In a message dated 12/22/2001 11:44:38 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
brian@azurite.org writes:
> Haruka smiled slightly. "Funny, you know... On the girl, that
> gi looked a little loose, but didn't really look like it could expand
> THAT much..."
Hehe... Okay, should have re-read it before I C&Ced.
Don't worry about it. People get to see the shock factor that way.
The first time I released the story was with an April fools' joke: a
horribly-spelled and formatted Ranma/SM crossover that scared
the feathers off a very notable fanfic author when he saw it.
Some actually told me that I should fix the spelling before I told
them to read ahead, to the part with John Cleese saying, "And
now for something completely different."
There is a risk factor in everything... With some jokes, one can
risk offending one of another gender, ethnic background, writing
skill, taste, species or sexual preference. Except for those fluffy,
happy jokes that we all can fearlessly enjoy, but we do not speak
of them. ^_^
> Setsuna leaned in to whisper to her sister. "You often like
> to wash off and spend a little time in the furo after you finish
> your mechanical work. I believe that the important information
> has been discussed." She indicated Genma. "And, we may have our
> visitors for an extended period today. Therefore-"
This Setsuna is awfully pushy...
When she's planning something embarrassing, why not? ^_^
> After losing to that _girl_, Rei, he had been advised to go
> and get washed up. Having been too frustrated to argue, he had
> trudged off to the bathroom, ditched the sailor-suit as quickly as
> he could, then omitted the traditional pre-washing bucket of cold
> water and jumped right into the furo.
Woah! Social gaff! That's a big step to skip, _especially_ in a house
that's not his.
Yeah! Ranma's, like, SO stretched to the breaking point mentally, he
did the unthinkable! He even forgot to fold his dirty clothes! ^_^
> Completely naked.
Rule number 3: Naked anime chicks will win _any_ battle.
Which is why combat-specializing anime females will favor the least
amount of material possible in a combat outfit. Sailor Moon and the
others are moderate examples. They aren't that tough, but B-ko in
Project A-ko and several other more powerful ones tend to do quite
well with something so cold in winter weather...
It's the less-is-more principle!
> Haruka, now wearing a thick white bathrobe, casually twirled
> her blackjack around once, then dropped it and pulled out a length
> of thick, black cable...
That went well.
Indeed!
> "Yeah," Haruka added, lightly nudging the individual on the
> floor with her foot, "we don't kill 'guests' here. But, I mean, even
> if he is the misbegotten _spawn_ of your 'best' friend, he's still
> a peeping tom. Hmph... You should have seen the way he was staring
> at me."
Haruka can't remember that it was Setsuna who suggested that she take the
bath in the first place?
I guess she forgot about it when she saw a naked boy in the bathroom.
Oh, sure, it _could_ have gone like...
Haruka(opens the door)
Ranma: Uhhh, hi!
Haruka(closes the door, turns her head to shout): SETSUNAAAAA!!!
Setsuna(innocent smile): What?
Haruka: You know I hate boys!
But I thought an alternative approach would have greater effect.
> Setsuna prodded Genma lightly on the cheek with her finger. The
> large man instantly bolted upright. "NOT THE SQUIRRELS, MASTER!!!!"
> he shouted. "PLEASE NOT THE *SQUIRRELS*!!!"
...
This one had the author of Lines of Destiny traumatized for a long old time.
;P
> "Oh my," Setsuna smiled, "I think you've killed them."
No speech indicator.
Easily repaired:
"Oh my," Setsuna said with a smile, "I think you've killed
them."
> *Splash* Because of his clumsiness and lack of caution, the
> undisciplined young man fell backward into another pool, his hair
> growing long and turning blonde, becoming a rather stunning girl
> in a white gown.
How remarkably unbiased!
Yeah, Genma'd make a great reporter, wouldn't he?
> "Mister... Miss... whatever, sirs... You will just make things
> worse," the guide said with a sigh, looking down at the ground and
> shrugging in a gesture of surrender. He paused, noticing a faded
> character on the sign posted near the Spring of Drowned Girl. "Oh,
> very sorry, sirs!" he called to them. "That was Spring of Drowned
> Psychotic Murderer Young Lady With A Bad Temper And An Evil Gleam In
> Her Eye Who Hates Pandas And Their Fathers Who Turn Into Them. Very
> tragic story about talk show host who-"
...
Hehehe...
It had to be something...
> Eventually, though, they got tired, and made their way over to
> Jos�'s run-down duplex house.
>
>
> It was sunset by the time the two made it to the door,
> red-faced and exhausted from the long, hard conflict.
Extra newline? Not sure, I think you want a scene break there, in the
context of this being an article that the others are reading.
Okay. Scene break (...) it is.
> "Please just a moment," Jos� replied, patting out the flames
> that threatened to form. "AAH! No, not the eight-tracks!"
Hehehe...
It's never clearly stated how the Chinese guide lives, is it? So, whatever
my imagination chooses to cook up and baste will suffice. ^_^
> The pigtailed boy looked at his 'father' and smirked. "You
> know, 'pop...' You look REALLY cute like that... Maybe you should
> _stay_ that way and-"
pop -- Pop (?)
Right. That'll work.
> "That's right," a small black cat with a crescent moon on its
> forehead said as it faded into view, "he's under Our control... and
> there's nothing you can do to break it."
Our -- our
Okay, I fixed that up.
> The crescent moon on the Princess's forehead glowed, and
> a powerful golden aura sprang up around her. "Tsuki ni kawatt�,"
> she began through gritted teeth.
> The Princess rose out of the spring, her two long pigtails
> whipping wildly behind her. "OSHOKYO!!!"
Don't know enough japanese; this is completely lost on me.
I assume it's an attack from the anime? I've only got the manga as a
resource at the moment...
Unless I miss my guess, it's "In the name of the Moon," and oshokyo
means "I'll punish you," in this context.
I like to toss in a bunch of random Japanese just to make sure everyone's
paying attention.
Speaking of which, somebody needs to do a Zero Wing crossover with any
random anime series. The prose must be made so delicately descriptive
that no one on the face of the planet can complain about it, but the
dialogue...
"Somebody set us up the bomb!"
"We get signal!"
"All your base are belong to us!"
"You have no chance to survive make your time!"
"Take off every Zig! For great justice!"
If nobody's done this one yet, what are you waiting for?
> To be continued...
>
> Coming next time: Chibiusa's Tragic Story! And a Royal Marriage Plan.
Overall, that was hilarious, though. :p
Excellent! Glad to hear it and get some feedback here...
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
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