On Sun, 30 Dec 2001 18:41:05 -0800 (PST)
Raye Johnsen <raye_j@yahoo.com> wrote:

I'm experimenting with a new style here, so please
don't think there's anything wrong with your mailer. There really *aren't* any quotation marks.

nahh... there have been quite a few stories/fics without quotations and they worked out great... and as far as I can see... your GateKeepers fic on Megumi's pov struck a chord in me... and I've just finished watching the entire series in one sitting the day before... and it _seemed_ so inchar... so canon... if you will... bravo... most excellently done... n.n;;;

Start: 7:23 p.m., 30/12/2001
*****

In Silence

by Raye Johnsen
raye_j@yahoo.com

*****
    GateKeepers is copyright a lot of people, none of
whom I know, none of whom are myself.  *****

    I miss him.

    I suppose some people - young Kaoru certainly,
possibly Ruriko, but not Ukiya, I don't think - would
think that I was crazy.  Or that it was proof that I'm
plotting against them all again.

heh... well... they should blame themselves... I mean... it was rather painfully obvious that Megumi was quite content with the team and needed to something to show that she mattered... that she was important... that she was someone... that and the identity of Mr 'Shadow' should have been obvious to Shun Ukiya... I mean those two interacted so much in both identities of 'hero/villian' and 'student/student' and considering how much a fan of manga Ukiya was... he should have considered the possibility that the hero's friend would turn out to be the hero's nemesis/villian... ne...

    I do hate him, now.  I hate him - but only because
there was a time when I thought I loved him.  But now,
I think I loved the image of him that I built inside
my head.  He simply saw it and slipped inside my
dreams.  Ironic - after I was sure I had thrown all my
dreams away, he slid so neatly into the one I had
clung to so tightly I didn't even realize I still had
it.

heh... insidious _was_ his trademark after all... considering his original ability... before he went all dark and psycho...

*snip*

    What wakes me up at night, though, is that even now
his actions seem so *reasonable*.  People *are*
stupid.  Litterbugs *are* idiots.  Rude people *are*
selfish.  And it is so tempting to try to teach those
cruel jocks who taunt the quiet ones (like myself)
until they crack a lesson that they will *never*
forget....

heh... and Hitler's speeches made so much sense too... so reasonable even...

    His Gate was black.  Mine is not - it's still green. Which proves to me that this darkness at the bottom of
my heart is not imposed, as it was on Ruriko, nor is
it a madness, as it was with him, but a part of me. Which means that it will never go away.

hnnn... I suppose... but one wonders where she gained the ability to go diving into Rurippe's heart/mind... n.n

    I wonder if the Commander realizes what a danger I
could be, if I chose?

    Will I choose?

That's the choice everyone has to make for themselves...

    All I want, really, is to be important.  It doesn't
have to be to the nation, or the world.  Technically I
am already, and I know how real *that* importance is. The real importance is when someone smiles when you
enter the room, because you have entered the room. It's when someone feels their life has changed because
you entered it.  And it doesn't matter if that person
is the only one who feels that way; that they *do*
feel that way is all that you need.  That I need.

nods... that is true importantce... not the meaningless glory and honor that you could gain... the value and warmth that you gain from being with one's friends and family and loved one... that is something she, Megumi, truly wanted/needed... and she never quite got that...

    All I want is to be important. 
    It was a lie, but he made me feel important.

    I miss him.

*****
Finish: 8:14 p.m., 30/12/2001

=====
raye_j@yahoo.com
http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html

"'I run, therefore I am'; more accurately, 'I run, therefore with any luck I'll still *be*'."
   - Rincewind's philosophy, as explained in "Interesting Times"

Yours,
Bombadil aka Ciara Nami, baka mazoku

"You know... there is a reason why they considered it a curse to live in interesting times..."
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