Ranma sat quietly in the corner of the room, sipping his tea, and

listening

to the conversations around him.  He had found that the best way to

gather

information wasn't to ask, but to eavesdrop in the local bar.  Ask about
something or someone and that information would suddenly become the most
expensive and elusive thing in the world.  Sit back and listen to people
speaking, even starting an irrelevant conversation with someone and the
information would be free and clear.

The fine art of information gathering.

KP:  It is a fine art.

It was still early, just past seven and the bar wasn't very crowded,

eleven

people, including the bartender.  The actual bar looked battered, with

huge

gashes along the face of it and a very soiled table cloth covering the

top

of it.

Uh... that paragraph is a bit awkward. Not sure what to suggest, though.

KP How does this sound to you?

"It was still early, just past seven and the bar wasn't very crowded, only
eleven people were present, including the bartender.

The actual bar looked battered, with huge gashes along the face of it and a
very soiled table cloth covering the top of it.  "

The bar was lit inadequately by a couple of exposed ceiling bulbs, and

the

walls were completely bare, in a little better shape than the bar itself
was.

suggest: ... in little better shape than the bar itself.

KP:  Trying:  In slightly better shape than the bar itself.

Merely a suggestion mind you, and you can freely disregard anything I
say.

The women both had long tresses, one blonde, the other black.  The long

hair

was another oddity for the wasteland areas.  "They must be from Tokyo,"

he

surmised.  That was one of the few places in Japan where society had

picked

up again, being cleansed right away by the child woman claiming to be a
queen.

'child woman'?

KP: how about 'little girl'

Ranma perked at hearing the name.  Taking care of Vash wouldn't complete

his

quest, but it would be a huge step in the right direction.  Things had

taken

too much time as it was, he needed to put the souls of those murdered to
rest, especially Ukyo's.

....

Right.

KP:  Gomen.

"Hmm...  What makes you think anyone here knows anything about him?"

The

bartender lowered his hand onto the bar, face-up.

'face-up'? 'Palm up', you mean?

KP:  YES!  I just couldn't come up with the damn word, I new there was a
better one!  Thanks.

He sighed to himself, bemoaning his lost chance at staying

inconspicuous.

He really was trying, but things always seemed to happen that he

couldn't

let slide.  He was proud that he had saved those girls without getting

into

a fight.

How did he save them?

KP:  He kept them from going with those really creepy guys that were going
to take them to the slave auctions.

"Yes!"  Jupiter answered, as if the answer was obvious.  "The men at the
bar, Mercury, Saturn, and I were at, said he was the huge, around twelve
feet tall, short legs, and looked to weigh several hundred kilos.  He

also

carries a large metal boomerang and was wearing a red shirt."

Heh. Redshirt.

KP:  ^_^

Usagi had a government to run, one that wasn't going as smoothly as

everyone

believed.  Though she had been set up as ruler of Japan, there were many
places that didn't recognize Usagi's monarchy and had set their various
townships and principalities as their own miniature reigns, including

Kyoto.

The major task of cementing relations with these places took up a

majority

of her time. Time she couldn't spend away from the city.

Kyoto's a goodly distance from Tokyo.

KP:  Mentioned Kyoto because of it's perceived importance as Japan's onl
capital.  Or my understanding of it's importance to whoever wants to rule
Japan, which Usagi does.

The men all whirled around surprise on their face, drawing various

weapons,

mostly swords, and flails, a few guns were visible as well.

Final comma, perhaps should be trailed with a 'though'?

KP:  I like that.

"Vash the Stampede. By order of Neo-Queen Serenity, you are under arrest

for

disturbing the sanctity of royal coupling."

...

KP:  It was meant to be funny. ^_^

Ranma noted the embarrassed look on Vash's face.  He wondered what

'coupling

' was, "maybe some twin martial arts move," he thought and imagined how
upset he's be if someone interrupted him in the middle of a move.

...

For someone so hardened, that's pretty dense.

KP:  Some people are hardened in certain aspects while other parts remain
underdeveloped.

He heard one of the girls shriek.  Then one of the smaller swordsmen had
moved to cut him off with his sword raised high and charging.  Ranma

smirked

as he fingered a small knife that was up his sleeve.  He slid the knife

into

his palm and jumped sideways, deftly avoiding the downward stroke while
slashing across the unprotected wrist.  His actions were rewarded with a
yowl of pain as the sword dropped to the ground amidst a small spray of
blood.

Hmm.

"So who's going to give you money for my head?"  He asked, curiosity

getting

to him.

Yeah.

"Knives!"

Yeah? Interesting.

Venus was satisfied that Mercury and Jupiter would be alright, given

time to

heal.

Saturn can't do anything?

KP:  The author feels that Saturns healing ability wouldn't remove the
bullets in them.  He could be wrong, and has been on numerous occasions.

He tumbled to the ground while Descartes dying scream filled the air.

Woah, Vash killed Descartes. Might want to reconsider that scene, since

that's a little... erm... OOC for canon Vash. Admittedly, this is an ALT,
but...

KP:  Opps, I forgot to adress this after Merc already told me to, sorry
Merc.

"Well.  Later ladies."  He turned and started jogging away, guessing the
direction Vash had taken off in.

Interesting.

KP:  You say that pretty often.

"Wai.  But he had to be huge to beat my Mamo-chan."

'Wai'?

KP:  Maybe it should be Wah?

"Listen.  Jupiter and Mercury were injured so we're sending them back

okay."

Commage, and shouldn't that be a question?

KP:  Yes it should.

"Knives-Sama will be so happy, Vash, Ranma, and some of the Queens

soldiers

are within his grasps."

Uh... you had used English naming conventions prior to this point.

KP: slip.  will fix.

Notes: I hope you enjoyed.  I own none of these characters, only

borrowing

them to hopeful bring enjoyment to some.

Interesting.

KP:  I glad you found it so.

I must thank Merc and Corwin for being patient with my poor grammar and
silly ideas.

Other works by me can be found at http://kpjam.anifics.com

email me at noirchloe@nyc.rr.com, or don't. ^_^

Ja, I need to find more Vandread to watch!

Mmm... Second Stage.

KP:  I know and I'm waiting patiently for episode 10.  And thanks again
Brian!





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