Mmmmm...fresh C&C

Ranma-chan still had the quizzical dog-head tilt.

This sounds a little awkward, but I'm not sure how to fix it.  Maybe: Ranma-chan's head remained tilted, a look of confusion on her face.

Ranma-chan began blushing.  Meanwhile, Akane turned back to the
doctor.  "What adjustments, Tofu?"  She asked.

This sounds much too informal.  Maybe have Akane call him doctor or Tofu-sensei

Your arms are also just a touch weaker.  In fact I would say they
are matching your legs.  You seem to be more even in muscle
distribution.

'they are matching your legs' sounds a bit awkward.  Maybe leave that sentence out and change the next to read: 'Overall, you seem to have a more even muscle distribution.'  Or something like that.

"Ranma, is there something wrong?"  Asked Akane.  Her ears
twiching to hear Ranma's breathing.

Asked should be lower case I think

"Onechan, Auntie, come quick!  Something is happening to Ranma!"

Oneechan, I think

"His fear of cats, he said he needed a hug, but my ears were
causing the problem.  He can't even be near me."

Punctuation.  Should be a period after cats, otherwise it's a run on
sentence

Akane thought about how fearless Ranma always seemed, and his
courage to face any opponent.  How this same person looked so
terrified, and over something such as lovable house cats.

Again, this seems a bit awkward.  I think it should be 'and of his'
The second sentence doesn't seem right, but I can't put my finger on it.

looked up into Akane's eyes.  "I.... love.... you.... Akane.
I.... want... to.... show.... you."

the elipses (sp?) is only three periods, unless it ends a sentence, then it's four.

<Ye Gods, That's it.  It was Akane.  He could feel her thoughts
and it was calming him down.>

That's should be that's

As Ranko reached out to touch Akane's presence.  <Shit, and she

Sentence fragment

Ranko shouted into the swirling void.  "Ranma..... You can feel
Akane's emotions."

elipses - see above

As the howling winds and the echoing pain got worse, Ranko could
no longer hold on.  <I need some help here, wait.... that's it.>

ditto

Akane could see Ranma-chan eyes.  They were full of tears.  But
suddenly she watched them glaze over.

Ranma-chan's

Kasumi gave the "Oh my!"   Nodoka asked.  "Is there anything we
can do about it?"

New paragraph when Nodoka starts speaking

Akane found herself being lead across the vast windy planes.

I think you mean plains

Ranko swore again.  "Don't insult it, or what little of Ranma's
softer side you see will bury itself further within.

This entire place is merely a physical representation of Ranma's
mind.  Everything you see is metaphorical for part of himself.

Ranma was forced to suppress his feelings.  So you could say he
incased them in stone.  He was never able to express himself
because of it.  But you and his mother have helped to break the
stone.

When he got the curse, the little boy, now a girl, in anger broke
out of this and attacked me.  I was evil then, and I did not care
about him.  I merely wanted to make his life hell.

His emotional side told me that all Ranma had done in his life to
try and make his mother love him.  All the pain, and the
suffering.  And I had taken his only happy dream away.  Then...."

You need quotes at the beginning of each of these paragraphs.  You do have the proper end quotes though

I had the ability to search his mind and I tried to find a single
happy memory to hide within, but I could not find anything.  I
saw his happy dream, but now I was in it and it shattered as
Ranma's fears took over.

Then I found myself being pulled into this statue.  It had
reformed to shade his emotions from the deluge being inflicted
upon me.  It was now a little girl, and I screamed out as it
pulled me inside.

Whenever Ranma changed into a girl, he started using his
emotions.  It was just a little at a time, but the stone was
getting weaker.

I was forced to watch Ranma's life and I hoped that someone could
finally break his stone seal.  As he expressed himself more fully
as a girl, I found myself sharing his feelings.  He gave a
little part of himself to me, and so I started to care.  I began
to care about him.

He started having attacks because of his emotions were more
exposed and he didn't know how to defend them.

But Nodoka came and she said she loved him anyway.  It was an a
serious event down here."

Ditto

"What happened?"  Asked Akane.  She made a sweeping gesture

lowercase asked

When Nodoka said she loved him, this place went nuclear.  First
of all, my prison here shattered as the years of memories tore
out of it like a banshee.  It released me, but I no longer was
mad at him.

His dream had come true, and for about ten minutes, this place
was bright and nearly beautiful.

I watched as the walls he had spent a lifetime building to
protect himself were vaporized into the dunes of dust you see
around us.  His entire concept of life changed, in a single
instant.  He had someone who still loved him, who wasn't going to
hurt him."

Quotes - see above

"Then why is it a stone statue again?"  Asked Akane.  "You said
it exploded and..."

asked, not Asked

Ranko interrupted her.  "His mother has no idea what her actions,
have done to him.  You actions too for that matter."

Your actions

"What do you mean by that?"  Akane asked, her hand now on her
hips.

Wow!  One hand on both hips?  That's talent =)

Akane looked at the statue, and then back at Ranko.  She turned
back at the statue.  Its frozen eyes still seemed to be staring
right at her.

back to the statue, not at

Then when I noticed you were a girl, I stopped looking at you as
a Fiancee, and more as a possible friend.  I saw the look in your
eyes and I thought you looked lonely. You looked like you needed
a friend.  I am sorry I forgot about that face when you became a
boy.  I was too angry to care about you as a person.  I'm sorry.

I still think you are cute, I just wouldn't admit it, even to
myself.  You can be whatever, or whoever you feel like and I will
be here."

Quotes - see above


Overall, another fine installment.  I liked how you handled Ranma's mindscape, very interesting.  Keep up the good work.


C-Ya ='P

Jon Osborne

"Sometimes you just have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way down."
                 -Kobi Yamada


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