Nabiki's slap cut him off mid-sentence.  "Liar!  You
did it this way so we couldn't stop you!"

    Technically, there's no speech indicator here. Mr. Sommer does it all the time, so I'm reasonably sure that even the non-astute reader can infer who's speaking...

    Anyway. Just mentioning that, though stylistically it's just fine as it is, I believe.

Just a note�I've noticed that is mentioned a lot as an error, and it's not an error. You don't need a speech indicator with every quote. What's an error is if you use something that's not a speech indicator as if it were, something such as "smiled."

Maybe you've been trained differently than I have, but my editing classes and magazine experience taught that it is unnecessary to have a speech tag if the speaker is made clear through context or other means.

Soun managed to find his voice.  "Girls, please!
Not in public!"

    voice.  "Girls -- voice, "Girls (unless that's not a speech indicator? I could be confused...)

Doesn't look to me as if it's being used as a tag. And it's not; to "find his voice" collectively is not a transitive verb that can take a line of dialogue as an object. You can "say" or "yell" something, but you can't "find your voice" something.

It's not a tag, but it does indicate through context who the dialogue belongs to.

"Are you sure Nabiki isn't the martial artist in the
family?"  Genma rubbed his cheek.  "That's some
right she's got."

    Stylisticaly inferred. I think. I'm also hoping somoene will be willing to step in and clarify. ^_^;;

Same.

"I don't think I'm hungry, Ranma."
Ranma looked up from the menu.  Akane was very pale.
"I wish they'd just be quiet.  I want to go home."

    To delineate Akane's speech from Ranma's action (since you're not naming speakers here) should Akane's dialoge be in another paragraph?

That would be best.

Genma opened one eye and groaned.  "Soun, did you
bring your charge card?"

    Doesn't that hurt _all_ of them in the long run, if they waste that money? I mean, it's the money for the whole household, after all, unless Kasumi's got a job (I might have forgotten) or Nabiki's paying for things, too.

I thought that as well...and I haven't read the earlier chapters, so I can't comment on the possibilities.

"Yeah!  We have to go home and change--we're
supposed to be at work in half an hour!"
Ranma got up as he spoke, pulling Akane to her feet
at the same time.  They were halfway out of the room
before Genma recovered enough to speak.

    Should that dialogue and action be in the same paragraph?

It's not, in the post. Because the paragraph mentions two speakers, it's probably best on its own, rather than combined with the preceding or following paragraph.

As for my comments...I personally like the writing style, and I found this chapter interesting enough to read through once. I was not interested enough, though, to go back and read yet another start-from-the-beginning Ranma story. I'm all for things working out for the best in real life, but in this chapter most of the entertainment value of Ranma 1/2 seems to be missing. It does appear that you're writing for some audience other than those readers seeking entertainment, and since I'm not in and don't relate well with your target audience, I don't think I can really comment on how to improve the story along those lines.

Peter

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