Hi, I'm Troy, but you already knew that, didn't you? ^_^
Here are some comments. In Yonge's words, take what you like and ignore the rest.

The inherent contradiction involved with becoming exposed to the heated cursed water is supposed to strain the curse to the point that there would be a one in six chance of it breaking.

Let me guess, Ranma didn't bother reading the instructions any further, right? ^_^

    Well, something broke all right... For a moment or two,

Cut out "or two". It slows the sentance down.

nothing appeared to have happened, and Ranma allowed himself to hope that the cure had taken effect. Then the pain set in. Do you know what it feels like to have your skeleton slowly contract and reconfigure itself while your muscles and tendons shift this way and that?

Nope. Not me. Now let me say this about Ranma, sucks to be him... :o

Or how about the all consuming agony of literally knowing where each and every nerve ending in your body is, inside and out, as they too undergo the same dramatic change.

End the paragraph with a question mark, since it begins with how.

>From the way Ranko describes this beginning and ending (which is what I feel you're trying to describe), it sounds as though she expected someone to one day read her journal, other than her. Examples, "Do you know...", "...your..."

Is this deliberate?

Journals are usually written in short, damn near coded, form.

With these big long coherent sentances, it seems as though the reader, who actually is the reader, is almost a character reading the actual journal. I like it.

Comments, *Constructive* Criticism, Observations, Opinions, and Ideas Welcome.

Okay.

Let me ask about Genma.

He must either have encouraged Ranma to try this cure, or else he was in the dark, so to speak, about what Ranma was doing.

How will your Genma handle this situation?

Will he push Ranma away? Or except the boy/girl as he is?

Will he bring Ranma to the Tendos? Will he avoid the Tendos all together?

>From how I read the story, it seems as though this is a story about Ranma physically changing into a girl, permamently (did I spell it correctly?), but mentally remaining the same. Am I right? Was this your intention? And his endeavers to fit into society.

>From what I've so far read, I deduce Ran...ko will never find a cure. Or perhaps, she will, and this is why we're reading this, because there are interested parties who are looking for her.

Anyway, I'm definately looking forward to future chapters.

Flames will be used to barbeque Panda-steaks ala Genma...

Eww. If you hadn't said that...

Mmm, steaks...

^_^

Tangent

***

Check out my writings webpage. Find my stuff. ^_^
http://ca.geocities.com/therealsilentnova/fanfiction/entrance.html

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