^_^
Kenji: You really are stupid.
Pinky: Yup! ^_^
[Kenji pulls out his keyring and looks at it. A couple books hit
the far wall.]
Pinky: Ooooo! What's thaaaat?
Kenji: <sigh>
Mr. Sakazaki: I HEARD THAT!!!
[Kenji points the remote at the stapler and pushes the button. He
then does the same to a computer. Both are engulfed in a red
glow.]
Swingline: Wh-what happened?
Computress: I... don't know...
Mr. Sakazaki: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
[Swingline and Computress both turn around as one and glare at
Mr. Sakazaki.]
Computress: It's him. HE'S the one who keeps hitting my monitor
all the time!
Swingline: And smashing me against the wall when he jams me from
putting the wrong size staples in!
[Kenji presses the remote button one more time, and the chair
turns into a girl two.]
Chairy: That's nothing! He threw ME through a *window* once!
Mr. Sakazaki: H-hey... I... um...
[The three newly formed girls exchange glances and nod in unison.
Cut to Kenji, still hiding under the desk, as various sounds of
crashing and yelling can be heard. He pulls out the stack of
papers from before, and starts writing.]
Pinky: Shouldn't we go?
Kenji: Nah; they'll keep him busy for a while, and I hafta finish
this stuff for work.
[Cut to an auto shop; Kenji's Civic is there with the hood up and
a mechanic poking at the engine.]
Mechanic: Damn but this thing is screwed up! The gears are
practically gone!
[Flash-cut to Kenji standing opposite Civiko in the house. She
looks apprehensive.]
Civiko: B-but... I don't wanna go away for two whole weeks!
Kenji: You'll be FINE. The guy who runs the repair shop is a good
friend of Kyosuke's; his guys will take good care of you.
Besides, I have some insurance paperwork to take care of.
Civiko: I... I'm gonna miss you...
Kenji: Trust me; you NEED to be fixed, and two weeks will fly by
like nothing.
Civiko: ...o-okay.
[Cut to Richmond walking into the garage. He walks up to the
car.]
Civiko Voice Over: H-huh? Who's that guy?
Richmond: My name is Richmond.
Civiko Voice Over: Wh... what? You can hear me?! How?
Mechanic: What'd you say?
Richmond: Oh, I don't have to tell you that.
Civiko Voice Over: What are you? I can feel... something funny
about you...
Mechanic: What's that? Who the hell are you?!
Richmond: You'll find out eventually. Especially now that I know
where your master resides.
Civiko Voice Over: <gasp?!>
[The mechanic is suddenly holding Richmond by the collar.]
Mechanic: I don't know who you are or what you think you're doing
here, but get out of my garage unless you want me to show you
just what a tire iron can do to the human anatomy.
Richmond: Er... [sweatdrop] I... was just leaving, sir!
[Cut to Kenji writing. He finishes, pockets the pencil, and
stands up. Mr. Sakazaki has been tied to a chair by the three
girls, and looks desperate.]
Mr. Sakazaki: SAAAAAVE MEEEE!!!!!!
[Kenji cups a hand to his ear as though he's having trouble
hearing.]
Mr. Sakazaki: I SAID, SAVE ME!!!
[Kenji leans closer.]
Mr. Sakazaki: ...please...?
[Kenji shakes his head and shrugs, and hands the stack of papers
to Swingline.]
Kenji: Can you do me a favor and give these to him when you're
done?
Swingline: Sure. ^_^
[Kenji and Pinky walk out.]
Chairy: I'm SO tired of holding up your smelly butt!
Computress: Not only that but your typing technique stinks, your
spelling is atrocious, and I doubt you even know what the word
"defragment" means!
Swingline: We are going to enjoy this.
[Cut to Kenji and Pinky walking out of the building's entrance.
High above a scream can be heard.]
Pinky: That was fun! Can we do it again?
Kenji: <sigh> No.
Pinky: Aw...
[Another scream echoes out, and everyone around -- except Kenji
and Pinky -- looks up to see where it came from.]
Pinky: So... is there anything I can erase for you?
Kenji: ...
Pinky: Well? Is there?
Kenji: I will let you know.
Pinky: Okay! ^_^
[They walk in silence for a little while.]
Pinky: Is there anything to erase *now*?
Kenji: ...
[Cut to Kenji walking into the house with Pinky trailing behind.]
Toasty: Welcome back, Kenji-sama!
Kimiko: Hey, there's another one!
Kenji: <sigh> Everyone, this is Pinky.
Pinky: Hi everyone! ^_^ "Everyone" is kind of a funny name
though...
Kimiko: My name's Kimiko...
Pinky: Ohhhh! Okay. ^_^
Kimiko: [to Kenji] What's with her?
Kenji: Apparently erasers aren't very smart.
Pinky: I'm an idiot! ^_^
Toasy: So! Is everyone ready for dinner?
Kenji: [suspicious] What're we having?
Kimiko: Don't worry; it's not quite as bad as I expected.
[Cut to outside the house; Richmond crouches under the window,
listening to them as they sit down for dinner.]
Richmond: Oh yes... They suspect NOTHING! Soon VENGEANCE will be
MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[The window opens and Kenji looks out.]
Toasty: What is it?
[Richmond freaks out and dives behind the bushes.]
Kenji: Thought I heard something...
Kimiko: Probably just the neighbor's cat.
[Kenji frowns and closes the window. Fade to black.]
------------------------------------------------------------------
Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney blackbird@blackbird.nu
Blackbird's Domain http://www.blackbird.nu/
The Official Thrash Home Page http://thrash.blackbird.nu/
Knight Kevlar of the Immortal Frog Silver Knight of Mihoshi
"Be nice to me; I might just develop
psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!"
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