Boredcollective@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 12/22/2001 10:44:16 PM US Mountain Standard Time, brian@azurite.org writes:

 And lovely lovely C&C. Trying to really knock through my backlog of to-C&C fics.

For which I thank you a great deal! I need the help. You're not a brain
surgeon, but you'll do in a pinch. ^_-

    I'm not a brain surgeon, but I play one on the FFML...

>    "Great, just great," the blonde girl muttered, tossing back one
> of her two long pigtails.

 Now, those are LONG pigtails. :p

Indeed they are! I wonder how the original artist got the idea to put those
on her main character...

    Well, if she were American, I would make a guess about the sixties...

 Interesting that it's not horrifically revealing; though Ranma could just be completely unaware of that fact...

Yeah, I think it's kind of revealing when wet. Looking at the next chapter,
at least there's a surprisingly modest slip under that. Should offer _some_
visual protection.

    What, no fanservice? ;)

I've wondered that, if the 'canon' curse doesn't affect clothes, how does
that explain the panda? In the original, IIRC, the panda doesn't have anything
on other than its black and white fur.

    Well....

It's maaaaagic! ^_^

    Sounds good to me!

 Of course, she might have meant 150 MILES per hour, and I'm just thinking it's Kilometers...

Yes, miles per hour. I'll change it to the kilometer equivalent.

Me and my US distance-measuring bias. ^_^

Reminds me of a joke I heard a while back:

Driving down the road at fourty miles per hour, then I cross the border to
Canada, and the first thing I see is... "103"

(delighted gleam in the eye as the acceleration kicks up)

Getting close to a school... "School Crossing: Slow to 80"

(Blink) "That's the least I can do! Those kids can't run that fast!"

    I remember that stand-up comic...

>    "I'll never do it again," Soun promised emphatically,
> unmoving against the wall.

 HAH!

Shock therapy! Gotta get those tears worked out there!

    Working out tears with knives is both logical _and_ unpleasant sounding!

 Again with the quotation, as per my last comment (prior to 'HAH!').

As far as I know, it's okay.

    Noted.

>    Going back into his previous euphoric state, he left the dojo.

 'going back' sounds a little odd, trailed by the 'left' for the dojo... not sure what I could suggest, though... :/

How about...?

    Falling into his previous euphoric state, the happy father
hurriedly exited the dojo.

    That sounds pretty good to me. :p

>    Soun, however, didn't seem to notice. He walked back down the
> stairs, blissfully considering how to present the arrangement to
> his daughters.

 Hehehehe...

Hey, it's straightforward enough, isn't it? ^_^

    Right.

>    Their father stopped. "Alright, alright..." he said, taking a
> seat in front of them. "My old friend is coming with another to
> fulfil an agreement we made long ago..."

 Threw me off -- never seen 'fulfil' spelled that way, but apparently, much like 'ax' and 'axe', it's legit. Don't mind me! ^_^

I was traumatized for life when I discovered that one could spell axe as
both 'ax' and 'axe.' I still haven't quite gotten over it.

The same goes for barbecue, barbeque and BBQ.

    English is so much fun. �_�

>    The young princess nodded to herself, looking very determined
> as she carried the larger girl off.
> > >    Off to the side, two old men sitting on a high balcony had
> been watching the short battle.

 Extra newline.

Sometimes, I've used that to designate a _slight_ scene change,
but I guess it can get somewhat unwieldly...

    Ah, that explains it.

>    They looked at each other and laughed, pointing at the two
> departing girls. "Oh ho ho ho!"

 Ouch...

I love the Muppets. How about you?

    Been a while, but yeah, I liked the show...

>    "Well, you never know," the raven-haired girl said, smiling,
> "this one might be cute."

 Haruka: Unlike the last few guys that Dad tried to engage us to?

Hmmmmmmmmm......... (Checking the continuity.............)

I think that in this one, Soun's kind of stuck to the idea of enaging his daughters
to Genma's son.

Still, it's an idea...

    Just noting that the way she says, 'this one'... :p

 HARUKA: And so modest, too.

I think Haruka's mostly been leading her sister on, voluntarily throwing
sparring sessions in order to help build the girl's confidence while getting
the REAL stuff practiced in the Kuno household with Michiru.

    Ah...

>    "Whatever this scheme of yours is," the blonde half-growled,
> "it won't work. I don't want any part of it."

 WHy only a 'half' growl?

Speaking while sort of growling. Not a raging primal shriek, but halfway
there. Is there a better way of putting it?

    Grumbling? :p

>    The pigtailed girl blinked, then gave a sheepish grin. "I
> wasn't going to..." She trailed off, looking down at her ornately
> slippered feet. "Um..."

 I love that part.

Glad you do! Sometimes, I wonder just how much the curses are affecting
them mentally.

    Heh. You seem to have a good handle on it.

>    The blonde smiled, cracking her knuckles. "Now you're talking!"

 Surprised that he can actually crack his knuckles in that form.

Well... How about a compromise? This:

    The blonde smiled, cracking her fair, dainty knuckles. "Now
you're talking!"

    Don't need to change it; just thought it was interesting. :p

>    She pulled out an oversized metal drill and toyed with it for a
> second before tossing it over her shoulder.

 Hehehe...

Visual effects. Can't forget the visual effects!

    One of the major themes of anime.

>    The girl narrowed her eyes. "That wasn't funny, Tendo." She
> paused in thought, and smiled after a moment. "Ahem... Souuun-kun,
> if you don't get up right now, I'm going to... GIVE YOU A GREAT,
> BIG HUG AND A KISS!!!"

 Eeeeeeeewww...

Shock therapy. Happosai was a more malevolent creature than they could
have imagined...

    Yeah, but... chibi-Usa? Who's really _Genma_? That's... disturbed.

>    "Grade school," the girl reminded. "We lived in Juuban back
> then. Then your family just picked up your entire house and moved
> over here." She looked around. "How'd they move this place, anyway?
> It's huge!"
> >    Soun sighed and held his hands up in a gesture of cluelessness.
> "I don't remember." He looked down at the 'rabbit-eared' girl. "What
> happened to you, old friend? You-"

 ... now that's odd.

Which part? ^_^

    They moved the house!

Do it! Do it!!!! ^_^

 ... all this commentary is likely to get me killfiled on a few innocent bystander's accounts. ^_^;;;

Well, not here. Yet. ^_^

    Gee, thanks. :p

>  Haruka smiled slightly. "Funny, you know... On the girl, that
> gi looked a little loose, but didn't really look like it could > expand THAT much..."

 Hehe... Okay, should have re-read it before I C&Ced.

Don't worry about it. People get to see the shock factor that way.

The first time I released the story was with an April fools'

joke: > a horribly-spelled and formatted Ranma/SM crossover that scared

the feathers off a very notable fanfic author when he saw it.

Some actually told me that I should fix the spelling before I told
them to read ahead, to the part with John Cleese saying, "And
now for something completely different."

There is a risk factor in everything... With some jokes, one can
risk offending one of another gender, ethnic background, writing
skill, taste, species or sexual preference. Except for those fluffy,
happy jokes that we all can fearlessly enjoy, but we do not speak
of them. ^_^

    True enough.

>     Setsuna leaned in to whisper to her sister. "You often like
>to wash off and spend a little time in the furo after you finish
> your mechanical work. I believe that the important information
> has been discussed." She indicated Genma. "And, we may have our
> visitors for an extended period today. Therefore-"

 This Setsuna is awfully pushy...

When she's planning something embarrassing, why not? ^_^

    I suppose... :p

Woah! Social gaff! That's a big step to skip, _especially_ in a

house

that's not his.

Yeah! Ranma's, like, SO stretched to the breaking point mentally, he
did the unthinkable! He even forgot to fold his dirty clothes! ^_^

    I am aghast! :p

>     Completely naked.

 Rule number 3: Naked anime chicks will win _any_ battle.

Which is why combat-specializing anime females will favor the least
amount of material possible in a combat outfit. Sailor Moon and the
others are moderate examples. They aren't that tough, but B-ko in
Project A-ko and several other more powerful ones tend to do quite
well with something so cold in winter weather...

It's the less-is-more principle!

    That's exactly right.

 Haruka can't remember that it was Setsuna who suggested that

she >> take the bath in the first place?

I guess she forgot about it when she saw a naked boy in the bathroom.

Oh, sure, it _could_ have gone like...

Haruka(opens the door)

Ranma: Uhhh, hi!

Haruka(closes the door, turns her head to shout): SETSUNAAAAA!!!

Setsuna(innocent smile): What?

Haruka: You know I hate boys!

But I thought an alternative approach would have greater effect.

    Hmm... I think you're right, actually.

> he shouted. "PLEASE NOT THE *SQUIRRELS*!!!"

 ...

This one had the author of Lines of Destiny traumatized for a

long old time.

;P

    Understandably.

>     "Oh my," Setsuna smiled, "I think you've killed them."

 No speech indicator.

Easily repaired:

    "Oh my," Setsuna said with a smile, "I think you've killed
them."

    Yep. :p

    *Splash* Because of his clumsiness and lack of caution, the
undisciplined young man fell backward into another pool, his hair
growing long and turning blonde, becoming a rather stunning girl
in a white gown.

 How remarkably unbiased!

Yeah, Genma'd make a great reporter, wouldn't he?

    Oh yeah, he could work for the Daily Plenet.

>     "Please just a moment," Jos� replied, patting out the flames
> that threatened to form. "AAH! No, not the eight-tracks!"

 Hehehe...

It's never clearly stated how the Chinese guide lives, is it? So,

whatever

my imagination chooses to cook up and baste will suffice. ^_^

    True enough!

Unless I miss my guess, it's "In the name of the Moon," and oshokyo
means "I'll punish you," in this context.

I like to toss in a bunch of random Japanese just to make sure

everyone's

paying attention.

Speaking of which, somebody needs to do a Zero Wing crossover

with any

random anime series. The prose must be made so delicately descriptive
that no one on the face of the planet can complain about it, but the
dialogue...

"Somebody set us up the bomb!"
"We get signal!"
"All your base are belong to us!"
"You have no chance to survive make your time!"
"Take off every Zig! For great justice!"

If nobody's done this one yet, what are you waiting for?

    Aaron Nowack has managed something in that vein for EVA already...

 Overall, that was hilarious, though. :p

Excellent! Glad to hear it and get some feedback here...

    That's what we're here for.

>     "Yaaaaaaaah!" a very young, pink-haired girl in a white and
> blue sailor fuku yelled as she fell from the vortex... directly
> onto the Jusenkyo Guide's head, the sudden impact pusing him to
> the ground. "Hiya hiya, Myster Myan!" she bubbled cutely.

 Is that fist comma neccessary?

I suppose it's optional, but I'll take a look at it.

Nobody's said anything so far about the absurd, constant use of the
ellipsis (...) so far...

    Feh. I abuse them much more than you. You won't hear me complain. However...

    pusing -- pushing

Worse would have been Spring of Drowned Mother in Law...

    Urk!

>     "Spring of Drowned Battlefortress Pop Singer-"

 Hehehe....

That one's fenced off and forbidden, by the way. ^_^

    I can imagine...

 Dr. Strangelove? Woah.

He had to end up somewhere.

    Neatness.

>     "Spring of Drowned Robotic Demon God-"

 Heh!

I have NO idea how she got there...

    Must have been on a dare.

 Nice way of working something that mundane in there; I like it.

Thanks! I felt it had to have something half-normal in there...

    It works.

 Extra newline?

Okay, I'll give it a scene break. We were just trying to cut costs.
First the (---) gets too expensive, then the (...) starts making

it tight.

I'm not even going to go into the (^_^) scene breaks...

    I know how that goes -- I bought (***) in bulk, and that's what I'm stuck with now...

Typically, I don't run a spellchecker. It gets kind of pointless

when running

through a page and a half of ArbyFish dialogue...

    Keitaro Koara did the same thing to me in Compass Points.

 Cruel!

But true, wouldn't you agree?

    Yes...

>     "You got it," Haruka said, then skulked in close to Ranma,
> and whispered softly to her, "Meow."

 She sure seems to be in charge of things here...

In her line of work, one has to know a lot more than she lets on.

    Though at least ONE thing gets her by surprise...

>     The room grew silent, save for the stifled, yet agonized

sounds

> of Setsuna choking on her tea.

 About TIME something get through to her!

One little miscalculation and the whole thing starts unravelling

underneath

her. ^_^

    Indeed...

>     "It's perfectly legal there," Soun added.

 Heh!

I've heard that since I wrote this, many have found this to be a

worthwhile

solution to the fiancee problem....

    Well...

But what about Mousse and Ryouga?!!?! Don't THEY get anything?!

    Umm...

http://members.tripod.com/lwf58/fan_fiction/durandall/oneshot/turnabout.html

    Or such... :p

>     "SEJOU DOUTEN!!!"

 Don't get it.

Deep Submerge, in Japanese, near as I can tell. We figured that

if they

were to use any Ki attacks, they'd say it in Japanese, Ranma 1/2

style.

    Ahh...

 Interesting.

A personality bleed-off. Genma's still Genma, but still, there's

something

about being three and a half feet tall with a puff of pink hair

that can get

to _anyone_ in that place...

    Granted.

 Mercenary forces... I love it.

Wait 'till you see when the Predator comes in!

    ...

    Ooh. I think I need to read more...

For all that's said and done, Rei is not Akane. If she were,

there'd be no

point in writing this story.

    A approve completely.

>     "Usagi!" Luna exclaimed enthusiastically, "I know where our
> Moon Princess is!"

 ...

I hate being predictable. ^_^

    Well... yes...

> Who saw that one coming? (raises a hand)

 Caught me completely by surprise...

Fusions like these have been done. Fusion/crossovers, crossed

over with

the same series that it's been fused with? If anyone else has

done that,

I'd like to see it. It's a neat concept.

    My head is spinning. Oh, here comes an old priest and a young priest...

I'm glad to hear that it's still good, even after a couple of

years. I've

noticed that the quality of fan fiction has improved in many ways

since

I began (but I STILL wanna see the ending to Mark Doherty's "I'm Here
to Help!" That one was GREAT!), so it's a relief that my work

still makes

the cut, more or less.

    And I'd like to see more of 100% Woman. :/

Part three is still in the works.

    Great!

On the bright side, NETTG 10-2 is getting pretty close to done.

At this

point, I can only re-release the whole thing when it's done.

People like

DB Sommer have been quite helpful in polishing up the publicly-shown
material as I've sent it out. But I haven't even started on Heart

of Sugar

3...

Thanks for your comments! It's helped me to review a bit and keep me
going!

    Glad I could help, then. :p

-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com

    "We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
     We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
     Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
     Resistance is and always has been: Futile."