--- Chan Wei Lik <weimin@pl.jaring.my> wrote:

From: ffml-bounce@anifics.com
[mailto:ffml-bounce@anifics.com] On Behalf
Of Brian Welch

Are you just waiting to see more, or
was it so messed up canonically that you don't know
where to begin? ^_^;

I saw this fic when you posted it to Fanfiction.net.
Back then I didn't
get into it because I don't like the link to norse
mytholoogy. 

I was going to post here first because of the better
C&C, but had a hard time getting onto the ML.  

Since I
downloaded it, I decided to go through it anyway. 
By setting it in Heaven, of which little has been
shown, and 150 years
into the future, you've sidestepped most nitpicking.

There are reasons for the setting which won't become
apparent for a while.

I still don't see
how this connects AMG to norse mythology though.

They may not be connected, but it's possible
canonically, and if they are connected then something
like this might result from it.  

I am unsettled on a major premise however. More on
that below.

I also think you could have cut down on chapter 1.
Most of the things we
learned about Eric then was repeated again in the
following chapters.

Chapter 1 set things up for Parts 2 and 3.  I should
have been more explicit about this being only Part 1
of a multi-part story.  I've confused many people it
seems.  My apologies.

"Nidhog and Yggdrasil share data.  There was a
problem
with the synchronization between the two systems, so
I
fixed it."

I'd disagree with you on this part. While it is all
but certain that
Yggdrasil controls reality, I doubt Nidhog controls
more beyond the
demons' influence. By this I mean the condition of
the Demon realm,
Demonic contracts and the demons' access to
information and magical
power. If Nidhog was as influential on reality as
Yggdrasil, the demons
would have used it to overrun reality long ago.
I tend to think of Nidhog as a rouge network. Once
it was part of
Yggdrasil, then the demons took it over and severed
its links to the
main system. They used it to create their own plane
of existence and
maintained covert links to Yggdrasil so they could
spread their
influence.

That's certainly possible, but those links would have
to reach deep into Yggdrasil.  Peorth was stuck in
child form because both systems were influencing her. 
Therefore, they have to share sensitive data (i.e.
goddess definition files) and Nidhog has to be able to
lock Yggdrasil out of pieces of Yggdrasil's own data. 
That's why nobody in Heaven could help Peorth. 
However, I agree that the demons don't seem able to
influence reality like the gods do, so there are some
limits to what pieces of Yggdrasil data they can
manipulate.  Still, whether or not it can control that
data, if AMG's Nidhog bears any similarity to the
Norse Nidhog it's corrupting most or all data on
Yggdrasil, probably randomly.

Another point is you did not make it clear whether
Eric successfully
placed his worm into Yggdrasil or not the first
time.

I'll double check, but I thought it was clear that Urd
had checked and he didn't succeed the first time.  

That's all I have to say for now. Keep writing.

Thanks!  I'll revisit the system configuration thing,
or more likely put in a loose canon warning saying
"this is the way I see it".  I appreciate the C&C from
one of my favorite fellow AMG nitpickers!

Brian




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