You wrote:

DB Sommer wrote:

And here's the second half. Glad to get it to you before Christmas.

Enjoy

Er... right. Well, let's hope that Mozilla doesn't eat this. :p

Nope. I got it.

Dr. Tofu poked is head out the door just as Akane left the office. He

looked

curiously at the door to his clinic as it swung shut. "'I'll hold you to
that'. What was that supposed to mean?"

Repetition of 'door'?

True, but not sure what I'd do to change it and have the sentence as not
reading awkwardly.

trying to devour some inedible substance and perceiving it as a normal
reaction to talking with her. Of course there was the drawback that she

was

a mere centimeter or so tall at the time, depending on her mood since

she

seemed to be able to control her actual height.

Centimeter? That IS small...

Artists have always written them at various heights in relation to their
surroundings. I hope this helps explains seeming inconsistancies in it.

Kasumi seemed to revel in being able to wear such garments and act less
reserved than in her normal housekeeping role. Some of the things she

said

made even him blush.

Hehe...

I've changed this slightly by dropping the 'even' while still keeping to the
same idea.

boot. Certainly it saved material, but with how high both were cut, it

left

little doubt that despite her duties around the home, Kasumi had managed

to

stay in very good shape. The mask she wore covered the upper half of her
face, allowing her brown hair to flow freely behind her as she darted
through the air.

Hehehe...

Eh? Not sure what struck you as humourus there.

A soft sigh escaped Tofu's lips. He chose clothing that was cheap and

worn,

since he might have to grow and ruin them. It appeared the first

'official'

case for the new superhero team of the Wasp and Giant Man was about to

get

underway. The only bright side would be the adventure would serve to

keep

him out of his mother's sight for a while. Compared to her constant

harping

about marrying and raising a family, fighting super-villains would

almost

seem relaxing.

Giant Man vs. Power Man: Battle of the lame titles. Hehehe...

More like accurately descriptive names. :)

Five more shots were aimed right on target. The bullets impacted in the
exact spots they were aimed at. Each of the metal projectiles imparted a
tremendous amount of force.  Combined, they were enough to crack an

engine

block in half.

Ouch.

And as we see, it's all for naught.

Power Man looked casually down at his chest where the bullets had hit.
"Geez, you guys don't know when to give up." He hefted a set of
interconnected seats over his head and threw them at the security

personnel

as though he was in kindergarten playing a vicious version of musical
chairs. The width of the makeshift missile allowed Power Man to strike

all

five of the officers at the same time. The force with which he threw it
guaranteed their medical plans would be activated.

Yeesh...

He is a powerful guy. Going to have to be with who he fights.

"I still say we don't need any help. I think the four of us are more

than

enough to deal with any threats to the boss or his plan. Besides, we

only

need a couple more days."

Four?

Meaning there are two more yet to be seen. Not counting the new guys, of
course.

Power Man turned just in time to have a well-aimed billy club ricochet

off

his face. Even as the cylinder bounced off the floor and returned to the
thrower's hand, the huge man's sole reaction to the blow was to rub his

jaw.

"Congratulations. That's the hardest hit I've taken all day."

He throws the club with velocity and force exceeding bullets?

Not really. It's just that no one shot him in the face. It wouldn't have
dropped him, just irritated him more.

"I know, I know. It never occurred to me people would associate my name

with

that. I'll change my costume and name at the first opportunity when we

get

back. I had several costumes made up and a list of other names to go

with

them since I had such a hard time deciding." Whizzer returned his

attention

to their opponent and pointed at the large man. "My friend over there is
Power Man."

Hehehehe...

The problems with newbie super villains.

Daredevil in taking out these two buffoons before she could 'talk shop'.
Given how bright the bad guys in question seemed, she and Daredevil

should

be deep in conversation in under ten minutes.

It's like musical chairs with the PoV... intentional?

Yep. Getting a little look in each characters' mind.

Power Man hurled a sizable potted plant at Hawkeye before she could get

a

second shot at the fallen Whizzer. She was able to leap out of the way

of

the large projectile as it continued hurtling through the air until it

hit

an ATM machine, cracking it open like a bulky pi�ata that spewed money

out

of its innards instead of candy.

That analogy seems a little unwieldly.

Oh? I thought it one of my better ones, especially since i dont' use them
all that often.

Daredevil's radar sense informed him that the impression of Power Man's

head

that had been left in the length of metal meant it would be a good idea

to

abandon the weapon. He tossed it aside and made a mental note to replace

it

later, since he only had two left in his robe. "Fine, we can do it the
old-fashioned way." He fell into a fighting stance.

First sentence reads awkwardly.

Will try rewording.

"Good." Power Man took a swing at Daredevil's head. The red-garbed
adventurer easily got out of the way easily.

Repetition, 'easily'.

Oops.

"Damn!" she muttered through a sore jaw. She had barely seen him move.

This

was almost worse than the time she had been hypnotized into believing

her

arrows were snakes.

Reminds me of an old AD&D spell...

Yeah, but in this case it was Xelloki that did it to her from chapter 5

"You know what you're problem is? You talk way too much." Hawkeye spat

in

his direction.

you're -- your

Oops. Hate making that mistake.

He was so intent on beating Hawkeye to a pulp that he failed to see the

wire

tied to each arrow, one that was now taut thanks to the second shot, and

at

ankle level. He felt it though as he unwittingly ran into it, tripping

over

the wire and rolling across the ground at an inhumanly high speed. His
momentum was too great for him to stop as he smashed into a service desk
next to one of the departure areas. Now it was his turn to be stunned.

He's lucky a wire that fine didn't just cut right through him.

It's that umm... anti-friction field he has. The same one that prevents him
from making sonic booms when he moves faster than sound and enables him to
breathe when he runs fast.

No, I'm not a master of BS at all.

Daredevil's aim was true as the end of the club hit at just the precise

spot

at the shoulder, causing Power Man to cry out in pain and grab his now

limp

arm. It was just as he thought. The man's skin was supernaturally tough,

but

not enough to make him immune to pain. A powerful blow, one strong

enough to

shatter a normal man's arm, delivered to the center of a cluster of

nerves

located at the joint in the elbow was enough to at least temporarily
neutralize one of the big man's limbs. Satisfied that Power Man was not
invincible, the blind man went for his next attack.

Er... Repetition, 'just', and you specify that he's striking a point
on Lime's shoulder, then explain that the cluster of nerves is on
his elbow... Might want to clarify that.

Oops. Changed the target at prereaders recommendation and neglected to
change every reference to it.

senses, made Daredevil feel a slight bit of remorse. Blindness was not
something he wished on anyone, no matter how well he had managed to

adjust

to his own condition. That Daredevil possessed little choice in the

matter

did little to ease his conscience concerning his actions.

Odd that he didn't think of that first...

Subconscious reluctance perhaps?

of an accent underlying her Japanese. It was in the inflection of

'Hidden'.

No one else could have detected it, he barely had even with his

superhuman

hearing, but it was there. A Chinese accent, or so he thought. It was

hard

to tell, and unimportant at the moment.

Nng... Shampoo?

Oui. More on this in the next chapter.

deliver while the blade was in mid-air. By the gods, she was fast and
skilled. Even he would have had difficulty matching that feat. So

instead,

he moved back, allowing her toe to strike the floor instead of the leg

she

had been aiming at.

Repetition, 'instead'.

Kay.

At the last second he understood his mistake. Concentrating so much on

stayi

ng alive, he had forgotten there were two opponents, and not realized

that

the other one had recovered. Despite being off-balance, he shifted

forward,

and the fist that was aimed at his head only stuck a glancing blow off

the

base of his neck and shoulder. Against a man with normal strength, it

would

have only hurt somewhat. From Power Man, it was like someone driving a

two

by four into it. Daredevil fell unconscious immediately.

'against'? I'm not sure that works...

No? What should I change it to?

"Musketeer's weren't really known for marketing things."

Musketeer's -- Musketeers

Oops.

And someone correctly pointed out that Three Musketeers actually does market
things. :)

"No need. I'll just call you 'Dead Meat' and leave it at that." She

fired

another stun arrow, which he sliced that one in two as casually as

swatting

an annoying insect.

'which he sliced that one' -- er... maybe drop the 'that one'?

Kay

"The costume shop was all out of samurai outfits, so I stole this one. I

can

make anything look good, given my handsome features."

HEH!

An odd phrase since he is wearing a mask, neh? :)

Hawkeye fired another arrow. This time she nearly hit the oaf due to the
closer proximity and the lack of time her opponent had to react to the
projectile. Finally she had hope. She took a half step forward before

she

realized something was wrong. It took a moment to figure out what it

was:

Whizzer was no longer lying an a half-formed heap next to the wall.

'half-formed'? I don't know if that really works. Makes it sound like
he splattered himself into jelly, and is slowly pulling himself back
together.

Will consider

"Indeed. The veritable 'Blue Thunder' of Japan." The warrior momentarily
forgot he was with a possible opponent and bowed. "I see my reputation

has

spread beyond this island. Soon, the whole world shall know of my

stature

and skill. Hahahaha!" he laughed to the heavens, which responded with a
lightning bolt striking in the distance.

Of course.

Haven't done that one in a while. At least Mint liked the effect.

"That's what the boss said. He's always held the opinion from the

beginning

that once he takes over, he'll need strong people who are easy to

manipulate

to delegate leadership roles to. He seemed to think you, me, and Power

Man

shuld fit the bill in those regards."

...

Kind of sad, really.

The Swordsman held his sword up high above his head. "He could have

chosen

no more suitable warrior to enlist in his cause."

Oh, goddess. That's... erm. Right.

Well, some things remain the same. ^_^

their cooperation the Hand would be given free reign to spread their
influence through the entirety of Asia without fear of reprisals from

the

authorities. And if he failed, the ten million dollars he had deposited

in

their bank accounts for hiring her services would still allow the
organization to come out ahead.

PoV shift again.

Yep. Intentional.

This whole segment was somewhat awkward, staring out with Hawkeye,
then jumping to Mint, and now just as suddenly jumping to Electra.

The paragraphs have the right structure that you can just add a scene
shift between them to take the PoV changes into account...

I don't know. It's long enough as it is and I thought they worked okay.
Still will consider trying to modify things slightly to ease the
transitions.

Ranma cracked his knuckles. "You got that right. I'm no super hero. I'm

just

a normal guy called Ranma Saotome that's going to kick all of your

butts."

Poor Ranma...

Even here his ego gets in the way.

small child in the hands of a giant. He recognized Power Man's mask as

the

big man brought him face-to-face. The only details Ranma could make out
around the man's mask were the piercing gaze from around the eyeholes

and

the cut out portion of the mouth, which was curled into a sneer. Neither
seemed to bode well for the youth.

'around' the eyeholes? One would think 'through' them...

Good point

Kaori shot the goddess in irritated glare. "Great, more of you guys.

Well,

it doesn't appear the first couple of you vigilantes did much good. We

had a

report from the tower that an unauthorized plane took off on its own.
Someone said they thought they saw the bad guys who were tearing up the
place board it, and they brought friends. Just be happy they weren't

your

buddies, or I'd be hauling you off right now."

in -- an (?)

yep

Thor's brows narrowed at the implications, and she leveled a scowl at

the

officer, leaving no doubt as to her opinion of them. "I have no such

allies,

and I assure thee they were not mine companions. I have no peers here on
Midgard."

Ahem.


Keiichi frowned, watching the newscaster's reports of the entire
affair at the airport with only a mild amount of interest.

Skuld, however, leapt up and pointed at the screen the moment the
woman on the screen announced that she had 'no peers on Midgard'.

"There it is!" she yelled, glaring at the television in irritation.
"So _that's_ who... Oooo! Well, we'll see about that!"

Keiichi blinked, surprised, as a faint, gleaming blue light emerged
grom Skuld's goddess symbol, and with it, the woman on the screen
vanished as well. "Huh?" he managed dumbly.

"Connection reset by peer," Skuld announced smugly.


... and I can tell that I'd best leave this for Mr. Tymes next time,
since he's much better at it than I am.

Not really applicable since Skuld will show up in the fic later.

She wondered if she should contact her 'Uncle' Peter in America about

the

problem. During one of his visits, her father's old friend had once
mentioned the difficulties with heroes in the United States and what
measures he felt should be taken to control them. From what she had

gleaned,

his attitude concerning them was very similar to her own. He was an
influential man in his government. Perhaps it was a matter worth looking
into.

Lost on me...

Peter Henry Gyrich, one of the first and still biggest 'I hate superhumans'
in the government. Been giving the Avengers and others trouble for years.
His role is much unchanged, I'm afraid. Save that his ire isn't quite as
great since there are less superhumans in America, though they do exist.
Part of bringing this in line with the Marvelverse by including regulars
from there. Bruce Banner and Gen 'Thunderbolt' Ross will be popping up again
in the second story arc as well.

"You're bring transparent, Pop, but you're also right. Give me that damn
costume. I'll play the icon of super heroism, at least long enough to

kick

those four guys butts. No matter how far they ran, it ain't going to be

far

enough to escape me."

bring -- being

Kay

Under her helmet, Kodachi grimaced. Having a secret identity took some
getting used to. Still, it was a mistake that was easily rectified. "I

have

no small ability in the field of electronics. Whereas I am nowhere near

as

brilliant as the beautiful genius, Miss Kodachi Kunou, I have

capabilities

that far surpass the average layman. Modifying the sensor systems aboard

the

quinjet will be simplicity itself for one of my numerous talents.
Ohohohohoho!"

Heh.

Had to throw the laugh back in as well.

"He's coming along!" Three voices said as one.

Heh.

As I said, some things....

The words had escaped Thor's mouth before she realized it, though she

felt

no regrets and meant every word. This Captain fellow appeared to be a

prime

specimen of manhood with an impressive physique that bulged in all the

right

places and a height that allowed him to reach a level almost to her
forehead, a rarity among the Japanese. His bearing displayed a

combination

of confidence and power, and she found herself being instantly attracted

to

this newcomer, even if for some odd reason his outfit and shield bore an
uncanny resemblance to that Bucky harlot.

Yeesh.

T'will be a tumultuous relationship to be sure, if there is one.

end. He vowed to keep a close 'watch' on this Captain Japan. Daredevil

knew

he was twice the man the egotist was, and would be eager to prove it at
every opportunity.

Hmmm.

And some rivlries as well...

Well, another chapter down. Originally I anticipated everything I had
outlined in my head to take only one 120K or so chapter. Boy was I

wrong. It

nearly doubled in anticipated size. Looks like 'Ten Rings' will be three
minimum, to possibly four chapters, but very unlikely to stretch beyond
that. We'll see as things progress.

Was amusing. Curious as to how things will turn out, though...

Ye shall see sometime in the future. Havent' started writing, so no
guerentees when that will be

Got to rush out the door. Thanks for the C+C and letting me know you liked
it.

D.B. Sommer

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