In a message dated 12/23/2001 12:05:18 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
brian@azurite.org writes:
> "Yaaaaaaaah!" a very young, pink-haired girl in a white and
> blue sailor fuku yelled as she fell from the vortex... directly
> onto the Jusenkyo Guide's head, the sudden impact pusing him to
> the ground. "Hiya hiya, Myster Myan!" she bubbled cutely.
Is that fist comma neccessary?
I suppose it's optional, but I'll take a look at it.
Nobody's said anything so far about the absurd, constant use of the
ellipsis (...) so far...
> "Spring of Drowned Second Cousin. Very-"
Heh...
Worse would have been Spring of Drowned Mother in Law...
> "Spring of Drowned Battlefortress Pop Singer-"
Hehehe....
That one's fenced off and forbidden, by the way. ^_^
> "Spring of Drowned H-Bomb. Very tragic story of nuclear
> physicist who-"
Dr. Strangelove? Woah.
He had to end up somewhere.
> "Spring of Drowned Robotic Demon God-"
Heh!
I have NO idea how she got there...
> "Spring of Drowned... Duck."
>
> "Noooo, that one way over there!"
>
> "Spring of Drowned Magical Pegasus. Very tragic story of-"
Nice way of working something that mundane in there; I like it.
Thanks! I felt it had to have something half-normal in there...
> For the next five hours, the guide patiently endured the girl's
> endless, tireless, interrupting and overlapping questions about the
> names of the springs, not letting him get much of a word in edgewise.
Extra newline?
Okay, I'll give it a scene break. We were just trying to cut costs.
First the (---) gets too expensive, then the (...) starts making it tight.
I'm not even going to go into the (^_^) scene breaks...
> "How?" the girl giggled infuriatingly.
>
> The guide stopped and let his arms drop. He looked back at
> the girl and smiled, a little too pleasantly. "Here, let me show
> you..."
Hehehe!
I credit that line to Louis-Philippe Giroux! He was a big help making this
one.
> They both vanished quetly.
quetly -- quietly (?)
Gah! Typo!
Typically, I don't run a spellchecker. It gets kind of pointless when running
through a page and a half of ArbyFish dialogue...
> The guide shook his head. "No, this _very_ tragic story..." He
> sniffed sadly, dabbing a tear from his eye as he looked at the boy's
> transformed father. "She not drown in spring!"
Cruel!
But true, wouldn't you agree?
> Haruka grinned at Genma. "Whoa, that's harsh..."
See?
^_^
> "Haruka," Setsuna whispered to her sister, "please meow in
> Ranma's ear."
>
> The tall blonde blinked. "Uh, why?"
>
> "Humor me."
>
> "You got it," Haruka said, then skulked in close to Ranma,
> and whispered softly to her, "Meow."
She sure seems to be in charge of things here...
In her line of work, one has to know a lot more than she lets on.
> The room grew silent, save for the stifled, yet agonized sounds
> of Setsuna choking on her tea.
About TIME something get through to her!
One little miscalculation and the whole thing starts unravelling underneath
her. ^_^
> Both Genma and Soun began to grin very broadly. "Nope," the
> little girl said, "we're all moving to Brunei!"
>
> "It's perfectly legal there," Soun added.
Heh!
I've heard that since I wrote this, many have found this to be a worthwhile
solution to the fiancee problem....
But what about Mousse and Ryouga?!!?! Don't THEY get anything?!
> "Let me see that," Rei said, snatching the scroll. Upon
> reading through it, her eyes grew very wide. "GREAT GRANDPA
> SIGNED THIS!??!"
He-HE!
> "SEJOU DOUTEN!!!"
Don't get it.
Deep Submerge, in Japanese, near as I can tell. We figured that if they
were to use any Ki attacks, they'd say it in Japanese, Ranma 1/2 style.
> Hurrying, she threw back the covers and dove into the bed
> Ranma was sleeping in. Cowering under the blankets for a second,
> but feeling the comforting warmth of another person, she slowly
> calmed down.
Interesting.
A personality bleed-off. Genma's still Genma, but still, there's something
about being three and a half feet tall with a puff of pink hair that can get
to _anyone_ in that place...
> "That would be inadvisable," Setsuna cut in, not looking
> away from her newspaper. "With a few recent problems, the truancy
> system has started to employ mercenary forces. They have a tee
> eight-hundred m-one-oh-one, among other things."
Mercenary forces... I love it.
Wait 'till you see when the Predator comes in!
> The small bits of conversation that went on after that were
> essentially limited to basic 'morning talk.' Pretty boring, all
> things considered. A short battle over the last remaining pancakes
> between Ranma and Genma occurred, but it ended in a tie, each
> party getting half.
Missing newline?
Where? Oh, above that. Okay, got it.
> Finally, though, the time came for Rei and Ranma to leave
> for school.
>
>
> "So, where is it?" Ranma asked, looking at the fence by the
> sidewalk as they padded along, debating whether he really wanted to
> spend the marginal effort necessary to jump on it and practice his
> balance.
And again?
Right. I changed it to a scene break.
> The raven-haired girl, still smiling, sighed and nodded.
> "Right..."
>
> Then, a sudden splash of cold water from on high hit Ranma...
Very interesting.
For all that's said and done, Rei is not Akane. If she were, there'd be no
point in writing this story.
> "Usagi!" Luna exclaimed enthusiastically, "I know where our
> Moon Princess is!"
...
I hate being predictable. ^_^
> &&&[End Part One...]
>
> Who saw that one coming? (raises a hand)
Caught me completely by surprise...
Fusions like these have been done. Fusion/crossovers, crossed over with
the same series that it's been fused with? If anyone else has done that,
I'd like to see it. It's a neat concept.
> Depending on the response, I'll decide the schedule on which to
> send the remaining available material. Part 3 still isn't done yet...
Well, I liked it before, and I like it now. Good work!
I'm glad to hear that it's still good, even after a couple of years. I've
noticed that the quality of fan fiction has improved in many ways since
I began (but I STILL wanna see the ending to Mark Doherty's "I'm Here
to Help!" That one was GREAT!), so it's a relief that my work still makes
the cut, more or less.
Part three is still in the works.
On the bright side, NETTG 10-2 is getting pretty close to done. At this
point, I can only re-release the whole thing when it's done. People like
DB Sommer have been quite helpful in polishing up the publicly-shown
material as I've sent it out. But I haven't even started on Heart of Sugar
3...
Thanks for your comments! It's helped me to review a bit and keep me
going!
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'